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Anon contemplates the fate of the galaxy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 2IJ7YZWI 05/20/21(Thu)06:47:44 No.322425412 What would you do in this situation? 1598846998250.jpg 144 KB JPG >>322425221 # there is much worse out there >>322425564 # >>322425971 # >>322426172 # >>322429318 # >>322429726 # : Anonymous (ID: N7dOMDoi ) EA 05/20/21(Thu)06:54:33 No.322425971 >>322425412 # >about to eat 9 billion asses >LMAO gaylien >>322426114 # >>322426736 # >>322432800 #
: Anonymous (ID: 2IJ7YZWI 05/20/21(Thu)06:47:44 No.322425412 What would you do in this situation? 1598846998250.jpg 144 KB JPG >>322425221 # there is much worse out there >>322425564 # >>322425971 # >>322426172 # >>322429318 # >>322429726 # : Anonymous (ID: N7dOMDoi ) EA 05/20/21(Thu)06:54:33 No.322425971 >>322425412 # >about to eat 9 billion asses >LMAO gaylien >>322426114 # >>322426736 # >>322432800 #

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Tendies Revenge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/19(Fri)21:16:09 No.789126770 >be me >be box of Tyson brand chicken ANTIOTAS Fyson 100% tenders ALL NARRAL INGRECIENG CRISPY CHICKEN STRIPS >chillin at Walmart, waiting for someone to buy me so I can be fed to a little kid or somethin M arta 75 KB JPG >older women comes and buys me >must be a grandma buying for her grandkids >get checked out and put into car >go into the house >hear a noise coming from the basement "MOMMY MOMMY GET ME TENDIES!" >ohfuckohshit.jpg| >she starts cooking me in lots of vegetable oil and butter >feelsgood.jpg >put onto a plate with honey mustard and mtn dew >brought down to basement >see a 600 pound neckbeard sitting there >soaks my friend in honey mustard, and then drowns him in mtn dew >he picks me up >fuckfuckfuck.jpg >he eats me >timeforrevenge.jpg >clog up his arteries >fat f--- dies from cardiac arrest >thankgod.jpg
: Anonymous 01/04/19(Fri)21:16:09 No.789126770 >be me >be box of Tyson brand chicken ANTIOTAS Fyson 100% tenders ALL NARRAL INGRECIENG CRISPY CHICKEN STRIPS >chillin at Walmart, waiting for someone to buy me so I can be fed to a little kid or somethin M arta 75 KB JPG >older women comes and buys me >must be a grandma buying for her grandkids >get checked out and put into car >go into the house >hear a noise coming from the basement "MOMMY MOMMY GET ME TENDIES!" >ohfuckohshit.jpg| >she starts cooking me in lots of vegetable oil and butter >feelsgood.jpg >put onto a plate with honey mustard and mtn dew >brought down to basement >see a 600 pound neckbeard sitting there >soaks my friend in honey mustard, and then drowns him in mtn dew >he picks me up >fuckfuckfuck.jpg >he eats me >timeforrevenge.jpg >clog up his arteries >fat f--- dies from cardiac arrest >thankgod.jpg

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Anon tells a story | /r/Greentext

File: F75DE7E8-93FA-4202-8187-0(...).jpg (11 KB, 312x296) U Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)14:53:28 No.854890475 Story time /b/uds 5 years ago >In 8th grade in s----- Texas public school >Hear that the hottest girl in my grade likes me, think to myself "no way that's right" >Over the coming weeks hear that rumor more and more >until she starts talking to me >Sitting at lunch one day, all my friends were the nerds/outcasts, they referred to themselves as the KKK (Kool Kids Klub) >she walks up to me and says "mind if I sit with you" say sure >She sits down and all my friends have the biggest grins on their faces >They all in unison start singing "Hail Hitler what did you say?! We're members of the KKK. Hail Hitler he's our man, we're all members of the Ku Klux Klan.“ >She looks at them in disgust and leaves >They explain to me that she was going to ask me to the school dance because her parents approved of me, then once at the dance dump me then go with guy she actually wanted to go with, they found this out by spying on her because they were very suspicious of her liking me >l don't believe them at first but then the dance happens and she did the exact thing they said except with another kid I miss those idiots They taught me a valuable lesson Bros before Hoes
File: F75DE7E8-93FA-4202-8187-0(...).jpg (11 KB, 312x296) U Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)14:53:28 No.854890475 Story time /b/uds 5 years ago >In 8th grade in s----- Texas public school >Hear that the hottest girl in my grade likes me, think to myself "no way that's right" >Over the coming weeks hear that rumor more and more >until she starts talking to me >Sitting at lunch one day, all my friends were the nerds/outcasts, they referred to themselves as the KKK (Kool Kids Klub) >she walks up to me and says "mind if I sit with you" say sure >She sits down and all my friends have the biggest grins on their faces >They all in unison start singing "Hail Hitler what did you say?! We're members of the KKK. Hail Hitler he's our man, we're all members of the Ku Klux Klan.“ >She looks at them in disgust and leaves >They explain to me that she was going to ask me to the school dance because her parents approved of me, then once at the dance dump me then go with guy she actually wanted to go with, they found this out by spying on her because they were very suspicious of her liking me >l don't believe them at first but then the dance happens and she did the exact thing they said except with another kid I miss those idiots They taught me a valuable lesson Bros before Hoes

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Anon plays skyrim | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)19:16:53 No.63747336 >be me >yesterday >playing modded skyrim >have a ton of gun mods installed >get bored and kill everybody in whiterun with assault rifle 42 KB JPG >take meds and go to bed >wake up next morning >turn on tv >see on news that like 30 people died in a shooting in a town close to where I live >mfw when I remembered I forgot to take schizophrenia meds yesterday >mfw I realize I dont own skyrim
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)19:16:53 No.63747336 >be me >yesterday >playing modded skyrim >have a ton of gun mods installed >get bored and kill everybody in whiterun with assault rifle 42 KB JPG >take meds and go to bed >wake up next morning >turn on tv >see on news that like 30 people died in a shooting in a town close to where I live >mfw when I remembered I forgot to take schizophrenia meds yesterday >mfw I realize I dont own skyrim

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Greek demigod can't find a date | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: N/NOZpw8 ) 3 05/19/21(Wed)08:12:15 No.322287291 >>322242898 (OP) # >be me >Greek demigod >bored of the daily petty squabbling in Mount Olympus 50 KB JPG >decide to come down to Gaia to hook with a mortal chick for a lifetime or two dn >can't even get a date w--
: Anonymous (ID: N/NOZpw8 ) 3 05/19/21(Wed)08:12:15 No.322287291 >>322242898 (OP) # >be me >Greek demigod >bored of the daily petty squabbling in Mount Olympus 50 KB JPG >decide to come down to Gaia to hook with a mortal chick for a lifetime or two dn >can't even get a date w--

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Anon hates on the restaurant industry | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)19:48:24 No.1551441 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh..." "Th-this one..." [points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r-..rooty t-tooty..." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f-.f- fresh ... n fruity..." Why do dining establishments like to humiliate their customers like this?
Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)19:48:24 No.1551441 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh..." "Th-this one..." [points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r-..rooty t-tooty..." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f-.f- fresh ... n fruity..." Why do dining establishments like to humiliate their customers like this?

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Anon drinks milk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ultimate virgin story 01/14/19(Mon)17:22:23 No.50422139 >Family is hiding the milk away from me because im a bit overweight >start crying 39 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/14/19(Mon)17:53:29 No.50422520 >>50422139 (OP) # >milk How much milk are you drinking fatty
: Anonymous ultimate virgin story 01/14/19(Mon)17:22:23 No.50422139 >Family is hiding the milk away from me because im a bit overweight >start crying 39 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/14/19(Mon)17:53:29 No.50422520 >>50422139 (OP) # >milk How much milk are you drinking fatty

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Anon tries to help | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/09/15(Mon)01:03:09 No.24130722 >>24128552 (OP) >be me in middle school >see two chads bullying girl, making fun of a scar she has or something i can't 13 KB JPG remember >come up and say "hey guys leave her alone" >she turns and says "oh god" and rolls her eyes >all three of them laugh at me
Anonymous 11/09/15(Mon)01:03:09 No.24130722 >>24128552 (OP) >be me in middle school >see two chads bullying girl, making fun of a scar she has or something i can't 13 KB JPG remember >come up and say "hey guys leave her alone" >she turns and says "oh god" and rolls her eyes >all three of them laugh at me

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Anon has doubts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)14:08:14 No.854868206 >be me >join a racist discord server >people are really nice >join a random server with list of rules longer than the bible >user gives me my public ip he probably guessed randomly (not even a correct one but close enough) 11 KB JPG Racist server where people have a manifesto on why k---- are awful is nicer than a regular one. I'm really doubting my mental health now.
: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)14:08:14 No.854868206 >be me >join a racist discord server >people are really nice >join a random server with list of rules longer than the bible >user gives me my public ip he probably guessed randomly (not even a correct one but close enough) 11 KB JPG Racist server where people have a manifesto on why k---- are awful is nicer than a regular one. I'm really doubting my mental health now.

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Anon cares for his mother | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)17:09:25 No.854880598 Been pranking my mum every day for years >Be me >British >Live with my mum >Every day at 17:00 we have a gin and 59 KB JPG tonic and watch telly together >l always make them >The tonic water goes flat after a day >Always give myself the flat tonic to make sure hers is fresh >She still doesn't know I do this Got her good Imao
: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)17:09:25 No.854880598 Been pranking my mum every day for years >Be me >British >Live with my mum >Every day at 17:00 we have a gin and 59 KB JPG tonic and watch telly together >l always make them >The tonic water goes flat after a day >Always give myself the flat tonic to make sure hers is fresh >She still doesn't know I do this Got her good Imao

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Anon gets his request granted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous funny green story please laugh 05/17/21(Mon)19:33:57 No.63716722 Google >be me funny pepe >me (see woman character) >me have sex with woman Todas Imagens Videos Shopping Notic gif nad frog >funny story happen >punchline >unexpected ending 193 KB JPG please guys share this with reddit they're gonna laugh haha : Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)19:39:17 No.63716794 r/4chan and r/greentext are a bloat on humanity. >>63717109 # : Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)19:39:37 No.63716798 >>63716722 (OP) # Wow I didnt see that ending coming! Get me in the screenshot! >>63717054 #
: Anonymous funny green story please laugh 05/17/21(Mon)19:33:57 No.63716722 Google >be me funny pepe >me (see woman character) >me have sex with woman Todas Imagens Videos Shopping Notic gif nad frog >funny story happen >punchline >unexpected ending 193 KB JPG please guys share this with reddit they're gonna laugh haha : Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)19:39:17 No.63716794 r/4chan and r/greentext are a bloat on humanity. >>63717109 # : Anonymous 05/17/21(Mon)19:39:37 No.63716798 >>63716722 (OP) # Wow I didnt see that ending coming! Get me in the screenshot! >>63717054 #

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Anon has a great day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/18(Sun)10:50:38 No.49755013 >tfw I see a d--- in a p--- vid that's smaller than mine Is there a better feel than this? 806 KB PNG View Thread
: Anonymous 12/09/18(Sun)10:50:38 No.49755013 >tfw I see a d--- in a p--- vid that's smaller than mine Is there a better feel than this? 806 KB PNG View Thread

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anon goes to the movies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/17/19(Thu)22:02:50 No.790268566 >be me at the movies after a pretty s--- day (that dragon ball super broly movie btw) >random guy sits beside me since there's nowhere for his whole family to sit 36 KB JPG together >he's loaded with snacks >"hey anon do you want some of this popcorn and snacks? i'm not gonna be able to eat all of it" (i take that s--- obviously i'm a fatass) >anytime i ran out of popcorn he always gave me more since he had refills, even when the movie was over he asked if i wanted anymore thanks random movie guy
: Anonymous 01/17/19(Thu)22:02:50 No.790268566 >be me at the movies after a pretty s--- day (that dragon ball super broly movie btw) >random guy sits beside me since there's nowhere for his whole family to sit 36 KB JPG together >he's loaded with snacks >"hey anon do you want some of this popcorn and snacks? i'm not gonna be able to eat all of it" (i take that s--- obviously i'm a fatass) >anytime i ran out of popcorn he always gave me more since he had refills, even when the movie was over he asked if i wanted anymore thanks random movie guy

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Alpha female | /r/Greentext

>be me, fem anon >fem, but broad shoulders, kinda square-ish jaw. I can be feminine, but these two things >go to the gyn > "anon, we gotta do a blood test" > ok, do blood test >"anon, sorry, but your tests are back, you'll have to take female hormones" >mfw l'm a female to female t-----
>be me, fem anon >fem, but broad shoulders, kinda square-ish jaw. I can be feminine, but these two things >go to the gyn > "anon, we gotta do a blood test" > ok, do blood test >"anon, sorry, but your tests are back, you'll have to take female hormones" >mfw l'm a female to female t-----

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Anon makes some cash | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I donated "my" sperm 05/20/21(Thu)09:13:54 No.63754590 >be me, poorfag in college >learn online that you get paid for donating your sperm >go to the clinic to get evaluated >i really need money so i pray to Jesus 9 KB JPG >surprisingly get accepted but can't masturbate anymore because religion >however i have a roomate, he is a 5'3" balding autist, already failing his very first semester >idea.jpeg >give him $10 for his sperm, put it in a sterile test tube >go to the clinic and secretly give in his seed >get paid $50 >mfw 80% profit margin without even breaking my nofap streak >some roastie lesbians are gonna unknowingly get artificially insemenated with superior AUTISM genes mfw
: Anonymous I donated "my" sperm 05/20/21(Thu)09:13:54 No.63754590 >be me, poorfag in college >learn online that you get paid for donating your sperm >go to the clinic to get evaluated >i really need money so i pray to Jesus 9 KB JPG >surprisingly get accepted but can't masturbate anymore because religion >however i have a roomate, he is a 5'3" balding autist, already failing his very first semester >idea.jpeg >give him $10 for his sperm, put it in a sterile test tube >go to the clinic and secretly give in his seed >get paid $50 >mfw 80% profit margin without even breaking my nofap streak >some roastie lesbians are gonna unknowingly get artificially insemenated with superior AUTISM genes mfw

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Anon shoves a gas pistol up his ass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:22:14 No.63748065 >shove a gas pistol up my ass >fire >it rips my intestines apart >blood, s--- and small bits of flesh (parts of my bowel?) slowly run out my mangled a------ >the pain is incredible Finally, innerpeace. 102 KB PNG >i feel sicker and sleepier every second >finally, inner peace.
: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:22:14 No.63748065 >shove a gas pistol up my ass >fire >it rips my intestines apart >blood, s--- and small bits of flesh (parts of my bowel?) slowly run out my mangled a------ >the pain is incredible Finally, innerpeace. 102 KB PNG >i feel sicker and sleepier every second >finally, inner peace.

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Anon is not slaving away for his employer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)07:04:15 No.63750841 Retail Thread >just worked six days straight eight hour shifts each >had one day off >second day off today and they try to call me into work and left a voicemail 118 KB JPG >pretend i didn't get it >smoke weed instead : Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)07:18:54 No.63750951 Unironically a good choice. I usually pick up the phone but say I'm in a different state. >Yeah it'll be about 4 or so hours till I'm back in state and I got an hours worth of stuff to do here so... Works everytime.
: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)07:04:15 No.63750841 Retail Thread >just worked six days straight eight hour shifts each >had one day off >second day off today and they try to call me into work and left a voicemail 118 KB JPG >pretend i didn't get it >smoke weed instead : Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)07:18:54 No.63750951 Unironically a good choice. I usually pick up the phone but say I'm in a different state. >Yeah it'll be about 4 or so hours till I'm back in state and I got an hours worth of stuff to do here so... Works everytime.

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Anon should’ve seen it coming. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: QPus7kg4) E: Biden's First Executive Order(...) 11/05/20(Thu)00:42:28 No.287653753 >Biden wins the election The C S V >Biden swears his inaugauration oath on something that looks like a Bible >Finishing his oath, he looks to the crowd SKYRIM and then to the cameras >"Now that l'm President"... 6 KB JPG >Amazing! He remembers he is President. >"I have one executive order that I must make..." >Biden tears away at his skin >He's getting shorter with each peel. >w--.jpg >A small 5'4 man appears. It's Todd Howard! >I hope everyone has bought my new game. >He holds up the book he swore his oath on. >It's Skyrim! >ohfuck.png >"| am Tiber Septim and you must all buy my game" >Suddenly, the American flags fall down and the flags of the red Imperial dragon descend on Washington. >"I'm renaming Washington to the Imperial City, and I will conquer the petty kingdoms of the world" What would you do? 12 Replies / 4 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: vaMU8kRj) [M 11/05/20(Thu)01:03:34 No.287657433 >>287656484 # Shut the f--- up retard.
: Anonymous (ID: QPus7kg4) E: Biden's First Executive Order(...) 11/05/20(Thu)00:42:28 No.287653753 >Biden wins the election The C S V >Biden swears his inaugauration oath on something that looks like a Bible >Finishing his oath, he looks to the crowd SKYRIM and then to the cameras >"Now that l'm President"... 6 KB JPG >Amazing! He remembers he is President. >"I have one executive order that I must make..." >Biden tears away at his skin >He's getting shorter with each peel. >w--.jpg >A small 5'4 man appears. It's Todd Howard! >I hope everyone has bought my new game. >He holds up the book he swore his oath on. >It's Skyrim! >ohfuck.png >"| am Tiber Septim and you must all buy my game" >Suddenly, the American flags fall down and the flags of the red Imperial dragon descend on Washington. >"I'm renaming Washington to the Imperial City, and I will conquer the petty kingdoms of the world" What would you do? 12 Replies / 4 Images View Thread : Anonymous (ID: vaMU8kRj) [M 11/05/20(Thu)01:03:34 No.287657433 >>287656484 # Shut the f--- up retard.

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anon introduces himself | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)08:07:37 No.854853515 ► File: 1592911384196.png (230 KB, 960x483) >be me, 19 >in college >arrive at college before class started, needed to s--- before first class >get to the bathroom and open the door >prof is in there s-------, door wide open >w--.jpg >stare at each other for a few secs 48 KB JPG >he holds his hand out to close the door >i shake his hand
O Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)08:07:37 No.854853515 ► File: 1592911384196.png (230 KB, 960x483) >be me, 19 >in college >arrive at college before class started, needed to s--- before first class >get to the bathroom and open the door >prof is in there s-------, door wide open >w--.jpg >stare at each other for a few secs 48 KB JPG >he holds his hand out to close the door >i shake his hand

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Kanye West, the only direction. | /r/Greentext

>kanye west replaces zayn in one direction >kanye kicks everyone out of the band >"there's only one direction 51 KB JPG fam" >tfw it's west
>kanye west replaces zayn in one direction >kanye kicks everyone out of the band >"there's only one direction 51 KB JPG fam" >tfw it's west

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