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anon fails at exposing his dad | /r/Greentext

8 30294385 07/29/2016 4:13 PM >tfw I found a bunch of gay p--- in my dads browsing history >decided to confront him about it one day >sat him down >told him 'dad.. I saw your browsing history' >he f------ flips out at me 109 KB >tells me to f--- off >shouts as loud as he can >'YOU LITTLE S---, YOU'VE SEEN MY BROWSING HISTORY? I'VE SEEN YOUR HOUSING HISTORY, 24 YEARS OF LIVING UNDER MY ROOF, YOU DISRESPECTFUL LITTLE F-----, F--- OFF' >stormed out the room >tfw I don't even care he is gay >tfw he won't listen to me >tfw I sometimes listen to him masturbating to gay p--- >tfw he won't admit it Replies: >>30294514
8 30294385 07/29/2016 4:13 PM >tfw I found a bunch of gay p--- in my dads browsing history >decided to confront him about it one day >sat him down >told him 'dad.. I saw your browsing history' >he f------ flips out at me 109 KB >tells me to f--- off >shouts as loud as he can >'YOU LITTLE S---, YOU'VE SEEN MY BROWSING HISTORY? I'VE SEEN YOUR HOUSING HISTORY, 24 YEARS OF LIVING UNDER MY ROOF, YOU DISRESPECTFUL LITTLE F-----, F--- OFF' >stormed out the room >tfw I don't even care he is gay >tfw he won't listen to me >tfw I sometimes listen to him masturbating to gay p--- >tfw he won't admit it Replies: >>30294514

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Anon smokes weed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:07:47 No.63005329 >>63005176 (OP) # > 40 years from now > Huge portions of the population smoke f--- tons of weed and vape endlessly > A few major companies control 56 KB JPG marijuana and vaping, cut all of their products with chemicals > Smoking/chewing tobacco is virtually extinct, everyone still sermonizes about how we used to inhale dangerous substances laces with chemicals that caused cancer Lung cancer rates remain up for no particular reason > People start croaking from green lung/sugar lung I wish I could understand people who preach about how bad smoking is while hitting joints and vapes in the same breath.
: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)23:07:47 No.63005329 >>63005176 (OP) # > 40 years from now > Huge portions of the population smoke f--- tons of weed and vape endlessly > A few major companies control 56 KB JPG marijuana and vaping, cut all of their products with chemicals > Smoking/chewing tobacco is virtually extinct, everyone still sermonizes about how we used to inhale dangerous substances laces with chemicals that caused cancer Lung cancer rates remain up for no particular reason > People start croaking from green lung/sugar lung I wish I could understand people who preach about how bad smoking is while hitting joints and vapes in the same breath.

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Anon fails at sex | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)21:44:38 No.851140172 >be me >fap addict, >cute girl 7/10 at work, starting sexchat with her at night >she wrote how she will blow me >organise f---, i lived with parents, she too 10 KB JPG >i cannot go to her, parents are awake >my parents are sleeping >she will come at midnight, but will write me first >be super horny, shave d---, showering, etc >wait for message from girl, she doesnt respond... >think she changed her mind, but c--- is super hard >rage fap, gigantic c-- >5 minits later girl writ"5 minutes at your place".. shitshitshit > ok, still one more c-- cartidge for the day > bring girl to my room > c--- hard again >girl start to suck furiously , double hand sloppy bj >shishishit, feel to be c-- again > "gurl, stop ples, gonna blow!"... she doesnt stop, eat c-- > ... second cartidge out, d--- is soft and exausted now > gurl:"only made it so you will last longer at sex" >try to harden d---, no success, feel like a virgin f-- >girl went home without f---, she felt she is ugly or something >fap again in morning
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)21:44:38 No.851140172 >be me >fap addict, >cute girl 7/10 at work, starting sexchat with her at night >she wrote how she will blow me >organise f---, i lived with parents, she too 10 KB JPG >i cannot go to her, parents are awake >my parents are sleeping >she will come at midnight, but will write me first >be super horny, shave d---, showering, etc >wait for message from girl, she doesnt respond... >think she changed her mind, but c--- is super hard >rage fap, gigantic c-- >5 minits later girl writ"5 minutes at your place".. shitshitshit > ok, still one more c-- cartidge for the day > bring girl to my room > c--- hard again >girl start to suck furiously , double hand sloppy bj >shishishit, feel to be c-- again > "gurl, stop ples, gonna blow!"... she doesnt stop, eat c-- > ... second cartidge out, d--- is soft and exausted now > gurl:"only made it so you will last longer at sex" >try to harden d---, no success, feel like a virgin f-- >girl went home without f---, she felt she is ugly or something >fap again in morning

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Anon has fast family members | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)16:14:48 No.27292850 >get up from computer to go to the bathroom >friends and family run into my room super fast and vomit invisible vomit in my drink and then run out at inhuman speeds I know this happens but I can never catch them doing it I set up a camera but 434 KB JPG they're too fast to show up on video
| Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)16:14:48 No.27292850 >get up from computer to go to the bathroom >friends and family run into my room super fast and vomit invisible vomit in my drink and then run out at inhuman speeds I know this happens but I can never catch them doing it I set up a camera but 434 KB JPG they're too fast to show up on video

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Anon is a furry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)08:07:06 No.846774600 >be me >playing s----- furry p--- game >coomed a while ago, so not horny, just bored >stumble across sexy fox girl >stupid kinky edgy girl trope but I'm intrigued nonetheless >go on a long adventure with 228 KB JPG kinky fox girl, filled with grinding, footjobs, and a s--- ton of innuendos >grow to like fox girl >end of game comes >fox girl and I get married with 7 cubs >credits roll >fox wife fades to black before my eyes >feeling sad as music plays >realize that the only love and companionship I've felt in my life is from a fox girl in a f------ furry p--- game I want to go back anons...
: Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)08:07:06 No.846774600 >be me >playing s----- furry p--- game >coomed a while ago, so not horny, just bored >stumble across sexy fox girl >stupid kinky edgy girl trope but I'm intrigued nonetheless >go on a long adventure with 228 KB JPG kinky fox girl, filled with grinding, footjobs, and a s--- ton of innuendos >grow to like fox girl >end of game comes >fox girl and I get married with 7 cubs >credits roll >fox wife fades to black before my eyes >feeling sad as music plays >realize that the only love and companionship I've felt in my life is from a fox girl in a f------ furry p--- game I want to go back anons...

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Anon remembers the old days. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)14:15:59 No.63026297 >One night fifteen years ago, had the greatest orgasm of my life f------ a fat girl after a concert in Cincinnati >Came so hard that I saw colors >Every day of my life since then has been trying to recapture even a 123 KB JPG fraction of that sensation It has completely ruined my life.
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)14:15:59 No.63026297 >One night fifteen years ago, had the greatest orgasm of my life f------ a fat girl after a concert in Cincinnati >Came so hard that I saw colors >Every day of my life since then has been trying to recapture even a 123 KB JPG fraction of that sensation It has completely ruined my life.

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Anon gets friendzoned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:09:40 No.63034762 >19 >talking to girl who does onlyfans in my neighborhood >sucks d--- for money sometimes >wanna get my first b------ >we meet up >we smoke weed and talk for a bit 507 KB PNG >l start to pull out the money and she stops me >"You're just so nice Anon, I wanna be friends with you, so sucking your d--- feels wrong." i can't believe i got friendzoned by a prostitute what the f--- is wrong with me
: Anonymous 04/03/21(Sat)12:09:40 No.63034762 >19 >talking to girl who does onlyfans in my neighborhood >sucks d--- for money sometimes >wanna get my first b------ >we meet up >we smoke weed and talk for a bit 507 KB PNG >l start to pull out the money and she stops me >"You're just so nice Anon, I wanna be friends with you, so sucking your d--- feels wrong." i can't believe i got friendzoned by a prostitute what the f--- is wrong with me

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Anon makes improvements | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous NoFap-&-NoPorn 04/02/21(Fri)19:15:11 No.63025532 Who here NoFap or NoPorn? What have the effects been >dirty coomer >stopped jerking off to p--- for a month now Yes. 17 KB JPG >No longer fetishize boys being f----- by their own dads >Now i just fetishize boys being jerked off lovingly by their mothers its an improvement... r-right? 17 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous NoFap-&-NoPorn 04/02/21(Fri)19:15:11 No.63025532 Who here NoFap or NoPorn? What have the effects been >dirty coomer >stopped jerking off to p--- for a month now Yes. 17 KB JPG >No longer fetishize boys being f----- by their own dads >Now i just fetishize boys being jerked off lovingly by their mothers its an improvement... r-right? 17 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/22/18(Sun)17:48:16 No.775076483 >be me >Buddhist >one with everything >idea.jpeg > If I'm one with evrything, I'm technically one with Chad >Technically have f----- millions 42 KB JPG of girls See ya later, virgins >But wait > If I'm one with everything, I'm also one with Stacey > I've technically had Chad inside me >That'sgayaf.png >Immediately give up Buddhism for atheism > mfw Buddhism is fake and gay
: Anonymous 07/22/18(Sun)17:48:16 No.775076483 >be me >Buddhist >one with everything >idea.jpeg > If I'm one with evrything, I'm technically one with Chad >Technically have f----- millions 42 KB JPG of girls See ya later, virgins >But wait > If I'm one with everything, I'm also one with Stacey > I've technically had Chad inside me >That'sgayaf.png >Immediately give up Buddhism for atheism > mfw Buddhism is fake and gay

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Anon is sexually frustrated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)16:24:13 No.148891817 >remote that controls reality >Doesn't freeze women to r--- them CLICK What a waste. 120 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)16:24:13 No.148891817 >remote that controls reality >Doesn't freeze women to r--- them CLICK What a waste. 120 KB JPG

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anon asks us the real question | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 51451076 49 min. ago >girl in my uni announces she's trans and is going to be a he >everyone congratulates him for being real with himself or whatever >don't really care >ff 2 months >he gets a boyfriend 27.3 kB PNG Why go through all the trouble to be a f-----? 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 51451076 49 min. ago >girl in my uni announces she's trans and is going to be a he >everyone congratulates him for being real with himself or whatever >don't really care >ff 2 months >he gets a boyfriend 27.3 kB PNG Why go through all the trouble to be a f-----? 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY

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Anon gets a fedora | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)22:52:19 No.146519365 >Grandfather gifted me an old fedora >lt looked so f------ cool >Decide to try it out and it fits perfectly >l even take it out in public >That train of thought of neckbeard 2 MB PNG fedora starts kicking in >F-----.mp4 >Think i'll get humiliated here >Instead everybody started calling me James Bond >Some friends now have nicknamed me James Bond >Tfw
: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)22:52:19 No.146519365 >Grandfather gifted me an old fedora >lt looked so f------ cool >Decide to try it out and it fits perfectly >l even take it out in public >That train of thought of neckbeard 2 MB PNG fedora starts kicking in >F-----.mp4 >Think i'll get humiliated here >Instead everybody started calling me James Bond >Some friends now have nicknamed me James Bond >Tfw

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Anon is a real italien | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)19:13:46 No.851128158 >Be Italian >Wake up at 4am to argue with other Europeans about the superiority of our sun dried tomatoes >5am go stand watch over the sun dried tomatoes 69 KB JPG >15 hour shift ends, go into town to relax >Don't hear a single word of Italian, it's all Africans and Arabs >Go into a bar and order a birra moretti >bartender opens the local prostitute's legs and collects her piss into a chalice shaped glass and starts shouting at me in Italian BABIDIBUBIDI A PORCA MISERIA! >Thank him by yelling back while making exaggerated hand gestures >spend an hour arguing online about tomatoes and beer >finally lift glass of Italian nectar to my face >hear a crash >whole boat comes through the wall of the bar >it's another few hundred 6 foot tall unaccompanied migrant children >everyone gets r----
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)19:13:46 No.851128158 >Be Italian >Wake up at 4am to argue with other Europeans about the superiority of our sun dried tomatoes >5am go stand watch over the sun dried tomatoes 69 KB JPG >15 hour shift ends, go into town to relax >Don't hear a single word of Italian, it's all Africans and Arabs >Go into a bar and order a birra moretti >bartender opens the local prostitute's legs and collects her piss into a chalice shaped glass and starts shouting at me in Italian BABIDIBUBIDI A PORCA MISERIA! >Thank him by yelling back while making exaggerated hand gestures >spend an hour arguing online about tomatoes and beer >finally lift glass of Italian nectar to my face >hear a crash >whole boat comes through the wall of the bar >it's another few hundred 6 foot tall unaccompanied migrant children >everyone gets r----

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can anyone verify this? made me laugh anyway. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/17(Wed)09:11:28 No.79676775 >>79675930 # This reminds me of something I read from the Bush War >Rhodies recover enemy rifles after each engagement >They keep finding rifles with the rear sight dialed in to the highest setting, practically f------ indirect fire >They are extremely confused by this >Eventually they ask a prisoner about it during interrogation >Literally none of them know what the sights are for, they think that choosing the bigger number makes the gun shoot harder Warfare in Africa is truly unbelievable >>79678011 # >>79678022 # >>79678742 #
: Anonymous 02/22/17(Wed)09:11:28 No.79676775 >>79675930 # This reminds me of something I read from the Bush War >Rhodies recover enemy rifles after each engagement >They keep finding rifles with the rear sight dialed in to the highest setting, practically f------ indirect fire >They are extremely confused by this >Eventually they ask a prisoner about it during interrogation >Literally none of them know what the sights are for, they think that choosing the bigger number makes the gun shoot harder Warfare in Africa is truly unbelievable >>79678011 # >>79678022 # >>79678742 #

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Anon power naps | /r/Greentext

>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy
>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy

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Anon remembers the good old days | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)20:47:05 No.63026746 >be me >comfy winter 2010 day >raining outside >playing flash games all day >mom cooking dinner downstairs >get off to play wii, ds >fall asleep under warm covers 39 KB PNG >No depression, no covid >Didn't wanna kill myself everyday Why does growing up have to be like this bros
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)20:47:05 No.63026746 >be me >comfy winter 2010 day >raining outside >playing flash games all day >mom cooking dinner downstairs >get off to play wii, ds >fall asleep under warm covers 39 KB PNG >No depression, no covid >Didn't wanna kill myself everyday Why does growing up have to be like this bros

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anon is gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous How I came out 06/13/18(Wed)00:31:05 No.46071288 >be me >literally last night >have been building up the courage to say this for a while >finally grow a pair and just spit it out >tell my friends and gf that im bi 74 KB PNG >friends somewhat in shock and confused >i have to calm my gf down to convince her that i won't leave her >have to convince her that im not cheating on her with a man >tell them about the time me and a friend blew each other in high school >tfw me and a friend never blew each other in high school >ffw im don't even get attracted to men >ffw i have no idea why i even said any of this >tfw i can't play it off as a joke because i came off dead serious what the f--- is wrong with me? View Thread
: Anonymous How I came out 06/13/18(Wed)00:31:05 No.46071288 >be me >literally last night >have been building up the courage to say this for a while >finally grow a pair and just spit it out >tell my friends and gf that im bi 74 KB PNG >friends somewhat in shock and confused >i have to calm my gf down to convince her that i won't leave her >have to convince her that im not cheating on her with a man >tell them about the time me and a friend blew each other in high school >tfw me and a friend never blew each other in high school >ffw im don't even get attracted to men >ffw i have no idea why i even said any of this >tfw i can't play it off as a joke because i came off dead serious what the f--- is wrong with me? View Thread

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Anon has a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)21:28:50 No.851124553 >be me >in college >qt 8/10 gf >sleep in her room >wake up with huge zit on forehead >mfw she doesn't care 67 KB JPG >mfw she kisses forehead anyways >mfw she doesn't care what i look like is this what love feels like bros?
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)21:28:50 No.851124553 >be me >in college >qt 8/10 gf >sleep in her room >wake up with huge zit on forehead >mfw she doesn't care 67 KB JPG >mfw she kisses forehead anyways >mfw she doesn't care what i look like is this what love feels like bros?

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Anon becomes a millionaire. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)21:10:19 No.3853735 >Be me, 19 >See my friend reading those 'how to get rich', 'how to become a millionaire' books >Tell him the best way to become a millionaire is simply to write a book 53 KB JPG about 'how to become a millionaire' >He laughs at me >Take up the challenge >Start writing my book >Mainly just copy and paste general information from google >It gets published >HolySh*t.exe >Promote the book via social media etc >Ret*rds start buying the book knowing very well they won't even apply the information to their life, will probably forget everything they read in two weeks >Sales explode >HolySh*t.exe >2 years later, multi millionaire, wrote a couple more books which didn't do as well but no complaints from me
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)21:10:19 No.3853735 >Be me, 19 >See my friend reading those 'how to get rich', 'how to become a millionaire' books >Tell him the best way to become a millionaire is simply to write a book 53 KB JPG about 'how to become a millionaire' >He laughs at me >Take up the challenge >Start writing my book >Mainly just copy and paste general information from google >It gets published >HolySh*t.exe >Promote the book via social media etc >Ret*rds start buying the book knowing very well they won't even apply the information to their life, will probably forget everything they read in two weeks >Sales explode >HolySh*t.exe >2 years later, multi millionaire, wrote a couple more books which didn't do as well but no complaints from me

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Anon goes to McDonald's | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)03:18:21 No.63020188 >at McDonalds drive thru >order >pay >pull up to next window to collect food >wagie hands me my food >"Hey did you put that 10-piece in there?" >(I didnt order a 10 piece) >He says "uhhhh huh?" And steps away to double check my order >I start absolutely dying of laugher and speed away God I get worked up just thinking about it
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)03:18:21 No.63020188 >at McDonalds drive thru >order >pay >pull up to next window to collect food >wagie hands me my food >"Hey did you put that 10-piece in there?" >(I didnt order a 10 piece) >He says "uhhhh huh?" And steps away to double check my order >I start absolutely dying of laugher and speed away God I get worked up just thinking about it

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