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Anon gets fit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)23:21:49 No.64595830 >be coomer >get bored of watching p--- >going to strip clubs or hiring escorts is too expensive >get idea >buy $10 monthly gym membership with the intention of watching sweaty fit women workout live 80 KB JPG >it would be too obvious to just stare at them so I workout to blend in >seeing a big fit butt in person doing squats does not compare to seeing it through a screen >and you can imagine the smell >fap to the memories the moment I get home >coom harder than I do with p--- >6 months pass >weight myself >l've lost 40 pounds of fat >and I've gained visible muscle in my arms, pecks, back, and legs >being a coomer actually helped me get fit
: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)23:21:49 No.64595830 >be coomer >get bored of watching p--- >going to strip clubs or hiring escorts is too expensive >get idea >buy $10 monthly gym membership with the intention of watching sweaty fit women workout live 80 KB JPG >it would be too obvious to just stare at them so I workout to blend in >seeing a big fit butt in person doing squats does not compare to seeing it through a screen >and you can imagine the smell >fap to the memories the moment I get home >coom harder than I do with p--- >6 months pass >weight myself >l've lost 40 pounds of fat >and I've gained visible muscle in my arms, pecks, back, and legs >being a coomer actually helped me get fit

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Anon has a point | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)08:07:56 No.63094517 >he saves p--- on his computer 74 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)08:22:34 No.63094672 >>63094517 (OP) # >she is unironically a woman 39 KB JPG >>63094687 # >>63096708 #
: Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)08:07:56 No.63094517 >he saves p--- on his computer 74 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/07/21(Wed)08:22:34 No.63094672 >>63094517 (OP) # >she is unironically a woman 39 KB JPG >>63094687 # >>63096708 #

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Anon likes men | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)10:50:50 No.64175921 >getting a haircut >barber qt finishes her work >"wanna touch?" >i look at her >"do you like?" >i realize she's talking about the haircut, although it was kinda creepy >walk out of the barbershop >another girl passes nearby and waves her hand at me 107 KB JPG >get to my block >some girl looks me in the eyes and smiles >run away If someone flipped a switch somewhere, I demand to flip it back.
: Anonymous 06/16/21(Wed)10:50:50 No.64175921 >getting a haircut >barber qt finishes her work >"wanna touch?" >i look at her >"do you like?" >i realize she's talking about the haircut, although it was kinda creepy >walk out of the barbershop >another girl passes nearby and waves her hand at me 107 KB JPG >get to my block >some girl looks me in the eyes and smiles >run away If someone flipped a switch somewhere, I demand to flip it back.

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Anon gets a haircut | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)01:11:25 No.859131101 >Be Polish >Visiting America e >Hair too long so decide to get a haircut >Go to barber shop >Older dude recognizes my accent and asks if I'm Polish 115 KB JPG >say yes >Dude starts cutting my hair >Didn't really bother looking at it because i was reading some s--- to pass time >He's done cutting my hair >I look up to see my hair >M----------- made me look like B.J Blazkowicz >Actually liked how it looked Thank you Mr.Barber
: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)01:11:25 No.859131101 >Be Polish >Visiting America e >Hair too long so decide to get a haircut >Go to barber shop >Older dude recognizes my accent and asks if I'm Polish 115 KB JPG >say yes >Dude starts cutting my hair >Didn't really bother looking at it because i was reading some s--- to pass time >He's done cutting my hair >I look up to see my hair >M----------- made me look like B.J Blazkowicz >Actually liked how it looked Thank you Mr.Barber

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Anon has a scare | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)12:48:10 No.49964159 > be me, 1 hour ago > get text from gf staying at my house, she says she heard a loud knock on the door > tell her it's probably the gas company coming to change the meter > 5 minutes later we both remember the Raider Pepe 73 KB PNG gas company did that last week > texts me there was another loud banging on the door and now it sounds like there are voices in the house > there have been several armed home invasions in the neighborhood recently > tell her to get into the bedroom, lock the door, get the gun under the bed (I've taken her shooting a few ee times so she knows how it works) > run out of the office without clocking out, get into car, drive 25 over the speed limit to get home in about 7 minutes, weaving through traffic listening to Cypress Hill > slam on breaks in front of house, grab s----- hi-point out of locked dash > run up to front door avoiding the windows > there's a note on the door asking where I bought the bricks to my garden retaining wall > no one broke in > gf is just having a ptsd flashback, filled a glass all the way to the top with piss because she couldn't leave the room > as I leave the cat sprays the wall with piss > get back to work and I have to s--- and piss but both bathrooms are locked Tfw : Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)12:50:32 No.49964186 >>49964159 (OP) # And? Are you going to finish the f------ story? Where did you buy the f------ bricks f-----? >>49964210 #
: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)12:48:10 No.49964159 > be me, 1 hour ago > get text from gf staying at my house, she says she heard a loud knock on the door > tell her it's probably the gas company coming to change the meter > 5 minutes later we both remember the Raider Pepe 73 KB PNG gas company did that last week > texts me there was another loud banging on the door and now it sounds like there are voices in the house > there have been several armed home invasions in the neighborhood recently > tell her to get into the bedroom, lock the door, get the gun under the bed (I've taken her shooting a few ee times so she knows how it works) > run out of the office without clocking out, get into car, drive 25 over the speed limit to get home in about 7 minutes, weaving through traffic listening to Cypress Hill > slam on breaks in front of house, grab s----- hi-point out of locked dash > run up to front door avoiding the windows > there's a note on the door asking where I bought the bricks to my garden retaining wall > no one broke in > gf is just having a ptsd flashback, filled a glass all the way to the top with piss because she couldn't leave the room > as I leave the cat sprays the wall with piss > get back to work and I have to s--- and piss but both bathrooms are locked Tfw : Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)12:50:32 No.49964186 >>49964159 (OP) # And? Are you going to finish the f------ story? Where did you buy the f------ bricks f-----? >>49964210 #

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Anon likes DnD | /r/Greentext

[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [O Auto] File: Autismus Maximus.jpg (65 KB, 699x473) Dnd is fun Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)13:39:34 No.18031207 >Be me >Autistic beyond the spectrum >Play dnd alone because socializing is hard >I play 8 characters and i'm GM. >RpgMaster.webm >Told parents about my campaign >"That's great anon, but don't you wanna play with friends?" Asperger's Syndrome High-Functioning Autism Yes, there's a difference. >DepressedKinda.png >Told them i am my own friend >Parents laugh, then s-- >NotMyProudestMoment.gif <0- 国 二制
[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [O Auto] File: Autismus Maximus.jpg (65 KB, 699x473) Dnd is fun Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)13:39:34 No.18031207 >Be me >Autistic beyond the spectrum >Play dnd alone because socializing is hard >I play 8 characters and i'm GM. >RpgMaster.webm >Told parents about my campaign >"That's great anon, but don't you wanna play with friends?" Asperger's Syndrome High-Functioning Autism Yes, there's a difference. >DepressedKinda.png >Told them i am my own friend >Parents laugh, then s-- >NotMyProudestMoment.gif <0- 国 二制

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Anon goes to Cracker Barrel | /r/Greentext

>go to Cracker Barrel for breakfast with family >hear guy jacking off in bathroom 27 KB PNG
>go to Cracker Barrel for breakfast with family >hear guy jacking off in bathroom 27 KB PNG

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Anon witnesses a failed pregnancy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)21:18:54 No.856854637 >be me >in Walmart >head to the bathroom cause I need to piss like a m----------- >walk in >hear someone groaning quietly in one of the stalls 199 KB JPG >weird but f--- it >pissing hard >hear a loud gasp followed by splashing water in the stall >they start sobbing now >w-- >finish pissing >woman runs outside the stall crying >left behind a small trail of blood >no idea what the f--- just happened >morbid curiosity forces me to check inside the stall >there's even more blood >look inside the toilet >see a dead fetus looking out from the water >get the f--- out of that walmart >never going back there
: Anonymous 06/14/21(Mon)21:18:54 No.856854637 >be me >in Walmart >head to the bathroom cause I need to piss like a m----------- >walk in >hear someone groaning quietly in one of the stalls 199 KB JPG >weird but f--- it >pissing hard >hear a loud gasp followed by splashing water in the stall >they start sobbing now >w-- >finish pissing >woman runs outside the stall crying >left behind a small trail of blood >no idea what the f--- just happened >morbid curiosity forces me to check inside the stall >there's even more blood >look inside the toilet >see a dead fetus looking out from the water >get the f--- out of that walmart >never going back there

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Anon makes a good point about women and dolphins | /r/Greentext

>Dating a woman F------ WHY? >Dolphins are capable of manipulating their vaginal muscles in order to provide maximum pleasure. Most women cannot >Dolphins secrete a substance that dramatically shortens your refractory period as long as your d--- remains in her vagina. Women cannot >Dolphins cannot cheat on you as they do not form lasting, intimate relationships. Women can, and not only can, but they enjoy doing it >Dolphins do not mind if you f--- another dolphin. A women will hate you if you f--- another women >Dolphins don't mind if you c-- inside either. She won't force you to pay child support for 18 years like a women. She can't even get pregnant >Dolphins won't leave you for another dolphin with more shekels. Dolphins do not have a system of currency and are not consumer w----- like women >If you are the submissive type, dolphins can be aggressive, and far more convincingly aggressive, not like a 140 pound bitch who won't scare anyone >Dolphins do not expect you to spend exorbitant amounts of shekels on them >Dolphins give it up easily >Dolphins do not demand superior rights to men >Dolphins do not organize Dolphinwalks >You can ride a dolphin through the ocean >Dolphins are more intelligent then women
>Dating a woman F------ WHY? >Dolphins are capable of manipulating their vaginal muscles in order to provide maximum pleasure. Most women cannot >Dolphins secrete a substance that dramatically shortens your refractory period as long as your d--- remains in her vagina. Women cannot >Dolphins cannot cheat on you as they do not form lasting, intimate relationships. Women can, and not only can, but they enjoy doing it >Dolphins do not mind if you f--- another dolphin. A women will hate you if you f--- another women >Dolphins don't mind if you c-- inside either. She won't force you to pay child support for 18 years like a women. She can't even get pregnant >Dolphins won't leave you for another dolphin with more shekels. Dolphins do not have a system of currency and are not consumer w----- like women >If you are the submissive type, dolphins can be aggressive, and far more convincingly aggressive, not like a 140 pound bitch who won't scare anyone >Dolphins do not expect you to spend exorbitant amounts of shekels on them >Dolphins give it up easily >Dolphins do not demand superior rights to men >Dolphins do not organize Dolphinwalks >You can ride a dolphin through the ocean >Dolphins are more intelligent then women

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Anons discuss TV | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)16:46:16 No.854184920 >Watching a TV show >Characters start singing >Turn off the show and never watch it again 65 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)16:47:33 No.854185023 >>854184920 (OP) # >watching a tv show >character is a n----- >turn off the show and never watch it again : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)16:48:26 No.854185083 >>854184920 (OP) # >watching a tv show >woman is driving >turn off the show and never watch it again : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)16:50:17 No.854185205 >>854186385 # : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)16:51:57 No.854185305 >>854184920 (OP) # >Watching a TV show >Character starts crying >Turn off the show and never watch it again
: Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)16:46:16 No.854184920 >Watching a TV show >Characters start singing >Turn off the show and never watch it again 65 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)16:47:33 No.854185023 >>854184920 (OP) # >watching a tv show >character is a n----- >turn off the show and never watch it again : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)16:48:26 No.854185083 >>854184920 (OP) # >watching a tv show >woman is driving >turn off the show and never watch it again : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)16:50:17 No.854185205 >>854186385 # : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)16:51:57 No.854185305 >>854184920 (OP) # >Watching a TV show >Character starts crying >Turn off the show and never watch it again

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Anon Tries to Get a Better Look | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)10:49:47 No.64579795 >get new mirror on inside of door >Checking myself out all nakey in new mirror > Look at a------ >A------ is all red >Spread cheeks and bend over to get 373 KB PNG better look at red a------ >Mom opens door suddenly >Sees me bent over spreading and flexing my a------ >"Sorry" closes door What do I do now
: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)10:49:47 No.64579795 >get new mirror on inside of door >Checking myself out all nakey in new mirror > Look at a------ >A------ is all red >Spread cheeks and bend over to get 373 KB PNG better look at red a------ >Mom opens door suddenly >Sees me bent over spreading and flexing my a------ >"Sorry" closes door What do I do now

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Anon has a waifu | /r/Greentext

>3 years ago >23 and kissless virgin >realise that l'Il only have love for 2d >pick a waifu out >look at myself in the mirror and think of how disgusting I look and 215 KB JPG theirs no way she'd ever love a fat pos like me >spend a year getting /fit/ for an imaginary girl >get to a point where I actually find myself attractive enough to be with her >start getting real female attention >if they didn't want me then I don't want them now 2d is love 2d is life. you don't need 3d women anons just a waifu for life
>3 years ago >23 and kissless virgin >realise that l'Il only have love for 2d >pick a waifu out >look at myself in the mirror and think of how disgusting I look and 215 KB JPG theirs no way she'd ever love a fat pos like me >spend a year getting /fit/ for an imaginary girl >get to a point where I actually find myself attractive enough to be with her >start getting real female attention >if they didn't want me then I don't want them now 2d is love 2d is life. you don't need 3d women anons just a waifu for life

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The duality of anon | /r/Greentext

File: 8f4.jpg (80 KB, 1387x702) O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)17:23:17 No.64590757 [Reply] ► 2264590 Anons, describe your ideal gf Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)17:24:38 No.64590768 >>64590799 >>64590757 (OP) I'll start >not fat >not black >doesn't bust my balls That's it O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)17:26:24 No.64590787 >loves me >has a penis
File: 8f4.jpg (80 KB, 1387x702) O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)17:23:17 No.64590757 [Reply] ► 2264590 Anons, describe your ideal gf Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)17:24:38 No.64590768 >>64590799 >>64590757 (OP) I'll start >not fat >not black >doesn't bust my balls That's it O Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)17:26:24 No.64590787 >loves me >has a penis

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Anon has a sister | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/18/17(Tue)01:27:45 No.374220468 374220802 374220805 2374220826 22374224858 2374225043 22374225148 2374225542 22374225820 >have 13 year old sister >she's a stacy level normalfag >only game she plays is Skyrim >never see her play because of work >assume she has an OP level 80 character >today >at home because my work contract expired last week >she comes into my room and asks if she can play >load the game up for her >look through her character sheet and inventory >notice her character is s--- >level 6 with a a basic steel sword >her only good skill is sneak >also notice her inventory is filled with generic clothes, rings and necklaces >she hasn't even started the main quest >the only thing of note is that her character is a vampire >ask her w-- she's been doing this entire time >doesn't respond, looks through her book bag instead >pulls out her laptop >opens a word document >ok anon, name a city in skyrim >uh, Riverwood >anon, that's not a city, but okay. >she fast travels into Riverwood >first NPC she runs into is Sigrid >she'll make a nice target >what? >this is what I do anon, I kill people in this game >for the next 2 hours she stalks Sigrid from the shadows >she's constantly typing notes in her laptop. >She writes down where Sigrid is at a given time, she writes down who she talks to, what she talks about, and what chores she does >eventually she predicts a time and location where Sigrid will be isolated >tells me ever other day at dawn Sigrid treks to the village outskirts to collect water >her schedule for collecting water happens to overlap with a guard change so Sigrid will be alone >Sigrid shows up as expected >sister sneaks up behind her, waits an agonizing minute, and then kills her >loots Sigrid and takes her cloak >dumps Sigrids corpse into the river >watch as Sigrid's body floats away >mfw I realize those generic garments and jewelery pieces in her inventory are mementos of her victims Jesus Christ, what the f---? Is my little sister going to be a serial killer when she grows up?
O Anonymous 04/18/17(Tue)01:27:45 No.374220468 374220802 374220805 2374220826 22374224858 2374225043 22374225148 2374225542 22374225820 >have 13 year old sister >she's a stacy level normalfag >only game she plays is Skyrim >never see her play because of work >assume she has an OP level 80 character >today >at home because my work contract expired last week >she comes into my room and asks if she can play >load the game up for her >look through her character sheet and inventory >notice her character is s--- >level 6 with a a basic steel sword >her only good skill is sneak >also notice her inventory is filled with generic clothes, rings and necklaces >she hasn't even started the main quest >the only thing of note is that her character is a vampire >ask her w-- she's been doing this entire time >doesn't respond, looks through her book bag instead >pulls out her laptop >opens a word document >ok anon, name a city in skyrim >uh, Riverwood >anon, that's not a city, but okay. >she fast travels into Riverwood >first NPC she runs into is Sigrid >she'll make a nice target >what? >this is what I do anon, I kill people in this game >for the next 2 hours she stalks Sigrid from the shadows >she's constantly typing notes in her laptop. >She writes down where Sigrid is at a given time, she writes down who she talks to, what she talks about, and what chores she does >eventually she predicts a time and location where Sigrid will be isolated >tells me ever other day at dawn Sigrid treks to the village outskirts to collect water >her schedule for collecting water happens to overlap with a guard change so Sigrid will be alone >Sigrid shows up as expected >sister sneaks up behind her, waits an agonizing minute, and then kills her >loots Sigrid and takes her cloak >dumps Sigrids corpse into the river >watch as Sigrid's body floats away >mfw I realize those generic garments and jewelery pieces in her inventory are mementos of her victims Jesus Christ, what the f---? Is my little sister going to be a serial killer when she grows up?

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Anon has places to be | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/10/21(Sat)02:18:37 No.858708637 Short storytime. >Be me at time, 21 year old at community college >Slow time of day, about to swap one building to the next through the courtyard from 58 KB JPG >Only 1 other guy in the whole courtyard, he's looking around as if to make sure no one is watching >Decide not to step outside, see what he does >Kid Naruto runs across the entire courtyard to get from one building to the next Mfw : Anonymous 07/10/21(Sat)02:21:49 No.858708792 >>858708637 (OP)# That man probably f----- every woman on campus, that's why he running as fast as possible Naruto style. Believe it f-----. >>858709006 #
: Anonymous 07/10/21(Sat)02:18:37 No.858708637 Short storytime. >Be me at time, 21 year old at community college >Slow time of day, about to swap one building to the next through the courtyard from 58 KB JPG >Only 1 other guy in the whole courtyard, he's looking around as if to make sure no one is watching >Decide not to step outside, see what he does >Kid Naruto runs across the entire courtyard to get from one building to the next Mfw : Anonymous 07/10/21(Sat)02:21:49 No.858708792 >>858708637 (OP)# That man probably f----- every woman on campus, that's why he running as fast as possible Naruto style. Believe it f-----. >>858709006 #

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Anon learns to hate his heritage | /r/Greentext

File: mfw _pepe.jpg (41 KB, 736x627) O What is wrong with Norwegian women? Anonymous (ID: K25ZvqKO) 07/15/21(Thu)15:11:28 No.330121524 [Reply] >>330121743 >>330122549 >>330123308 >Be me, American college student on exchange program to Norway >Ethnically Norwegian >Walking around campus >Norwegian girl with big bubble butt puts her hand on my shoulder and starts talking Norwegian to me >Tell her I don't speak Norwegian >She says "Oh, sorry you look very Norwegian" >I tell her I am Norwegian I'm just not from Norway >She says "No, you are American" >l didn't even tell her I was American I guess it was just obvious once I started speaking >I say I can't be ethnically American so I must be Norwegian >She leaves >mfw I would have gotten laid if I spoke Norwegian >mfw I wish my ancestors never left Norway
File: mfw _pepe.jpg (41 KB, 736x627) O What is wrong with Norwegian women? Anonymous (ID: K25ZvqKO) 07/15/21(Thu)15:11:28 No.330121524 [Reply] >>330121743 >>330122549 >>330123308 >Be me, American college student on exchange program to Norway >Ethnically Norwegian >Walking around campus >Norwegian girl with big bubble butt puts her hand on my shoulder and starts talking Norwegian to me >Tell her I don't speak Norwegian >She says "Oh, sorry you look very Norwegian" >I tell her I am Norwegian I'm just not from Norway >She says "No, you are American" >l didn't even tell her I was American I guess it was just obvious once I started speaking >I say I can't be ethnically American so I must be Norwegian >She leaves >mfw I would have gotten laid if I spoke Norwegian >mfw I wish my ancestors never left Norway

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Anon has been bamboozled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)12:25:10 No.64588901 >start hanging out with this girl from work occasionally >shes always asked me to hang out, ive never asked her God gives hissiliest battles to his funniest clowns >shes pretty flirty, at least playful, willing to be goofy/touchy with me >talking to some dude I work with >he mentions that her boyfriend came into our work 141 KB JPG today >shes never once mentioned the fact that she has a boyfriend to me Am I being taken for a ride? Would a girl immediately mention her boyfriend to someone she had no interest in?
: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)12:25:10 No.64588901 >start hanging out with this girl from work occasionally >shes always asked me to hang out, ive never asked her God gives hissiliest battles to his funniest clowns >shes pretty flirty, at least playful, willing to be goofy/touchy with me >talking to some dude I work with >he mentions that her boyfriend came into our work 141 KB JPG today >shes never once mentioned the fact that she has a boyfriend to me Am I being taken for a ride? Would a girl immediately mention her boyfriend to someone she had no interest in?

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Bitter pill to swallow | /r/Greentext


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Leaderboard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)19:58:26 No.62359221 >gym owner pulls me aside >tells me i'm definitely in the top 3 of his ugliest members >ask him which of the 3 1 am >he just laughs and slaps my back, winking 75 KB PNG
: Anonymous 06/30/21(Wed)19:58:26 No.62359221 >gym owner pulls me aside >tells me i'm definitely in the top 3 of his ugliest members >ask him which of the 3 1 am >he just laughs and slaps my back, winking 75 KB PNG

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Anon questions Freud | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)14:01:50 No.18657499 >All little boys want to get f----- by their mothers, because I say so. >All little girls want to have d---- to f--- their fathers with, because I say so. >Babies get sexually aroused by sucking on their Mom's t--- and s------- in their diapers, because I say so. >But me inserting a big brown d--- into my mouth every waking hour of my life means nothing, because I say 270 KB JPG so. Why did anyone ever take this old pervert seriously?
: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)14:01:50 No.18657499 >All little boys want to get f----- by their mothers, because I say so. >All little girls want to have d---- to f--- their fathers with, because I say so. >Babies get sexually aroused by sucking on their Mom's t--- and s------- in their diapers, because I say so. >But me inserting a big brown d--- into my mouth every waking hour of my life means nothing, because I say 270 KB JPG so. Why did anyone ever take this old pervert seriously?

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