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Anon is disgusted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)21:18:14 No.854836396 >post nut clarity >completely disgusted by p--- I was watching fml
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)21:18:14 No.854836396 >post nut clarity >completely disgusted by p--- I was watching fml

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Anon went to the zoo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread
: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848 >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins >guy in the background screams 244 KB PNG "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread

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Anon went to France | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)04:30:41 No.63752326 >be me >went on family vacation to france a couple of years ago >go to a restaurant >france restaurants are supposed to be the best in the world according to movies >snacks arrive 62 KB JPG >not the greatest thing but aight >appetizer arrives, it's similar to what i ordered >ask the waiter when's my meal arriving >turns out that was the f------ meal >go to a mcdonalds cause it's not as expensive and they actually serve you food Is the lack of calories the reason eurofags are so effeminate? Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:41:11 No.63752862 >>63752326 (OP) >ls the lack of calories the reason eurofags are so effeminate? no, you're just a fat american
Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)04:30:41 No.63752326 >be me >went on family vacation to france a couple of years ago >go to a restaurant >france restaurants are supposed to be the best in the world according to movies >snacks arrive 62 KB JPG >not the greatest thing but aight >appetizer arrives, it's similar to what i ordered >ask the waiter when's my meal arriving >turns out that was the f------ meal >go to a mcdonalds cause it's not as expensive and they actually serve you food Is the lack of calories the reason eurofags are so effeminate? Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:41:11 No.63752862 >>63752326 (OP) >ls the lack of calories the reason eurofags are so effeminate? no, you're just a fat american

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Anon wants chocolate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)00:49:35 No.42248973 Social f--- up thread? >Be me >Hungry before work >See donut shop and think "f--- it, that sounds pretty good" >Go inside and get a chocolate 172 KB PNG donut and a chocolate muffin >Cashier says "Wow, lots of chocolate today huh?" >"Haha yeah, I'm the chocolate man from chocolate land." >never return there Why am I like this?
: Anonymous 01/04/18(Thu)00:49:35 No.42248973 Social f--- up thread? >Be me >Hungry before work >See donut shop and think "f--- it, that sounds pretty good" >Go inside and get a chocolate 172 KB PNG donut and a chocolate muffin >Cashier says "Wow, lots of chocolate today huh?" >"Haha yeah, I'm the chocolate man from chocolate land." >never return there Why am I like this?

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Anon 'had' a gf | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:00:41 No.63752532 >Broke up with gf recently >Laughing at a funny video >Call her from the living room >Wait for a solid minute while I'm replaying the video and laughing >Then it hits me 71 KB JPG >Mfw it finally hits me She was the one for me bros I want to kms Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:02:37 No.63752550 dont care your fault get off my board
Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:00:41 No.63752532 >Broke up with gf recently >Laughing at a funny video >Call her from the living room >Wait for a solid minute while I'm replaying the video and laughing >Then it hits me 71 KB JPG >Mfw it finally hits me She was the one for me bros I want to kms Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)05:02:37 No.63752550 dont care your fault get off my board

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Anon forgets to hide his powerlevel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/20/18(Fri)14:25:24 No.46937794 >go to the psychologist >she starts asking questions about me and my life >accidentally mention "Chad" >spend the next two hours explaining her the concept 36 KB PNG whelp, that didn't go well
: Anonymous 07/20/18(Fri)14:25:24 No.46937794 >go to the psychologist >she starts asking questions about me and my life >accidentally mention "Chad" >spend the next two hours explaining her the concept 36 KB PNG whelp, that didn't go well

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Anon goes to a restaurant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous [•] 11/30/20(Mon)23:57:14 No.135008220 Andrew (Toycat) @ibxtoycat In the UK we sometimes joke about having to order the kids meal In America to get a normal sized meal Today I actually did it, this is what a $5.50 kids meal at olive garden looks like, it is legitimately just a regular amount of food hello this is ibxtoycat and welcome back to another minecraft video.png 416 KB PNG >be me >visiting America with family >go to restaurant for lunch >waitress assures my mom that the portions aren't excessive >get food >biggest plate of pasta l've ever seen >mfw l'm obese and even I couldn't finish more than half of it Why are Americans such gluttonous pigs?
: Anonymous [•] 11/30/20(Mon)23:57:14 No.135008220 Andrew (Toycat) @ibxtoycat In the UK we sometimes joke about having to order the kids meal In America to get a normal sized meal Today I actually did it, this is what a $5.50 kids meal at olive garden looks like, it is legitimately just a regular amount of food hello this is ibxtoycat and welcome back to another minecraft video.png 416 KB PNG >be me >visiting America with family >go to restaurant for lunch >waitress assures my mom that the portions aren't excessive >get food >biggest plate of pasta l've ever seen >mfw l'm obese and even I couldn't finish more than half of it Why are Americans such gluttonous pigs?

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Anon has a son | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys
: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys

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Anon hates 4chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:22:29 No.854854386 >be me >2017 >take break from /b/ and it's endless racebait/bbc spam >come back >first thing I see >a f------ b--------- thread with 8 KB JPG over 200 replies alright there's no excuse. you guys are just f------. you know that, right?
: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:22:29 No.854854386 >be me >2017 >take break from /b/ and it's endless racebait/bbc spam >come back >first thing I see >a f------ b--------- thread with 8 KB JPG over 200 replies alright there's no excuse. you guys are just f------. you know that, right?

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Anon wants to be on the photo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:26:54 No.854833391 >be me >socially awkward virgin >see cute girl while in starbucks, she doesn't notice me >want to talk to her, but not sure how to approach >decide to be confident and to just 242 KB JPG walk up and say hi >walk up, she's facing away from me but I start chickening out >freeze right before I tap her on the shoulder >system_Error.exe >she turns around and me being so close startles her >she knocks her coffee in her lap, gets soaked >l never say anything and just make a beeline out the door >hear her say "what the f---" as I leave >mfw when I made a girl wet Later virgins : Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:30:23 No.854833576 put me in the reddit screencap
: Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:26:54 No.854833391 >be me >socially awkward virgin >see cute girl while in starbucks, she doesn't notice me >want to talk to her, but not sure how to approach >decide to be confident and to just 242 KB JPG walk up and say hi >walk up, she's facing away from me but I start chickening out >freeze right before I tap her on the shoulder >system_Error.exe >she turns around and me being so close startles her >she knocks her coffee in her lap, gets soaked >l never say anything and just make a beeline out the door >hear her say "what the f---" as I leave >mfw when I made a girl wet Later virgins : Anonymous 05/20/21(Thu)02:30:23 No.854833576 put me in the reddit screencap

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Anon likes Titanic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: k3eazSnQ ) 09/26/20(Sat)20:43:43 No.279414971 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her in a boat trip for 2 days >millions of women consider this 70 KB JPG a great love story Why are women like this?
: Anonymous (ID: k3eazSnQ ) 09/26/20(Sat)20:43:43 No.279414971 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her in a boat trip for 2 days >millions of women consider this 70 KB JPG a great love story Why are women like this?

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Anon watches tv | /r/Greentext

05/18/21(Tue)20:56:20 No.322187268 >be me >watch the tv >notice how literally all the commercials have black actors or half black families >counted that 7 out of 8 commercials have black actors in one tv break 157 KB JPG >google the percentage of black population in my country >its 6% >i guess its racist to only show a white person >w-- is happening to the west
05/18/21(Tue)20:56:20 No.322187268 >be me >watch the tv >notice how literally all the commercials have black actors or half black families >counted that 7 out of 8 commercials have black actors in one tv break 157 KB JPG >google the percentage of black population in my country >its 6% >i guess its racist to only show a white person >w-- is happening to the west

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Anon is looking forward | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)22:46:24 No.774164138 Work stories thread? Work stories thread. >Be me. Aged/Disability care worker. >All sorts of old f------ in my care home, but I mostly deal with 6 KB JPG dementia patients. >God damned goofy bastard dementia patients >One little old bastard must've been a boy when the dinosaurs were still around >Literally old as dirt. >We learn from his family that he had a little black dog back in the 40's. >Dog's name was N-----. >F------ wish I was making this s--- up. >Old bastard still thinks he's living at home in the 40's with N-----. >Constantly walks around the facility asking all the staff if we've seen N-----. >Walks around yelling out N----- as loud as his old lungs can manage. >Find out this morning we've got a new staff member coming on board next week. >They're dark skinned (not sure actual heritage but still) Looking forward to how this plays out /b/ros. View Thread
: Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)22:46:24 No.774164138 Work stories thread? Work stories thread. >Be me. Aged/Disability care worker. >All sorts of old f------ in my care home, but I mostly deal with 6 KB JPG dementia patients. >God damned goofy bastard dementia patients >One little old bastard must've been a boy when the dinosaurs were still around >Literally old as dirt. >We learn from his family that he had a little black dog back in the 40's. >Dog's name was N-----. >F------ wish I was making this s--- up. >Old bastard still thinks he's living at home in the 40's with N-----. >Constantly walks around the facility asking all the staff if we've seen N-----. >Walks around yelling out N----- as loud as his old lungs can manage. >Find out this morning we've got a new staff member coming on board next week. >They're dark skinned (not sure actual heritage but still) Looking forward to how this plays out /b/ros. View Thread

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Anon is ready for gamer time | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)08:20:54 No.63740733 DOYOU THINKIT HURTS TO DIE? >wakes up >cracks back in nine separate places >untwists testicle >has coughing fit from black mould ITS HURTING SO MUCH MORE TO STAY ALIVE infection >cries 97 KB JPG Yup, its gamer time 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)08:20:54 No.63740733 DOYOU THINKIT HURTS TO DIE? >wakes up >cracks back in nine separate places >untwists testicle >has coughing fit from black mould ITS HURTING SO MUCH MORE TO STAY ALIVE infection >cries 97 KB JPG Yup, its gamer time 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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A rose by any other name | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 10/27/20(Tue)16:34:40 No.60657217 File: Giga Chad Pepe.jpg (39 KB, 680x577) >>60654111 (OP)# >plumbing at my house is broken >really need to poo >see normoid girl on the street >ask her out >Arrive at her house >Read poetry to instill false sense of security >go to bathroom at first opportunity >Ruin her toilet with the s--- l'd been saving for three days >leave
O Anonymous 10/27/20(Tue)16:34:40 No.60657217 File: Giga Chad Pepe.jpg (39 KB, 680x577) >>60654111 (OP)# >plumbing at my house is broken >really need to poo >see normoid girl on the street >ask her out >Arrive at her house >Read poetry to instill false sense of security >go to bathroom at first opportunity >Ruin her toilet with the s--- l'd been saving for three days >leave

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Anon makes money | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/19(Sun)12:45:11 No.791076151 >be me, 3 years ago >already know about my future virgin life >decide to make profit of it >come to my tard friend >"bet 100$ that l'll be virgin in my 40's" >tard agrees 15 KB PNG >feelsgoodman.org >turns out another f-- heard us >"Ha-ha anon, I bet 100 bucks that you'll have children by that time" >mfw I'm gonna be rich cya later POOR virgins
: Anonymous 01/27/19(Sun)12:45:11 No.791076151 >be me, 3 years ago >already know about my future virgin life >decide to make profit of it >come to my tard friend >"bet 100$ that l'll be virgin in my 40's" >tard agrees 15 KB PNG >feelsgoodman.org >turns out another f-- heard us >"Ha-ha anon, I bet 100 bucks that you'll have children by that time" >mfw I'm gonna be rich cya later POOR virgins

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It's Bong. Brit Bong. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: fvgOASRk 05/02/18(Wed)05:24: >be top tier british spy >need a licence to kill 59 KB JPG
: Anonymous (ID: fvgOASRk 05/02/18(Wed)05:24: >be top tier british spy >need a licence to kill 59 KB JPG

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Wife and Anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 767574672 31 min. geleden ... >be me >have every success in life but one huge problem >own a handful of hotels in exotic locations >business is good >have everything i've ever wanted >but 66,3 kB PNG >wife is very sick >wife is dying >doctors can try to treat her but will be risky and expensive >or donate her body to science to cure disease for others >first treatment, sell my hotel in cancun to pay for it >doesn't work >second treatment, sell chain of vacation homes in florida >doesn't work >third treatment, even more risky then first two operations >have to sell 3 more hotels and all-incusive resort properties >doesn't work >she may end up on the autopsy table at this rate >at least in death she can help others >eventually run out of properties to sell >doctors ask what i want to do >cut my wife into peices this is my last resort
Anonymous | 767574672 31 min. geleden ... >be me >have every success in life but one huge problem >own a handful of hotels in exotic locations >business is good >have everything i've ever wanted >but 66,3 kB PNG >wife is very sick >wife is dying >doctors can try to treat her but will be risky and expensive >or donate her body to science to cure disease for others >first treatment, sell my hotel in cancun to pay for it >doesn't work >second treatment, sell chain of vacation homes in florida >doesn't work >third treatment, even more risky then first two operations >have to sell 3 more hotels and all-incusive resort properties >doesn't work >she may end up on the autopsy table at this rate >at least in death she can help others >eventually run out of properties to sell >doctors ask what i want to do >cut my wife into peices this is my last resort

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Anon got a fan | /r/Greentext

>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day I'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him >>46575873 # >>46575916 # >>46575954 # >>46575963 # >>46576013 # >>46576043 # >>46576233 # >>46578453 # >>46578580 # >>46578865 # >>46582317 # >>46582488 # >>46582583 # >>46582599 #
>>46575716 # >be me >neighbour has heavily disabled son 2.98 MB PNG >l'm talking Steven hawkings levels of qaudraspazzed >outside gym master race >one day I'm lifting and he's in the neighbors garden >l'm benching my 1RM >here a noise >look up and see this little spazoid cheering and bobbing his head >now every time I lift he wheels himself out and cheers me on >mfw I now lift for him >>46575873 # >>46575916 # >>46575954 # >>46575963 # >>46576013 # >>46576043 # >>46576233 # >>46578453 # >>46578580 # >>46578865 # >>46582317 # >>46582488 # >>46582583 # >>46582599 #

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Anon likes impractical jokers. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:09:10 No.63745082 >haven't laughed in months >feel sad all the time LJUKERS DIE >watch impractical jokers for the first time >spend hours laughing so hard my abs hurt thank you impractical jokers 134 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:10:57 No.63745103 >>63745082 (OP) # These men have saved me from a few bad acid trips. Any time I feel anxious I turn up the space heater and watch some jokers. Makes me feel better every time.
: Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:09:10 No.63745082 >haven't laughed in months >feel sad all the time LJUKERS DIE >watch impractical jokers for the first time >spend hours laughing so hard my abs hurt thank you impractical jokers 134 KB JPG 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)15:10:57 No.63745103 >>63745082 (OP) # These men have saved me from a few bad acid trips. Any time I feel anxious I turn up the space heater and watch some jokers. Makes me feel better every time.

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