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Anon ridicules Prince Philip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)22:30:00 No.851693529 > be Prince Philip > be a loading bar > going through life fine > oops car crash > pause loading.jpg > get out of hospital and keep loading life > 99% complete 289 KB JPG > Error 404: life not found Imao not even king
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)22:30:00 No.851693529 > be Prince Philip > be a loading bar > going through life fine > oops car crash > pause loading.jpg > get out of hospital and keep loading life > 99% complete 289 KB JPG > Error 404: life not found Imao not even king

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Anon is retarded | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)22:08:11 No.63135418 >started trading hentai pictures on whatsapp with my moms boyfriend again >she actually found out about it because she looked at his 47 KB JPG whatsapp chat for some f------ reason im not gonna lie, this feels really awkward
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)22:08:11 No.63135418 >started trading hentai pictures on whatsapp with my moms boyfriend again >she actually found out about it because she looked at his 47 KB JPG whatsapp chat for some f------ reason im not gonna lie, this feels really awkward

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Anon fell for the meme | /r/Greentext

>be me >from Alabama >decide l'm gonna f--- my hot ass sister >go to her room butt ass naked at 11 at night >"what're you doing anon?" >we'regonnafuck.jpg >she freaks out and tells me to leave 423,6 kB PNG >mom and dad told me I have to move out the next morning You guys said it was ok to duck your sister in Alabama Why did you f------ lie to me?
>be me >from Alabama >decide l'm gonna f--- my hot ass sister >go to her room butt ass naked at 11 at night >"what're you doing anon?" >we'regonnafuck.jpg >she freaks out and tells me to leave 423,6 kB PNG >mom and dad told me I have to move out the next morning You guys said it was ok to duck your sister in Alabama Why did you f------ lie to me?

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alpha af | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Sat 28 Dec 2019 14:14:17 No.817176079 View Quoted By: >>817176124 >>817176178 > On the train to London > Really need to fart > Starting to hurt a bit > Starting to hurt a lot > Train shakes a little, want get up to go to the bathroom before I f------ burst > Don't get the chance, my sphincter can no longer take the strain > Manage to discreetly edge my buttcheeks apart, comes out slowly but silently > Pass gas for a Solid 60 seconds > Oh no > Oh god the f------ smell > People are looking at each other > It's really f------ bad. > enemyspotted.jpeg > A foreign smell impacts my nostrils > The dude opposite me is staring me right in the eyes > He f------ knows, and ripped one of his own > It's f------ on > Spread the cheeks a little wider, much as I dare > Push > Clearly and loudly s--- myself staring into the eyes of a complete stranger. What's your commute like /b/?
Anonymous Sat 28 Dec 2019 14:14:17 No.817176079 View Quoted By: >>817176124 >>817176178 > On the train to London > Really need to fart > Starting to hurt a bit > Starting to hurt a lot > Train shakes a little, want get up to go to the bathroom before I f------ burst > Don't get the chance, my sphincter can no longer take the strain > Manage to discreetly edge my buttcheeks apart, comes out slowly but silently > Pass gas for a Solid 60 seconds > Oh no > Oh god the f------ smell > People are looking at each other > It's really f------ bad. > enemyspotted.jpeg > A foreign smell impacts my nostrils > The dude opposite me is staring me right in the eyes > He f------ knows, and ripped one of his own > It's f------ on > Spread the cheeks a little wider, much as I dare > Push > Clearly and loudly s--- myself staring into the eyes of a complete stranger. What's your commute like /b/?

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Anon is living the good life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)17:36:30 No.63131917 >feeling down >take massive s--- VOLINERE NEVS >feel better life is easy 216 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)17:36:30 No.63131917 >feeling down >take massive s--- VOLINERE NEVS >feel better life is easy 216 KB JPG

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Anon hates redundancy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)16:15:46 No.63130968 >rightclicked open in new tab for a link that would have opened in a new tab from a left click anyway 37 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)16:15:46 No.63130968 >rightclicked open in new tab for a link that would have opened in a new tab from a left click anyway 37 KB JPG

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Anon daydreams about being socially responsible | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)10:05:56 No.851682416 be me 19 year-old kissless virgin >doing a internship at a hospital >working with 7/10 qt3.14 >she's a bit older than me but still looks cute in the scrubs >seems cool when we're in a group but gets weird when it's just the two of us 153 KB JPG >gets clumsy >laughs at every f------ thing I say even if I don't mean to make a joke >winks repeatedly >touches my hands/hair/whatever all the f------ time (despite COVID) Is this girl f------ retarded?
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)10:05:56 No.851682416 be me 19 year-old kissless virgin >doing a internship at a hospital >working with 7/10 qt3.14 >she's a bit older than me but still looks cute in the scrubs >seems cool when we're in a group but gets weird when it's just the two of us 153 KB JPG >gets clumsy >laughs at every f------ thing I say even if I don't mean to make a joke >winks repeatedly >touches my hands/hair/whatever all the f------ time (despite COVID) Is this girl f------ retarded?

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Anon likes his job | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)11:39:12 No.803525737 >Be me >cart pusher at ikea >8 hour shift >working hard >38 degree celsius >the sun is burning me >f------ exhausted and 78 KB JPG depressed >feel something poking me >it's a kid >max 4 years old >"Sir, can I have this cart please" >l smile >"of course , buddy" >he thanks me and runs with it towards his mom >my day is suddenly slightly better >finish shift >go back home >j-------, thinking about the little kid >sleep I like my job
: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)11:39:12 No.803525737 >Be me >cart pusher at ikea >8 hour shift >working hard >38 degree celsius >the sun is burning me >f------ exhausted and 78 KB JPG depressed >feel something poking me >it's a kid >max 4 years old >"Sir, can I have this cart please" >l smile >"of course , buddy" >he thanks me and runs with it towards his mom >my day is suddenly slightly better >finish shift >go back home >j-------, thinking about the little kid >sleep I like my job

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Anon dodged a bullet there | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)08:04:09 No.23924570 >met gf in mid november >getting along ok >walking along last night >talking about one of my friends >she doesnt like this guy because he likes going to clubs, casinos, strip clubs, s--- like that >she asks if theres anything he likes that doesnt involve degrading women >mention that he likes to go to the gun range >she goes on a rant about how she's a liberal, doesnt like guns, respects women, doesnt like 203 KB PNG trump supporters, blah blah blah >she believes my friend must be a trump supporter and has a negative opinion of him >he actually voted for biden, didnt tell her that >i voted for trump, didnt tell her that i think i might be in trouble here bros
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)08:04:09 No.23924570 >met gf in mid november >getting along ok >walking along last night >talking about one of my friends >she doesnt like this guy because he likes going to clubs, casinos, strip clubs, s--- like that >she asks if theres anything he likes that doesnt involve degrading women >mention that he likes to go to the gun range >she goes on a rant about how she's a liberal, doesnt like guns, respects women, doesnt like 203 KB PNG trump supporters, blah blah blah >she believes my friend must be a trump supporter and has a negative opinion of him >he actually voted for biden, didnt tell her that >i voted for trump, didnt tell her that i think i might be in trouble here bros

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Anon is an engineer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/21/16(Sun)19:36:58 No.670088283 I used to regularly use classmates as sentry guns in elementary school. The situation basically went like this each time: > Be me in elementary school, circa 1991 > Go to the bathroom during second recess, shortly after lunch ended > Bide my time in a toilet stall| > Wait until a line of 3 or more kids are using the urinals > Target the one that just started peeing, less likely chance he'll stop > Run up behind him, simultaneously knee him in the ass and grab him by the shoulders > Kid can't stop peeing > Can control direction of piss stream by moving his shoulders left and right > Use him as a sentry gun to fire piss at other students > Run away when piss stream begins to weaken
: Anonymous 02/21/16(Sun)19:36:58 No.670088283 I used to regularly use classmates as sentry guns in elementary school. The situation basically went like this each time: > Be me in elementary school, circa 1991 > Go to the bathroom during second recess, shortly after lunch ended > Bide my time in a toilet stall| > Wait until a line of 3 or more kids are using the urinals > Target the one that just started peeing, less likely chance he'll stop > Run up behind him, simultaneously knee him in the ass and grab him by the shoulders > Kid can't stop peeing > Can control direction of piss stream by moving his shoulders left and right > Use him as a sentry gun to fire piss at other students > Run away when piss stream begins to weaken

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Anon is depressed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21 (Fri)04:18:28 No.63121242 >>63121036 (OP) # >be around 16 years old >docs prescribe me antipsychotics and antidepressants >horny calls >j------- for 4 hours without 47 KB PNG c------ >know my mother has sex toys >try to sneak in without waking anyone up >sex toy box makes loud f------ noise >mother is now awake >"anon what are you doing" >desperate times call for desperate measures >"uh you uhh y-you have been... on antidepressants before?" >"yeah.. what does that have to do with my stuff?" >"you... ever.. find it hard to c--?" >cue laughing >"there's an unopened vibrator over here" >slink back to my room with the sound of peeling plastic >sit in my room for another hour attempting to disassociate enough to forget where I got the vibrator from >c-- and cry >>63121369 # >>63121768 # >>63122412 #
: Anonymous 04/09/21 (Fri)04:18:28 No.63121242 >>63121036 (OP) # >be around 16 years old >docs prescribe me antipsychotics and antidepressants >horny calls >j------- for 4 hours without 47 KB PNG c------ >know my mother has sex toys >try to sneak in without waking anyone up >sex toy box makes loud f------ noise >mother is now awake >"anon what are you doing" >desperate times call for desperate measures >"uh you uhh y-you have been... on antidepressants before?" >"yeah.. what does that have to do with my stuff?" >"you... ever.. find it hard to c--?" >cue laughing >"there's an unopened vibrator over here" >slink back to my room with the sound of peeling plastic >sit in my room for another hour attempting to disassociate enough to forget where I got the vibrator from >c-- and cry >>63121369 # >>63121768 # >>63122412 #

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Anon needs help | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)19:54:09 No.842339156 >be me >go out drinking with the boys >get super drunk >wake up in someone else's bed >look over and see 7/10 girl >find my clothes with phone in pocket >check messages 89 KB PNG >7 missed calls from dad, 4 from mom >texts from boys asking where I'm at >most recent message sent was to black uncle >called him n word for no reason >mfw when parents think I'm kidnapped, boys think I'm dead, and uncle thins I'm a racist what do anons?
: Anonymous 12/14/20(Mon)19:54:09 No.842339156 >be me >go out drinking with the boys >get super drunk >wake up in someone else's bed >look over and see 7/10 girl >find my clothes with phone in pocket >check messages 89 KB PNG >7 missed calls from dad, 4 from mom >texts from boys asking where I'm at >most recent message sent was to black uncle >called him n word for no reason >mfw when parents think I'm kidnapped, boys think I'm dead, and uncle thins I'm a racist what do anons?

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Anon is an idiot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)22:07:31 No.851637496 those times when going full retard came with pain I'll start. >Be me lying in bed >A------ itches >Scratch it 25 KB JPG >Doesn't stop itching >Decide to go to toilet and wipe a------ with toilet раper. >No toilet paper f---.mov >see toilet scrubber >use that to scratch my a------ >f--- that hurt >realise I ripped out my a------ hair >a------ feels like its on fire >cry it still hurts
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)22:07:31 No.851637496 those times when going full retard came with pain I'll start. >Be me lying in bed >A------ itches >Scratch it 25 KB JPG >Doesn't stop itching >Decide to go to toilet and wipe a------ with toilet раper. >No toilet paper f---.mov >see toilet scrubber >use that to scratch my a------ >f--- that hurt >realise I ripped out my a------ hair >a------ feels like its on fire >cry it still hurts

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Anon's got a point | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)18:58:18 No.63132183 >forgot i left the TV on in the other room >the news comes on, my first time listening in months >talking about mass shootings >then onto mass vaccination centers >some celebrity died >then onto gun control and some other 43 KB PNG s--- >back to mass shootings >back to corona and vaccines >finally get to the weather >i turn it off how can anyone watch this kind of thing everyday and not feel dejected?
: Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)18:58:18 No.63132183 >forgot i left the TV on in the other room >the news comes on, my first time listening in months >talking about mass shootings >then onto mass vaccination centers >some celebrity died >then onto gun control and some other 43 KB PNG s--- >back to mass shootings >back to corona and vaccines >finally get to the weather >i turn it off how can anyone watch this kind of thing everyday and not feel dejected?

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Japan fascinates anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:25:37 No.851615053- JAPAN SAYS SORRY, BUT IT HAS TO DUMP THIS RADIOACTIVE WATER INTO THE OCEAN >irresponsibly use nuclear power without adequate safeguards >pollute ocean with nuclear waste >overfish bluefin tuna to endangerment >commercially hunt whales under the lie of "scientific research" EELONG 633 KB JPG >fail to account for multiple war atrocities against chinese and koreans including torture, murder, r---, cannibalism, attacks on hospital ships >until 2016, divorced men could marry immediately but women had to wait 6 months >technically has a law saying showing thighs can get you 29 days in jail >meanwhile, loli and shota culturally accepted >normalized monster r--- anime in print and screen >women's dirty panties can literally be bought in vending machines >scat p--- and other oddities normalized (but blur out the p----) >literally had to pass a law to mandate 'always on' shutter click sound fx on all cameras because of creepshot epidemic >suicide epidemic, numbers on the rise >hikikomori (sperg++ neets, effectively) population tops 10 million, and rising w-- is up with japan? 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:29:15 No.851615251 >>851615053 (OP) # >Whats wrong with japan? They are japan, thats what Ever heard that the most psycothic people are the most intelligent? Thats japan in a nutshell FaceApp 294 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:29:33 No.851615274 >>851615053 (OP) # >w-- is up with japan? They're based is what. F--- you, n-----
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:25:37 No.851615053- JAPAN SAYS SORRY, BUT IT HAS TO DUMP THIS RADIOACTIVE WATER INTO THE OCEAN >irresponsibly use nuclear power without adequate safeguards >pollute ocean with nuclear waste >overfish bluefin tuna to endangerment >commercially hunt whales under the lie of "scientific research" EELONG 633 KB JPG >fail to account for multiple war atrocities against chinese and koreans including torture, murder, r---, cannibalism, attacks on hospital ships >until 2016, divorced men could marry immediately but women had to wait 6 months >technically has a law saying showing thighs can get you 29 days in jail >meanwhile, loli and shota culturally accepted >normalized monster r--- anime in print and screen >women's dirty panties can literally be bought in vending machines >scat p--- and other oddities normalized (but blur out the p----) >literally had to pass a law to mandate 'always on' shutter click sound fx on all cameras because of creepshot epidemic >suicide epidemic, numbers on the rise >hikikomori (sperg++ neets, effectively) population tops 10 million, and rising w-- is up with japan? 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:29:15 No.851615251 >>851615053 (OP) # >Whats wrong with japan? They are japan, thats what Ever heard that the most psycothic people are the most intelligent? Thats japan in a nutshell FaceApp 294 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:29:33 No.851615274 >>851615053 (OP) # >w-- is up with japan? They're based is what. F--- you, n-----

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Anon has a realization | /r/Greentext

File: strange kreatur in the train.jpg (96 KB, 959x1282) Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)09:48:48 No.63131323 >taking a break >eating a snack in the walmart break room >boss walks in >Hey I almost forgot, it's your birthday today Litte isn't it? >Yeah >happy birthday! how old are you? >Thanks. Turning 33 today >Oh thats great, I wish I was your age, well enjoy your day >leaves >sit alone in the break room >realize ive been working min wage for 11 years now
File: strange kreatur in the train.jpg (96 KB, 959x1282) Anonymous 04/09/21(Fri)09:48:48 No.63131323 >taking a break >eating a snack in the walmart break room >boss walks in >Hey I almost forgot, it's your birthday today Litte isn't it? >Yeah >happy birthday! how old are you? >Thanks. Turning 33 today >Oh thats great, I wish I was your age, well enjoy your day >leaves >sit alone in the break room >realize ive been working min wage for 11 years now

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anon gets a birthday present | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: ue4fWrSi) E 04/02/21(Fri)00:02:53 No.314823601 File: 1610339049959.jpg (115 KB, 824x928) Anonymous Tue 18 Jun 2019 20:56:17 No.466992079 View Reply Original Report >be me >turn 23 >doorbell rings >it's my grandma >"Happy birthday, anon!" >gives me a HUGE gondola doll (pic related) >"I sewed you this woollen toy. I was looking at your Facebook with your mom wondering what you might like and we repeatedly saw this character so I decided to make you one!" Can someone please tell me what the f--- just happened, v/? Am I dreaming right now? View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO 4 gondola2.jpg, 101KIB, 960x1280 98KIB, 960x1280, gondola.jpg View Same Google igdb SauceNAO Anonymous Tue 18 Jun 2019 20:56:59 No.466992147 Report Quoted By: >>466992520 >>466993730 >>466994375 >>466994541 >>466994916 >>466995009 >>466995126 There it f------ sits.
Anonymous (ID: ue4fWrSi) E 04/02/21(Fri)00:02:53 No.314823601 File: 1610339049959.jpg (115 KB, 824x928) Anonymous Tue 18 Jun 2019 20:56:17 No.466992079 View Reply Original Report >be me >turn 23 >doorbell rings >it's my grandma >"Happy birthday, anon!" >gives me a HUGE gondola doll (pic related) >"I sewed you this woollen toy. I was looking at your Facebook with your mom wondering what you might like and we repeatedly saw this character so I decided to make you one!" Can someone please tell me what the f--- just happened, v/? Am I dreaming right now? View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO 4 gondola2.jpg, 101KIB, 960x1280 98KIB, 960x1280, gondola.jpg View Same Google igdb SauceNAO Anonymous Tue 18 Jun 2019 20:56:59 No.466992147 Report Quoted By: >>466992520 >>466993730 >>466994375 >>466994541 >>466994916 >>466995009 >>466995126 There it f------ sits.

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Anon is a pervert | /r/Greentext

>give female friend a ride >intentionally don't turn on the ac so she 1 KB JPG Sweats >sniff the seat once she gets out
>give female friend a ride >intentionally don't turn on the ac so she 1 KB JPG Sweats >sniff the seat once she gets out

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Anon's first experience with a girl. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/09/21 (Fri)15:00:08 No.851654096 >Be me >17 >Work at a drink place in an amusement park >Bathrooms closest to us are always closed 31 KB PNG >regularly steal drinks, it's part of the job >work with a hot girl my age >Start to be friends with her >One night it's just us, everyone else already left >We close the stand, get our large 60 oz drinks and chat for a bit >We finish our drinks, go to the bathroom to find it's closed >Start walking to our cars >She asks me if I want to learn some things >Never done anything with a girl >"uhh, sure" >She starts showing me to do intimate things >Start making out in her car >"So what else do people usually do?" >"They usually do stuff down there" >Start to finger her >After a while something happens, it gets wet >ls This what being wet is? >Keep going >After a while there's a bit more, doesn't bother me >"Umm, stop" >"Have you had enough?" >"No, I think I p----- myself" >We turn on the light, it's everywhere >Go to McDonalds for napkins >Spend 20 minutes cleaning ourselves >First time with a girl and she f------ p----- on me
: Anonymous 04/09/21 (Fri)15:00:08 No.851654096 >Be me >17 >Work at a drink place in an amusement park >Bathrooms closest to us are always closed 31 KB PNG >regularly steal drinks, it's part of the job >work with a hot girl my age >Start to be friends with her >One night it's just us, everyone else already left >We close the stand, get our large 60 oz drinks and chat for a bit >We finish our drinks, go to the bathroom to find it's closed >Start walking to our cars >She asks me if I want to learn some things >Never done anything with a girl >"uhh, sure" >She starts showing me to do intimate things >Start making out in her car >"So what else do people usually do?" >"They usually do stuff down there" >Start to finger her >After a while something happens, it gets wet >ls This what being wet is? >Keep going >After a while there's a bit more, doesn't bother me >"Umm, stop" >"Have you had enough?" >"No, I think I p----- myself" >We turn on the light, it's everywhere >Go to McDonalds for napkins >Spend 20 minutes cleaning ourselves >First time with a girl and she f------ p----- on me

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Anon is brazilian | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)21:40:12 No.851631582 YOU'ARE GOING >be me >brazilian >l am in Brazil >l don't need to come tro Brazil >Brazil isn't comming to me >l am safe from Brazil >wait, nobody is safe in Brazil TO BRAZIL 36 KB JPG >someone save me from Brazil
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)21:40:12 No.851631582 YOU'ARE GOING >be me >brazilian >l am in Brazil >l don't need to come tro Brazil >Brazil isn't comming to me >l am safe from Brazil >wait, nobody is safe in Brazil TO BRAZIL 36 KB JPG >someone save me from Brazil

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