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Ribbit, for his pleasure | /r/Greentext

No.738861551 07/14/17(Fri)19:05:19 mcgrbr.gif GIF 1.9 MİB 290x162 I got a story about this >be 12 >6th grade >really need to piss >excuse myself from band class >rush to bathroom >It's all the way on the other side of the school >discreetly holding my d--- closed as I do >arrive >decide to kick down stall door like l'm in the movies >it's f------ occupied >kid s------- frog-style with both feet on the toilet seat >watch his turd quickly retract into his rectum like a scared turtle >the scare causes me to piss myself >mfw
No.738861551 07/14/17(Fri)19:05:19 mcgrbr.gif GIF 1.9 MİB 290x162 I got a story about this >be 12 >6th grade >really need to piss >excuse myself from band class >rush to bathroom >It's all the way on the other side of the school >discreetly holding my d--- closed as I do >arrive >decide to kick down stall door like l'm in the movies >it's f------ occupied >kid s------- frog-style with both feet on the toilet seat >watch his turd quickly retract into his rectum like a scared turtle >the scare causes me to piss myself >mfw

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anon dindu nuffin | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)21:28:01 No.9722834 File: asscryed.jpg (252 KB, 644x660) >>9722880 >feel bad for a lonely guy in my class >invite him to a cosplay event >he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface >he keeps screaming "I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!" This was a f------ mistake.
Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)21:28:01 No.9722834 File: asscryed.jpg (252 KB, 644x660) >>9722880 >feel bad for a lonely guy in my class >invite him to a cosplay event >he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface >he keeps screaming "I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!" This was a f------ mistake.

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Now it is... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Party stories thread 02/22/19(Fri)01:42:35 No.51106420 > be me > be at some birthday party > someone announces that we will be playing musical chairs > whatever.gif > winner will get a prize > count me in.jpg > manage to keep winning until I'm the last 61 KB JPG player with a qt3.14 > song starts to play and we start running around a chair like tards > Song stops and I sit on the chair first > Immediately after I sit down qt3.14 sits down right on top of me with the force of 1000 suns See ya later Virginians : Anonymous 02/22/19(Fri)03:11:46 No.51107158 is your reddit thread up yet?
: Anonymous Party stories thread 02/22/19(Fri)01:42:35 No.51106420 > be me > be at some birthday party > someone announces that we will be playing musical chairs > whatever.gif > winner will get a prize > count me in.jpg > manage to keep winning until I'm the last 61 KB JPG player with a qt3.14 > song starts to play and we start running around a chair like tards > Song stops and I sit on the chair first > Immediately after I sit down qt3.14 sits down right on top of me with the force of 1000 suns See ya later Virginians : Anonymous 02/22/19(Fri)03:11:46 No.51107158 is your reddit thread up yet?

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Anon is off the dryl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/05/21(Fri)18:56:46 No.66040279 Benadryl Anyone here ever abused allergy medicine? ALLERGY Diphenhydramine HCI 25 mg | Antihistamine >700 mg benadryl >pick up phone to play clash of clans O Soeing Dy Wry k ORuny None Ohy Thuat ULTRATABS 24TABLETS 98 KB JPG >spend 30 minutes on my village >phone vanishes >phone was upstairs the whole time >feel like utter shet for a week afterwards
: Anonymous 11/05/21(Fri)18:56:46 No.66040279 Benadryl Anyone here ever abused allergy medicine? ALLERGY Diphenhydramine HCI 25 mg | Antihistamine >700 mg benadryl >pick up phone to play clash of clans O Soeing Dy Wry k ORuny None Ohy Thuat ULTRATABS 24TABLETS 98 KB JPG >spend 30 minutes on my village >phone vanishes >phone was upstairs the whole time >feel like utter shet for a week afterwards

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I haven't seen this posted in a while. | /r/Greentext

File: 1442571422947.jpg (220 KB, 1182x966) Anonymous 03/07/16(Mon)18:05:16 No.672747306 [Reply] » >>672749164 >be me >going to see the viewing of Zootopia >in the theater here they have an RPX viewing place where you can reserve seats >reserve the entire row, costs me almost $150 >this is the best row, the one right by the stairs >the one that all the moms with their little s---- go to sit at because it's the easiest to get to >sit right in the middle >hot cooked food to the left, drink, popcorn to the right >moms start pouring in with their spawn >trying to sit down >"sorry but all of these seats are reserved" >"for who?" >"for me" >"you can't do that" >"yes, I can" >almost every single one of them ask to go see a manager, carrying their spawn along with them >manager comes in, I show him the tickets with the seat spot numbers as proof that I reserved the seats >"sorry ma'am, he reserved them, but there are plenty of other seats to sit at" >at this point they don't even care where they sit, they just don't want me to win >they start complaining to the manager about how it's b------- that I get to reserve every seat in the row and how they should change their policy to where each person can only reserve one seat and bla bla bla >manager backs me up though, what a trooper >they accept defeat and take their seats >few moments later, some people come in without kids, and go to sit down in the row I reserved >soccer mom in the row above me tells them in a very bitchy way "you can't sit there, he reserved every single seat in that row just for him. It's b-------" >"no it's fine, you guys can sit here" >this just pisses her off more >she storms out and gets a manager again >hear her yelling at the manager about how he's discriminating against her >she threatens to leave >he kid starts crying >she admits defeat again and sits down >l audibly laugh >"that's it" >she grabs her kid by the arm and leaves >mfw
File: 1442571422947.jpg (220 KB, 1182x966) Anonymous 03/07/16(Mon)18:05:16 No.672747306 [Reply] » >>672749164 >be me >going to see the viewing of Zootopia >in the theater here they have an RPX viewing place where you can reserve seats >reserve the entire row, costs me almost $150 >this is the best row, the one right by the stairs >the one that all the moms with their little s---- go to sit at because it's the easiest to get to >sit right in the middle >hot cooked food to the left, drink, popcorn to the right >moms start pouring in with their spawn >trying to sit down >"sorry but all of these seats are reserved" >"for who?" >"for me" >"you can't do that" >"yes, I can" >almost every single one of them ask to go see a manager, carrying their spawn along with them >manager comes in, I show him the tickets with the seat spot numbers as proof that I reserved the seats >"sorry ma'am, he reserved them, but there are plenty of other seats to sit at" >at this point they don't even care where they sit, they just don't want me to win >they start complaining to the manager about how it's b------- that I get to reserve every seat in the row and how they should change their policy to where each person can only reserve one seat and bla bla bla >manager backs me up though, what a trooper >they accept defeat and take their seats >few moments later, some people come in without kids, and go to sit down in the row I reserved >soccer mom in the row above me tells them in a very bitchy way "you can't sit there, he reserved every single seat in that row just for him. It's b-------" >"no it's fine, you guys can sit here" >this just pisses her off more >she storms out and gets a manager again >hear her yelling at the manager about how he's discriminating against her >she threatens to leave >he kid starts crying >she admits defeat again and sits down >l audibly laugh >"that's it" >she grabs her kid by the arm and leaves >mfw

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anon gets laid | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/27/16(Wed)01:19:28 No.335628183 File: 1431476597805.png (3 KB, 194x205) 35628450>>3356 >335628 35628797 >>335E >>335627620 (OP) >>335627812 >In high school >Sister was 2 years ahead of me >l am super f------ gay >Some pro-dude who was dating my sister and also bullies me corners me during lunch >"I f----- your sister real good" and all that >Nervous, not sure what to say, dont want himto beat me up >"M-Maybe you should f--- me instead" >He laughs at the time but later that day comes over to our place (since he's dating my sis) >Sis runs to the store to get some s--- >He looks at me "So, still want me to f--- you" >F---- me, it was really f------ good >This continues for months until he dumps my sister for me >We're still going out
Anonymous 04/27/16(Wed)01:19:28 No.335628183 File: 1431476597805.png (3 KB, 194x205) 35628450>>3356 >335628 35628797 >>335E >>335627620 (OP) >>335627812 >In high school >Sister was 2 years ahead of me >l am super f------ gay >Some pro-dude who was dating my sister and also bullies me corners me during lunch >"I f----- your sister real good" and all that >Nervous, not sure what to say, dont want himto beat me up >"M-Maybe you should f--- me instead" >He laughs at the time but later that day comes over to our place (since he's dating my sis) >Sis runs to the store to get some s--- >He looks at me "So, still want me to f--- you" >F---- me, it was really f------ good >This continues for months until he dumps my sister for me >We're still going out

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Anon plays air hockey. | /r/Greentext

File: Nervous pepe.jpg (7 KB, 231x218) Anonymous 03/12/17(Sun)15:57:54 No.35478083 >Playing air hockey with sister's friend. >She's pregnant >Accidentally knock the puck into her stomach >Joke that I used my secret baby killing technique >She has a miscarriage.
File: Nervous pepe.jpg (7 KB, 231x218) Anonymous 03/12/17(Sun)15:57:54 No.35478083 >Playing air hockey with sister's friend. >She's pregnant >Accidentally knock the puck into her stomach >Joke that I used my secret baby killing technique >She has a miscarriage.

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Anon describes broccoli | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/06/19(Sat)22:47:25 No.106871385 Do real kids actually not like broccoli? It seems to be a trope for characters to hate it, but I loved eating broccoli and other vegetables as a kid. 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/06/19(Sat)22:52:38 No.106871552 No. I always thought the trope was ridiculous, even as a kid. >>106876232 # : Anonymous 04/06/19(Sat)22:57:05 No.106871668 I was poor so we had nothing but microwave s--- and ramen. I didnt try broccoli until i was in jr high and i was so surprised at how good it tasted. My friends mom had made broccoli and cheese. I ate about 3 servings and told her how it was my first time to try it. told them how cartoons always told me it would taste so bad. I wish i could have f----- my friends mom >>106871807 # >>106877776 #
: Anonymous 04/06/19(Sat)22:47:25 No.106871385 Do real kids actually not like broccoli? It seems to be a trope for characters to hate it, but I loved eating broccoli and other vegetables as a kid. 38 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/06/19(Sat)22:52:38 No.106871552 No. I always thought the trope was ridiculous, even as a kid. >>106876232 # : Anonymous 04/06/19(Sat)22:57:05 No.106871668 I was poor so we had nothing but microwave s--- and ramen. I didnt try broccoli until i was in jr high and i was so surprised at how good it tasted. My friends mom had made broccoli and cheese. I ate about 3 servings and told her how it was my first time to try it. told them how cartoons always told me it would taste so bad. I wish i could have f----- my friends mom >>106871807 # >>106877776 #

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Child Support | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/26/21(Fri)14:12:52 No.66309570 >incel >decide to give a shot to single moms >she quite cute, her little bugger reminds me a lot to me in my childhood >get along well with both, kid doesn't even know his dad 83 KB JPG >fast forward a couple of months >helping kid with homework >foid starts treating me badly in front of the kid, calling me names and stuff >kid gets angry at her and tells her to stop >she calls me a p--- and says I brainwashed her baby >get kicked from her home why are women like this? everything was going well
: Anonymous 11/26/21(Fri)14:12:52 No.66309570 >incel >decide to give a shot to single moms >she quite cute, her little bugger reminds me a lot to me in my childhood >get along well with both, kid doesn't even know his dad 83 KB JPG >fast forward a couple of months >helping kid with homework >foid starts treating me badly in front of the kid, calling me names and stuff >kid gets angry at her and tells her to stop >she calls me a p--- and says I brainwashed her baby >get kicked from her home why are women like this? everything was going well

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Anon takes the crab pill | /r/Greentext


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Anon is excited by chickens | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)08:40:35 No.65906654 >neighbors suddenly have chickens >chickens make chicken noises >for some reason, this warms my heart >get woken up by chickens doing the funny chicken sounds and 231 KB JPG there's suddenly a smile on my face >exit my house to do some exercise and see the chickens in the neighbors' backyard >instantly feel great >not even sure if it's legal for them to own chickens, but I'm not going to complain >just feel really f------ happy whenever I hear them make their silly sounds Thanks chickens
: Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)08:40:35 No.65906654 >neighbors suddenly have chickens >chickens make chicken noises >for some reason, this warms my heart >get woken up by chickens doing the funny chicken sounds and 231 KB JPG there's suddenly a smile on my face >exit my house to do some exercise and see the chickens in the neighbors' backyard >instantly feel great >not even sure if it's legal for them to own chickens, but I'm not going to complain >just feel really f------ happy whenever I hear them make their silly sounds Thanks chickens

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Anon makes me cry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/09/20(Wed)06:00:24 No.835702207 >>835701630 (OP) # >met girl 10 years ago >literal 10/10 in personality and in looks, super fit and everything >together for a year and a half >dies in a car crash >been depressed for 9 years ever since >>835702473 #
: Anonymous 09/09/20(Wed)06:00:24 No.835702207 >>835701630 (OP) # >met girl 10 years ago >literal 10/10 in personality and in looks, super fit and everything >together for a year and a half >dies in a car crash >been depressed for 9 years ever since >>835702473 #

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Anon sucks at life | /r/Greentext

Certified failure >be me >6'6" straight white male with masculine features, broad shoulders and deep voice >still a loser with no friends and 75 KB JPG never had a gf >constantly sad and miserable >mfw im supposed to have an easy life
Certified failure >be me >6'6" straight white male with masculine features, broad shoulders and deep voice >still a loser with no friends and 75 KB JPG never had a gf >constantly sad and miserable >mfw im supposed to have an easy life

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Anon's grandpa on the Rwandan genocide | /r/Greentext

:Anonymous 03/26/18(Mon)12:38:54 No.4362112 My grandpa is a Rwandan genocide denier. I have no idea why. We live in Wales, have no connection to Rwanda and he isn't a conspiracy kind of guy in general. He has never been to Rwanda or met a Rwandan yet in his house he has pages of documents 'proving the hoax', such as a full script for the movie Hotel Rwanda with a bunch of 27 KB JPG random letters from the words highlighted showing 'the secret messages' from the director. He says that Paul Kagame doesn't exist and that 'every picture of bodies 'is clearly in Burundi' and has huge printouts of aerial photographs of Burundi to prove it. Not sure what he has against Rwanda but if you bring it up to him he calls you a "Tutsi liar'. >>4362182 # >>4362188 # >>4362190 # >>4362240 # >>4362354 #
:Anonymous 03/26/18(Mon)12:38:54 No.4362112 My grandpa is a Rwandan genocide denier. I have no idea why. We live in Wales, have no connection to Rwanda and he isn't a conspiracy kind of guy in general. He has never been to Rwanda or met a Rwandan yet in his house he has pages of documents 'proving the hoax', such as a full script for the movie Hotel Rwanda with a bunch of 27 KB JPG random letters from the words highlighted showing 'the secret messages' from the director. He says that Paul Kagame doesn't exist and that 'every picture of bodies 'is clearly in Burundi' and has huge printouts of aerial photographs of Burundi to prove it. Not sure what he has against Rwanda but if you bring it up to him he calls you a "Tutsi liar'. >>4362182 # >>4362188 # >>4362190 # >>4362240 # >>4362354 #

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Anon meets an irl gigachad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/25/21(Thu)17:05:31 No.867397527 >be me >local red cross volunteer >every other weekend we have a course about a program the local red cross does >this weekend it's promotion of human values, equality, tolerance, and 46 KB JPG So on >boring, but I thought I'd go anyway, to hang out >get there, see some new volunteers >chat with this guy, a 19yo boxer, funny dude >the presentation starts >woman presenter talks about the problems women face in the workplace >boxer guy raises hand >"yes mr boxer, you have a question?" >"in an ideal world only men would work and women would be free to do other things such as bring up children" >all the females visibly shocked and seething >this one girl stands up, looks at him and yells something unitelligible, starts crying and storms out >boxer guy whispers to me >"what a joke" >leaves Never saw him again, hope he' doing okay. Anyone else witness an irl "giga chad refuses to elaborate" moment?
: Anonymous 11/25/21(Thu)17:05:31 No.867397527 >be me >local red cross volunteer >every other weekend we have a course about a program the local red cross does >this weekend it's promotion of human values, equality, tolerance, and 46 KB JPG So on >boring, but I thought I'd go anyway, to hang out >get there, see some new volunteers >chat with this guy, a 19yo boxer, funny dude >the presentation starts >woman presenter talks about the problems women face in the workplace >boxer guy raises hand >"yes mr boxer, you have a question?" >"in an ideal world only men would work and women would be free to do other things such as bring up children" >all the females visibly shocked and seething >this one girl stands up, looks at him and yells something unitelligible, starts crying and storms out >boxer guy whispers to me >"what a joke" >leaves Never saw him again, hope he' doing okay. Anyone else witness an irl "giga chad refuses to elaborate" moment?

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Anon does a little trolling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)04:03:47 No.66085975 >be me >give s--- eating grins to people out of the blue >classmate asks me if something's wrong after I give him one > reply "something's going to be" for s---- and giggles >get the s--- beat out of me by the f------ f----- 585 KB PNG >he starts yelling I got a gun >get restrained >people yelling but I can't even open my eyes and head is rigning >don't remember what happens later >l'm escorted to the principal's office along with the kid >kid gets suspended after they hear his story >principal begs me not to sue in front of my parents the next day >s--- eating grin with my face beat to a pulp We sued.
: Anonymous 11/09/21(Tue)04:03:47 No.66085975 >be me >give s--- eating grins to people out of the blue >classmate asks me if something's wrong after I give him one > reply "something's going to be" for s---- and giggles >get the s--- beat out of me by the f------ f----- 585 KB PNG >he starts yelling I got a gun >get restrained >people yelling but I can't even open my eyes and head is rigning >don't remember what happens later >l'm escorted to the principal's office along with the kid >kid gets suspended after they hear his story >principal begs me not to sue in front of my parents the next day >s--- eating grin with my face beat to a pulp We sued.

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Anon finds a loophole | /r/Greentext

>trump gets impeached >trump resigns >pence becomes president >pence pardons trump >pence appoints new vice-president, donald trump >pence resigns >trump becomes president >trump appoints new vice-president, mike pence
>trump gets impeached >trump resigns >pence becomes president >pence pardons trump >pence appoints new vice-president, donald trump >pence resigns >trump becomes president >trump appoints new vice-president, mike pence

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Anon says the worst possible thing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/03/21(Wed)19:58:51 No.62585604 >meet black girl >"so what do you do for fun anon?" >"uhh mostly 4chan" >"oh that sounds cool i'll check it out" It's been 4 hours and she's not 83 KB PNG responding. I think I f----- up. : Anonymous 03/03/21(Wed)20:00:24 No.62585629 >>62585604 (OP) # Why the f--- would you tell a woman that you use 4chan : Anonymous 03/03/21 (Wed)20:00:32 No.62585630 >>62585604 (OP) # if 4chan is your main hobby you're doing life terribly, terribly wrong 483 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/03/21(Wed)20:00:45 No.62585636 >>62585604 (OP) # Even if she was white, you shouldn't have said that.
: Anonymous 03/03/21(Wed)19:58:51 No.62585604 >meet black girl >"so what do you do for fun anon?" >"uhh mostly 4chan" >"oh that sounds cool i'll check it out" It's been 4 hours and she's not 83 KB PNG responding. I think I f----- up. : Anonymous 03/03/21(Wed)20:00:24 No.62585629 >>62585604 (OP) # Why the f--- would you tell a woman that you use 4chan : Anonymous 03/03/21 (Wed)20:00:32 No.62585630 >>62585604 (OP) # if 4chan is your main hobby you're doing life terribly, terribly wrong 483 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/03/21(Wed)20:00:45 No.62585636 >>62585604 (OP) # Even if she was white, you shouldn't have said that.

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Indoor plumbing | /r/Greentext


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Anon is about to experience a shitty chain resturant | /r/Greentext


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