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Anon does manual labor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/04/18(Tue)11:05:08 No.779004157 >be me >manual labour f-- on a cargo ship in the atlantic >we make a detour to check out a shipwreck on an island >inside its cargo hold we find thousands of female dwarves 29 KB JPG >wat >romantic british coworker gets too close >one of them jumps on his face and clamps her p---- on his mouth >okay.png >takes 4 of us and a f------ crowbar to prize her off >get the f--- out of there >back on the ship, set sail again >having lunch with coworkers >british f-- starts to have a seizure >f------ baby bursts out of his chest and runs off >spend 3 hours cleaning up the blood and crumpets >few days later a fully grown dwarf is running around r----- people >it's my shift to go and hunt the r--- dwarf >carry a flamethrower into a ventilation shaft >turn my motion tracker on >it starts beeping I don't get paid enough for this s---
: Anonymous 09/04/18(Tue)11:05:08 No.779004157 >be me >manual labour f-- on a cargo ship in the atlantic >we make a detour to check out a shipwreck on an island >inside its cargo hold we find thousands of female dwarves 29 KB JPG >wat >romantic british coworker gets too close >one of them jumps on his face and clamps her p---- on his mouth >okay.png >takes 4 of us and a f------ crowbar to prize her off >get the f--- out of there >back on the ship, set sail again >having lunch with coworkers >british f-- starts to have a seizure >f------ baby bursts out of his chest and runs off >spend 3 hours cleaning up the blood and crumpets >few days later a fully grown dwarf is running around r----- people >it's my shift to go and hunt the r--- dwarf >carry a flamethrower into a ventilation shaft >turn my motion tracker on >it starts beeping I don't get paid enough for this s---

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anon "plays with his mouth" | /r/Greentext

File: bb9.png (150 KB, 500x441) /b/ Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)16:01:01 No.856744942 [Reply] >be me >about 10 yo >in class >bored, play with my mouth >try to whistle, hum with lips, s--- like that >retard mode on >burst a fat fake fart with my mouth >everyone looks at me >teacher slowly turns around >"who was that?" >teacher looks like through every student >some f------ how knew it was me >had no time to explain i did the sound with my mouth >she threw me out of the class >15 minutes later >mom apparently was called to pick me up >"anon, why the f--- did you s--- your pants?" >trying to explain, mom doesn't get what i mean with "making a fart from mouth" >get home >mom threw me to the bathroom and told me that i can come out after i have finished s------- to the toilet insted of my pants >taking my pants down >look at my pants >there was actually s--- >oh wow
File: bb9.png (150 KB, 500x441) /b/ Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)16:01:01 No.856744942 [Reply] >be me >about 10 yo >in class >bored, play with my mouth >try to whistle, hum with lips, s--- like that >retard mode on >burst a fat fake fart with my mouth >everyone looks at me >teacher slowly turns around >"who was that?" >teacher looks like through every student >some f------ how knew it was me >had no time to explain i did the sound with my mouth >she threw me out of the class >15 minutes later >mom apparently was called to pick me up >"anon, why the f--- did you s--- your pants?" >trying to explain, mom doesn't get what i mean with "making a fart from mouth" >get home >mom threw me to the bathroom and told me that i can come out after i have finished s------- to the toilet insted of my pants >taking my pants down >look at my pants >there was actually s--- >oh wow

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Anon ruins his family | /r/Greentext


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Anon doesn't have a smartphone | /r/Greentext

>be me >college sophomore >autistic af >severe anxiety disorder >don't even have a smartphone due to exactly that and also because I thought me not having a phone would 136 KB PNG be a good convo starter >one day sitting on a bench outside auditorium >some poor freshman girl approaches me >she is like hardly 5 feet tall and with an awkward gait(l assume special needs) Umm hewwoo >She sounds like an anime girl and I can tell it took a lot of courage for her to do that Are you a freshman too? No I'm in 2nd year >I say abruptly avoiding to make eye contact like always >reaches for her phone D-do you have a phone number? S-so uhmm... >start sweating turns out not having a phone isn't a good convo starter after all -NO, I-I don't have a phone -h-huh -like a device... >awkward silence, look up at her >she almost looks like she is about to burst into tears she clearly doesn't believe I don't have a phone >walks away slowly >her friends are waiting for her and I can tell they are trying to console her >it's been 7byears but that incident still keeps me up at night
>be me >college sophomore >autistic af >severe anxiety disorder >don't even have a smartphone due to exactly that and also because I thought me not having a phone would 136 KB PNG be a good convo starter >one day sitting on a bench outside auditorium >some poor freshman girl approaches me >she is like hardly 5 feet tall and with an awkward gait(l assume special needs) Umm hewwoo >She sounds like an anime girl and I can tell it took a lot of courage for her to do that Are you a freshman too? No I'm in 2nd year >I say abruptly avoiding to make eye contact like always >reaches for her phone D-do you have a phone number? S-so uhmm... >start sweating turns out not having a phone isn't a good convo starter after all -NO, I-I don't have a phone -h-huh -like a device... >awkward silence, look up at her >she almost looks like she is about to burst into tears she clearly doesn't believe I don't have a phone >walks away slowly >her friends are waiting for her and I can tell they are trying to console her >it's been 7byears but that incident still keeps me up at night

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Anon brings computer to class | /r/Greentext

1. #62546757 9/21/17, 12:00 >be in class >everyone using gay ass laptops >smirk >pull on my fingerless hacking gloves >put on my anti-glare sunglasses >pull my fedora a little lower >crack my knuckles >actually only two of them can crack >l'm not sure why, I think it's genetic >rearrange the tails of my duster trenchcoat >pull my alienware tower from under the table >it makes a big thump when put it on the tabletop >sorry >turn it on >fans start blowing all those goofy laptop user's gay papers everywhere >plug in my cherry blue keyswitch mechanical >start typing >teacher has to raise voice to be heard >everyone whispering and 'mirin my rig >somehow security finds out I'm not a registered student >get escorted out
1. #62546757 9/21/17, 12:00 >be in class >everyone using gay ass laptops >smirk >pull on my fingerless hacking gloves >put on my anti-glare sunglasses >pull my fedora a little lower >crack my knuckles >actually only two of them can crack >l'm not sure why, I think it's genetic >rearrange the tails of my duster trenchcoat >pull my alienware tower from under the table >it makes a big thump when put it on the tabletop >sorry >turn it on >fans start blowing all those goofy laptop user's gay papers everywhere >plug in my cherry blue keyswitch mechanical >start typing >teacher has to raise voice to be heard >everyone whispering and 'mirin my rig >somehow security finds out I'm not a registered student >get escorted out

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Anon goes to GameStop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Today at Gamestop 04/16/19(Tue)11:06:28 No.458697650 Piease be patient I have autism >Getting checked out by qt3.14 cashier girl >easily an 8/10 >buying Sekiro today >cashier girl asks "Do you want to donate to autism speaks today?" >"Haha no actually i'd prefer they stop speaking all together" 43 KB JPG >Her f------ face >The absolute disgust What the f--- is wrong with me /v/? Why did I have to waste 6 years of my life on this godforsaken site?
: Anonymous Today at Gamestop 04/16/19(Tue)11:06:28 No.458697650 Piease be patient I have autism >Getting checked out by qt3.14 cashier girl >easily an 8/10 >buying Sekiro today >cashier girl asks "Do you want to donate to autism speaks today?" >"Haha no actually i'd prefer they stop speaking all together" 43 KB JPG >Her f------ face >The absolute disgust What the f--- is wrong with me /v/? Why did I have to waste 6 years of my life on this godforsaken site?

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Anon is ugly | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)06:06:17 No.64127249 >good mood >see myself in mirror >day ruined 53 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)06:06:17 No.64127249 >good mood >see myself in mirror >day ruined 53 KB JPG

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

File: images jpg (7 KB, 300x168) Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)16:03:58 No.856736425 >waiting at bus stop >me and girl are there >raining heavly >she is getting f----- by the rain >put umbrella under her >"no thanks." >spit on her face and run >> Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)16:06:00 No.856736502 >>856736425 (OP) >the only thing they fear is you
File: images jpg (7 KB, 300x168) Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)16:03:58 No.856736425 >waiting at bus stop >me and girl are there >raining heavly >she is getting f----- by the rain >put umbrella under her >"no thanks." >spit on her face and run >> Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)16:06:00 No.856736502 >>856736425 (OP) >the only thing they fear is you

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Anon just wants to relax | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)09:36:07 No.856740195 >get home from 9-5 job >want a way to unwind >here the lads mention this mysterious realm called 4chan >type in 4chan.org >there's a giant p--- ad at the top of the 40 KB JPG screen >w-- >lightbulb in the brain >go to webstore >get adblocker >go back to 4chan >p--- ad gone >victory >click on /b/ >it's all people posting p--- >log off and cry myself to sleep
: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)09:36:07 No.856740195 >get home from 9-5 job >want a way to unwind >here the lads mention this mysterious realm called 4chan >type in 4chan.org >there's a giant p--- ad at the top of the 40 KB JPG screen >w-- >lightbulb in the brain >go to webstore >get adblocker >go back to 4chan >p--- ad gone >victory >click on /b/ >it's all people posting p--- >log off and cry myself to sleep

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Anon has a panic attack | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/28/18(Sun)18:44:16 No.48965458 >think about moving arm >moves arm >just moved matter using nothing but my mind how? >have panic attack 150 KB PNG
: Anonymous 10/28/18(Sun)18:44:16 No.48965458 >think about moving arm >moves arm >just moved matter using nothing but my mind how? >have panic attack 150 KB PNG

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Anon just wants meth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/05/19(Sat)01:59:03 No.789153378 >be me, junkie >sitting in a dark ass alley, trying to kill the bedbugs with meth smoke >see a couple walk by, well dressed, clearly have money >takewhatsyours.wav >jump out of the alley and say >"look! No one needs to get hurt just give me your 211 KB JPG money wallet and purse" >the guy says "oh so you wanna hold my wife down and force your c--- into her ass while I watch helplessly from across the street huh??!" >wait..what? >he pulls his wife's pants down and runs across the street >she looks at me and licks her lips >mfw I just wanted some f------ meth you f------ cucks.
: Anonymous 01/05/19(Sat)01:59:03 No.789153378 >be me, junkie >sitting in a dark ass alley, trying to kill the bedbugs with meth smoke >see a couple walk by, well dressed, clearly have money >takewhatsyours.wav >jump out of the alley and say >"look! No one needs to get hurt just give me your 211 KB JPG money wallet and purse" >the guy says "oh so you wanna hold my wife down and force your c--- into her ass while I watch helplessly from across the street huh??!" >wait..what? >he pulls his wife's pants down and runs across the street >she looks at me and licks her lips >mfw I just wanted some f------ meth you f------ cucks.

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Anon gets told a bedtime story | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)01:26:03 No.4510610 Gotta shleep. Any stories recommended? 36 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)02:51:01 No.4510808 there once was a man named enis >>4510821 # : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)03:28:38 No.4510821 >>4510808 # continue... >>4510836 # : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)03:56:36 No.4510836 >>4510821 # Penis >>4510853 # : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)03:59:51 No.4510853 >>4510836 # 24 KB JPG
: Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)01:26:03 No.4510610 Gotta shleep. Any stories recommended? 36 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)02:51:01 No.4510808 there once was a man named enis >>4510821 # : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)03:28:38 No.4510821 >>4510808 # continue... >>4510836 # : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)03:56:36 No.4510836 >>4510821 # Penis >>4510853 # : Anonymous 06/11/21(Fri)03:59:51 No.4510853 >>4510836 # 24 KB JPG

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Anon posts the biggest cope | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)12:14:59 No.64126780 >tfw too high iq to be fulfilled by sex and relationship 379 KB JPG 11 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)12:39:01 No.64127018 >>64126780 (OP) # a repeatedly debunked pseudo-science tests tells me my brain number is high so thats why I can't get laid! might asw just say it's cause you're a scorpio or some s---, d------- you can can't get laid cause you **think** ur big brain very smart
: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)12:14:59 No.64126780 >tfw too high iq to be fulfilled by sex and relationship 379 KB JPG 11 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)12:39:01 No.64127018 >>64126780 (OP) # a repeatedly debunked pseudo-science tests tells me my brain number is high so thats why I can't get laid! might asw just say it's cause you're a scorpio or some s---, d------- you can can't get laid cause you **think** ur big brain very smart

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Anon is paranoid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous They know 07/27/18(Fri)19:19:29 No.1952343E >be me >fap >go out in public THEY KNOW 551 KB PNG
: Anonymous They know 07/27/18(Fri)19:19:29 No.1952343E >be me >fap >go out in public THEY KNOW 551 KB PNG

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Anon isn’t as funny as chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)07:55:57 No.64128231 >At a study session with my uni group >Our group and another group sharing a table >librarian comes over and asks if she can help with anything >Popular guy says "I'll have a steak 34 KB JPG thanks" >Librarian laughs and says "this is a library, not a restaurant" >Popular guy whispers "sorry, l'll have a steak please" >Everyone laughs >l also say whisper "I'll have a steak too please" >No one laughs I don't understand bros. I literally made the EXACT same joke. Why is it only funny when this stupid Chad faced prick says it : Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)08:02:44 No.64128284 >>64128231 (OP) # because you stole the joke you unoriginal sperg. dont just steal his s---, its obvious that's what you tried to do, steal his shine : Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)08:04:14 No.64128298 >>64128231 (OP) # >chad can come up with jokes like these on the spot F--- me, what a god tier ability to seduce everything around you, including males >>64128306 #
: Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)07:55:57 No.64128231 >At a study session with my uni group >Our group and another group sharing a table >librarian comes over and asks if she can help with anything >Popular guy says "I'll have a steak 34 KB JPG thanks" >Librarian laughs and says "this is a library, not a restaurant" >Popular guy whispers "sorry, l'll have a steak please" >Everyone laughs >l also say whisper "I'll have a steak too please" >No one laughs I don't understand bros. I literally made the EXACT same joke. Why is it only funny when this stupid Chad faced prick says it : Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)08:02:44 No.64128284 >>64128231 (OP) # because you stole the joke you unoriginal sperg. dont just steal his s---, its obvious that's what you tried to do, steal his shine : Anonymous 06/13/21(Sun)08:04:14 No.64128298 >>64128231 (OP) # >chad can come up with jokes like these on the spot F--- me, what a god tier ability to seduce everything around you, including males >>64128306 #

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Anon gets the B o o $ i | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Sex stories 08/08/18(Wed)16:44:22 No.47367272 Sex stories /r9k/, I'll start >be me >15 beta >playing halo with friend at his house >a female i didnt know was here walks in >beautiful green eyes, black hair >"hi rose" 33 KB JPG >introduces me to rose, she just watches us play for a while >friend has to go to appointment, needs new glasses >he tells me to just play with rose until he's back >he leaves with his dad >she doesnt want to play halo so just watches me for another while >out of nowhere sally just sits on my lap and starts rubbing my chest >suddenly get a huge boost in confidence >feelsgoodman.jpg >l am a curious 15 year old, take the opportunity with my new confidence >turn her over and pound her hard >thank kek for my curiosity that led me to this moment >she is literally screaming, pretty sure its pleasure >its getting too loud >because of her screaming i didnt hear his dads car pull into the driveway >the screaming suddenly stops and she stops breathing >w--.jpg >l now realize my friend and his dad are home >he bursts into the room, not expecting to see me with my d--- inside rose who is now dead >mfw my curiosity killed my friends family cat
: Anonymous Sex stories 08/08/18(Wed)16:44:22 No.47367272 Sex stories /r9k/, I'll start >be me >15 beta >playing halo with friend at his house >a female i didnt know was here walks in >beautiful green eyes, black hair >"hi rose" 33 KB JPG >introduces me to rose, she just watches us play for a while >friend has to go to appointment, needs new glasses >he tells me to just play with rose until he's back >he leaves with his dad >she doesnt want to play halo so just watches me for another while >out of nowhere sally just sits on my lap and starts rubbing my chest >suddenly get a huge boost in confidence >feelsgoodman.jpg >l am a curious 15 year old, take the opportunity with my new confidence >turn her over and pound her hard >thank kek for my curiosity that led me to this moment >she is literally screaming, pretty sure its pleasure >its getting too loud >because of her screaming i didnt hear his dads car pull into the driveway >the screaming suddenly stops and she stops breathing >w--.jpg >l now realize my friend and his dad are home >he bursts into the room, not expecting to see me with my d--- inside rose who is now dead >mfw my curiosity killed my friends family cat

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Anon slept well | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like l'm being hugged 96 KB JPG >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no
: Anonymous 10/12/17(Thu)23:00:07 No.40366294 >love having pressure on top of me >buy a weighted blanket so I can have something snug and warm lay on top of me and feel like l'm being hugged 96 KB JPG >do more research >find out weighted blankets are made for autistic kids oh no

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Anon's goals are beyond our understanding | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)19:33:35 No.856438904 >Your daughter comes out as a lesbian How do you react? 98 KB JPG 83 Replies / 5 Images View Thread : Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:45:29 No.856448735 >>856438904(OP)_# >Your daughter comes out as a lesbian If I have a daughter she will be forced to be a lesbian, ain't no way I'm letting her get dicked.
: Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)19:33:35 No.856438904 >Your daughter comes out as a lesbian How do you react? 98 KB JPG 83 Replies / 5 Images View Thread : Anonymous 06/09/21(Wed)22:45:29 No.856448735 >>856438904(OP)_# >Your daughter comes out as a lesbian If I have a daughter she will be forced to be a lesbian, ain't no way I'm letting her get dicked.

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At least anon tried | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 8 minuti fa 44099910 >at the bus stop >its raining >notice qt girl >shes getting drenched >place my umbrella over her >"umm no thanks" >takes five steps back 2 REPLIES
Anonymous 8 minuti fa 44099910 >at the bus stop >its raining >notice qt girl >shes getting drenched >place my umbrella over her >"umm no thanks" >takes five steps back 2 REPLIES

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Anon accidentally made his Chickens evolve. | /r/Greentext

>>36098782 (OP) # >have a chicken coop RESRET NOTHING >mice come for free gimmidats 422 KB GIF >have an old air rifle >decide to go full swat >rush in to catch mice off-guard >its very hard to hit a small moving target with a single shot rifle >shot one in the back, it couldn't move but it was still alive >chickens sense the distress and go full t-rex mode >now they acquired the taste for mice >chickens now actively hunt mice >mfw the problem has solved itself >>36117422 # >>36121592 #
>>36098782 (OP) # >have a chicken coop RESRET NOTHING >mice come for free gimmidats 422 KB GIF >have an old air rifle >decide to go full swat >rush in to catch mice off-guard >its very hard to hit a small moving target with a single shot rifle >shot one in the back, it couldn't move but it was still alive >chickens sense the distress and go full t-rex mode >now they acquired the taste for mice >chickens now actively hunt mice >mfw the problem has solved itself >>36117422 # >>36121592 #

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