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Anon's mom knows | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous She knows 12/03/21(Fri)22:30:24 No.23437507 images (1).jpg 7 KB JPG >come out as bi to mom >she is surprised but supportive >asks a lot of questions >asks if I'm a top or a bottom >I don't answer for a sec and nervously say that it's private >She knows that I'm a bottom :
: Anonymous She knows 12/03/21(Fri)22:30:24 No.23437507 images (1).jpg 7 KB JPG >come out as bi to mom >she is surprised but supportive >asks a lot of questions >asks if I'm a top or a bottom >I don't answer for a sec and nervously say that it's private >She knows that I'm a bottom :

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The face we reveal to the world | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)11:58:09 No.66424382 >made a tinder account 5 minutes agoO >my real face and body no chadfishing >already got 4 likes 12 KB JPG THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)11:58:44 No.66424386 >>66424382 (OP)# Say goodbye to your kidney : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)12:06:22 No.66424457 >>66424382 (OP)# you're popular with bots and scammers too, huh?
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)11:58:09 No.66424382 >made a tinder account 5 minutes agoO >my real face and body no chadfishing >already got 4 likes 12 KB JPG THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)11:58:44 No.66424386 >>66424382 (OP)# Say goodbye to your kidney : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)12:06:22 No.66424457 >>66424382 (OP)# you're popular with bots and scammers too, huh?

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Anon goes to Subway | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: AQSOVUCR ) 09/27/17(Wed)22:00:32 No.143164421 >stop at Subway to get a sandwich on my way home from work >sandwich maker asked if I was getting off or going 120 KB JPG in >l forgot to take my work vest off >Tell her I'm getting off >She says "That's good. Getting off is always good." >I replied with, "yeah, until you get asked to leave the playground" I can never go back there >>143164510 # >>143164623 # >>143164642 # >>143164735 # >>143164809 # >>143164997 #
: Anonymous (ID: AQSOVUCR ) 09/27/17(Wed)22:00:32 No.143164421 >stop at Subway to get a sandwich on my way home from work >sandwich maker asked if I was getting off or going 120 KB JPG in >l forgot to take my work vest off >Tell her I'm getting off >She says "That's good. Getting off is always good." >I replied with, "yeah, until you get asked to leave the playground" I can never go back there >>143164510 # >>143164623 # >>143164642 # >>143164735 # >>143164809 # >>143164997 #

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Anon is American | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)14:08:34 No.866808217 >be me >american >wake up next to my sister as usual >ask her to wake up the kids >wife is overdosing on xanax so she doesn't say anything >whatever.jpg >order doordash cause my bitch sister 7 KB PNG didn't make breakfast >tip mandatory 500% >take one of my 45 glocks and go to work with it concealed >see the neighbors kid trying to collect his football from my lawn >dump my whole 33 round mag into him for trespassing >realize I used hollow point >realize I wasted 33 dollars on this stupid f------ kid >go back inside and shoot myself due to crippling debt and obesity >wake up in a hospital bed >doctor hands me a bill for 750k dollars God I love this country
: Anonymous 11/16/21(Tue)14:08:34 No.866808217 >be me >american >wake up next to my sister as usual >ask her to wake up the kids >wife is overdosing on xanax so she doesn't say anything >whatever.jpg >order doordash cause my bitch sister 7 KB PNG didn't make breakfast >tip mandatory 500% >take one of my 45 glocks and go to work with it concealed >see the neighbors kid trying to collect his football from my lawn >dump my whole 33 round mag into him for trespassing >realize I used hollow point >realize I wasted 33 dollars on this stupid f------ kid >go back inside and shoot myself due to crippling debt and obesity >wake up in a hospital bed >doctor hands me a bill for 750k dollars God I love this country

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Anon is pathetic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)15:26:54 No.867959346 aight story time >be me >be 21 >meet up with old friend group i havent seen in a long while >old crush shows up with new bf >her bf has long messy hair and piercings, 170 KB GIF and those earrings that are like black circles that are in his ears(dunno how to better describe them) >looks absolutely hideous >has no car >s--- job man that s--- was hilarious cant believe what bf she picked up, its to good to make up what are some of your schadenfreude stories 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)15:30:24 No.867959465 >>867959346 (OP) # >be op >be virgin and single since birth >have a crush on girl in friend group >meet up with friend group and hope to get in with crush >she shows up with some guy >get upset and go home and write on 4chan about him so your anonymous buddies will back you up You're pathetic OP
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)15:26:54 No.867959346 aight story time >be me >be 21 >meet up with old friend group i havent seen in a long while >old crush shows up with new bf >her bf has long messy hair and piercings, 170 KB GIF and those earrings that are like black circles that are in his ears(dunno how to better describe them) >looks absolutely hideous >has no car >s--- job man that s--- was hilarious cant believe what bf she picked up, its to good to make up what are some of your schadenfreude stories 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)15:30:24 No.867959465 >>867959346 (OP) # >be op >be virgin and single since birth >have a crush on girl in friend group >meet up with friend group and hope to get in with crush >she shows up with some guy >get upset and go home and write on 4chan about him so your anonymous buddies will back you up You're pathetic OP

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Anon ran a marathon | /r/Greentext

#1, No. 64596057 17 minutes ago 613A9COB-A4DE-47D2-A417-4ABF1E4BD1F0 JPG 1220x2381 663.9 kB >be overweight >get gf >she convinced me to run the half marathon >train together >I finish in under 2.5 hours >she breaks up with me that night At least she left me in the best shape l've ever been in & she didn't decide to get me super into baking bread lol
#1, No. 64596057 17 minutes ago 613A9COB-A4DE-47D2-A417-4ABF1E4BD1F0 JPG 1220x2381 663.9 kB >be overweight >get gf >she convinced me to run the half marathon >train together >I finish in under 2.5 hours >she breaks up with me that night At least she left me in the best shape l've ever been in & she didn't decide to get me super into baking bread lol

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Anon is a survivalist | /r/Greentext

44% 10:14 AM /b/ - How long to Anonymous No.641676330 27 minutes ago 3 minutes without air, 3 hours without shelter, 3 days without water, 3 weeks without food 5 replies Anonymous No,641676441 26 minutes ago >>641676330 3 hours without shelter? where the f--- are you, Siberia? 1 reply Anonymous No.641676915 22 minutes ago >>641676330 What? Where the f--- do you not shelter and die efter 3 hours and what clothes are you wearing? 1 reply Anonymous No.641677953 15 minutes ago >>641676330 >hey mom, I'm gonna go out with some friends >make sure you're back in 3 hours, otherwise you'll die 2 replies
44% 10:14 AM /b/ - How long to Anonymous No.641676330 27 minutes ago 3 minutes without air, 3 hours without shelter, 3 days without water, 3 weeks without food 5 replies Anonymous No,641676441 26 minutes ago >>641676330 3 hours without shelter? where the f--- are you, Siberia? 1 reply Anonymous No.641676915 22 minutes ago >>641676330 What? Where the f--- do you not shelter and die efter 3 hours and what clothes are you wearing? 1 reply Anonymous No.641677953 15 minutes ago >>641676330 >hey mom, I'm gonna go out with some friends >make sure you're back in 3 hours, otherwise you'll die 2 replies

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Anon has a dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)15:01:48 No.867958564 Had a really weird dream last night. Can anyone decipher? >On a family vacation with my dad and step- family >Having a lot of fun, it's at the beach and it's in a massive condo >One day my dad asks me to come into a 9 KB JPG room to talk >"There's someone you need to meet" >An old black dude comes through the door >"This is your grandpa" >Turns out I have a long lost black grandpa My entire family is white. This isn't even my step-grandpa this is my biological grandpa >"He's gonna be staying with us for a while" >OkI guess >Hang out with this guy, he's super fun to hang out with. No clue how the whole grandpa thing works but I'm down for it >One day he pulls me into a room >"I gotta show you something son" >Opens a cabinet and pulls out a yellow jar >"This here jar has been passed down my family for generations" >It's a jar full of piss >He explains it's not just any piss. It's famous black idols' piss >It's got Harriet Tubman, MLK Jr., Rosa Parks, Aretha Franklin >And guess f------ what >It's got Obama's piss in there >"I'm entrusting this jar to you now, son. Protect it with your life" >l agree >Wake up Guys what the actual hell does this mean??
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)15:01:48 No.867958564 Had a really weird dream last night. Can anyone decipher? >On a family vacation with my dad and step- family >Having a lot of fun, it's at the beach and it's in a massive condo >One day my dad asks me to come into a 9 KB JPG room to talk >"There's someone you need to meet" >An old black dude comes through the door >"This is your grandpa" >Turns out I have a long lost black grandpa My entire family is white. This isn't even my step-grandpa this is my biological grandpa >"He's gonna be staying with us for a while" >OkI guess >Hang out with this guy, he's super fun to hang out with. No clue how the whole grandpa thing works but I'm down for it >One day he pulls me into a room >"I gotta show you something son" >Opens a cabinet and pulls out a yellow jar >"This here jar has been passed down my family for generations" >It's a jar full of piss >He explains it's not just any piss. It's famous black idols' piss >It's got Harriet Tubman, MLK Jr., Rosa Parks, Aretha Franklin >And guess f------ what >It's got Obama's piss in there >"I'm entrusting this jar to you now, son. Protect it with your life" >l agree >Wake up Guys what the actual hell does this mean??

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Anon's fat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/08/18(Thu)14:59:45 No.95661009 OutPlezuThelut IMAGO052.jpg 1016 KB JPG What should I watch, boys? : Anonymous 03/08/18(Thu)15:00:21 No.95661032 your weight >>95661071 # >>95661160 # >>95661164 # >>95661211 # >>95661217 # >>95661236 # >>95661273 # >>95661314 # >>95661386 # >>95661496 # >>95661551 # >>95661845 # ICING
: Anonymous 03/08/18(Thu)14:59:45 No.95661009 OutPlezuThelut IMAGO052.jpg 1016 KB JPG What should I watch, boys? : Anonymous 03/08/18(Thu)15:00:21 No.95661032 your weight >>95661071 # >>95661160 # >>95661164 # >>95661211 # >>95661217 # >>95661236 # >>95661273 # >>95661314 # >>95661386 # >>95661496 # >>95661551 # >>95661845 # ICING

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Anon is 15 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:13:17 No.37835076 ITT: Post lyrics that hit you hard. >l've spent days trying to decide >Which knives I should use 62 KB JPG to lobotomize >The rotting tumors inside my brain >They're always whispering, "You're not okay." : Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:14:27 No.37835096 >>37835076 (OP) # what an emo little f----- you are
: Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:13:17 No.37835076 ITT: Post lyrics that hit you hard. >l've spent days trying to decide >Which knives I should use 62 KB JPG to lobotomize >The rotting tumors inside my brain >They're always whispering, "You're not okay." : Anonymous 06/20/17(Tue)06:14:27 No.37835096 >>37835076 (OP) # what an emo little f----- you are

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Anon finds a small turd | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)03:13:35 No.66420432 >found a small turd in the closet at my work 236 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)03:20:26 No.66420466 >>66420432 (OP) # Leave a bigger one in its place. >>66420474 #
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)03:13:35 No.66420432 >found a small turd in the closet at my work 236 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)03:20:26 No.66420466 >>66420432 (OP) # Leave a bigger one in its place. >>66420474 #

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Thanks Elon, Very Cool | /r/Greentext

>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw
>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw

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Tiny tunes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)09:18:34 No.66422804 >be me, 20 >6 foot 3 inches >built like a linebacker >hairy as hell >deep voice >big hands and feet >this indicates good genes and high testosterone 109 KB PNG >4 inch d--- What the f--- am I supposed to do with this thing?
: Anonymous 12/04/21(Sat)09:18:34 No.66422804 >be me, 20 >6 foot 3 inches >built like a linebacker >hairy as hell >deep voice >big hands and feet >this indicates good genes and high testosterone 109 KB PNG >4 inch d--- What the f--- am I supposed to do with this thing?

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Anon likes to give back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)23:12:04 No.861801953 >be me >22 and poor in college >deliver food for a restaurant for a few months >sometimes people order takeout but don't pick it up >if it happens late enough in my shift I get 37 KB JPG to take it home with me >always ate the best those nights since it was free >be me now, 35+ >started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close >always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife >been doing it for about 3 years >never pick it up >gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed from every restaurant in town
: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)23:12:04 No.861801953 >be me >22 and poor in college >deliver food for a restaurant for a few months >sometimes people order takeout but don't pick it up >if it happens late enough in my shift I get 37 KB JPG to take it home with me >always ate the best those nights since it was free >be me now, 35+ >started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close >always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife >been doing it for about 3 years >never pick it up >gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed from every restaurant in town

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Anon is worried | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: LO15IPI7 12/03/21(Fri)19:49:59 No.350603240 Every year these black pieces of s--- kill thousands of innocent Americans. >far more lethal than reasonable alternatives >have made stores, neighborhoods and even elementary schools 7 KB JPG unsafe >owning them is outlawed in almost every civilized country >huge economic burden to the public >pointing out any of these is political suicide so nothing ever gets done >those who produce them face no accountability >be n----- >pic unrelated
: Anonymous (ID: LO15IPI7 12/03/21(Fri)19:49:59 No.350603240 Every year these black pieces of s--- kill thousands of innocent Americans. >far more lethal than reasonable alternatives >have made stores, neighborhoods and even elementary schools 7 KB JPG unsafe >owning them is outlawed in almost every civilized country >huge economic burden to the public >pointing out any of these is political suicide so nothing ever gets done >those who produce them face no accountability >be n----- >pic unrelated

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Anon doesn't like pedos | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 56 minutes ago 867930983 >be me >say something slightly bad about pedos >thread gets ass r---- by pedos >Called everything under the sun >f----- >retard >get suicide >so bad that it makes me think that there's something wrong with me >reminded it's f------ pedos picking on me >tfw why is /b/ like this? 2 REPLIES
Anonymous 56 minutes ago 867930983 >be me >say something slightly bad about pedos >thread gets ass r---- by pedos >Called everything under the sun >f----- >retard >get suicide >so bad that it makes me think that there's something wrong with me >reminded it's f------ pedos picking on me >tfw why is /b/ like this? 2 REPLIES

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Anon watches a small streamer | /r/Greentext

>enter a Youtube livestream out of curiosity >6 people are watching >not interested in the content, but I can't leave because the streamer might notice the number went down and feel hurt Sute a 50 KB GIF >have been stuck in here for an hour Does anyone know this feel?
>enter a Youtube livestream out of curiosity >6 people are watching >not interested in the content, but I can't leave because the streamer might notice the number went down and feel hurt Sute a 50 KB GIF >have been stuck in here for an hour Does anyone know this feel?

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Anon’s dad gets him fired | /r/Greentext

png (194 kB, 631x595) No.46491256 Anonymous 13 min. ago >fired on first week of McDonalds because boomer father threw out my uniform and made me wear neat suit "Dress up for the job you want not the job you have" F--- YOU F--- YOU F--- YOU
png (194 kB, 631x595) No.46491256 Anonymous 13 min. ago >fired on first week of McDonalds because boomer father threw out my uniform and made me wear neat suit "Dress up for the job you want not the job you have" F--- YOU F--- YOU F--- YOU

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This one made my day | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/10/15(Wed)18:36:56 No.621001167 File: 1431390658033.jpg (37 KB, 406x536) >>620999981 similar thing happened to me >Be in third grade >All the kids picking on me because I'm black >Feelsbadman.jpg >Be at recess trying to fit in with all the other kids >Some kid talking about p--- >Up until this point I thought everyone was the same >Babies come from the stork n s--- >Didn't believe him >Tomboyish girl pulls down her pants and makes me pull down mine >Compare >l gotta d--- >She don't >Tíw first time seeing a vagina >Pic Related >Conversation is now about how my penis is bigger than all the other kids >Everyone making fun of me for having a big penis for a 3rd grader >Kinda upset because once again I didn't fit in >Compare penis to the other kids on the playground >Mine is considerably bigger >Some kid says it's because I'm black >Confused.jpg >Recess is over >Fast forward a few hours >Mom picks me up from school >Get in car >Asked me how my day went >Tell her about the other kids picking on me again >She asks why >l tell her something to the effect of "They were making fun of me because my penis was bigger than theirs" >She tells me that's nothing to be ashamed of >Tell her "They said it's because I'm black" >She says "No, it's not because you're black, it's because you're 26. >Mfw
Anonymous 06/10/15(Wed)18:36:56 No.621001167 File: 1431390658033.jpg (37 KB, 406x536) >>620999981 similar thing happened to me >Be in third grade >All the kids picking on me because I'm black >Feelsbadman.jpg >Be at recess trying to fit in with all the other kids >Some kid talking about p--- >Up until this point I thought everyone was the same >Babies come from the stork n s--- >Didn't believe him >Tomboyish girl pulls down her pants and makes me pull down mine >Compare >l gotta d--- >She don't >Tíw first time seeing a vagina >Pic Related >Conversation is now about how my penis is bigger than all the other kids >Everyone making fun of me for having a big penis for a 3rd grader >Kinda upset because once again I didn't fit in >Compare penis to the other kids on the playground >Mine is considerably bigger >Some kid says it's because I'm black >Confused.jpg >Recess is over >Fast forward a few hours >Mom picks me up from school >Get in car >Asked me how my day went >Tell her about the other kids picking on me again >She asks why >l tell her something to the effect of "They were making fun of me because my penis was bigger than theirs" >She tells me that's nothing to be ashamed of >Tell her "They said it's because I'm black" >She says "No, it's not because you're black, it's because you're 26. >Mfw

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Anon makes bad decisions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: PDKJ+xoc >be me >order some s--- on amazon >three days later, package arrives >take stuff out >find those plastic little bags of air, like 30 of them >idea.png >start popping them outside 16 KB JPG >loud af, sounds like gunshots >even better idea, start screaming and begging for help while popping at the same time >do this for 10 minutes >finally go back in laughing my ass off >20 minutes later, hear sirens outside and commotion >hear someone through a loudspeaker saying "we know you're in there, come out with your hands up!" >refuse to come out scared shitless How badly did I f--- up, lads?
: Anonymous (ID: PDKJ+xoc >be me >order some s--- on amazon >three days later, package arrives >take stuff out >find those plastic little bags of air, like 30 of them >idea.png >start popping them outside 16 KB JPG >loud af, sounds like gunshots >even better idea, start screaming and begging for help while popping at the same time >do this for 10 minutes >finally go back in laughing my ass off >20 minutes later, hear sirens outside and commotion >hear someone through a loudspeaker saying "we know you're in there, come out with your hands up!" >refuse to come out scared shitless How badly did I f--- up, lads?

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