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Anon is crushing it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)00:53:32 No.851352356 >>Be Me >>Virgin >>No woman has ever claimed or stated that I am bad at the sex >>therefore, by the logic of sexual skill, I am a Chad 32 KB JPG Oh you've had sex with a woman? Lol you f------ beta
: Anonymous 04/06/21(Tue)00:53:32 No.851352356 >>Be Me >>Virgin >>No woman has ever claimed or stated that I am bad at the sex >>therefore, by the logic of sexual skill, I am a Chad 32 KB JPG Oh you've had sex with a woman? Lol you f------ beta

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Storytime tardbros | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/28/17(Mon)12:03:10 No.743447804 >be me >sophomore year of high school >getting bullied by a kid named Jeremiah >Jeremiah is a 6'5" gigajew jock >wears the hat, has the fro and everything >i help out with the local tards for service hours 75 KB JPG during 5th and 6th periods >one tard, darius, and i share symbiotic relationship >he lets me play a s----- WWE video game with them, i give him fries from McDonald's >we are tardbros >one day i have to take darius to the nurse for his meds >see Jeremiah in the hall >he stops us >"i see you found some friends like you" >darius starts to get fidgety >"f--- off" i say politely >Darius becomes perfectly still >Gigajew rears back for a punch >suddenly i hear a sound like a bull getting sucked off by a shop vac in front of a broken fan >lts darius >w-- >the jew is confused to >watch as darius rips off his shirt and jump for Jeremiah's legs >knocks jewfag over for 4hp >suddenly all of darius's WWE skills surface >grabs Jeremiah and hits him with a piledriver for 30hp >allofmywhat.png >darius reaches down and picks him up >darius is only about 5'7" and maybe 160 lbs >bodyslam for 40hp >how the f--- is this real >jeremiah is down to 26hp >darius picks him up again >falls backwards and bodyslams himself >i get worried and run over >but darius had enacted his master plan >hall monitors and assistant principals show up >they don't suspect that darius is the undertaker's downsy cousin >suspends Jeremiah. >next day >bring darius 2 large fries from mcdonald's >he just smiles and nods >tardbros for life
: Anonymous 08/28/17(Mon)12:03:10 No.743447804 >be me >sophomore year of high school >getting bullied by a kid named Jeremiah >Jeremiah is a 6'5" gigajew jock >wears the hat, has the fro and everything >i help out with the local tards for service hours 75 KB JPG during 5th and 6th periods >one tard, darius, and i share symbiotic relationship >he lets me play a s----- WWE video game with them, i give him fries from McDonald's >we are tardbros >one day i have to take darius to the nurse for his meds >see Jeremiah in the hall >he stops us >"i see you found some friends like you" >darius starts to get fidgety >"f--- off" i say politely >Darius becomes perfectly still >Gigajew rears back for a punch >suddenly i hear a sound like a bull getting sucked off by a shop vac in front of a broken fan >lts darius >w-- >the jew is confused to >watch as darius rips off his shirt and jump for Jeremiah's legs >knocks jewfag over for 4hp >suddenly all of darius's WWE skills surface >grabs Jeremiah and hits him with a piledriver for 30hp >allofmywhat.png >darius reaches down and picks him up >darius is only about 5'7" and maybe 160 lbs >bodyslam for 40hp >how the f--- is this real >jeremiah is down to 26hp >darius picks him up again >falls backwards and bodyslams himself >i get worried and run over >but darius had enacted his master plan >hall monitors and assistant principals show up >they don't suspect that darius is the undertaker's downsy cousin >suspends Jeremiah. >next day >bring darius 2 large fries from mcdonald's >he just smiles and nods >tardbros for life

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Scooby dooby cum | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/08/15(Sat)06:54:47 No.633378377 >>633377556 # >be 10 >watching Scooby Door >tfw Velma's sexy >start stroking my d--- through the blanket 34 KB JPG >feelssogood.png >feel a volcano erupting in my loins >shout SCOOBY DOOBY DOO as I c-- >Start doing it on the reg >SCOOBY DOOBY DOO every time I c-- >Mom thinks I really like Scooby Doo >Mom buys me all seasons of Scooby Doo for Christmas
: Anonymous 08/08/15(Sat)06:54:47 No.633378377 >>633377556 # >be 10 >watching Scooby Door >tfw Velma's sexy >start stroking my d--- through the blanket 34 KB JPG >feelssogood.png >feel a volcano erupting in my loins >shout SCOOBY DOOBY DOO as I c-- >Start doing it on the reg >SCOOBY DOOBY DOO every time I c-- >Mom thinks I really like Scooby Doo >Mom buys me all seasons of Scooby Doo for Christmas

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Anon gets swatted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)15:48:17 No.63064613 >tried cuddling with escort after making her c-- >she swatted me away 39 KB JPG 18 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : azn boi 04/05/21(Mon)19:13:52 No.63066362 >>63064613 (OP) # based escort. get rekt op
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)15:48:17 No.63064613 >tried cuddling with escort after making her c-- >she swatted me away 39 KB JPG 18 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : azn boi 04/05/21(Mon)19:13:52 No.63066362 >>63064613 (OP) # based escort. get rekt op

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Anon cures their depression | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)21:03:14 No.851319325 >be sad as f--- >see picture of boob on internet >day saved, no more existential dread, only boob on mind 27 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)21:03:14 No.851319325 >be sad as f--- >see picture of boob on internet >day saved, no more existential dread, only boob on mind 27 KB JPG

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Anon is based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21 (Mon)07:41:14 No.63062465 >meet a person >start talking about things we like >he mentions he likes anything related to anime >leave 36 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/05/21 (Mon)07:41:14 No.63062465 >meet a person >start talking about things we like >he mentions he likes anything related to anime >leave 36 KB JPG

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Anon gets red pilled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The matrix 2 incident 04/05/21 (Mon)18:42:00 No.63066102 >be me in 2003 a huge 16 year old Matrix fan >live with my dad and my mom, but mostly only with my dad cause he works from home and my mom doesn't >childishly hate my dad for years because he isn't my mom 194 KB PNG >always ignore him >he always comes into my matrix themed bedroom to ask us to do stuff together, but i brush him off every time >May 2003, my dad enters my room >"Anon, i know you're a huge Matrix fan, even if you don't want to do stuff together i want you to have fun" >he gives me a ticket to watch Matrix 2 >he also gives me 30 dollars to go eat something afterwards >"Thanks dad!" >go to the theater to watch Matrix 2 >i'm having the time of my life during the highway sequence when i realize i've been a d--- to my dad >i treated him like a jerk for years only because i liked my mom more, but he's actually a good guy who cares about me >realize i need to make up for it and leave the theater before Matrix 2 is over >arrive home to apologize, he's f------ this woman i don't even know >"Anon, i thought you were watching Matrix 2" >turns out my dad actually was a d---
: Anonymous The matrix 2 incident 04/05/21 (Mon)18:42:00 No.63066102 >be me in 2003 a huge 16 year old Matrix fan >live with my dad and my mom, but mostly only with my dad cause he works from home and my mom doesn't >childishly hate my dad for years because he isn't my mom 194 KB PNG >always ignore him >he always comes into my matrix themed bedroom to ask us to do stuff together, but i brush him off every time >May 2003, my dad enters my room >"Anon, i know you're a huge Matrix fan, even if you don't want to do stuff together i want you to have fun" >he gives me a ticket to watch Matrix 2 >he also gives me 30 dollars to go eat something afterwards >"Thanks dad!" >go to the theater to watch Matrix 2 >i'm having the time of my life during the highway sequence when i realize i've been a d--- to my dad >i treated him like a jerk for years only because i liked my mom more, but he's actually a good guy who cares about me >realize i need to make up for it and leave the theater before Matrix 2 is over >arrive home to apologize, he's f------ this woman i don't even know >"Anon, i thought you were watching Matrix 2" >turns out my dad actually was a d---

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Anon is armed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)10:21:30 No.63061954 >parents find out I own a semi automatic rifle >want to kick me out unless I sell it 59 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/05/21 (Mon)10:25:06 No.63062001 >mom finds some of my ammo in my closet >cries and asks if I'm going to kill her to kill her dogs too 206 KB JPG Like that stupid bitch is worth a murder charge. >>63062020 # >>63062048 # >>63062085 #
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)10:21:30 No.63061954 >parents find out I own a semi automatic rifle >want to kick me out unless I sell it 59 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/05/21 (Mon)10:25:06 No.63062001 >mom finds some of my ammo in my closet >cries and asks if I'm going to kill her to kill her dogs too 206 KB JPG Like that stupid bitch is worth a murder charge. >>63062020 # >>63062048 # >>63062085 #

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Anon hates the new internet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)10:23:59 No.63063853 >go to reddit >w----- posting selfies for attention on EVERY SINGLE f------ sub >come here >f------ retarded f------ posting 49 KB JPG d---- and ass holes dude and weird s--- >go to a blue board >everyones just screaming about black people all day and as soon as i post anything on topic i get banned for "being off topic" >f------ non stop annoying ass captchas f--- this god damn internet s--- i f------ hate it. i wish we could go back into the early 2000s without f------ the internet and smartphones and s--- and people just went and did fun s---
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)10:23:59 No.63063853 >go to reddit >w----- posting selfies for attention on EVERY SINGLE f------ sub >come here >f------ retarded f------ posting 49 KB JPG d---- and ass holes dude and weird s--- >go to a blue board >everyones just screaming about black people all day and as soon as i post anything on topic i get banned for "being off topic" >f------ non stop annoying ass captchas f--- this god damn internet s--- i f------ hate it. i wish we could go back into the early 2000s without f------ the internet and smartphones and s--- and people just went and did fun s---

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Anon gre v Slovenijo. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)14:03:06 No.142530727 >go to slovenia >waiting at s----- bus station in ljubljana >two guys (apparently serbian) are having a coffee and a smoke >suddenly they start yelling at each other 52 KB JPG >starts getting real heated >they just start beating the s--- out of each other >this goes on for 5 minutes >noone does anything >they end up walking away from it like nothing happened w--
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)14:03:06 No.142530727 >go to slovenia >waiting at s----- bus station in ljubljana >two guys (apparently serbian) are having a coffee and a smoke >suddenly they start yelling at each other 52 KB JPG >starts getting real heated >they just start beating the s--- out of each other >this goes on for 5 minutes >noone does anything >they end up walking away from it like nothing happened w--

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Anon can't help his social ineptitude | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/17(Sat)00:03:13 No.97512319 >>97510521 # >Girl asked me out for a coffee yesterday >"I don't drink coffee" >"Well, you don't have to 36 KB JPG get any" >"What, and just watch you drink coffee for 15 minutes?" Why do I do this to myself >>97512373 # >>97514498 # >>97516492 # >>97516620 # >>97516945 # >>97529252 # >>97544102 # >>97545596 # >>97545645 # >>97550152 # >>97559084 # >>97560194 # >>97563656 #
: Anonymous 12/16/17(Sat)00:03:13 No.97512319 >>97510521 # >Girl asked me out for a coffee yesterday >"I don't drink coffee" >"Well, you don't have to 36 KB JPG get any" >"What, and just watch you drink coffee for 15 minutes?" Why do I do this to myself >>97512373 # >>97514498 # >>97516492 # >>97516620 # >>97516945 # >>97529252 # >>97544102 # >>97545596 # >>97545645 # >>97550152 # >>97559084 # >>97560194 # >>97563656 #

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Anon is sitting at the computer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/18(Fri)19:43:41 No.43426628 >be me around 5pm >Dad comes home from construction job >sees me sitting at computer still in dressing gown with naruto hat >let's out the longest sigh ever and goes to his room and shut's door 64 KB JPG >mfw 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 02/23/18(Fri)19:43:41 No.43426628 >be me around 5pm >Dad comes home from construction job >sees me sitting at computer still in dressing gown with naruto hat >let's out the longest sigh ever and goes to his room and shut's door 64 KB JPG >mfw 11 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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anon needs help | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Help AnOns 06/24/19(Mon)14:33:56 No.53056693 >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 44 KB JPG >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #
: Anonymous Help AnOns 06/24/19(Mon)14:33:56 No.53056693 >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 44 KB JPG >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #

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Anon is a jerk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)08:05:27 No.851326649 GET PRINTS TOWARS FREE PIZZA NO MATTER THE BAY OR THE WAY ves SESER TAl E AND SNT L YOL TOL 19 werCREN RDS Domino's PIEC TOWARD Charge is not a tip paid to your driver, ZA The Delivery NOW YOU FRE Please tip your driver for their ER • ANY awesome service. IN-S WE WORK HARD TO MAKE IT EASY FOR YOU TO GET FREE PIZZA.) THIS PIZZA BOX AND IT'LL BE LIKE YOU'RE REALLY HIGH-FY LEARN MORE AT DOMINOS.COM/REWARD D LINE BY PHONE wwwsIN TMOO 1214 please pay my employees for me.png >Never tip pizza guy. 334 KB PNG >They eventually start hinting at a tip at the door "haha jus tryna get those tips man" >They eventually start putting this on your boxes, or if they're feeling extra cheeky >Continue not tipping >They deliver your pizza cold and late, or shake up your soda or eat one of your wings/garlic breads or something >Complain >Get free pizza for complaining >repeat Post other epoch lifehacks and money saving tips ITT
: Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)08:05:27 No.851326649 GET PRINTS TOWARS FREE PIZZA NO MATTER THE BAY OR THE WAY ves SESER TAl E AND SNT L YOL TOL 19 werCREN RDS Domino's PIEC TOWARD Charge is not a tip paid to your driver, ZA The Delivery NOW YOU FRE Please tip your driver for their ER • ANY awesome service. IN-S WE WORK HARD TO MAKE IT EASY FOR YOU TO GET FREE PIZZA.) THIS PIZZA BOX AND IT'LL BE LIKE YOU'RE REALLY HIGH-FY LEARN MORE AT DOMINOS.COM/REWARD D LINE BY PHONE wwwsIN TMOO 1214 please pay my employees for me.png >Never tip pizza guy. 334 KB PNG >They eventually start hinting at a tip at the door "haha jus tryna get those tips man" >They eventually start putting this on your boxes, or if they're feeling extra cheeky >Continue not tipping >They deliver your pizza cold and late, or shake up your soda or eat one of your wings/garlic breads or something >Complain >Get free pizza for complaining >repeat Post other epoch lifehacks and money saving tips ITT

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Anon is happy on his birthday. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/12/20(Thu)06:56:47 No.531844068 TETRIS EFFECT CONNECTED Tatria &C 1986-2020 Tatria Hoiding Soul.jpg 903 KB JPG >my birthday today >xbox series x arrived >prepared to play watch dogs and stuff >install tetris, play for a few hours >l'm not very good but I have fun >parents come by to give me gift >dad has severe arthritis, used to be mechanic >setup adaptive controller that I previously bought with hopes of him using one day >let him play forza horizon 4 >he has a ton of fun Today was a good day. Enjoy your new consoles friends
: Anonymous 11/12/20(Thu)06:56:47 No.531844068 TETRIS EFFECT CONNECTED Tatria &C 1986-2020 Tatria Hoiding Soul.jpg 903 KB JPG >my birthday today >xbox series x arrived >prepared to play watch dogs and stuff >install tetris, play for a few hours >l'm not very good but I have fun >parents come by to give me gift >dad has severe arthritis, used to be mechanic >setup adaptive controller that I previously bought with hopes of him using one day >let him play forza horizon 4 >he has a ton of fun Today was a good day. Enjoy your new consoles friends

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I'm sure somebody already posted this, but i'm reposting the repost | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/15/21(Fri)11:17:12 No.844890355 >Be me >Want to make a post on 4chan >Make a nice wholesome story about my dad >Spend long time on it to make sure that it's good >Post my art 61 KB JPG >Some reddit normie sees this >He smells the karma and posts it in r/greentexts >He gets hundreds of upvotes from my hardwork >Mfw Why are redditers like this, Anons? They're probably going to see this thread and post it for karma. I see you, reddit.
: Anonymous 01/15/21(Fri)11:17:12 No.844890355 >Be me >Want to make a post on 4chan >Make a nice wholesome story about my dad >Spend long time on it to make sure that it's good >Post my art 61 KB JPG >Some reddit normie sees this >He smells the karma and posts it in r/greentexts >He gets hundreds of upvotes from my hardwork >Mfw Why are redditers like this, Anons? They're probably going to see this thread and post it for karma. I see you, reddit.

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Delightfully Devilish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Punishment 04/05/21(Mon)02:41:40 No.63059215 How do you deal with people that you hate fellow anons? I usually just say >You are breathing manually >You are blinking manually >Stop resting your tongue on the roof of your mouth >Also now you can see your nose 234 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)02:43:27 No.63059241 >>63059215 (OP) # F--- YOU YOU SADISTIC PUTRID P------------
: Anonymous Punishment 04/05/21(Mon)02:41:40 No.63059215 How do you deal with people that you hate fellow anons? I usually just say >You are breathing manually >You are blinking manually >Stop resting your tongue on the roof of your mouth >Also now you can see your nose 234 KB JPG : Anonymous 04/05/21(Mon)02:43:27 No.63059241 >>63059215 (OP) # F--- YOU YOU SADISTIC PUTRID P------------

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Anon's epic prank idea | /r/Greentext

le epic prank idea: >wait for April 15th >go to r/sino and other Chinese subs on reddit (yes reddit sucks ass) >post pics of Tiananmen Square, but just regular 79 KB JPG pics, none of the protest >talk about how you love the design and all that other f----- s--- >upvote others that do the same >give out awards to those post (but the free ones, not the ones you buy for. seriously whats the point of buying emojis?) >if banned, argue with the mods, and how you just like the square >claim they're racist and white Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.
le epic prank idea: >wait for April 15th >go to r/sino and other Chinese subs on reddit (yes reddit sucks ass) >post pics of Tiananmen Square, but just regular 79 KB JPG pics, none of the protest >talk about how you love the design and all that other f----- s--- >upvote others that do the same >give out awards to those post (but the free ones, not the ones you buy for. seriously whats the point of buying emojis?) >if banned, argue with the mods, and how you just like the square >claim they're racist and white Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.

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Anon misses his grandma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Most of you will laugh but I (...) 04/05/21(Mon)04:51:19 No.63060771 >finish uni amidst covid >enter the family business >can't take it working and living with my dad any more >he's too demanding and just an absolute d--- sometimes when I'm 744 KB JPG off the clock >move into grandpa's house while he is away at his gf's >his wife (my grandmother) died suddenly of brain cancer last year >l'm happy for him though, his gf is incredibly nice, respectful, takes great care of him, and likes me a lot >moved into his place tonight| >putting my clothes away in the spare bedroom >find a build-a-bear in the closet >curiously I pick it up >click the paw to hear the audio >it's my grandma's voice singing a french lullaby she used to sing to me while scratching my back before l'd go to bed at her house. I was over her death fairly easily, I didn't cry at the funeral, I was the rock of my family. Death is an inevitable part of life, I came to those terms long ago. But this just completely destroyed my night. I'm sobbing like a retard just because of this dumb bear. I miss her bros. SPOILERS
: Anonymous Most of you will laugh but I (...) 04/05/21(Mon)04:51:19 No.63060771 >finish uni amidst covid >enter the family business >can't take it working and living with my dad any more >he's too demanding and just an absolute d--- sometimes when I'm 744 KB JPG off the clock >move into grandpa's house while he is away at his gf's >his wife (my grandmother) died suddenly of brain cancer last year >l'm happy for him though, his gf is incredibly nice, respectful, takes great care of him, and likes me a lot >moved into his place tonight| >putting my clothes away in the spare bedroom >find a build-a-bear in the closet >curiously I pick it up >click the paw to hear the audio >it's my grandma's voice singing a french lullaby she used to sing to me while scratching my back before l'd go to bed at her house. I was over her death fairly easily, I didn't cry at the funeral, I was the rock of my family. Death is an inevitable part of life, I came to those terms long ago. But this just completely destroyed my night. I'm sobbing like a retard just because of this dumb bear. I miss her bros. SPOILERS

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Anon smokes a joint | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 44437085 43 min. ago .. >be me >smoke a joint with an old friend i hadnt seen in years >after we finish he eats a roach w-- >he explains to me that it gets you 10x higher >mfw when i remember that 12 years ago i told him that fact as a joke >mfw he's been eating roaches for 12 12.3 kB JPG years 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous 44437085 43 min. ago .. >be me >smoke a joint with an old friend i hadnt seen in years >after we finish he eats a roach w-- >he explains to me that it gets you 10x higher >mfw when i remember that 12 years ago i told him that fact as a joke >mfw he's been eating roaches for 12 12.3 kB JPG years 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY

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