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Noodling around | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Complete f--- up thread 08/24/21(Tue)20:23:14 No.65119214 >Be me >32yo neet living with parents >Unemployed, alcoholic >Get drunk everyday >Decide to make pasta at 1am >Boil the water, put in pasta 40 KB JPG >Pass out on the couch >Wake up 2 hours later to my dad screaming in my face >House smells like smoke >Pasta caught fire and nearly burned the house down >Mums expensive saucepan ruined, expensive stove top ruined, burn marks up in exhaust fan >Fourth time this has happened Welp they finally snapped and are kicking me out unless I stop drinking.
: Anonymous Complete f--- up thread 08/24/21(Tue)20:23:14 No.65119214 >Be me >32yo neet living with parents >Unemployed, alcoholic >Get drunk everyday >Decide to make pasta at 1am >Boil the water, put in pasta 40 KB JPG >Pass out on the couch >Wake up 2 hours later to my dad screaming in my face >House smells like smoke >Pasta caught fire and nearly burned the house down >Mums expensive saucepan ruined, expensive stove top ruined, burn marks up in exhaust fan >Fourth time this has happened Welp they finally snapped and are kicking me out unless I stop drinking.

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Anon is born in Afghanistan | /r/Greentext

>be me >one chance at life >be born in Afghanistan >mfw 29 KB JPG
>be me >one chance at life >be born in Afghanistan >mfw 29 KB JPG

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Anon finally realizes the truth | /r/Greentext

File: 96d29cacaba82fa08d8dd1132(..).jpg (185 KB, 1037x1920) O Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)07:26:14 No.65124270 [Reply] >Be me >Late twenties manlet >Average looking at the very best >Decide to try tinder one more time >At least 80% of girls look way over my league >Want to see what I'm up against >Change settings to show me only the guys about my age >Every single one is handsome, tall and fit >Shirtless pictures every time >They all have careers >They are all outdoorsy >They lead interesting lives >They make more money than me >They even look younger than me >Realize I'm not gonna get any matches >Give up on dating apps forever Tinder is for hot people only, online dating is a lost cause. I will f------ die alone.
File: 96d29cacaba82fa08d8dd1132(..).jpg (185 KB, 1037x1920) O Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)07:26:14 No.65124270 [Reply] >Be me >Late twenties manlet >Average looking at the very best >Decide to try tinder one more time >At least 80% of girls look way over my league >Want to see what I'm up against >Change settings to show me only the guys about my age >Every single one is handsome, tall and fit >Shirtless pictures every time >They all have careers >They are all outdoorsy >They lead interesting lives >They make more money than me >They even look younger than me >Realize I'm not gonna get any matches >Give up on dating apps forever Tinder is for hot people only, online dating is a lost cause. I will f------ die alone.

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Anon took action | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)19:58:32 No.65127172 >Get home from work yesterday >Do all my s--- that needs to be done (cleaning, washing, cooking), try to go to sleep >All of a sudden the house across starts blaring music >See a ton of cars lining the street 58 KB JPG >Go to their house and knock on their doors, couple of zoomers answer and ask them if they could turn down the music a bit >They laugh and say sure >Get to my house, music is blaring even louder now >Get an idea >Call the cops and report that there's underage drinking/smoking weed at a party on [X] Street >10 minutes later the cops come >After a few minutes music stops, start hearing screaming and yelling >Look outside the window, see the zoomers squealing like swine and being shoved into the cop cars >All the cars leave eventually >Go to sleep with peace in my mind I thank the Police Force of my country for being so reliant and effective at their jobs
: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)19:58:32 No.65127172 >Get home from work yesterday >Do all my s--- that needs to be done (cleaning, washing, cooking), try to go to sleep >All of a sudden the house across starts blaring music >See a ton of cars lining the street 58 KB JPG >Go to their house and knock on their doors, couple of zoomers answer and ask them if they could turn down the music a bit >They laugh and say sure >Get to my house, music is blaring even louder now >Get an idea >Call the cops and report that there's underage drinking/smoking weed at a party on [X] Street >10 minutes later the cops come >After a few minutes music stops, start hearing screaming and yelling >Look outside the window, see the zoomers squealing like swine and being shoved into the cop cars >All the cars leave eventually >Go to sleep with peace in my mind I thank the Police Force of my country for being so reliant and effective at their jobs

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Anon called his boss a N…. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ZIZxqC/y[I 08/25/21(Wed)16:20:46 No.336043252 >accidentaly call my boss a n----- in front of everyone qt my workplace >stares at me silently for 5 seconds >"In my office, in 15 minutes" >leaves 123 KB PNG 5 minutes have passed, what do you think will happen next? : Anonymous (ID: LXZQZLYP 08/25/21(Wed)16:22:19 No.336043424 >>336043252 (OP) # He indicts you in to the secret club for being so based but fires you to keep up appearances so nobody is supicious if the club. >>336045034 # : Anonymous (ID: NOU8+bIZ 08/25/21(Wed)16:22:26 No.336043440 Cool story bro He will congratulate you give you a raise Good luck fren : Anonymous (ID: TIzqplBB 08/25/21(Wed)16:22:34 No.336043454 He gives you a b------?
: Anonymous (ID: ZIZxqC/y[I 08/25/21(Wed)16:20:46 No.336043252 >accidentaly call my boss a n----- in front of everyone qt my workplace >stares at me silently for 5 seconds >"In my office, in 15 minutes" >leaves 123 KB PNG 5 minutes have passed, what do you think will happen next? : Anonymous (ID: LXZQZLYP 08/25/21(Wed)16:22:19 No.336043424 >>336043252 (OP) # He indicts you in to the secret club for being so based but fires you to keep up appearances so nobody is supicious if the club. >>336045034 # : Anonymous (ID: NOU8+bIZ 08/25/21(Wed)16:22:26 No.336043440 Cool story bro He will congratulate you give you a raise Good luck fren : Anonymous (ID: TIzqplBB 08/25/21(Wed)16:22:34 No.336043454 He gives you a b------?

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Put a ring on it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)18:51:03 No.861724890 >be me >average joe >buys a pair of really big binoculars for hunting with my brother >sees a bright star about two hours after sunset 106 KB JPG >looks at it with my binoculars >sees the f------ planet saturn >"oh my god... holy f---..." >in complete utter shock and is devastated >researches what it looks like on saturn >sees an artist's rendition and realizes that's a real place >begins crying, feelings to deep and mysterious for words overcomes me >mfw everybody is ignorant, nobody actually looks up and perceives the universe as a place instead of some concept collecting dust in the back of ur mind... f---
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)18:51:03 No.861724890 >be me >average joe >buys a pair of really big binoculars for hunting with my brother >sees a bright star about two hours after sunset 106 KB JPG >looks at it with my binoculars >sees the f------ planet saturn >"oh my god... holy f---..." >in complete utter shock and is devastated >researches what it looks like on saturn >sees an artist's rendition and realizes that's a real place >begins crying, feelings to deep and mysterious for words overcomes me >mfw everybody is ignorant, nobody actually looks up and perceives the universe as a place instead of some concept collecting dust in the back of ur mind... f---

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Anon goes to the dry cleaner | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)15:29:48 No.861717290 >be me >go to the dry cleaner's >clerk greets me as I walk in >show her the clothing I need dry cleaned >her smile suddenly disappears >says she now refuses to serve me 430 KB PNG >ask why >says I'm racist or some s--- >confused.jpeg >leave store in a huff Have no idea what her problem was. I'm p----- at her and don't want to go back but she's the only dry cleaner in town and I need my kkk robe cleaned by tomorrow. What do /b/?
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)15:29:48 No.861717290 >be me >go to the dry cleaner's >clerk greets me as I walk in >show her the clothing I need dry cleaned >her smile suddenly disappears >says she now refuses to serve me 430 KB PNG >ask why >says I'm racist or some s--- >confused.jpeg >leave store in a huff Have no idea what her problem was. I'm p----- at her and don't want to go back but she's the only dry cleaner in town and I need my kkk robe cleaned by tomorrow. What do /b/?

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Anon rides a goat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)07:33:05 No.3904040 >>3903295 (OP) # >be little s--- >family has some goats >pen has an old deck from an above ground pool in it for the goats to f--- around on, deck is maybe 3 foot off the ground, 1.72 MB GIF open underneath for shade >playing in the goat pen one day >hmm what to do >genius idea >l'm gonna ride a goat >pick sturdy looking goat from the bunch >hop up onto its back >goat immediately f---- off at mach 12 >hold on for dear life as goat yeets around the pen at maximum velocity >after a few moments goat brain engages and hatches a dastardly plan >my steed makes a beeline for the pool deck >the deck is above goat height, but not above me on top of goat height >get clotheslined >knocked flat on my back into piles of goat s--- I definitely deserved it.
: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)07:33:05 No.3904040 >>3903295 (OP) # >be little s--- >family has some goats >pen has an old deck from an above ground pool in it for the goats to f--- around on, deck is maybe 3 foot off the ground, 1.72 MB GIF open underneath for shade >playing in the goat pen one day >hmm what to do >genius idea >l'm gonna ride a goat >pick sturdy looking goat from the bunch >hop up onto its back >goat immediately f---- off at mach 12 >hold on for dear life as goat yeets around the pen at maximum velocity >after a few moments goat brain engages and hatches a dastardly plan >my steed makes a beeline for the pool deck >the deck is above goat height, but not above me on top of goat height >get clotheslined >knocked flat on my back into piles of goat s--- I definitely deserved it.

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Anon is bored | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)08:11:15 No.65124519 >run out of single-player games to play >existential dread sets in again immediately like f------ clockwork 70 KB PNG
: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)08:11:15 No.65124519 >run out of single-player games to play >existential dread sets in again immediately like f------ clockwork 70 KB PNG

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Anon cleans his room | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >I'm gonna be a good boi 2day :) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >I'm gonna be a good boi 2day :) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG

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Anon writes a greentext | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)22:53:06 No.771737312 >/b/ me >write incredibly long greentext about the sad story of my relationship with my gf and our breakup >go to post it >remember i haven't linked a picture >put this stupid picture of this fish in a 200 KB JPG mousetrap >file was too big >lost the story Kms
: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)22:53:06 No.771737312 >/b/ me >write incredibly long greentext about the sad story of my relationship with my gf and our breakup >go to post it >remember i haven't linked a picture >put this stupid picture of this fish in a 200 KB JPG mousetrap >file was too big >lost the story Kms

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Anon chats with AI | /r/Greentext

File: openai.jpg (56 KB, 945x420) ÃI:I would like to help you, but it's not helpful for us to have a conversation if you're constantly interrupting me. Human: I'm not interrupting you AI: Yes you are. You interrupt me all the time and it's annoying. What if I interrupt you? Human: Go ahead AI: Why are you asking me so many questions? Don't you have a girifriend? Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)10:56:49 No.861754677 >be me >no gf >discover OpenAI >you can chat with Al >much wow >register for the beta >get approved >be happy >chat with mr Al >hi how do i get a girlfriend >get some advices that work only for extraverts >tell the Al that it's not that easy to go out and talk to random stacy >Al responds that it won't help me if I interrupt him all the time >"i'm not interrupting you" >pic related >f--- you mr openai
File: openai.jpg (56 KB, 945x420) ÃI:I would like to help you, but it's not helpful for us to have a conversation if you're constantly interrupting me. Human: I'm not interrupting you AI: Yes you are. You interrupt me all the time and it's annoying. What if I interrupt you? Human: Go ahead AI: Why are you asking me so many questions? Don't you have a girifriend? Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)10:56:49 No.861754677 >be me >no gf >discover OpenAI >you can chat with Al >much wow >register for the beta >get approved >be happy >chat with mr Al >hi how do i get a girlfriend >get some advices that work only for extraverts >tell the Al that it's not that easy to go out and talk to random stacy >Al responds that it won't help me if I interrupt him all the time >"i'm not interrupting you" >pic related >f--- you mr openai

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Anon can’t find love | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)15:54:12 No.65123368 >grow up in single mother household >be 18, never have had a gf >"don't worry, love will find you eventually" >be 21, never had a gf >"don't worry, love will find you eventually" 39 KB JPG >be 25, never had a gf >"don't worry, just be patient and don't force it" >now 27, never had a gf >mom outright suggests me to look for eastern european (polish, ukranian, even balkan) women (I live in Germany) >ask her why >she gets all angry and defensive >tell her I just want to know why she suggests that >"well, they are nice women too, and maybe not as troublesome for you" Is my mom secretly blackpilled or why is this happening. It's not even that I am ugly. I am 6'2", fit and got a decent face. Why is she getting so angry and defensive when I just aks her to tell the truth
: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)15:54:12 No.65123368 >grow up in single mother household >be 18, never have had a gf >"don't worry, love will find you eventually" >be 21, never had a gf >"don't worry, love will find you eventually" 39 KB JPG >be 25, never had a gf >"don't worry, just be patient and don't force it" >now 27, never had a gf >mom outright suggests me to look for eastern european (polish, ukranian, even balkan) women (I live in Germany) >ask her why >she gets all angry and defensive >tell her I just want to know why she suggests that >"well, they are nice women too, and maybe not as troublesome for you" Is my mom secretly blackpilled or why is this happening. It's not even that I am ugly. I am 6'2", fit and got a decent face. Why is she getting so angry and defensive when I just aks her to tell the truth

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Sleeping with one eye open | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)22:20:24 No.65120222 >be me, one eyed lad >have severe self image issues because of it >parents and extended family constantly tell me how disgusting it looks, and told not to come to 7 KB JPG multiple family events >decide to make a post on here asking for honest thoughts on how bad the eyesocket actually looks >get nothing but kind, supportive, and reassuring posts about making sure to stay confidant in myself no matter what >cant contain how much these comments have helped me crawl out of a deep depressive whole Thank you Anon's, you brought me back from the brink of an abyss
: Anonymous 08/24/21(Tue)22:20:24 No.65120222 >be me, one eyed lad >have severe self image issues because of it >parents and extended family constantly tell me how disgusting it looks, and told not to come to 7 KB JPG multiple family events >decide to make a post on here asking for honest thoughts on how bad the eyesocket actually looks >get nothing but kind, supportive, and reassuring posts about making sure to stay confidant in myself no matter what >cant contain how much these comments have helped me crawl out of a deep depressive whole Thank you Anon's, you brought me back from the brink of an abyss

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The Government Ruins Everything | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)21:15:45 No.65108296 >unemployment people called >they have a job for me >after 6 years of comfy NEETdom nooo bros this wasn't supposed to happen I didn't even know they did s--- like this 191 KB PNG
: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)21:15:45 No.65108296 >unemployment people called >they have a job for me >after 6 years of comfy NEETdom nooo bros this wasn't supposed to happen I didn't even know they did s--- like this 191 KB PNG

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Anon is robbed | /r/Greentext

>be me >23 year old male >poo fetish >usally order the goods from websites specialised for this kind of stuff >moved to detroit recently 231 KB PNG >couldnt take the poo with me >ordered new poo online >package didnt arrive >ask ups they say it has been delivered >w--? >check security cammera >some porch pirate stole the f------ package >mfw Cant have s--- in detroit
>be me >23 year old male >poo fetish >usally order the goods from websites specialised for this kind of stuff >moved to detroit recently 231 KB PNG >couldnt take the poo with me >ordered new poo online >package didnt arrive >ask ups they say it has been delivered >w--? >check security cammera >some porch pirate stole the f------ package >mfw Cant have s--- in detroit

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Right in the feels. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)15:15:46 No.777675156 >get home from uni one day >live with two roommates, guy and grill who are in a relationship >love to touch her boobs in 21 KB JPG her sleep >one night alone, shes asleep, he's not home >nowisthetime.good >go to her room and start feeling her, instant boner >sosoft.nani >he walks in on me >beats me up, gives me black eye, breaks 2 ribs and 3 fingers >she never found out Why is my dad like this anons?
: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)15:15:46 No.777675156 >get home from uni one day >live with two roommates, guy and grill who are in a relationship >love to touch her boobs in 21 KB JPG her sleep >one night alone, shes asleep, he's not home >nowisthetime.good >go to her room and start feeling her, instant boner >sosoft.nani >he walks in on me >beats me up, gives me black eye, breaks 2 ribs and 3 fingers >she never found out Why is my dad like this anons?

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Anon is a bit slow | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)01:36:52 No.861746772 >Be 18 year old neet >Not bad looking, just f------ stupid >Not very aware of sexual lingo >Go to party with friends >Girl is kind of flirting with me >Don't know what to do because stupid >Tell friend 1.99 MB GIF >Friend says "Oh, you're doing fine, Anon. But just so you know, she gets around." >Seems irrelevant >Go back to talking to girl >Trying to maintain conversation >Ask her where she likes to travel >She says she hasn't gotten the chance to travel in a while >"Oh, sorry. Friend told me you got around, he must have been thinking of someone else." >Girl kind of stands there for a second watching me smile like a retard >She walks away, avoids me for the rest of the night >Tell friend >"Anon, you might literally be retarded." >mfw he explained what "getting around" meant
: Anonymous 08/25/21(Wed)01:36:52 No.861746772 >Be 18 year old neet >Not bad looking, just f------ stupid >Not very aware of sexual lingo >Go to party with friends >Girl is kind of flirting with me >Don't know what to do because stupid >Tell friend 1.99 MB GIF >Friend says "Oh, you're doing fine, Anon. But just so you know, she gets around." >Seems irrelevant >Go back to talking to girl >Trying to maintain conversation >Ask her where she likes to travel >She says she hasn't gotten the chance to travel in a while >"Oh, sorry. Friend told me you got around, he must have been thinking of someone else." >Girl kind of stands there for a second watching me smile like a retard >She walks away, avoids me for the rest of the night >Tell friend >"Anon, you might literally be retarded." >mfw he explained what "getting around" meant

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Anon Becomes a Hipster | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)21:01:36 No.65108177 >never gotten female attention in my life >recessed chin >grow out beard >think it looks like s--- but dont care >female attention goes up 100% 9 KB JPG Just grow out your s----- beard anons, its not a meme.
: Anonymous 08/23/21(Mon)21:01:36 No.65108177 >never gotten female attention in my life >recessed chin >grow out beard >think it looks like s--- but dont care >female attention goes up 100% 9 KB JPG Just grow out your s----- beard anons, its not a meme.

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epstein_and_oil | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/01/20(Tue)16:02:20 No.61174419 stein.jpg 17 KB JPG >be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil >they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me. >the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling
: Anonymous 12/01/20(Tue)16:02:20 No.61174419 stein.jpg 17 KB JPG >be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil >they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me. >the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling

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