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Anon introduces himself to his new girlfriend's mom. | /r/Greentext

>Be shy 17 year old >Meet girl at a party >She is pretty >Always wants to touch, sit on lap etc. >Party ends >She proposes to go on a walk 87 KB PNG >Agree, have small nice talk outside >She then asks me to come to her house >Yes23.jpg >Grsbs my hand, practically tows me to her house >Go in, have sex >Sweaty, go to her kitchen to grab drink >Her mom is there >Im naked >brain_shudown.gif >Grab her hand and say "Hello, my name is Anon" I will never forget
>Be shy 17 year old >Meet girl at a party >She is pretty >Always wants to touch, sit on lap etc. >Party ends >She proposes to go on a walk 87 KB PNG >Agree, have small nice talk outside >She then asks me to come to her house >Yes23.jpg >Grsbs my hand, practically tows me to her house >Go in, have sex >Sweaty, go to her kitchen to grab drink >Her mom is there >Im naked >brain_shudown.gif >Grab her hand and say "Hello, my name is Anon" I will never forget

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Anon tells us about his new year’s kiss | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)03:24:02 No.50148958 >Happy New Year's Eve, anon! So which lucky lady are you kissing at midnight? 247 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)03:26:18 No.50148995 >>50148958 (OP) # The barrel of my shotgun probably.
: Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)03:24:02 No.50148958 >Happy New Year's Eve, anon! So which lucky lady are you kissing at midnight? 247 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)03:26:18 No.50148995 >>50148958 (OP) # The barrel of my shotgun probably.

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Anon consumes a high calorie diet on a consistent basis thus resulting in excess weight gain | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:03:43 No.63066265 >Wake up. >Decide to have some cheesecake after breakfast. >End up eating the entire thing. It's not fair they should not be allowed to sell entire cheesecakes 61 KB JPG they know people will do this. 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:08:55 No.63066310 >>63066265 (OP) # Don't buy cheesecake in the first place fatty. >>63066349 # : Anonymous 04/05/21 (Mon)19:09:38 No.63066320 >>63066265 (OP) # need tummy rubs?
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:03:43 No.63066265 >Wake up. >Decide to have some cheesecake after breakfast. >End up eating the entire thing. It's not fair they should not be allowed to sell entire cheesecakes 61 KB JPG they know people will do this. 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)19:08:55 No.63066310 >>63066265 (OP) # Don't buy cheesecake in the first place fatty. >>63066349 # : Anonymous 04/05/21 (Mon)19:09:38 No.63066320 >>63066265 (OP) # need tummy rubs?

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Anon watches Aladdin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/02/19(Sun)20:10:42 No.801247791 >be me >going to watch the new Aladdin remake >kinda reluctant to go cause I'm not a huge fan of these live action remakes but my sister wants go so I might as well >not super into how much they've 461 KB JPG changed >one character catches me off guard >my god this character is so f------ beautiful >beautiful hair >beautiful skin >beautiful eyes >Abu the monkey is so f------ hot... >pic unrelated : Anonymous 06/02/19(Sun)20:12:06 No.801247869 bro you don't have to tell me twice, Naomi Scott is a sexy little minx I'd love to c-- on her t--- : Anonymous 06/02/19(Sun)20:13:06 No.801247938 oh f--- you OP i just finished reading your post f--- you, you f------ f-----
: Anonymous 06/02/19(Sun)20:10:42 No.801247791 >be me >going to watch the new Aladdin remake >kinda reluctant to go cause I'm not a huge fan of these live action remakes but my sister wants go so I might as well >not super into how much they've 461 KB JPG changed >one character catches me off guard >my god this character is so f------ beautiful >beautiful hair >beautiful skin >beautiful eyes >Abu the monkey is so f------ hot... >pic unrelated : Anonymous 06/02/19(Sun)20:12:06 No.801247869 bro you don't have to tell me twice, Naomi Scott is a sexy little minx I'd love to c-- on her t--- : Anonymous 06/02/19(Sun)20:13:06 No.801247938 oh f--- you OP i just finished reading your post f--- you, you f------ f-----

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Anon is a PC user | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)17:02:52 No.855056361 >got little nightmares 2 on steam >looks fun! can't wait to try it >boot it up and notice it doesn't have ultra wide support >no problem, nothing a little hex edit can't fix >try to hex edit but it crashes the game 49 KB JPG >DRM.jpeg >have to use a software to unpack the game to remove DRM >crashes twice but finally manage to get a DRM-free version >proceed to hex edit for 21:9 ratio, it works >imin.png >boot up game and notice my FOV is all f----- up from the ultra wide ratio >have to install a unity DLL injector to activate console commands >windows flagged the injector as a threat >have to manually turn off fire wall and give it clearance >finally fix the FOV using console commands >time to play! >controller stopped working >realize that the unpacked version of the game isn't technically through steam so my PS5 controller isn't natively supported >download a 3rd party software so I can use my controller >controller works again! >can finally play the game PC master race reigns supreme once again : Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)17:04:23 No.855056456 My friend recommended it to me, how is it? 66 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)17:02:52 No.855056361 >got little nightmares 2 on steam >looks fun! can't wait to try it >boot it up and notice it doesn't have ultra wide support >no problem, nothing a little hex edit can't fix >try to hex edit but it crashes the game 49 KB JPG >DRM.jpeg >have to use a software to unpack the game to remove DRM >crashes twice but finally manage to get a DRM-free version >proceed to hex edit for 21:9 ratio, it works >imin.png >boot up game and notice my FOV is all f----- up from the ultra wide ratio >have to install a unity DLL injector to activate console commands >windows flagged the injector as a threat >have to manually turn off fire wall and give it clearance >finally fix the FOV using console commands >time to play! >controller stopped working >realize that the unpacked version of the game isn't technically through steam so my PS5 controller isn't natively supported >download a 3rd party software so I can use my controller >controller works again! >can finally play the game PC master race reigns supreme once again : Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)17:04:23 No.855056456 My friend recommended it to me, how is it? 66 KB JPG

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Anon brightens up his parents week | /r/Greentext

Small acts of kindness are something we can all do to make our lives less s---. There is no excuse not to do stuff like this. >Be me 96 KB JPG >Uni student depressed >Walking to nearby liquor store to numb the pain >Tourist trap store on the way >Sells tacky souvenirs and whatnot >Go in on a whim >Postcard is like f------ 25 cents >Buy one >Wake up next morning with hangover >See postcard >Look up online how to fill it out because who the f--- knows how to fill out a postcard in current year >Fill it out >Send to mom and dad >Just like two banal sentences about how I'm doing ok (a lie) and how I hope they are taking good care of my cat >Like 5 days later >Mom calls me to say how much getting that postcard meant to them >Says it made their entire week >Don't drink myself to sleep that night for the first time in a long time
Small acts of kindness are something we can all do to make our lives less s---. There is no excuse not to do stuff like this. >Be me 96 KB JPG >Uni student depressed >Walking to nearby liquor store to numb the pain >Tourist trap store on the way >Sells tacky souvenirs and whatnot >Go in on a whim >Postcard is like f------ 25 cents >Buy one >Wake up next morning with hangover >See postcard >Look up online how to fill it out because who the f--- knows how to fill out a postcard in current year >Fill it out >Send to mom and dad >Just like two banal sentences about how I'm doing ok (a lie) and how I hope they are taking good care of my cat >Like 5 days later >Mom calls me to say how much getting that postcard meant to them >Says it made their entire week >Don't drink myself to sleep that night for the first time in a long time

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Anon has problems with math | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)08:20:31 No.63797292 01 45D096F4-D326-4695-B1CD-A273FED8EE6E.gif 1.28 MB GIF >cheated on a math quiz >still only got like an 85 This was meant to be a review chapter
: Anonymous 05/23/21(Sun)08:20:31 No.63797292 01 45D096F4-D326-4695-B1CD-A273FED8EE6E.gif 1.28 MB GIF >cheated on a math quiz >still only got like an 85 This was meant to be a review chapter

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Anon works in a suicide prevention hotline. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/19/18(Tue)06:39:13 No.771942963 Hey /b/ I work at a suicide prevention hotline based in the Midwest. Ask me anything while I tell you stories. Let's start with a nice one: 25 KB JPG >Be me, just getting off call with a girl who wanted to kill herself over some guy leaving >Logging the notes of the call while microwaving a soft pretzel >F--- me those pretzels are good >Phone on desk starts to ring >Rush back and pick it up >An old raspy sounding man starts talking >Ask me "Do you got time for a story" >Have to respond yes >Think he is going to tell me a depressing war story, or his entire life story >Old people do that a lot >Guy responds "You ever heard of animal farm" >l'm a f------ retard >think he's talking about a literal farm, they are everywhere here >l ask him to clarify >"You know the book" >Nope.com >"Oh perfect" >The old man starts reading me animal farm >He does different voices for all the characters unism I had to ask him to call back later after about 20 minutes, we were getting more calls. Old man, if you are out there somewhere thanks for the best f------ night shift I ever had. 132 Replies / 28 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 06/19/18(Tue)06:39:13 No.771942963 Hey /b/ I work at a suicide prevention hotline based in the Midwest. Ask me anything while I tell you stories. Let's start with a nice one: 25 KB JPG >Be me, just getting off call with a girl who wanted to kill herself over some guy leaving >Logging the notes of the call while microwaving a soft pretzel >F--- me those pretzels are good >Phone on desk starts to ring >Rush back and pick it up >An old raspy sounding man starts talking >Ask me "Do you got time for a story" >Have to respond yes >Think he is going to tell me a depressing war story, or his entire life story >Old people do that a lot >Guy responds "You ever heard of animal farm" >l'm a f------ retard >think he's talking about a literal farm, they are everywhere here >l ask him to clarify >"You know the book" >Nope.com >"Oh perfect" >The old man starts reading me animal farm >He does different voices for all the characters unism I had to ask him to call back later after about 20 minutes, we were getting more calls. Old man, if you are out there somewhere thanks for the best f------ night shift I ever had. 132 Replies / 28 Images View Thread

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Anon cuts onion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)16:41:47 No.51699198 >me, 4 years ago >24 >disgustingly obese piece of garbage >best friend fit as hell >tells me i should lose weight, never pushing it on me too much tho >keep telling him i could, if i wanted to, but i don't care >yeah... sure... >one day he signs me up for gym membership and offers to pay for it >"i just want a gym buddy, bruh. you don't have to do much, if you don't want to." >okaythen.jpg >friend gets into car accident 2 days later >dies. >m------------ dies. have not skipped a gym day since. lost ~200lbs (90kg) that first year. keeping it up to become the f------ bear he always told me i could be, if i cared and was disciplined enough. i'm gonna make it, bro. i'm gonna make it. >>51699222 # >>51699394 # >>51699701 # >>51699902 # >>51700551 # >>51701276 #
: Anonymous 07/23/19(Tue)16:41:47 No.51699198 >me, 4 years ago >24 >disgustingly obese piece of garbage >best friend fit as hell >tells me i should lose weight, never pushing it on me too much tho >keep telling him i could, if i wanted to, but i don't care >yeah... sure... >one day he signs me up for gym membership and offers to pay for it >"i just want a gym buddy, bruh. you don't have to do much, if you don't want to." >okaythen.jpg >friend gets into car accident 2 days later >dies. >m------------ dies. have not skipped a gym day since. lost ~200lbs (90kg) that first year. keeping it up to become the f------ bear he always told me i could be, if i cared and was disciplined enough. i'm gonna make it, bro. i'm gonna make it. >>51699222 # >>51699394 # >>51699701 # >>51699902 # >>51700551 # >>51701276 #

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Anon is too shy | /r/Greentext

O Marcissus IN9EDLMFSKI 08/11/11(Thu)12:43 No.8767351 File 1313080993 png-(9 KB, 288x350, 1310957042554 png) >walking down street >group of hot girls ahead on sidewalk >oh f--- >aspie overload >cross street to avoid social WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS contact >they notice me crossing >they giggle >f--- this i'll just pretend i live at this house" >go down random driveway >curtains shuffle >middle aged woman stars at me out the window >tum around fast >3 girls stood staring at me >this is their house >rapidly think of plan B >'have you accepted jesus as your lord and saviour?
O Marcissus IN9EDLMFSKI 08/11/11(Thu)12:43 No.8767351 File 1313080993 png-(9 KB, 288x350, 1310957042554 png) >walking down street >group of hot girls ahead on sidewalk >oh f--- >aspie overload >cross street to avoid social WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS contact >they notice me crossing >they giggle >f--- this i'll just pretend i live at this house" >go down random driveway >curtains shuffle >middle aged woman stars at me out the window >tum around fast >3 girls stood staring at me >this is their house >rapidly think of plan B >'have you accepted jesus as your lord and saviour?

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Anon discovers the truth | /r/Greentext


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innovation genius | /r/Greentext

feels good man >Be me >Taking dump in public restroom >Keep wiping and wiping but it seems like the s--- isnt coming off >In a rush so starting to get irritated >Remember that old trick of using saliva to clean smudges off your face >Spit on toilet paper >Wipe it on my ass >Wait 10 seconds for it to do it's job >Wipe again >No s--- on the TP when I wiped after that >TFW it actually worked If I am to be remembered for anything in my lifetime, let it be for this innovation
feels good man >Be me >Taking dump in public restroom >Keep wiping and wiping but it seems like the s--- isnt coming off >In a rush so starting to get irritated >Remember that old trick of using saliva to clean smudges off your face >Spit on toilet paper >Wipe it on my ass >Wait 10 seconds for it to do it's job >Wipe again >No s--- on the TP when I wiped after that >TFW it actually worked If I am to be remembered for anything in my lifetime, let it be for this innovation

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Anon got swindled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Can't even get a prostitute(...) 05/22/21(Sat)14:56:45 No.63788271 160472273626.jpg 11 KB JPG >be me >looking for a prostitute >"you have to pay a percentage first" >l paid >"wait me here, l'll be back in a minute" >wait nearly two hours >guys near by start to laugh >I left
: Anonymous Can't even get a prostitute(...) 05/22/21(Sat)14:56:45 No.63788271 160472273626.jpg 11 KB JPG >be me >looking for a prostitute >"you have to pay a percentage first" >l paid >"wait me here, l'll be back in a minute" >wait nearly two hours >guys near by start to laugh >I left

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Space jam Makes you gay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous1 hour ago 50384873 >have dream about f------ bugs bunny >wake up ??? ??? >not attracted to women anymore what the f---
Anonymous1 hour ago 50384873 >have dream about f------ bugs bunny >wake up ??? ??? >not attracted to women anymore what the f---

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anon realizes depression is cringe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me >have deppression >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never 9 KB JPG worked >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me >have deppression >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never 9 KB JPG worked >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon hacks women…. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)22:39:51 No.855043524 >be me >fat, ugly uneducated NEET >inherit $70k from dead dad >find gorgeous 10/10 egg donor on surrogate website >buy bitches' egg >spend the rest of the money on 275 KB JPG surrogate mother to birth the child >immediately put it up for adoption because I don't actually want it >the mother would never touch me, but I have a kid with her HAHA F--- women
: Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)22:39:51 No.855043524 >be me >fat, ugly uneducated NEET >inherit $70k from dead dad >find gorgeous 10/10 egg donor on surrogate website >buy bitches' egg >spend the rest of the money on 275 KB JPG surrogate mother to birth the child >immediately put it up for adoption because I don't actually want it >the mother would never touch me, but I have a kid with her HAHA F--- women

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Anon is a sociopath | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Womanlet Revenge 10/17/17(Tue)20:20:28 No.40480576 >See constant threads about girls s------- on manlets on /r9k/ >Be 6ft 2in white guy >Be borderline sociopathic, barely have any empathy >Use Tinder and match with only 53 KB PNG really short girls >Exclusively seek out shorter girls (5ft 4in or below) >Talk to them and casually bring about short guys >if any of them talk s--- about manlets or say they're gross, I start pursuing them harder >Ask them out with the promise of sex >Take a small bottle of mustard water and hide it in my jacket >Go to the roastie w----- place >Make out or whatever and then right before we're about to f--- ask to be excused and go to the bathroom >down the mustard water >go back to see her >hold back the vomit >When their clothes come off I immediately start vomiting all over and spray it as much as I can >roastie is horrified >I tell them I find their shortness disgusting and I feel l'd be f------ a child >I leave telling them they shouldnt date tall guys and to stick to manlets I've successfully done this 10 times in the last 6 months. They always end up crying or freaking out and I j------- to that thought when I get home. I'm doing this for you my manlet brothers, its not your fault you didn't have the genetic lottery. F--- those roastie w-----. 73 Replies / 21 Images View Thread
: Anonymous Womanlet Revenge 10/17/17(Tue)20:20:28 No.40480576 >See constant threads about girls s------- on manlets on /r9k/ >Be 6ft 2in white guy >Be borderline sociopathic, barely have any empathy >Use Tinder and match with only 53 KB PNG really short girls >Exclusively seek out shorter girls (5ft 4in or below) >Talk to them and casually bring about short guys >if any of them talk s--- about manlets or say they're gross, I start pursuing them harder >Ask them out with the promise of sex >Take a small bottle of mustard water and hide it in my jacket >Go to the roastie w----- place >Make out or whatever and then right before we're about to f--- ask to be excused and go to the bathroom >down the mustard water >go back to see her >hold back the vomit >When their clothes come off I immediately start vomiting all over and spray it as much as I can >roastie is horrified >I tell them I find their shortness disgusting and I feel l'd be f------ a child >I leave telling them they shouldnt date tall guys and to stick to manlets I've successfully done this 10 times in the last 6 months. They always end up crying or freaking out and I j------- to that thought when I get home. I'm doing this for you my manlet brothers, its not your fault you didn't have the genetic lottery. F--- those roastie w-----. 73 Replies / 21 Images View Thread

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Based anon | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Have job >Been working there for almost 4 years >Apply to new job >Have interview >lt goes well. They call in less than an hour after the interview and offer me a job, paying about 7K more than my current job >Tell work I'm leaving >They call me 20 minutes later and offer me a 10K raise to stay >mfw I now make an additional 10K a year >mfw I work remotely and do nothing all day but play vidya >mfw my master plan fell into place seamlessly because I just wanted more money and would never leave the eternal comfy of permanent "remote work." How can one man be so based?
>Be me >Have job >Been working there for almost 4 years >Apply to new job >Have interview >lt goes well. They call in less than an hour after the interview and offer me a job, paying about 7K more than my current job >Tell work I'm leaving >They call me 20 minutes later and offer me a 10K raise to stay >mfw I now make an additional 10K a year >mfw I work remotely and do nothing all day but play vidya >mfw my master plan fell into place seamlessly because I just wanted more money and would never leave the eternal comfy of permanent "remote work." How can one man be so based?

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Anon needs some help | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)19:31:06 No.63786587 What weighs more. >An infinte ammount of 1kg m weights >An infinite ammount of 500 gram weights 49 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)19:31:06 No.63786587 What weighs more. >An infinte ammount of 1kg m weights >An infinite ammount of 500 gram weights 49 KB JPG

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Anon is done for | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Heart pains 05/22/21(Sat)13:25:00 No.63782206 >go to bed >you have a gripping pain in your chest >it spreads to the left side of your neck isa ukko >can't sleep 17 KB JPG Guys am I gonna have a frickin heart attack? I made a thread about this yesterday and a medanon told me it's all good if it's not in my neck. Well it is. I don't even drink or smoke REE : Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)15:07:38 No.63783066 >might have a heart attack >better post on 4chan I hope it kills you
: Anonymous Heart pains 05/22/21(Sat)13:25:00 No.63782206 >go to bed >you have a gripping pain in your chest >it spreads to the left side of your neck isa ukko >can't sleep 17 KB JPG Guys am I gonna have a frickin heart attack? I made a thread about this yesterday and a medanon told me it's all good if it's not in my neck. Well it is. I don't even drink or smoke REE : Anonymous 05/22/21(Sat)15:07:38 No.63783066 >might have a heart attack >better post on 4chan I hope it kills you

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