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anon eats tendies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)01:57:58 No.785845695 >be me >12 y/o tard >really wanna eat tendies >eat so many >ff an hour >theurge.wav >race to the bathroom, s--- like never 42 KB JPG before >time to wipe >damn that felt good >wipe again >wipe again, and again, etc >feelsgoodman.jpg >30th wipe, no more tp >oh no >look at toilet and see how much I used >couldn't fit more if you tried >12 y/o me panics, must destroy evidence >flushing does nothing, panicking more >toilet gurgles, it goes down an inch >water starts overflowing >my dad knocks on the door, asks if I'm ok >yeahjustfine.mp4 >water seeps under the door, he asks what's going on >full blown panic attack sets in, I desperately grab handfuls of semi dissolved, s--- covered tp and toss it in the bathtub >vomit when hand touches log >dad breaks down the door after hearing the commotion >finds me shoveling s--- and tp into the bathtub, sobbing, hyperventilating, vomiting I'm 32 now and he still brings this up
: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)01:57:58 No.785845695 >be me >12 y/o tard >really wanna eat tendies >eat so many >ff an hour >theurge.wav >race to the bathroom, s--- like never 42 KB JPG before >time to wipe >damn that felt good >wipe again >wipe again, and again, etc >feelsgoodman.jpg >30th wipe, no more tp >oh no >look at toilet and see how much I used >couldn't fit more if you tried >12 y/o me panics, must destroy evidence >flushing does nothing, panicking more >toilet gurgles, it goes down an inch >water starts overflowing >my dad knocks on the door, asks if I'm ok >yeahjustfine.mp4 >water seeps under the door, he asks what's going on >full blown panic attack sets in, I desperately grab handfuls of semi dissolved, s--- covered tp and toss it in the bathtub >vomit when hand touches log >dad breaks down the door after hearing the commotion >finds me shoveling s--- and tp into the bathtub, sobbing, hyperventilating, vomiting I'm 32 now and he still brings this up

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Anon has a threesome | /r/Greentext

2h (7/28 11:28) 859831912 5 Replies >>859831601 >Be me, 17 >Look older than I am >Use fake id to get into pubs and clubs >Me and one friend go to a club known as a cougar den >Get talking to two women >Both in their 40s >Both have kids >Keep buying me and friend drinks >Friend eventually has to leave >Left with the two women >All decide to go back to milf 1's house for a nightcap >Get even more drunk there >Start talking about their ex-husbands >Conversation eventually turns to sex >Milf 1 goes to the bathroom >Make out with milf 2 >Milf 1 comes back >Make out with her >Switch between them until milf 2 undoes my fly >Both give me a b------ >Go up to the bedroom >F--- them both for hours
2h (7/28 11:28) 859831912 5 Replies >>859831601 >Be me, 17 >Look older than I am >Use fake id to get into pubs and clubs >Me and one friend go to a club known as a cougar den >Get talking to two women >Both in their 40s >Both have kids >Keep buying me and friend drinks >Friend eventually has to leave >Left with the two women >All decide to go back to milf 1's house for a nightcap >Get even more drunk there >Start talking about their ex-husbands >Conversation eventually turns to sex >Milf 1 goes to the bathroom >Make out with milf 2 >Milf 1 comes back >Make out with her >Switch between them until milf 2 undoes my fly >Both give me a b------ >Go up to the bedroom >F--- them both for hours

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Anon wants to play Titanfall 2 | /r/Greentext


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Bibliophile | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)15:01:25 No.64733688 >be me >no gf, my last one left me >emotionally crippled from the experience >load up Monika After Story >Monika says she loves me >at least she loves me 561 KB JPG >thanks Monika
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)15:01:25 No.64733688 >be me >no gf, my last one left me >emotionally crippled from the experience >load up Monika After Story >Monika says she loves me >at least she loves me 561 KB JPG >thanks Monika

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Volunteer as tribute | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)15:38:33 No.64733997 >at gfs house >her dad is obviously not happy with my presence >she and her mom are making weird autistic child noises while rubbing each other's noises >her cat is f------ an unicorn plush toy >some hunger game's copycat is playing at the tv, but instead of random people they chose inmates 99 KB JPG pls help
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)15:38:33 No.64733997 >at gfs house >her dad is obviously not happy with my presence >she and her mom are making weird autistic child noises while rubbing each other's noises >her cat is f------ an unicorn plush toy >some hunger game's copycat is playing at the tv, but instead of random people they chose inmates 99 KB JPG pls help

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Anon doesnt know how to handle women | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)13:42:22 No.859837729 > be me > 17yo kissless virgin > on party > girl i know from art class sits next to me on the couch > "You know, I really like you Anon" > "Okay" > leave
O Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)13:42:22 No.859837729 > be me > 17yo kissless virgin > on party > girl i know from art class sits next to me on the couch > "You know, I really like you Anon" > "Okay" > leave

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Detective investigates a 4channel user | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/20(Wed)20:03:45 No.126893700 >*ring ring* *click* >Jenkins. Any updates? >There was one thing sir. 11 bans on record from a site called '4channel' 81 KB GIF >'4channel' huh? >*chief writes it down on a post it note* >why does that name sound so familiar.... >*chief sets his coffee down on the note, covering 'nel' and revealing '4chan' >*chief's eyes go wide* >JENKINS, GET AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER NOW- >*explosions, screaming heard over the phone* >>126893866 # >>126894308 # >>126894833 # >>126897851 # >>126897959 # >>126903592 # >>126903766#
: Anonymous 01/01/20(Wed)20:03:45 No.126893700 >*ring ring* *click* >Jenkins. Any updates? >There was one thing sir. 11 bans on record from a site called '4channel' 81 KB GIF >'4channel' huh? >*chief writes it down on a post it note* >why does that name sound so familiar.... >*chief sets his coffee down on the note, covering 'nel' and revealing '4chan' >*chief's eyes go wide* >JENKINS, GET AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER NOW- >*explosions, screaming heard over the phone* >>126893866 # >>126894308 # >>126894833 # >>126897851 # >>126897959 # >>126903592 # >>126903766#

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Absent Friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)16:07:47 No.64734256 >bump into guy I was friends with as a kid >"Hey Anon, is that you?" >I'm a shut-in khy with no friends Fug and a dead end job >l know from googling him and a bunch of my other old classmates months ago that he's a law 16 KB PNG student and has a girlfriend >don't want to have to talk about our lives and have him think he's better than me >idea.jpg >"Sorry, do I know you?" >he looks confused, says his name >pretend to search my memory for a bit and then shrug and say "sorry, I don't know anybody by that name" >he stares at me for a few seconds and then goes "oh sorry" and walks away Did I f--- up? Is there a chance he thought he had the wrong person? I know he said my name but I never confirmed or denied that was me
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)16:07:47 No.64734256 >bump into guy I was friends with as a kid >"Hey Anon, is that you?" >I'm a shut-in khy with no friends Fug and a dead end job >l know from googling him and a bunch of my other old classmates months ago that he's a law 16 KB PNG student and has a girlfriend >don't want to have to talk about our lives and have him think he's better than me >idea.jpg >"Sorry, do I know you?" >he looks confused, says his name >pretend to search my memory for a bit and then shrug and say "sorry, I don't know anybody by that name" >he stares at me for a few seconds and then goes "oh sorry" and walks away Did I f--- up? Is there a chance he thought he had the wrong person? I know he said my name but I never confirmed or denied that was me

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Anon is confused | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/20(Wed)05:19:51 No.57212570 >be me in class >professor asks us to guess what % of the USA is each race >asks us what % of the USA do we think is white >answers range from 50%-80% >asks us what % of the USA do we think 165 KB PNG is Asian >answers range from 1%-15% >asks us what % of the USA is do we think is black >everyone instantly answers 13% >mfw
: Anonymous 03/18/20(Wed)05:19:51 No.57212570 >be me in class >professor asks us to guess what % of the USA is each race >asks us what % of the USA do we think is white >answers range from 50%-80% >asks us what % of the USA do we think 165 KB PNG is Asian >answers range from 1%-15% >asks us what % of the USA is do we think is black >everyone instantly answers 13% >mfw

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anon has big brain | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)12:23:29 No.859828837 File: 4tbseq2uh1h31.jpg (80 KB, 960x873) >be me >brown boy >Dont have expereince arguing with people >Turkrish man joins server >calls me all swear word possible >big brain mode activated >go to balkan server >copy what he said to me and write it in the server. >copy the response. >use the response against turk >turdroach destroyed Cutting metal with metal . That's how its done.
U Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)12:23:29 No.859828837 File: 4tbseq2uh1h31.jpg (80 KB, 960x873) >be me >brown boy >Dont have expereince arguing with people >Turkrish man joins server >calls me all swear word possible >big brain mode activated >go to balkan server >copy what he said to me and write it in the server. >copy the response. >use the response against turk >turdroach destroyed Cutting metal with metal . That's how its done.

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Anon is hurt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)03:22:55 No.154182982 com 1627278560607.jpg 42 KB JPG >i fapped again today >to see if i still feel
: Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)03:22:55 No.154182982 com 1627278560607.jpg 42 KB JPG >i fapped again today >to see if i still feel

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Anon wishes he was cool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)13:19:55 No.859792184 >be me today >on a bus >some anti-mask moron comes up to me and starts swinging his hands Cvisible comfusion right by my face demanding to know why do I wear it >tell him that I'm already vaccinated 50 KB JPG but do it for the sake of others, it's safer >his peanut-sized brain is trying very hard to process what I just said, takes him good few seconds >the guy blows up on me, ranting about covid being a hoax >I calmly look at him as I see some old lady approach >this bitch hits him in the head with her wooden cane >old lady keeps hitting him with the cane, calling him slurs I never heard of >moron leaves on the next stop, visibly upset and embarassed >old lady says that she saw it all and came up to me because she had enough of that b------- and seeing my body type she knew that l'd kill him on the spot if I got irritated >lady leaves on the other stop, leaving everyone in disbelief and me with a smile Chad grandma
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)13:19:55 No.859792184 >be me today >on a bus >some anti-mask moron comes up to me and starts swinging his hands Cvisible comfusion right by my face demanding to know why do I wear it >tell him that I'm already vaccinated 50 KB JPG but do it for the sake of others, it's safer >his peanut-sized brain is trying very hard to process what I just said, takes him good few seconds >the guy blows up on me, ranting about covid being a hoax >I calmly look at him as I see some old lady approach >this bitch hits him in the head with her wooden cane >old lady keeps hitting him with the cane, calling him slurs I never heard of >moron leaves on the next stop, visibly upset and embarassed >old lady says that she saw it all and came up to me because she had enough of that b------- and seeing my body type she knew that l'd kill him on the spot if I got irritated >lady leaves on the other stop, leaving everyone in disbelief and me with a smile Chad grandma

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Another Pleasant Valley Sunday | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous /comfy/ 07/27/21(Tue)20:35:00 No.64737224 Who else here /comfy/ right now? >just got home from a long day of hard work >gonna get some McDonald's and watch tv >after I'm done eating l'll play stardew valley until I pass out >tfw no work tomorrow 97 KB JPG | >tfw comfy
: Anonymous /comfy/ 07/27/21(Tue)20:35:00 No.64737224 Who else here /comfy/ right now? >just got home from a long day of hard work >gonna get some McDonald's and watch tv >after I'm done eating l'll play stardew valley until I pass out >tfw no work tomorrow 97 KB JPG | >tfw comfy

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Exhausted Dialogue | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)21:47:59 No.64737941 >best friend pours her heart into paragraphs about how much she cares about me >quite literally respond with the equivalent of "thats cool" Am la f------ robot??? I felt nothing when she said that, no emotion at all. The only thought I had was "thats kinda cool" and moved on. Is this how it feels to 95 KB JPG be an NPC??
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)21:47:59 No.64737941 >best friend pours her heart into paragraphs about how much she cares about me >quite literally respond with the equivalent of "thats cool" Am la f------ robot??? I felt nothing when she said that, no emotion at all. The only thought I had was "thats kinda cool" and moved on. Is this how it feels to 95 KB JPG be an NPC??

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McDonald's makes anon a better man | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)21:38:08 No.859797942 cover1.jpg 620 KB JPG >be me >work at mcdonalds >washing dishes at work >cut from plastic containers >burns from grill >have to wear bandaids all over hands >get home from working a 4hr shift >hate customers >just want to go home and j------- >get home >bandaids all over hands >cant fap properly f--- all of you i hope you get spit in your food
| Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)21:38:08 No.859797942 cover1.jpg 620 KB JPG >be me >work at mcdonalds >washing dishes at work >cut from plastic containers >burns from grill >have to wear bandaids all over hands >get home from working a 4hr shift >hate customers >just want to go home and j------- >get home >bandaids all over hands >cant fap properly f--- all of you i hope you get spit in your food

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anon is a minecraft cow | /r/Greentext

File: Cow minecraft png (21 KB, 210x233) Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)17:33:12 No.782900746 >be me >baby >saw my father killed right in front of me >me and mother forced into a pen >be me >adult >forced to breed with mother >pic related >mfw
File: Cow minecraft png (21 KB, 210x233) Anonymous 10/21/18(Sun)17:33:12 No.782900746 >be me >baby >saw my father killed right in front of me >me and mother forced into a pen >be me >adult >forced to breed with mother >pic related >mfw

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Anon analyses James Bond | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant capacity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.
: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant capacity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.

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anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)08:24:14 No.51022884 >on date with qt boy >we get indian food >he orders chicken korma with rice >"i can't eat rice, it reminds me of maggots" >"oh really, anon? that's... interesting" >"yeah, when i have rice in my mouth i just think of that video with the guy with maggot invested gums" 10 KB JPG >"i've never seen that" >show him the video >he excuses himself and goes to the bathroom >ten minutes later i ask a male waiter to check on him >"there's no one in the bathroom, miss" >mfw why do i always sabotage myself like this? why can't i just be normal?
: Anonymous 02/17/19(Sun)08:24:14 No.51022884 >on date with qt boy >we get indian food >he orders chicken korma with rice >"i can't eat rice, it reminds me of maggots" >"oh really, anon? that's... interesting" >"yeah, when i have rice in my mouth i just think of that video with the guy with maggot invested gums" 10 KB JPG >"i've never seen that" >show him the video >he excuses himself and goes to the bathroom >ten minutes later i ask a male waiter to check on him >"there's no one in the bathroom, miss" >mfw why do i always sabotage myself like this? why can't i just be normal?

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Anon wants to weaponize bees | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/19(Fri)04:09:37 No.42077873 Hey /k/, I'm afraid of being targeted by the junkies and bangers that I have to ride the bus with; I want to start a micro-hive so I can defensive carry bees or wasps (pic related). Hear me out: 35 KB JPG >The longer I'ma bee keeper the more l'll get stung, and the greater resistance l'll develop to the sting's effects. I can probably find a pheromone spray to keep the bees on my side, too. >l'm a scrawny femme with no defensive training and a lot of neck injuries, so I can easily be overpowered, disarmed, or incapacitated. If any of that happens with conventional carry-choices I'm screwed. As long as I release the bees they'll continue to do God's work even if l'm unconscious or constrained. >Some people are thug lyfe enough to not be intimidated by being shot or stabbed. Nobody is thug lyfe enough to not be intimated by bees. Bees are mortally terrifying. >lf I pull a knife or gun then the crowd will instantly turn on me and yell at me to stop, because I can still be reasoned with. >lf I pull a jar of bees the crowd will turn on my aggressor because I can release the bees at any moment, and a swarm of angry bees cannot be reasoned with. >lf I pull a knife or gun then I have to deal with the legalities of doing so, and witness reports from the crowd could condemn me. >lf I pull a jar of bees the cops will disregard the call because it's too outlandish. What're your thoughts, /k/?
: Anonymous 07/19/19(Fri)04:09:37 No.42077873 Hey /k/, I'm afraid of being targeted by the junkies and bangers that I have to ride the bus with; I want to start a micro-hive so I can defensive carry bees or wasps (pic related). Hear me out: 35 KB JPG >The longer I'ma bee keeper the more l'll get stung, and the greater resistance l'll develop to the sting's effects. I can probably find a pheromone spray to keep the bees on my side, too. >l'm a scrawny femme with no defensive training and a lot of neck injuries, so I can easily be overpowered, disarmed, or incapacitated. If any of that happens with conventional carry-choices I'm screwed. As long as I release the bees they'll continue to do God's work even if l'm unconscious or constrained. >Some people are thug lyfe enough to not be intimidated by being shot or stabbed. Nobody is thug lyfe enough to not be intimated by bees. Bees are mortally terrifying. >lf I pull a knife or gun then the crowd will instantly turn on me and yell at me to stop, because I can still be reasoned with. >lf I pull a jar of bees the crowd will turn on my aggressor because I can release the bees at any moment, and a swarm of angry bees cannot be reasoned with. >lf I pull a knife or gun then I have to deal with the legalities of doing so, and witness reports from the crowd could condemn me. >lf I pull a jar of bees the cops will disregard the call because it's too outlandish. What're your thoughts, /k/?

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The Reich stuff | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)15:11:31 No.64733766 dskjflwje49riudspofiksdf.jpg 183 KB JPG >max average face >autistic hairstyle >autistic mustache >manlet >ruler of one of the most powerful nation in history and countless women adored him What is your excuse incels?
: Anonymous 07/27/21(Tue)15:11:31 No.64733766 dskjflwje49riudspofiksdf.jpg 183 KB JPG >max average face >autistic hairstyle >autistic mustache >manlet >ruler of one of the most powerful nation in history and countless women adored him What is your excuse incels?

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