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Anon loves his grandma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous grandparents are the best 04/04/21(Sun)22:02:29 No.63055779 >be me >go to megalibral college so everyone is scared of virus and cant meet people >classes canceled too, between that and the fact l'm a freshman I 21 KB JPG have prob 2 friends >easter rolls around I'm just doing some homework >get a call from grandma "hey anon wanna come over? we got some candy for you" >go over and get chocolate bunny from them >eating the bunny and browsing the web, feel a little less lonely take care of your grandparents if you have them still anons
: Anonymous grandparents are the best 04/04/21(Sun)22:02:29 No.63055779 >be me >go to megalibral college so everyone is scared of virus and cant meet people >classes canceled too, between that and the fact l'm a freshman I 21 KB JPG have prob 2 friends >easter rolls around I'm just doing some homework >get a call from grandma "hey anon wanna come over? we got some candy for you" >go over and get chocolate bunny from them >eating the bunny and browsing the web, feel a little less lonely take care of your grandparents if you have them still anons

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Anon's mom doesn't knock on his door | /r/Greentext

No.706434435 1 hour ago >be me >be fapping day and night >stupid mom keeps not knocking on the door and just barging in >hadn't gotten caught yet, but I had some close calls >hatch a plan >decide to sit naked in my room all day so she'll be embarrassed next time it happens >all day I'm sitting naked in my chair >it happened >she ALWAYS knocks now Sometimes you gotta lose the battle to win the war. 5 replies ...
No.706434435 1 hour ago >be me >be fapping day and night >stupid mom keeps not knocking on the door and just barging in >hadn't gotten caught yet, but I had some close calls >hatch a plan >decide to sit naked in my room all day so she'll be embarrassed next time it happens >all day I'm sitting naked in my chair >it happened >she ALWAYS knocks now Sometimes you gotta lose the battle to win the war. 5 replies ...

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Anon takes the trap-pill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)16:33:43 No.851289239 > be netflix and chilling with girl > midway through watching cars > "anon, where is the bathroom?" > "first door on your right" > she comes back laughing her ass 78 KB JPG off > "anon why the f--- do you have fred flintstone vitamins and tylenol for children" > "uhh i have trouble swalling pills so i prefer the gummies and chewables" > "i might be able to help with that" > she proceeds to pull down her pants > d--- bigger than mine > mfw
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)16:33:43 No.851289239 > be netflix and chilling with girl > midway through watching cars > "anon, where is the bathroom?" > "first door on your right" > she comes back laughing her ass 78 KB JPG off > "anon why the f--- do you have fred flintstone vitamins and tylenol for children" > "uhh i have trouble swalling pills so i prefer the gummies and chewables" > "i might be able to help with that" > she proceeds to pull down her pants > d--- bigger than mine > mfw

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anon is scared | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/18(Wed)15:20:34 No.48226468 >This Uber driver is known for great conversation 7 KB JPG View Thread
: Anonymous 09/19/18(Wed)15:20:34 No.48226468 >This Uber driver is known for great conversation 7 KB JPG View Thread

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Anon will do anything for his best bro | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/26/18(Fri)01:08:51 No.48912327 >be me >like this girl >make it instantly known to best bro >realize a couple days later that he has liked for longer than I >realize he would is giving the 8 KB JPG shot to me >days to by, girl makes move on best bro >he looks to me >l give him the go >hurts, but I know my best bro will be happy did I do good?
: Anonymous 10/26/18(Fri)01:08:51 No.48912327 >be me >like this girl >make it instantly known to best bro >realize a couple days later that he has liked for longer than I >realize he would is giving the 8 KB JPG shot to me >days to by, girl makes move on best bro >he looks to me >l give him the go >hurts, but I know my best bro will be happy did I do good?

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Anon rises against big tech | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)13:48:58 No.851279857 > be posting to 4chan > see reCAPTCHA > asks me to mark the pictures parking meters > also mark a picture of a mailbox > it works 16 KB JPG > f--- you google > mfw
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)13:48:58 No.851279857 > be posting to 4chan > see reCAPTCHA > asks me to mark the pictures parking meters > also mark a picture of a mailbox > it works 16 KB JPG > f--- you google > mfw

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Anon is petty | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)16:38:25 No.63052232 >ask friend if he wants to play something >refuses me >after 10 mins i see him playing a game with someone else >instantly block him and never talk to him again 128 KB PNG
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)16:38:25 No.63052232 >ask friend if he wants to play something >refuses me >after 10 mins i see him playing a game with someone else >instantly block him and never talk to him again 128 KB PNG

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This might actually be helpful | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)04:48:53 No.63043602 Just reminding you all about the double gooch tap. > Do you have a pee dribble no matter how much you shake? > Especially after you've walked away from the bathroom and sit or something? 31 KB JPG > Worried that you smell of pee? Step 1: Finish peeing (stand up while you do it) Step 2: Shake once Step 3: Reach behind your balls and press your gooch twice to move the pee forwards Step 4: Milk pee from base of c--- once and shake once more Step 5: Wash hands When you know, you know!
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)04:48:53 No.63043602 Just reminding you all about the double gooch tap. > Do you have a pee dribble no matter how much you shake? > Especially after you've walked away from the bathroom and sit or something? 31 KB JPG > Worried that you smell of pee? Step 1: Finish peeing (stand up while you do it) Step 2: Shake once Step 3: Reach behind your balls and press your gooch twice to move the pee forwards Step 4: Milk pee from base of c--- once and shake once more Step 5: Wash hands When you know, you know!

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Anon gets pulled over | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)15:15:43 No.63049990 >Be me >Black >Driving home from work >Get pulled over >S---.jpg >White officer comes to window >Asks for licence 15 KB JPG >Says I was speeding | >I s--- myself thinking he is gonna kill me >Tells me it's a fine for speeding >Instinctively shout "Come the f--- on!" >Realise what I just said >He realises what I just said "Sorry bro it's my job" >Leaves Maybe all this police brutality really is a myth? Where my brothas and sistas lyin to me?
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)15:15:43 No.63049990 >Be me >Black >Driving home from work >Get pulled over >S---.jpg >White officer comes to window >Asks for licence 15 KB JPG >Says I was speeding | >I s--- myself thinking he is gonna kill me >Tells me it's a fine for speeding >Instinctively shout "Come the f--- on!" >Realise what I just said >He realises what I just said "Sorry bro it's my job" >Leaves Maybe all this police brutality really is a myth? Where my brothas and sistas lyin to me?

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Anon agrees with feminists | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)19:24:57 No.851278483 >professor turned off her zoom camera to breastfeed her baby >told her she didn't have to because there's nothing shameful about breastfeeding >several dumb feminist bitches in my class agree >mfw I got a full frontal views of my 33 KB JPG professors big juicy milkers
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)19:24:57 No.851278483 >professor turned off her zoom camera to breastfeed her baby >told her she didn't have to because there's nothing shameful about breastfeeding >several dumb feminist bitches in my class agree >mfw I got a full frontal views of my 33 KB JPG professors big juicy milkers

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The importance of fitness : anon edition | /r/Greentext

ALRIGHT /FIT/ - THIS IS WHAT WE LIFT FOR WHAT THE F--- >visit dad 50 KB JPG >asks me to buy a christmas tree >we go buy a nice one >carry it around like a slave >mom is happy >feelsgoodman >i lift it into the house dad says hes not feeling well >my >COLLAPSES >W-- >mom panics >dad just laying there knocked out >we put him in a safe position quickly >my heart is racing >i decide to LIIFT him up and carry him to the couch >mom calls 911 >im panicking too >figure that the hospital is not so far away >LIFT him back up and carry him into car >mom is screaming at me but i cant hear s--- >race to hospital >LIFT him out of the car and carry him into ER >scream around like an autist >mfw they told me he had a stroke and probably would have died if it wasnt for my lifts
ALRIGHT /FIT/ - THIS IS WHAT WE LIFT FOR WHAT THE F--- >visit dad 50 KB JPG >asks me to buy a christmas tree >we go buy a nice one >carry it around like a slave >mom is happy >feelsgoodman >i lift it into the house dad says hes not feeling well >my >COLLAPSES >W-- >mom panics >dad just laying there knocked out >we put him in a safe position quickly >my heart is racing >i decide to LIIFT him up and carry him to the couch >mom calls 911 >im panicking too >figure that the hospital is not so far away >LIFT him back up and carry him into car >mom is screaming at me but i cant hear s--- >race to hospital >LIFT him out of the car and carry him into ER >scream around like an autist >mfw they told me he had a stroke and probably would have died if it wasnt for my lifts

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Anon buys shoes | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 12/28/20(Mon)07:10:26 No.61590654 >get rejected by my crush >she tells me should try walking in her shoes >buy shoes similar to hers >everyone starts calling me f----- 63 KB JPG 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
| Anonymous 12/28/20(Mon)07:10:26 No.61590654 >get rejected by my crush >she tells me should try walking in her shoes >buy shoes similar to hers >everyone starts calling me f----- 63 KB JPG 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon is nearly 30 | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49679001 16 mins ago •• you ask people how old do they think you are and they say 30 >tfw >tfw I was offered a seat on the bus yesterday I'm only 27 I still have time.. 181.9 kB JPG
Anonymous | 49679001 16 mins ago •• you ask people how old do they think you are and they say 30 >tfw >tfw I was offered a seat on the bus yesterday I'm only 27 I still have time.. 181.9 kB JPG

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Anon is an alcoholic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)13:14:27 No.63049047 what was your first contact with alcohol anons? ill go first >be me around 11 >grandpa's birthday at a 10 KB JPG restaurant >thirsty >only have soda and juices but no water at the table >afraid to ask to order water >remember a tank in the entrance like a glass barrel with a clear liquid inside >bingo >go there >only small cups >there's a free coffee table next to it >guess they ran out of cups >fill cup >take a shot >water feels weird >realize >not water fuckfuckfuckfuck >go back to family >tell them the water tastes like gasoline they laugh and tell me that's how alcohol tastes like >my breath >even I can smell it >feels like I am a divorced 48 yo with a prostitute daughter a drug addict son and a miscarried child that's it go back to trap p---
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)13:14:27 No.63049047 what was your first contact with alcohol anons? ill go first >be me around 11 >grandpa's birthday at a 10 KB JPG restaurant >thirsty >only have soda and juices but no water at the table >afraid to ask to order water >remember a tank in the entrance like a glass barrel with a clear liquid inside >bingo >go there >only small cups >there's a free coffee table next to it >guess they ran out of cups >fill cup >take a shot >water feels weird >realize >not water fuckfuckfuckfuck >go back to family >tell them the water tastes like gasoline they laugh and tell me that's how alcohol tastes like >my breath >even I can smell it >feels like I am a divorced 48 yo with a prostitute daughter a drug addict son and a miscarried child that's it go back to trap p---

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Anon have fallen right into the trap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)13:00:19 No.63048956 >manual breathing >manual blinking 124 KB JPG 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)13:01:07 No.63048960 >>63048956 (OP) # f--- you OP now im gonna have to deal with this for 5 minutes i hate you
: Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)13:00:19 No.63048956 >manual breathing >manual blinking 124 KB JPG 2 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 04/04/21(Sun)13:01:07 No.63048960 >>63048956 (OP) # f--- you OP now im gonna have to deal with this for 5 minutes i hate you

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OP doesn't acknowledge god's work | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/19(Fri)08:45:18 No.792708139 >be me >transgender >start hormones and start developing t--- >they are hairy as f--- >ask endocrinologist if it will ever 408 KB JPG stop >he says no and that i need laser >it costs a fortune Wat do /b/? : Anonymous 02/15/19(Fri)08:47:01 No.792708238 >try to spit in the face of God >Become genetic abomination Things seem to be taking their natural course OP
: Anonymous 02/15/19(Fri)08:45:18 No.792708139 >be me >transgender >start hormones and start developing t--- >they are hairy as f--- >ask endocrinologist if it will ever 408 KB JPG stop >he says no and that i need laser >it costs a fortune Wat do /b/? : Anonymous 02/15/19(Fri)08:47:01 No.792708238 >try to spit in the face of God >Become genetic abomination Things seem to be taking their natural course OP

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Anon is a godzilla fan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)08:36:30 No.849893234 >be me >is 18 and live with a roommate >roommate loves godzilla s--- >never cleans his room >his room is filled with godzilla s--- >looks exactly like a neckbeard nest except filled with godzilla 38 KB JPG figurines and s--- >one day decide to clean the house alone >whilst cleaning, i smelled a weird scent coming from under the bed >i decide to dig out the garbage under the bed out of curiosity >finds a almost 1 foot c-- vial with godzilla in it >vomit.jpeg >immediately calls him and ask w-- is that >tells me a long story on how every time he jacked off he would deposit into the jar >mfw Tldr roommate had a godzilla c-- vial
: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)08:36:30 No.849893234 >be me >is 18 and live with a roommate >roommate loves godzilla s--- >never cleans his room >his room is filled with godzilla s--- >looks exactly like a neckbeard nest except filled with godzilla 38 KB JPG figurines and s--- >one day decide to clean the house alone >whilst cleaning, i smelled a weird scent coming from under the bed >i decide to dig out the garbage under the bed out of curiosity >finds a almost 1 foot c-- vial with godzilla in it >vomit.jpeg >immediately calls him and ask w-- is that >tells me a long story on how every time he jacked off he would deposit into the jar >mfw Tldr roommate had a godzilla c-- vial

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Anon feels numb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)23:27:52 No.851218453 >be me, few hours ago >decide to try out p--- games >find one about a dad with 3 adult step daughters >click it to see if its worth it ffw 10 minutes 37 KB JPG >"h-------- its actually good" >play it for some time >lose focus after hearing a weird noise in my room >mfw I didnt notice its dark >mfw Ive been playing a p--- game for 5 hours straight >mfw it didnt even save my progress I didnt even j-------, from what I read the first sex scene was half an hour away
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)23:27:52 No.851218453 >be me, few hours ago >decide to try out p--- games >find one about a dad with 3 adult step daughters >click it to see if its worth it ffw 10 minutes 37 KB JPG >"h-------- its actually good" >play it for some time >lose focus after hearing a weird noise in my room >mfw I didnt notice its dark >mfw Ive been playing a p--- game for 5 hours straight >mfw it didnt even save my progress I didnt even j-------, from what I read the first sex scene was half an hour away

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Anon wants to do better | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)23:26:26 No.851218356 >33 yo >want to start taking care of health, go to doc to get checked out >anon you have high BP >huh? >Go on health binge, cut back sodium, sugar quit drinking, start 12 KB JPG smoking weed instead. >month later get a gout attack >go to doc >your BP is getting worse you need to go on meds. w-- is happening why am I getting worse when I'm trying to get better and cutting out all the s--- from my life... : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)23:27:53 No.851218456 Because you are a F-----, OP.
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)23:26:26 No.851218356 >33 yo >want to start taking care of health, go to doc to get checked out >anon you have high BP >huh? >Go on health binge, cut back sodium, sugar quit drinking, start 12 KB JPG smoking weed instead. >month later get a gout attack >go to doc >your BP is getting worse you need to go on meds. w-- is happening why am I getting worse when I'm trying to get better and cutting out all the s--- from my life... : Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)23:27:53 No.851218456 Because you are a F-----, OP.

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anon is tired of quarantine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/25/20(Mon)01:07:02 No.828416704 > be me > haven't left the house for anything other than for walks all of quarantine > play video games i hate to forget about life 75 KB JPG > watch shows i've seen three times > lay in bed > haven't worked out in months > haven't worked in months > fantasize about dreams that i don't even enjoy, just imagine being accepted > fantasize of an afterlife or deeper meaning > wake up every morning with no feelings of excitement > have anxiety over a life i don't even have any goals for is there a worse life than a humans?
: Anonymous 05/25/20(Mon)01:07:02 No.828416704 > be me > haven't left the house for anything other than for walks all of quarantine > play video games i hate to forget about life 75 KB JPG > watch shows i've seen three times > lay in bed > haven't worked out in months > haven't worked in months > fantasize about dreams that i don't even enjoy, just imagine being accepted > fantasize of an afterlife or deeper meaning > wake up every morning with no feelings of excitement > have anxiety over a life i don't even have any goals for is there a worse life than a humans?

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