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Anon becomes a moonshiner | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/29/21(Mon)02:28:34 No.867593727 >be me >be bored in college >can't buy booze (school rules), can't get booze on campus, can't ask anyone to buy me booze >idea.app 201 KB JPG >decide to make booze in the cupboard >briefly look up process >instructions say put yeast in apple juice with balloon over top of the bottle >can't have balloon or it will give away what I'm doing >screw on cap and vent it every couple hours >one day forget to vent the jug >fast forward to middle of the night >we all wake up to the sound of a shotgun going off in our room followed by the sound of splashing >f------ waterfall of apple juice that smells like piss flowing from my cupboard >no towels nearby, grab a backpack I wasn't using to catch most of it before it hits the carpet >turns out backpacks absorb a lot of apple juice >use paper towels to clean up the rest, end up with a jug that has a gash in its side from where it burst open, my ruined backpack and a s--- ton of paper towels in a garbage bag >no one stirrs after this as I drag my entirely full garbage back outside and to a dumpster >never mentioned again >pic related
: Anonymous 11/29/21(Mon)02:28:34 No.867593727 >be me >be bored in college >can't buy booze (school rules), can't get booze on campus, can't ask anyone to buy me booze >idea.app 201 KB JPG >decide to make booze in the cupboard >briefly look up process >instructions say put yeast in apple juice with balloon over top of the bottle >can't have balloon or it will give away what I'm doing >screw on cap and vent it every couple hours >one day forget to vent the jug >fast forward to middle of the night >we all wake up to the sound of a shotgun going off in our room followed by the sound of splashing >f------ waterfall of apple juice that smells like piss flowing from my cupboard >no towels nearby, grab a backpack I wasn't using to catch most of it before it hits the carpet >turns out backpacks absorb a lot of apple juice >use paper towels to clean up the rest, end up with a jug that has a gash in its side from where it burst open, my ruined backpack and a s--- ton of paper towels in a garbage bag >no one stirrs after this as I drag my entirely full garbage back outside and to a dumpster >never mentioned again >pic related

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Anon gets revenge | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: UNhjVvTG) 10/14/12(Sun)14:55:13 No.430594518 Replies: >>430598453 File: 1350240913501.jpg-(45 KB, 405x270, herp derp.jpg) >be me >be 16 >have 8/10 GF >never wants to have sex >notabigdeal.gif >2 months later >she f---- this cocksucker at a party >Notcoolman.png >I rage >Rage hard >Think long and hard how i get revenge >(she has no idea i know) >one night have her over for movie >we start making out, things get steamy >"excuse me 8/10, i need to poop >go in bathroom. >Fap and j--- on fingers >rub it in >go back to couch >pick up where we started >i finger her >i break up with her week later >7 months later, shes prego as F--- >cocksucker thinks its his kid >fuckyeah.avi >5 years later and they are married and are raising my offspring >mfw
Anonymous (ID: UNhjVvTG) 10/14/12(Sun)14:55:13 No.430594518 Replies: >>430598453 File: 1350240913501.jpg-(45 KB, 405x270, herp derp.jpg) >be me >be 16 >have 8/10 GF >never wants to have sex >notabigdeal.gif >2 months later >she f---- this cocksucker at a party >Notcoolman.png >I rage >Rage hard >Think long and hard how i get revenge >(she has no idea i know) >one night have her over for movie >we start making out, things get steamy >"excuse me 8/10, i need to poop >go in bathroom. >Fap and j--- on fingers >rub it in >go back to couch >pick up where we started >i finger her >i break up with her week later >7 months later, shes prego as F--- >cocksucker thinks its his kid >fuckyeah.avi >5 years later and they are married and are raising my offspring >mfw

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One man's trash | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Mischief 11/28/21(Sun)12:04:33 No.66337313 >Hanging out near my grocery store >See sign that says "no loitering" >Throw a piece of trash on the ground and book it 7 KB PNG What other acts of mischief have you committed?
: Anonymous Mischief 11/28/21(Sun)12:04:33 No.66337313 >Hanging out near my grocery store >See sign that says "no loitering" >Throw a piece of trash on the ground and book it 7 KB PNG What other acts of mischief have you committed?

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Anon has too much confidence | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/29/21(Mon)00:16:36 No.66346595 > Be me, 37 year old boomer who feels like a zoomer and has been burnt one too many times > get mad compliments all the time > the bitches in the stores see me rolling > get mad looked at > go and approach one of the bitches > "In a room full of art l'd still stare at you" > she laughs nervously and walks very fast away 28 KB JPG from me > go out and sit in car until the tears come > pull myself together and drive home 3 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 11/29/21(Mon)00:16:36 No.66346595 > Be me, 37 year old boomer who feels like a zoomer and has been burnt one too many times > get mad compliments all the time > the bitches in the stores see me rolling > get mad looked at > go and approach one of the bitches > "In a room full of art l'd still stare at you" > she laughs nervously and walks very fast away 28 KB JPG from me > go out and sit in car until the tears come > pull myself together and drive home 3 Replies View Thread

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Anon hates Reddit! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Fellow robots and former reddi(...) 04/22/19(Mon)21:29:47 No.52069375 >be me >browsing Reddit >find am I the a------ sub Reddit >come across post where girl is upset she accidentally got pregnant >boyfriends family think she sabotaged the condom 24 KB JPG >comment maybe the boyfriend thinks you cheated on him because there was a small tear in the condom >got flooded with dozens of people calling me terrible >another redditfag comments about how it's her body >karma got f----- >recently switched to 4chan >oddly enough this space where everyone can be as much as an a------ as they want is way more chill and relaxed >i rate 4chan 10/10 >reddit 2/10 not going back What's your story fellow robots? 29 Replies / 10 Images View Thread
: Anonymous Fellow robots and former reddi(...) 04/22/19(Mon)21:29:47 No.52069375 >be me >browsing Reddit >find am I the a------ sub Reddit >come across post where girl is upset she accidentally got pregnant >boyfriends family think she sabotaged the condom 24 KB JPG >comment maybe the boyfriend thinks you cheated on him because there was a small tear in the condom >got flooded with dozens of people calling me terrible >another redditfag comments about how it's her body >karma got f----- >recently switched to 4chan >oddly enough this space where everyone can be as much as an a------ as they want is way more chill and relaxed >i rate 4chan 10/10 >reddit 2/10 not going back What's your story fellow robots? 29 Replies / 10 Images View Thread

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Ants in your pants | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/21(Sun)13:19:07 No.66338084 >ants are attracted to glucose and sugar >human semen contains both of them >if you don't clean up your c-- tissues eventually ants will find it and make a trail from your c-- tissues to the colony hundreds of 29 KB JPG ants long Why would you be collecting your semen by e---------- into c-- bottles when you could be sustaining a population of ants? Just get one of those glass habitat containers with soil in them so you can watch as they build a colony with only your semen as a food source. It will be like your a father to them, no a GOD.
: Anonymous 11/28/21(Sun)13:19:07 No.66338084 >ants are attracted to glucose and sugar >human semen contains both of them >if you don't clean up your c-- tissues eventually ants will find it and make a trail from your c-- tissues to the colony hundreds of 29 KB JPG ants long Why would you be collecting your semen by e---------- into c-- bottles when you could be sustaining a population of ants? Just get one of those glass habitat containers with soil in them so you can watch as they build a colony with only your semen as a food source. It will be like your a father to them, no a GOD.

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Anon knows hood life is best | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/21(Sun)22:22:13 No.66345264 >wants love, respect, and affection >is circumcised Can't have it both ways, bucko. 114 KB JPG : Qamar !!oUQXpzmucpL 11/28/21(Sun)22:24:23 No.66345287 >>66345264 (OP) # Shut it vile European w----. It is to be so that the foreskin be cut : Anonymous 11/28/21(Sun)22:28:47 No.66345335 >>66345264 (OP) # >Get medical procedure done as a child without any consent >Haha, you're going to be f----- forever Sigh
: Anonymous 11/28/21(Sun)22:22:13 No.66345264 >wants love, respect, and affection >is circumcised Can't have it both ways, bucko. 114 KB JPG : Qamar !!oUQXpzmucpL 11/28/21(Sun)22:24:23 No.66345287 >>66345264 (OP) # Shut it vile European w----. It is to be so that the foreskin be cut : Anonymous 11/28/21(Sun)22:28:47 No.66345335 >>66345264 (OP) # >Get medical procedure done as a child without any consent >Haha, you're going to be f----- forever Sigh

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Literally every conversation about Antinous Pius ever. | /r/Greentext

26m (5/6 13:13) · 11058542 3 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 2MB · (2300 × 3066) 2 Replies >become most powerful man on earth >do absolutely nothing Denaranon · 9m (5/6 13:31) · 11058630 >>11058542 (OP) >Become the most powerful man on earth >See that the country is prospering >See that your in an era of peace >Don't spend money on military motions that are unneeded >Spend money for welfare, including starting a orphanage for girls >Devote time to raising children ment to be the best possible heirs >1800 years later >F----- 4channers are mad that you didn't do dumb s---.
26m (5/6 13:13) · 11058542 3 Re · 0 Img · JPG · 2MB · (2300 × 3066) 2 Replies >become most powerful man on earth >do absolutely nothing Denaranon · 9m (5/6 13:31) · 11058630 >>11058542 (OP) >Become the most powerful man on earth >See that the country is prospering >See that your in an era of peace >Don't spend money on military motions that are unneeded >Spend money for welfare, including starting a orphanage for girls >Devote time to raising children ment to be the best possible heirs >1800 years later >F----- 4channers are mad that you didn't do dumb s---.

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Anon has a theory | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)13:48:22 No.777399245 Convince me the Egyptians weren't ancient 4chan >Loved cats >Used cryptic pictures to communicate >Hated the Jews 72 KB JPG >Lived in a desert s------- >Obsessed with triangles and symmetry because ancient autismo >Were smart as f--- >Had a woman that ruled them that people orbit to this day >Literally had a frog God called kek All the evidence is here you just have to understand it
: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)13:48:22 No.777399245 Convince me the Egyptians weren't ancient 4chan >Loved cats >Used cryptic pictures to communicate >Hated the Jews 72 KB JPG >Lived in a desert s------- >Obsessed with triangles and symmetry because ancient autismo >Were smart as f--- >Had a woman that ruled them that people orbit to this day >Literally had a frog God called kek All the evidence is here you just have to understand it

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Anon solves a mystery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/25/21(Thu)17:11:19 No.867365174 CNN O CAN 1d · * Security experts say this is what's behind the recent "smash-and-grab" crimes. O CNN • 4 MIN READ Why some US cities are facing a spree of 'smash-and-grab' crimes 4K 2.2K Comments • 181 Shares Like Comment Share Screenshot_20211125-010908~2.png 385 KB PNG What is the reason this is happening??? Thoughts : Anonymous 11/25/21(Thu)17:12:40 No.867365223 N------ >>867365444 #
: Anonymous 11/25/21(Thu)17:11:19 No.867365174 CNN O CAN 1d · * Security experts say this is what's behind the recent "smash-and-grab" crimes. O CNN • 4 MIN READ Why some US cities are facing a spree of 'smash-and-grab' crimes 4K 2.2K Comments • 181 Shares Like Comment Share Screenshot_20211125-010908~2.png 385 KB PNG What is the reason this is happening??? Thoughts : Anonymous 11/25/21(Thu)17:12:40 No.867365223 N------ >>867365444 #

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This bird has flown | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous E 11/28/21(Sun)12:31:53 No.66337608 >bought tinder gold >passport feature allows me to set my location anywhere in the world >try Tokyo, Japan >more likes in one day than 3 weeks in Norway 75 KB JPG
: Anonymous E 11/28/21(Sun)12:31:53 No.66337608 >bought tinder gold >passport feature allows me to set my location anywhere in the world >try Tokyo, Japan >more likes in one day than 3 weeks in Norway 75 KB JPG

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Anon's colleague is a minimalist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)09:27:14 No.64987623 >work factory at night with a guy >he's kinda funny >ask him if he wants to drink some beer on friday after work >"sure" >go to his apartment >put beer in fridge >2 dollar store chicken sandwiches in fridge >nothing else in kitchen >only furniture is two lawn chairs and a cot he sleeps on >sit in a lawn chair >there is literally nothing else in this apartment >ask him how long he's been in this apartment >"2 years" >ask him what the s--- he does when he's not working >"i honestly just j------- to p--- on my cell phone and go to sleep" what a life >>64987661 #
: Anonymous 08/15/21(Sun)09:27:14 No.64987623 >work factory at night with a guy >he's kinda funny >ask him if he wants to drink some beer on friday after work >"sure" >go to his apartment >put beer in fridge >2 dollar store chicken sandwiches in fridge >nothing else in kitchen >only furniture is two lawn chairs and a cot he sleeps on >sit in a lawn chair >there is literally nothing else in this apartment >ask him how long he's been in this apartment >"2 years" >ask him what the s--- he does when he's not working >"i honestly just j------- to p--- on my cell phone and go to sleep" what a life >>64987661 #

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Sweet dreams are made of this | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/21(Sun)14:15:19 No.66338687 >be me working >remote at home >get up to go do something >come back, someone in IT remote connected and is setting up new software on my work computer >notice I left some p--- open in 251 KB JPG the background >stomach drops and I start pacing >furiously trying to think up an excuse >"maybe the IT guy is a bro and doesn't care." >IT guy finishes, disconnects, and a message says "recording stopped." >an overwhelming sense of dread washes over me >"how will I replace this $150k per year job? What am I going to tell my family?" >have never felt so hopeless, ashamed, and scared in my life >contemplate killing myself >suddenly wake up, heart still racing. It was all a dream yet the emotions were very real. How could our brains do this to us?
: Anonymous 11/28/21(Sun)14:15:19 No.66338687 >be me working >remote at home >get up to go do something >come back, someone in IT remote connected and is setting up new software on my work computer >notice I left some p--- open in 251 KB JPG the background >stomach drops and I start pacing >furiously trying to think up an excuse >"maybe the IT guy is a bro and doesn't care." >IT guy finishes, disconnects, and a message says "recording stopped." >an overwhelming sense of dread washes over me >"how will I replace this $150k per year job? What am I going to tell my family?" >have never felt so hopeless, ashamed, and scared in my life >contemplate killing myself >suddenly wake up, heart still racing. It was all a dream yet the emotions were very real. How could our brains do this to us?

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Anon buys a fridge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/03/21(Sat)11:12:40 No.64419340 >wage slut. minimum wage + unpaid overtime! >finaly save enough money to buy myself a fridge >have to ask coworker, if he can help me pick it up, caus no car >"no problem! Anon" >f--- yeah, i now have a fridge in 922 KB PNG my flat >next day, everyone at work gossips in what a s------- i live View Thread
: Anonymous 07/03/21(Sat)11:12:40 No.64419340 >wage slut. minimum wage + unpaid overtime! >finaly save enough money to buy myself a fridge >have to ask coworker, if he can help me pick it up, caus no car >"no problem! Anon" >f--- yeah, i now have a fridge in 922 KB PNG my flat >next day, everyone at work gossips in what a s------- i live View Thread

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I’m hoping the rape dwarf hasn’t been posted before | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/07/19(Sun)13:28:51 No.53265142 The dwarf > Be me, home alone > parents arr at a party > midnight, hear someone come inside >I call out "how was the party?" > no response.. > get a text from my mom saying they're staying the night at their 393 KB JPG friends house > oh f--- > hear something coming upstairs > It giggles > with each step I hear its c--- thump on the stairs The r--- dwarf is coming Help me anons
: Anonymous 07/07/19(Sun)13:28:51 No.53265142 The dwarf > Be me, home alone > parents arr at a party > midnight, hear someone come inside >I call out "how was the party?" > no response.. > get a text from my mom saying they're staying the night at their 393 KB JPG friends house > oh f--- > hear something coming upstairs > It giggles > with each step I hear its c--- thump on the stairs The r--- dwarf is coming Help me anons

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Anon mocks reddit | /r/Greentext


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Anon finds the one. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/27/21(Sat)22:01:57 No.867530445 >be me >be on tinder >talking to cute girl >she asked what I'm doing >I say watching Christmas movie >she says no way I'm watching a 102 KB PNG Christmas movie too haha >fast forward a little bit >she says My favourite thing is love Guys I think l'm in Thanks Christmas movies :)
: Anonymous 11/27/21(Sat)22:01:57 No.867530445 >be me >be on tinder >talking to cute girl >she asked what I'm doing >I say watching Christmas movie >she says no way I'm watching a 102 KB PNG Christmas movie too haha >fast forward a little bit >she says My favourite thing is love Guys I think l'm in Thanks Christmas movies :)

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Anon is smart | /r/Greentext

"We have all this money to spend on Jets but not healthcare America sucks" >The US spend 3.3% of GDP on the military vs 4.4% of GDP on healthcare >medicaid and medicare only cost almost as much as the whole military budget > Maybe if you fat f---- ate less and lived healthy 66 KB JPG lifestyles we care afford decent healthcare >Why can't we be like Europe >why does the average American woman weight 21 pounds more than the average European woman
"We have all this money to spend on Jets but not healthcare America sucks" >The US spend 3.3% of GDP on the military vs 4.4% of GDP on healthcare >medicaid and medicare only cost almost as much as the whole military budget > Maybe if you fat f---- ate less and lived healthy 66 KB JPG lifestyles we care afford decent healthcare >Why can't we be like Europe >why does the average American woman weight 21 pounds more than the average European woman

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The Bread Girl | /r/Greentext

06/06/21(Sun) 16:09:57 No.223535863 : The bread girl The bread girl The bread girl.jpg 531 KB JPG The bread girl
06/06/21(Sun) 16:09:57 No.223535863 : The bread girl The bread girl The bread girl.jpg 531 KB JPG The bread girl

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Anon doesn't use condoms | /r/Greentext

File: bagfucker.png (599 KB, 1307x1071) O Anonymous 11/28/21(Sun)03:42:12 No.867544679 [Reply] You WILL f--- the bag. >>867544749 >>867544897 >>867544924 >>867545146 >>867546238 >>867546424 >>867546477 I'm gonna keep posting this until I get it through your head. Wearing a condom during sex doesn't mean you're having sex. You're literally f------ a plastic bag, your d--- isn't actually touching the vagina. If you've had sex with hundreds of women but each and every time you wore a condom you would still be a virgin since your d--- never made contact with the vagina. It's literally the softcore version of a chastity cage, imagine cucking yourself before putting your d--- inbetween some nasty roasty curtains. Imagine sticking your d--- inside a girl and still being a durex virgin, kek. >b-but it's birth control! No excuse, there are alternative measures that don't force you to f--- a plastic bag >but it prevents STDS! If you're going to f--- someone who you know isn't clean you deserve the STD >but it feels like real sex! But it isn't. This is your daily reminder, now that you've read it you understand the truth. You can reply with whatever delusional comment you want but the facts will remain in your head no matter what you say. Seethe harder bagfuckers.
File: bagfucker.png (599 KB, 1307x1071) O Anonymous 11/28/21(Sun)03:42:12 No.867544679 [Reply] You WILL f--- the bag. >>867544749 >>867544897 >>867544924 >>867545146 >>867546238 >>867546424 >>867546477 I'm gonna keep posting this until I get it through your head. Wearing a condom during sex doesn't mean you're having sex. You're literally f------ a plastic bag, your d--- isn't actually touching the vagina. If you've had sex with hundreds of women but each and every time you wore a condom you would still be a virgin since your d--- never made contact with the vagina. It's literally the softcore version of a chastity cage, imagine cucking yourself before putting your d--- inbetween some nasty roasty curtains. Imagine sticking your d--- inside a girl and still being a durex virgin, kek. >b-but it's birth control! No excuse, there are alternative measures that don't force you to f--- a plastic bag >but it prevents STDS! If you're going to f--- someone who you know isn't clean you deserve the STD >but it feels like real sex! But it isn't. This is your daily reminder, now that you've read it you understand the truth. You can reply with whatever delusional comment you want but the facts will remain in your head no matter what you say. Seethe harder bagfuckers.

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