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Anon has to prove he‘s straight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)13:32:07 No.63144995 >gay sex scene or other homoerotic stuff >start overthinking how much attention l'm paying, try to act natural >don't want to pay too much 14 KB JPG attention >don't want to pay too little because people will think I'm overcompensating >heart rate goes up because l'm nervous what people think >creates positive feedback loop because now my gf resting on my chest might think my heartrate is increasing because I like the gay stuff happening >Breathing increases, I wonder if anyone else in the room notices >Need to come up with something fast >Say "GAAAAAAAAY" like Chang from Community >Can now blame everything on my laughter >Can only get away with this two or three times before it becomes stale >Start watching movies in advance to see if they have gay scenes in them before watching them with friends, family or SO >Literally sneaking off to the cinema this week to vet a movie that I plan on seeing with my GF next week Anyone else?
: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)13:32:07 No.63144995 >gay sex scene or other homoerotic stuff >start overthinking how much attention l'm paying, try to act natural >don't want to pay too much 14 KB JPG attention >don't want to pay too little because people will think I'm overcompensating >heart rate goes up because l'm nervous what people think >creates positive feedback loop because now my gf resting on my chest might think my heartrate is increasing because I like the gay stuff happening >Breathing increases, I wonder if anyone else in the room notices >Need to come up with something fast >Say "GAAAAAAAAY" like Chang from Community >Can now blame everything on my laughter >Can only get away with this two or three times before it becomes stale >Start watching movies in advance to see if they have gay scenes in them before watching them with friends, family or SO >Literally sneaking off to the cinema this week to vet a movie that I plan on seeing with my GF next week Anyone else?

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Some freaky stuff going on here | /r/Greentext

01/27/21(Wed)19:25:56 No.62053745 : Anonymous Spooky stories Friend told me this story that aoparently happened to his uncle.or whatever >Go to bed >Wake up in the middle of the night because of strange noises in his bedroom >Turn bedside lamp on >There's a woman with no facial features other 42 KB JPG then her mouth standing in his room >She's wielding a big ass knife >He's so scared he can't even scream >She gets on his bed and sits on top of him >Sticks the knife bedside table >Turns the light off and proceeds to f--- the s--- out of him >He wakes up in the morning thinking it was all a dream >There's still the knife's hole in the bedside table He was a bit of a stoner and a drinker, but never did anything other than weed and booze. He quit drinking shortly after that.
01/27/21(Wed)19:25:56 No.62053745 : Anonymous Spooky stories Friend told me this story that aoparently happened to his uncle.or whatever >Go to bed >Wake up in the middle of the night because of strange noises in his bedroom >Turn bedside lamp on >There's a woman with no facial features other 42 KB JPG then her mouth standing in his room >She's wielding a big ass knife >He's so scared he can't even scream >She gets on his bed and sits on top of him >Sticks the knife bedside table >Turns the light off and proceeds to f--- the s--- out of him >He wakes up in the morning thinking it was all a dream >There's still the knife's hole in the bedside table He was a bit of a stoner and a drinker, but never did anything other than weed and booze. He quit drinking shortly after that.

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Anon has a realistic dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)04:58:02 No.851739685 >be me >sleeping >have dream >meet girl >beautiful, great girl, meet her through a friend sad apu 51 KB PNG >we hit it off >we go on a date >like each other a lot >we talk and talk >we love each other a lot >years go by and we are dating and we still love each other >talk about getting married, having family >wake up >mfw Happened today. Made me sad as f--- and it felt as if it were a memory and it actually happened. 3- 4 years it took and was gone because i woke up
: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)04:58:02 No.851739685 >be me >sleeping >have dream >meet girl >beautiful, great girl, meet her through a friend sad apu 51 KB PNG >we hit it off >we go on a date >like each other a lot >we talk and talk >we love each other a lot >years go by and we are dating and we still love each other >talk about getting married, having family >wake up >mfw Happened today. Made me sad as f--- and it felt as if it were a memory and it actually happened. 3- 4 years it took and was gone because i woke up

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New slaves | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)01:21:50 No.63142057 >be me -Wagie wage get in cagie Al day long you aweat and ragie NEETs comfy NEET s cool - NEET a tee from work and school Wagie trapped and wagie dies NEET eats tenies sauce and fies >day 1 at amazon distribution center >up at eat s--- o'clock in the morning to get across town in time for orientation 12 KB JPG >orientation is 20 minutes, the rest of the extra hour we had to show up before our shift is unpaid >"supervisor" (some random tool who's been stuck there long enough to earn the right to stand around with his hands on his hips) brings me to my little standing desk where I will be folding cardboard boxes and filling them with random s--- for the next 9 hours >7 hours and 4 declined bathroom breaks later i decide f--- this and walk out >leave my badge at my desk >ignore the voices behind me telling me to return to my workstation >grab my lunch that I wasn't allowed a break to go eat >thank god i parked close >hop in my car >couple fire trucks pass me on the highway >then a couple cop cars >don't think much of it >see smoke as i approach my street >my house is already a pile of ashes >cops are waiting for me >"anon, you're under arrest for arson and attempted insurance fraud" >sentenced to 30 years without trial because the court records are maintained by Amazon Web Services >Amazon strikes again
: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)01:21:50 No.63142057 >be me -Wagie wage get in cagie Al day long you aweat and ragie NEETs comfy NEET s cool - NEET a tee from work and school Wagie trapped and wagie dies NEET eats tenies sauce and fies >day 1 at amazon distribution center >up at eat s--- o'clock in the morning to get across town in time for orientation 12 KB JPG >orientation is 20 minutes, the rest of the extra hour we had to show up before our shift is unpaid >"supervisor" (some random tool who's been stuck there long enough to earn the right to stand around with his hands on his hips) brings me to my little standing desk where I will be folding cardboard boxes and filling them with random s--- for the next 9 hours >7 hours and 4 declined bathroom breaks later i decide f--- this and walk out >leave my badge at my desk >ignore the voices behind me telling me to return to my workstation >grab my lunch that I wasn't allowed a break to go eat >thank god i parked close >hop in my car >couple fire trucks pass me on the highway >then a couple cop cars >don't think much of it >see smoke as i approach my street >my house is already a pile of ashes >cops are waiting for me >"anon, you're under arrest for arson and attempted insurance fraud" >sentenced to 30 years without trial because the court records are maintained by Amazon Web Services >Amazon strikes again

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Anon is indian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)15:11:26 No.63144074 >Indian born in America >See my women worship white men Okay cool, I guess, white people rule America and women are 586 KB JPG hypergamist. >Go back home in the hope of picking up a beautiful Indian lady >Should be easy as Indian men rule India >See white men or tourists being treated better than local Indian men So rope it is for me then. This is b-------. So what's there for me then?
: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)15:11:26 No.63144074 >Indian born in America >See my women worship white men Okay cool, I guess, white people rule America and women are 586 KB JPG hypergamist. >Go back home in the hope of picking up a beautiful Indian lady >Should be easy as Indian men rule India >See white men or tourists being treated better than local Indian men So rope it is for me then. This is b-------. So what's there for me then?

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Anon moisturizes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)17:02:57 No.63147152 >being bullied for moisturising my whole body i-its normal isnt it? i want soft skin all over not just my face 385 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)17:02:57 No.63147152 >being bullied for moisturising my whole body i-its normal isnt it? i want soft skin all over not just my face 385 KB PNG

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Anon has a little sister | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)17:44:16 No.63147684 >Little sister cries >Tell her that no one gives a f--- and she can stop crying Getting rid of the female victim complex before it even begins 7 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)17:44:16 No.63147684 >Little sister cries >Tell her that no one gives a f--- and she can stop crying Getting rid of the female victim complex before it even begins 7 KB PNG

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Anon doesn't understand redditors | /r/Greentext

> be me > first day as Redditfag > heard they're all smart > thought that I can learn something new from the comments > look at the top comment > 1.4k upvotes 23 KB JPG >it said "nice" >ldon'tgetit.jpeg >look at the second most upvoted comment > it said "nice" >look at the most downvoted comment >it said "nice" >mfw
> be me > first day as Redditfag > heard they're all smart > thought that I can learn something new from the comments > look at the top comment > 1.4k upvotes 23 KB JPG >it said "nice" >ldon'tgetit.jpeg >look at the second most upvoted comment > it said "nice" >look at the most downvoted comment >it said "nice" >mfw

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Anon forgets to close his door | /r/Greentext

>couple of hours ago >jacking off in my room >about to bust >remember i forgot to lock the door >turn around to check >my sister is watching me >no idea how long she's been there >we stare at each other as i c-- >she closes the door and leaves >havent left my room since what do? 14m (4/10 22:50) · 851753752 PNG · 92KB · (1572 × 1796) >>851753413 (OP) f--- her.
>couple of hours ago >jacking off in my room >about to bust >remember i forgot to lock the door >turn around to check >my sister is watching me >no idea how long she's been there >we stare at each other as i c-- >she closes the door and leaves >havent left my room since what do? 14m (4/10 22:50) · 851753752 PNG · 92KB · (1572 × 1796) >>851753413 (OP) f--- her.

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Reminising ? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/07/20(Sat)15:36:41 No.839536773 >wake up >check internet >china still exists >day ruined 10 KB JPG 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 11/07/20(Sat)15:36:41 No.839536773 >wake up >check internet >china still exists >day ruined 10 KB JPG 9 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon hits rock bottom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous What's your absolute rock bott(...) 04/09/21(Fri)18:49:49 No.63132830 >late night >high from drugs and alcohol >ate $35 of McDonald's by myself >coomed 5 times in a row >watched most f----- up p--- >live at parents house so paranoid from being high, hiding in my bedroom 56 KB JPG >Been on the computer all day >dehydrated, won't go downstairs for water because too f----- up >get too horny, goes on grindr >total fear drive to a discreet hookup >f---- a obese bottom in the ass >s--- d---, bottom ate Chipotle >wipes up in bathroom >drive home in total shame knowing that I'm a f----- even tho I'm not and just got to horny >sees my mum eating dinner, full shame, runs upstairs to my room >curl up in my bed >head beating from the shame, the drugs, and the drained dopamine from spending all my time on the computer >can't sleep
: Anonymous What's your absolute rock bott(...) 04/09/21(Fri)18:49:49 No.63132830 >late night >high from drugs and alcohol >ate $35 of McDonald's by myself >coomed 5 times in a row >watched most f----- up p--- >live at parents house so paranoid from being high, hiding in my bedroom 56 KB JPG >Been on the computer all day >dehydrated, won't go downstairs for water because too f----- up >get too horny, goes on grindr >total fear drive to a discreet hookup >f---- a obese bottom in the ass >s--- d---, bottom ate Chipotle >wipes up in bathroom >drive home in total shame knowing that I'm a f----- even tho I'm not and just got to horny >sees my mum eating dinner, full shame, runs upstairs to my room >curl up in my bed >head beating from the shame, the drugs, and the drained dopamine from spending all my time on the computer >can't sleep

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Anon assaults a senior citizen | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/30/20(Thu)22:22:52 No.819601017 Random stories about when you were young thread. I'll start. >be me, like 7 >be with mom's friend's son >very close to him and protective, treat him like a younger brother, or a cousin 54 KB JPG >One day out waking with him >Some guy comes up to us and says hi >gives me candy >then he asked if my mom's friend's son how we knew each other >tell him that he is my cousin >mind you, I live in an asian country, and the people here are kind of ignorant, especially the older generation >in broken English, he asks, "if he's your brother, how come his skin very black?" >without thinking, punch the guy square in the gut >he lets out a loud, almost comedic, oomph >we both run away >mfw I knocked the wind out of some random old guy in front of a 3 year old and just bolted What do you think guys, did 7 year old me do the right thing?
: Anonymous 01/30/20(Thu)22:22:52 No.819601017 Random stories about when you were young thread. I'll start. >be me, like 7 >be with mom's friend's son >very close to him and protective, treat him like a younger brother, or a cousin 54 KB JPG >One day out waking with him >Some guy comes up to us and says hi >gives me candy >then he asked if my mom's friend's son how we knew each other >tell him that he is my cousin >mind you, I live in an asian country, and the people here are kind of ignorant, especially the older generation >in broken English, he asks, "if he's your brother, how come his skin very black?" >without thinking, punch the guy square in the gut >he lets out a loud, almost comedic, oomph >we both run away >mfw I knocked the wind out of some random old guy in front of a 3 year old and just bolted What do you think guys, did 7 year old me do the right thing?

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Are you not entertained? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)03:03:41 No.149343080 >Start movie >After 20 minutes turn it off because I don't care anymore 57 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)03:03:41 No.149343080 >Start movie >After 20 minutes turn it off because I don't care anymore 57 KB JPG

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Anon discovers Tinder | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)21:24:25 No.63134762 This happened a long time ago > create fake profile on Tinder of a 9/10 Chad with a distinct jawline > only one picture, no bio > instantly get matches > chicks send me gifs or start 74 KB JPG convos > respond to some of them > be provocative and let them do the talking > ask them to guess things about me like what | do for a living or what hobbies I have > if they guess wrong I scold them and they begin to apologize > to some of them I tell that I have no hobbies and they begin to support me telling me that it is allright and not everyone has to have them It was so easy... Decide to create a real profile > 0 matches > takes days to get some of them > decide to act like Chad not giving a f--- > either get ignored or unmatched
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)21:24:25 No.63134762 This happened a long time ago > create fake profile on Tinder of a 9/10 Chad with a distinct jawline > only one picture, no bio > instantly get matches > chicks send me gifs or start 74 KB JPG convos > respond to some of them > be provocative and let them do the talking > ask them to guess things about me like what | do for a living or what hobbies I have > if they guess wrong I scold them and they begin to apologize > to some of them I tell that I have no hobbies and they begin to support me telling me that it is allright and not everyone has to have them It was so easy... Decide to create a real profile > 0 matches > takes days to get some of them > decide to act like Chad not giving a f--- > either get ignored or unmatched

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Anon is confronted by an SJW | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)11:16:38 No.851683068 >be me, 33 >got new job in office, full of cubicles >be a baritone singer in my spare time, sing in a lot of religious events ever since i was 18 >catholic church near office building, large church with large bell tower >work on my stuff til 12 oclock, and the bell tower starts 459 KB JPG playing the AveMaria >out of pure reflez y started singing along, firts very low but by half the song i was doing a voice that could be heard 2 cubicles away >stopped when i felt the awkward looks >got back to work, pretend nothing happened >noticed a blue haired girl frowning at me >HR calls me, they warn me against doing anything religious that might make my coworkers feel i'm forcing my religion onto them >the blue haired girl now watches my back, seems like she wants me fired >should i put up with her or should i just quit and wait for the religious services to start again so i can make a living by singing again?
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)11:16:38 No.851683068 >be me, 33 >got new job in office, full of cubicles >be a baritone singer in my spare time, sing in a lot of religious events ever since i was 18 >catholic church near office building, large church with large bell tower >work on my stuff til 12 oclock, and the bell tower starts 459 KB JPG playing the AveMaria >out of pure reflez y started singing along, firts very low but by half the song i was doing a voice that could be heard 2 cubicles away >stopped when i felt the awkward looks >got back to work, pretend nothing happened >noticed a blue haired girl frowning at me >HR calls me, they warn me against doing anything religious that might make my coworkers feel i'm forcing my religion onto them >the blue haired girl now watches my back, seems like she wants me fired >should i put up with her or should i just quit and wait for the religious services to start again so i can make a living by singing again?

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Anon has surgery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)20:29:19 No.851720761 ITT post comfy feels The comfiest I've ever felt was this: >Be me >Last year >Getting a surgery >Put on those 3m grip socks and the hospital gown 915 KB PNG >Gown has these plastic vent ports >Get walked into the surgery room when it's time >Lay down on the surgery table >The nurses put one arm out to the side for an IV and I get strapped down >They put these hoses onto the gown and it starts blowing warm air >Get wrapped in a hospital blanket, super cozy >Anesthetic gets put into my IV drip >Fall asleep to the feeling of warmth and the soft voice of the nurse It was nice and then I woke up and got taken home by my girlfriend. Feels good man. I know it's weird but it felt strangely comfortable to me.
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)20:29:19 No.851720761 ITT post comfy feels The comfiest I've ever felt was this: >Be me >Last year >Getting a surgery >Put on those 3m grip socks and the hospital gown 915 KB PNG >Gown has these plastic vent ports >Get walked into the surgery room when it's time >Lay down on the surgery table >The nurses put one arm out to the side for an IV and I get strapped down >They put these hoses onto the gown and it starts blowing warm air >Get wrapped in a hospital blanket, super cozy >Anesthetic gets put into my IV drip >Fall asleep to the feeling of warmth and the soft voice of the nurse It was nice and then I woke up and got taken home by my girlfriend. Feels good man. I know it's weird but it felt strangely comfortable to me.

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Anon finally feels appreciated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)05:05:02 No.63140749 Hey guys I haven't done this in a long time but just wanted to share with similar individuals who may appreciate this >Be me, shy, basically socially 55 KB JPG retarded >Can almost count on one hand how many times I've went out and done things in public places on a weekend >Went out to trivia night at a local bar with friends for 3rd time >almost always just end up sitting there and being useless as usual >This time I actually know the answer to 3 very high point questions that nobody else knew >Our team gets the most points it ever has >Teammates actually happy I was there >Mfw I was genuinely useful to people I care about It sure felt good, especially since I'm dealing with some stupid family drama right now.
: Anonymous 04/10/21(Sat)05:05:02 No.63140749 Hey guys I haven't done this in a long time but just wanted to share with similar individuals who may appreciate this >Be me, shy, basically socially 55 KB JPG retarded >Can almost count on one hand how many times I've went out and done things in public places on a weekend >Went out to trivia night at a local bar with friends for 3rd time >almost always just end up sitting there and being useless as usual >This time I actually know the answer to 3 very high point questions that nobody else knew >Our team gets the most points it ever has >Teammates actually happy I was there >Mfw I was genuinely useful to people I care about It sure felt good, especially since I'm dealing with some stupid family drama right now.

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Makes sense | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 04/03/20(Fri)11:49:06 No.57473827 >I'm just like you, Anon! And yeah I've been in two relationships before turning 20, have experienced teenage love and sex, have a steady circle of friends consisting of 10+ people, drink alcohol, get invited to parties, travel to other countries on a 112 KB JPG monthly basis, go to concerts, men constantly hitting on me, etc, but hey! I'm an unadjusted social outcast weirdo such as YOURSELF! tee hee :D :) XD
| Anonymous 04/03/20(Fri)11:49:06 No.57473827 >I'm just like you, Anon! And yeah I've been in two relationships before turning 20, have experienced teenage love and sex, have a steady circle of friends consisting of 10+ people, drink alcohol, get invited to parties, travel to other countries on a 112 KB JPG monthly basis, go to concerts, men constantly hitting on me, etc, but hey! I'm an unadjusted social outcast weirdo such as YOURSELF! tee hee :D :) XD

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Frisbee night | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/21 (Wed)10:09:21 No.28149598 >>28094304 (OP) # >be me, about 21 years old >chilling in the lounge on a Saturday arvo with two bros, waiting for more mates and our girls to show up for drinks 18 KB JPG >get phone call >it's from my own number, which is pretty weird >answer the call and it's all staticky and muffled but I can hear a bunch of people talking and some metal playing - hed pe's bartender >goes on for a few seconds before there's louder scuffling and scratching >voice says "ah f---, butt dialled someone lol" then call ends >a few hours later, everyone is chilling, chatting and whatnot. Gonna go have a smoke on the balcony, grab my ciggies and my phone and see I called someone. Say "ah f---, butt dialled someone, lol" >mfw it clicks.
: Anonymous 04/07/21 (Wed)10:09:21 No.28149598 >>28094304 (OP) # >be me, about 21 years old >chilling in the lounge on a Saturday arvo with two bros, waiting for more mates and our girls to show up for drinks 18 KB JPG >get phone call >it's from my own number, which is pretty weird >answer the call and it's all staticky and muffled but I can hear a bunch of people talking and some metal playing - hed pe's bartender >goes on for a few seconds before there's louder scuffling and scratching >voice says "ah f---, butt dialled someone lol" then call ends >a few hours later, everyone is chilling, chatting and whatnot. Gonna go have a smoke on the balcony, grab my ciggies and my phone and see I called someone. Say "ah f---, butt dialled someone, lol" >mfw it clicks.

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I don't know what to title this | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 8 hours ago 69470695 >email account got tagged for spam >just for sending my resumes to companies that were hiring I want to die
Anonymous 8 hours ago 69470695 >email account got tagged for spam >just for sending my resumes to companies that were hiring I want to die

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