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Anon's dad has autism | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)21:25:35 No.84959931 >Dad left when I was 12yo >l'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish >If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish I think my dad has autism. 704 13 KB JPG
E Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)21:25:35 No.84959931 >Dad left when I was 12yo >l'm now 36yo >Calls me every 3 months or so to ask if I want fish >If I say yes he drops by and gives me a frozen fish I think my dad has autism. 704 13 KB JPG

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Anon has a plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)02:26:21 No.854067816 >Be me >Age 16 >l'm about to change schools, it's mid March >F------ hate Spanish Class >It's taught by some old ass almost 90 year old jewish lady who doesn't even 65 KB PNG speak spanish that well, probably got the job due to nepotism or some s--- idk >She teaches us spanish via movies and premade worksheets >She wants us to give her suggestions for movies to watch in class. >ldea.jfif >"Oh, Mrs. whoever I have this one i think we could all watch, it's called Curado de Espantos" >Don't even really know what it's about, but I know it from one scene >"ok anon we can watch that, we'll watch that on March 31st" >March 31st >The day before I was supposed to change schools >bingo.txt >"ahaha awesome teach, thank you" >wait The day arrives >old ass teacher puts the DVD in, sits right outside the door to do test remediations >f--- yes.wmv >l have no idea when the scene in question plays, all I can hope is that it happens before i leave for the day >the scene finally comes >"You fool, Jacinto! All my ancestors were jews!" >Silence in the class, the teacher gets up >"Okay, i also have this." >The main character pulls out a swastika. >"HEIL HITLER!" >old ass teacher nearly has a f------ heart attack >she's old enough to have actually lived through the Holocaust, so i'm not suprised >starts crying in front of the class >7th period, sol just get on the bus before she can get me called to the office >leave that school forever >triumph View Thread
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)02:26:21 No.854067816 >Be me >Age 16 >l'm about to change schools, it's mid March >F------ hate Spanish Class >It's taught by some old ass almost 90 year old jewish lady who doesn't even 65 KB PNG speak spanish that well, probably got the job due to nepotism or some s--- idk >She teaches us spanish via movies and premade worksheets >She wants us to give her suggestions for movies to watch in class. >ldea.jfif >"Oh, Mrs. whoever I have this one i think we could all watch, it's called Curado de Espantos" >Don't even really know what it's about, but I know it from one scene >"ok anon we can watch that, we'll watch that on March 31st" >March 31st >The day before I was supposed to change schools >bingo.txt >"ahaha awesome teach, thank you" >wait The day arrives >old ass teacher puts the DVD in, sits right outside the door to do test remediations >f--- yes.wmv >l have no idea when the scene in question plays, all I can hope is that it happens before i leave for the day >the scene finally comes >"You fool, Jacinto! All my ancestors were jews!" >Silence in the class, the teacher gets up >"Okay, i also have this." >The main character pulls out a swastika. >"HEIL HITLER!" >old ass teacher nearly has a f------ heart attack >she's old enough to have actually lived through the Holocaust, so i'm not suprised >starts crying in front of the class >7th period, sol just get on the bus before she can get me called to the office >leave that school forever >triumph View Thread

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Anon uses his power | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:18:04 No.816697201 >t----- >bike home from work >ride past a group of teen-agers >get wolf-wistled at >turn around and yell "ew thats gay" in my manliest voice >bike away while his friends laugh 40 KB JPG at him 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:25:53 No.816697581 >>816697201 (OP) # Man gay LOLI Trap hen Scere T kek 149 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:18:04 No.816697201 >t----- >bike home from work >ride past a group of teen-agers >get wolf-wistled at >turn around and yell "ew thats gay" in my manliest voice >bike away while his friends laugh 40 KB JPG at him 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 12/21/19(Sat)10:25:53 No.816697581 >>816697201 (OP) # Man gay LOLI Trap hen Scere T kek 149 KB JPG

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Anon took the 2x pill | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)19:10:33 No.62855991 ► >>62856023 >>62856506 >>62856527 >>62856528 >>62856540 >watch all my youtube videos on 2x speed because I'm autistic and impatient for 5 years >everyone says I talk extremely fast now >I never stutter because talking at normal speed feels like talking at half speed for me, so I get more time to think about what I say Take the 2x pill
Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)19:10:33 No.62855991 ► >>62856023 >>62856506 >>62856527 >>62856528 >>62856540 >watch all my youtube videos on 2x speed because I'm autistic and impatient for 5 years >everyone says I talk extremely fast now >I never stutter because talking at normal speed feels like talking at half speed for me, so I get more time to think about what I say Take the 2x pill

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Anon tests positive for covid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)13:25:45 No.63605654 >test positive for covid >go to an anti-mask rally >cough around as much as possible while yelling covid is a hoax >couple of people look at me weird >tell them I do have covid and it's 13 KB JPG only making me have the coofs, I'm perfectly fine >prove covid is fake >people cheer me on for being brave >check the Facebook participants after a couple of weeks >couple ended up in the hospital >one died
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)13:25:45 No.63605654 >test positive for covid >go to an anti-mask rally >cough around as much as possible while yelling covid is a hoax >couple of people look at me weird >tell them I do have covid and it's 13 KB JPG only making me have the coofs, I'm perfectly fine >prove covid is fake >people cheer me on for being brave >check the Facebook participants after a couple of weeks >couple ended up in the hospital >one died

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Anon is from the future | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)16:26:42 No.6359296 >be me 30 years old in the year 2060 Huel >alarm goes off, get ejected from 2X1m apartment pod >put tube into my ass and brace myself for a Huel enema, nutrients are absorbed faster this way 159 KB JPG >put on my fitbit jumpsuit >accept user agreement for fitbit to track my vitals >fitbit alerts me that my Huel levels are low, automatic Huel top up initiated >tube shoots from the jumpsuit into my a------ >topupcomplete.mp3 >take self-driving Tesla e-scooter to the office >accept user agreement for Tesla to track my activity >traffic is bad today, e-scooters everywhere >fitbit alerts me that my stress levels are high >sprays me with natural calming mist >right in the eye >can't f------ see >accidentally switch e-scooter to manual >lose control and crash into oncoming traffic >Huel ejects from my ass >fitbit alerts me that my heart rate is high and Huel levels are low >tops me up with more Huel >sprays more natural calming mist >switch e-scooter back to self-driving mode >arrive at work >get inside 1x2m office pod >spend all day filling out captchas it's the only job Al's can't do >lunch time, brace myself for more Huel >decide to scoot to starbucks for a coffee >0.0000000000000000000000000000001 BTC for a decaffeinated, recycled, onions milk latte >accept user agreement for starbucks >tube shoots into my ass squirts luke warm coffee >feels good >scoot back to the office and fill out captchas for the rest of the day >on way back to my apartment pod >decide to stop and buy some more Huel, I used a lot today >leave store >alarm goes off >forgot to sign user agreement >surrounded by enforcement officers >they taze me >Huel ejects from my ass >they take me to the station >l accept police station user agreement >get put in 1m x 2m holding pod >have to watch 7 hour infographic on the importance of user agreements >get released with a warning >scoot back to my apartment pod >empty out the Huel from the feet of my fitbit jumpsuit >climb into my pod and go to sleep >Pic Related
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)16:26:42 No.6359296 >be me 30 years old in the year 2060 Huel >alarm goes off, get ejected from 2X1m apartment pod >put tube into my ass and brace myself for a Huel enema, nutrients are absorbed faster this way 159 KB JPG >put on my fitbit jumpsuit >accept user agreement for fitbit to track my vitals >fitbit alerts me that my Huel levels are low, automatic Huel top up initiated >tube shoots from the jumpsuit into my a------ >topupcomplete.mp3 >take self-driving Tesla e-scooter to the office >accept user agreement for Tesla to track my activity >traffic is bad today, e-scooters everywhere >fitbit alerts me that my stress levels are high >sprays me with natural calming mist >right in the eye >can't f------ see >accidentally switch e-scooter to manual >lose control and crash into oncoming traffic >Huel ejects from my ass >fitbit alerts me that my heart rate is high and Huel levels are low >tops me up with more Huel >sprays more natural calming mist >switch e-scooter back to self-driving mode >arrive at work >get inside 1x2m office pod >spend all day filling out captchas it's the only job Al's can't do >lunch time, brace myself for more Huel >decide to scoot to starbucks for a coffee >0.0000000000000000000000000000001 BTC for a decaffeinated, recycled, onions milk latte >accept user agreement for starbucks >tube shoots into my ass squirts luke warm coffee >feels good >scoot back to the office and fill out captchas for the rest of the day >on way back to my apartment pod >decide to stop and buy some more Huel, I used a lot today >leave store >alarm goes off >forgot to sign user agreement >surrounded by enforcement officers >they taze me >Huel ejects from my ass >they take me to the station >l accept police station user agreement >get put in 1m x 2m holding pod >have to watch 7 hour infographic on the importance of user agreements >get released with a warning >scoot back to my apartment pod >empty out the Huel from the feet of my fitbit jumpsuit >climb into my pod and go to sleep >Pic Related

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Anon learns a new language | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tella soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore
: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tella soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore

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>Me reading this in JK Simmons voice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/01/21 (Sat)06:05:19 No.122719443 19423857235643qtr.jpg 22 KB JPG >>122718884 (OP) # >Let me break it down for you, Mark. Your mother and I have a relationship that's all about a master/slave dynamic. When I said she was more like a pet to me, I meant that in the most literal way possible. Remember that time you found a dog collar under the couch and I told you it's because we were getting you a dog? That was a lie, son. Truthfully, your mom likes it when I put her on a leash and walk her around the backyard. She's usually naked, of course. I can't explain why, but the whole thing is her idea. She'll piss on trees, sleep in dog cages, chew up furniture - she one took a full-sized, adult woman s--- in my Dockers. Your mother is one f------up slut, Mark. And I love her, but I'm not bringing that energy back to Viltrum with me. Frankly? She scares me sometimes. I don't know who molested her or how they did it, but there is some dark juju in that woman's head and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to f--- it all away.
: Anonymous 05/01/21 (Sat)06:05:19 No.122719443 19423857235643qtr.jpg 22 KB JPG >>122718884 (OP) # >Let me break it down for you, Mark. Your mother and I have a relationship that's all about a master/slave dynamic. When I said she was more like a pet to me, I meant that in the most literal way possible. Remember that time you found a dog collar under the couch and I told you it's because we were getting you a dog? That was a lie, son. Truthfully, your mom likes it when I put her on a leash and walk her around the backyard. She's usually naked, of course. I can't explain why, but the whole thing is her idea. She'll piss on trees, sleep in dog cages, chew up furniture - she one took a full-sized, adult woman s--- in my Dockers. Your mother is one f------up slut, Mark. And I love her, but I'm not bringing that energy back to Viltrum with me. Frankly? She scares me sometimes. I don't know who molested her or how they did it, but there is some dark juju in that woman's head and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to f--- it all away.

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Anon has a lucid dream | /r/Greentext

>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" | can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes
>read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" | can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >l can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes

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Anon works at a grocery store | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)14:09:19 No.853996180 >be me, 21yo stocker at large chain grocery store >worked there for 2.5 years now >cute girl, former fast food manager starts working there >store owner promotes her to manager almost instantly >worked 90% of my ass off every 49 KB JPG day >perfectly balanced tills and excellent stocker >she's friendly and we get along but she just chats with coworkers half the day >mfw I find out she gets paid more than me AND gets consistent hours I feel like a failure as a man.
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)14:09:19 No.853996180 >be me, 21yo stocker at large chain grocery store >worked there for 2.5 years now >cute girl, former fast food manager starts working there >store owner promotes her to manager almost instantly >worked 90% of my ass off every 49 KB JPG day >perfectly balanced tills and excellent stocker >she's friendly and we get along but she just chats with coworkers half the day >mfw I find out she gets paid more than me AND gets consistent hours I feel like a failure as a man.

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Anon goes to Japan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)17:42:01 No.854036063 Devilish stories thread >Have a big d--- by American standards(7.5) but pretty ugly face so no gf >Go to Japan (Marines) >Girls there are attracted to me just 645 KB PNG because l'm white >Have sex with dozens of Japanese girls during the time I'm there >Now every Japanese guy these girls f--- from now on will disappoint them Top kek
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)17:42:01 No.854036063 Devilish stories thread >Have a big d--- by American standards(7.5) but pretty ugly face so no gf >Go to Japan (Marines) >Girls there are attracted to me just 645 KB PNG because l'm white >Have sex with dozens of Japanese girls during the time I'm there >Now every Japanese guy these girls f--- from now on will disappoint them Top kek

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Anon is a solder | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)07:40:24 No.275169 File: 48934538486.jpg (120 KB, 400x226) >>277085 Rayvond1X 10,00 $US R1X Hey @Gawr Gura Ch. hololive-EN how are U doing today, Just drop a10Bits for U. I've 2 go cuz My Military Camp is under Attack, My Commanding officer has just Called Me so yeah! Witch Me luck... T DX Iwas in Ine miumary u my >be soldier >be in military camp >ennemy airstrike is coming in >panic >??? >send ten dollars to a virtual loli
Anonymous 02/05/21(Fri)07:40:24 No.275169 File: 48934538486.jpg (120 KB, 400x226) >>277085 Rayvond1X 10,00 $US R1X Hey @Gawr Gura Ch. hololive-EN how are U doing today, Just drop a10Bits for U. I've 2 go cuz My Military Camp is under Attack, My Commanding officer has just Called Me so yeah! Witch Me luck... T DX Iwas in Ine miumary u my >be soldier >be in military camp >ennemy airstrike is coming in >panic >??? >send ten dollars to a virtual loli

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Anon is an NPC | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)07:51:26 No.63603986 >At work >Known at work as the guy who collects lighters >Coworker gives me a lighter he found >"Aw nice, thanks bro." 624 KB PNG >Opinion of that person went up in my mind >Think about it later that day >Realize I'm a 'collect x amount of y" npc >mfw
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)07:51:26 No.63603986 >At work >Known at work as the guy who collects lighters >Coworker gives me a lighter he found >"Aw nice, thanks bro." 624 KB PNG >Opinion of that person went up in my mind >Think about it later that day >Realize I'm a 'collect x amount of y" npc >mfw

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Anon finally finds a soulmate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)00:04:09 No.63597231 >Straight >No friends >Never had a gf >Go to college THE ANGEL PEVL ON e >New guy in class comes in >He's openly gay and kind to everyone, including me. Literally an 1.82 MB PNG angel who could do noting wrong >We become good friends over time >A few months roll by >He confesses to me >Says he always felt like this since he first met I don't know what to do anons, I don't want to break his heart and having a lover would be nice, but I don't know how people will view me. I don't want to be made fun of : Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)00:06:04 No.63597256 >>63597231 (OP) # Go get topped OP 13 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)00:04:09 No.63597231 >Straight >No friends >Never had a gf >Go to college THE ANGEL PEVL ON e >New guy in class comes in >He's openly gay and kind to everyone, including me. Literally an 1.82 MB PNG angel who could do noting wrong >We become good friends over time >A few months roll by >He confesses to me >Says he always felt like this since he first met I don't know what to do anons, I don't want to break his heart and having a lover would be nice, but I don't know how people will view me. I don't want to be made fun of : Anonymous 05/10/21(Mon)00:06:04 No.63597256 >>63597231 (OP) # Go get topped OP 13 KB PNG

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Anon cures depression | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me >have deppression >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never worked 9 KB JPG >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 05/06/21(Thu)20:52:32 No.853820308 >be me >have deppression >go to hospital for suicidal thoughts >got meds that never worked 9 KB JPG >realize deppression is cringe >litteraly just decide to not have it anymore >mfw it f------ worked 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon plays with fire, gets burned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/05/16(Sat)03:24:29 No.710603525 So I've been c------ in my roommates girlfriend's body wash because they're annoying as f---. For like two months, jerk it in the shower, open the pump, dump it in, and give it a good shake. 14 KB JPG He just told me her period was super late so they took a pregnancy test and she's knocked up. He said "I trust her, I guess a condom ripped or idk" and they're going to raise it. We have a year on the lease. Problem is, I'm Greek and they're white as f---. What are the chances I'm a dad? : Anonymous 11/05/16(Sat)03:25:48 No.710603604 what the f--- is wrong with you >>710603671 # >>710604623 #
: Anonymous 11/05/16(Sat)03:24:29 No.710603525 So I've been c------ in my roommates girlfriend's body wash because they're annoying as f---. For like two months, jerk it in the shower, open the pump, dump it in, and give it a good shake. 14 KB JPG He just told me her period was super late so they took a pregnancy test and she's knocked up. He said "I trust her, I guess a condom ripped or idk" and they're going to raise it. We have a year on the lease. Problem is, I'm Greek and they're white as f---. What are the chances I'm a dad? : Anonymous 11/05/16(Sat)03:25:48 No.710603604 what the f--- is wrong with you >>710603671 # >>710604623 #

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Anon can‘t sleep | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)18:31:49 No.63594178 >be me >have house >renovation next door >5 am 30 KB PNG >BBVBVBVBVVVVVVWWWMMMMMMM >f--- you, Jerry
: Anonymous 05/09/21(Sun)18:31:49 No.63594178 >be me >have house >renovation next door >5 am 30 KB PNG >BBVBVBVBVVVVVVWWWMMMMMMM >f--- you, Jerry

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Anon applies for a job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/12/21(Tue)19:40:45 No.137577790 1609952754578.jpg 6 KB JPG >applying for a cashier position >have to write a two-page motivational letter
: Anonymous 01/12/21(Tue)19:40:45 No.137577790 1609952754578.jpg 6 KB JPG >applying for a cashier position >have to write a two-page motivational letter

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Anon beats racism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)19:34:23 No.548733976 f.jpg 29 KB JPG >>548732910_(OP)_# >game ends >l say "ni" >someone says "gg" >l say "er"
: Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)19:34:23 No.548733976 f.jpg 29 KB JPG >>548732910_(OP)_# >game ends >l say "ni" >someone says "gg" >l say "er"

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Anon fights back | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.619019470 21 minutes ago >16 years old >walking to the bus stop to go to school >group of girls walking behind me >hear one say "you dare me?" >the other one say "I double dare you" >This bitch blindsides me and swings her fist into my temple from behind >Thatfuckishappening.jpg >l fall face first into concrete >the other two laugh as my nose bleed >get up >she got all up in my face, shoved me and yelled, "Whatchu gonna do about it, f-----? Hit a girl?" >Dont tempt me bitch >slammed my palm into her face and knocked her the f--- out >mfw they call me a monster >mfw they sream women beater What do you guys think of girls using their gender to protect themselves 5 replies Anonymous No.619019875 18 minutes ago f----- got em
Anonymous No.619019470 21 minutes ago >16 years old >walking to the bus stop to go to school >group of girls walking behind me >hear one say "you dare me?" >the other one say "I double dare you" >This bitch blindsides me and swings her fist into my temple from behind >Thatfuckishappening.jpg >l fall face first into concrete >the other two laugh as my nose bleed >get up >she got all up in my face, shoved me and yelled, "Whatchu gonna do about it, f-----? Hit a girl?" >Dont tempt me bitch >slammed my palm into her face and knocked her the f--- out >mfw they call me a monster >mfw they sream women beater What do you guys think of girls using their gender to protect themselves 5 replies Anonymous No.619019875 18 minutes ago f----- got em

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