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Anon power naps | /r/Greentext

>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy
>be me >friend invites me out for drinks >I have work in the morning >f--- it >get plastered >wake up for work next day >still very drunk 38 KB JPG >herewego.png >somehow make it to work in one piece >"Hey annon what's up?" >"good and you?" >awkward silence >suddenly have a bright idea >decide to power nap in storage closet to sober up >set alarm on phone for 30 minutes >wake up 10 hours later, hungover >slept through my alarm >s---.jpeg >think I'm gonna be fired >f--- it, time to go home >boss sees me on the way out >"Wow anon, you look beat. Thanks for staying late today. I appreciate it" >talks to me about a possible promotion >mfw work is easy

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Anon remembers the good old days | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)20:47:05 No.63026746 >be me >comfy winter 2010 day >raining outside >playing flash games all day >mom cooking dinner downstairs >get off to play wii, ds >fall asleep under warm covers 39 KB PNG >No depression, no covid >Didn't wanna kill myself everyday Why does growing up have to be like this bros
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)20:47:05 No.63026746 >be me >comfy winter 2010 day >raining outside >playing flash games all day >mom cooking dinner downstairs >get off to play wii, ds >fall asleep under warm covers 39 KB PNG >No depression, no covid >Didn't wanna kill myself everyday Why does growing up have to be like this bros

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anon is gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous How I came out 06/13/18(Wed)00:31:05 No.46071288 >be me >literally last night >have been building up the courage to say this for a while >finally grow a pair and just spit it out >tell my friends and gf that im bi 74 KB PNG >friends somewhat in shock and confused >i have to calm my gf down to convince her that i won't leave her >have to convince her that im not cheating on her with a man >tell them about the time me and a friend blew each other in high school >tfw me and a friend never blew each other in high school >ffw im don't even get attracted to men >ffw i have no idea why i even said any of this >tfw i can't play it off as a joke because i came off dead serious what the f--- is wrong with me? View Thread
: Anonymous How I came out 06/13/18(Wed)00:31:05 No.46071288 >be me >literally last night >have been building up the courage to say this for a while >finally grow a pair and just spit it out >tell my friends and gf that im bi 74 KB PNG >friends somewhat in shock and confused >i have to calm my gf down to convince her that i won't leave her >have to convince her that im not cheating on her with a man >tell them about the time me and a friend blew each other in high school >tfw me and a friend never blew each other in high school >ffw im don't even get attracted to men >ffw i have no idea why i even said any of this >tfw i can't play it off as a joke because i came off dead serious what the f--- is wrong with me? View Thread

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Anon has a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)21:28:50 No.851124553 >be me >in college >qt 8/10 gf >sleep in her room >wake up with huge zit on forehead >mfw she doesn't care 67 KB JPG >mfw she kisses forehead anyways >mfw she doesn't care what i look like is this what love feels like bros?
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)21:28:50 No.851124553 >be me >in college >qt 8/10 gf >sleep in her room >wake up with huge zit on forehead >mfw she doesn't care 67 KB JPG >mfw she kisses forehead anyways >mfw she doesn't care what i look like is this what love feels like bros?

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Anon becomes a millionaire. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)21:10:19 No.3853735 >Be me, 19 >See my friend reading those 'how to get rich', 'how to become a millionaire' books >Tell him the best way to become a millionaire is simply to write a book 53 KB JPG about 'how to become a millionaire' >He laughs at me >Take up the challenge >Start writing my book >Mainly just copy and paste general information from google >It gets published >HolySh*t.exe >Promote the book via social media etc >Ret*rds start buying the book knowing very well they won't even apply the information to their life, will probably forget everything they read in two weeks >Sales explode >HolySh*t.exe >2 years later, multi millionaire, wrote a couple more books which didn't do as well but no complaints from me
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)21:10:19 No.3853735 >Be me, 19 >See my friend reading those 'how to get rich', 'how to become a millionaire' books >Tell him the best way to become a millionaire is simply to write a book 53 KB JPG about 'how to become a millionaire' >He laughs at me >Take up the challenge >Start writing my book >Mainly just copy and paste general information from google >It gets published >HolySh*t.exe >Promote the book via social media etc >Ret*rds start buying the book knowing very well they won't even apply the information to their life, will probably forget everything they read in two weeks >Sales explode >HolySh*t.exe >2 years later, multi millionaire, wrote a couple more books which didn't do as well but no complaints from me

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Anon goes to McDonald's | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)03:18:21 No.63020188 >at McDonalds drive thru >order >pay >pull up to next window to collect food >wagie hands me my food >"Hey did you put that 10-piece in there?" >(I didnt order a 10 piece) >He says "uhhhh huh?" And steps away to double check my order >I start absolutely dying of laugher and speed away God I get worked up just thinking about it
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)03:18:21 No.63020188 >at McDonalds drive thru >order >pay >pull up to next window to collect food >wagie hands me my food >"Hey did you put that 10-piece in there?" >(I didnt order a 10 piece) >He says "uhhhh huh?" And steps away to double check my order >I start absolutely dying of laugher and speed away God I get worked up just thinking about it

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It’s noon anon | /r/Greentext

>be me A >31, fit af after turning my life around >engaged after f------ more girls than i can count in the past 3 years >my fav hobby became my very well-paid job and i'm excited to wake up every morning compared to be a sad f--- 123 KB JPG >yesterday had a new PR in squatting >soon-to-be wife just blowed me twice today and it's not even noon >i keep learning and exploring new things >"wake up f----- it's f------ noon" my mom takes me back to the real world neckin' myself soon
>be me A >31, fit af after turning my life around >engaged after f------ more girls than i can count in the past 3 years >my fav hobby became my very well-paid job and i'm excited to wake up every morning compared to be a sad f--- 123 KB JPG >yesterday had a new PR in squatting >soon-to-be wife just blowed me twice today and it's not even noon >i keep learning and exploring new things >"wake up f----- it's f------ noon" my mom takes me back to the real world neckin' myself soon

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What the fuck is wrong with anon? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:25:14 No.780988252 > be me > 16/yo >be in school >in P.E, bored and horny as s--- > 9/10 thot infront of me >Staring at ass because l'm perv >Notice she seems to be flexing 22 KB JPG her ass >W--.png >I don't mind still nice ass >Hear her quietly say "Oh no" >I wonder what the f--- is going on >Her ass seems to get bigger >Then the smell hits me >MFW I realize she shat herself >MFW I almost c-- in my pants : Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:26:43 No.780988335 I really hate your story
: Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:25:14 No.780988252 > be me > 16/yo >be in school >in P.E, bored and horny as s--- > 9/10 thot infront of me >Staring at ass because l'm perv >Notice she seems to be flexing 22 KB JPG her ass >W--.png >I don't mind still nice ass >Hear her quietly say "Oh no" >I wonder what the f--- is going on >Her ass seems to get bigger >Then the smell hits me >MFW I realize she shat herself >MFW I almost c-- in my pants : Anonymous 09/28/18(Fri)09:26:43 No.780988335 I really hate your story

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Mind over matter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Mirin - female harassment thre...) 03/29/21(Mon)05:43:07 No.60626198 >needed a covid test so went to a nearby clinic >hot 8/10 25yo-ish nurse calls my name and asks me to go in a testing room >"take of your shirt anon" >wat? 1.63 MB WEBM >"take off your shirt" >uh... ok. >takes a sample from my NOSE for 30 seconds while touching my shoulders and arms >"you can get dressed now" >ask her why did I had to be shirtless >"because I wanted to. NEXT" >tested positive even though I feel fine
: Anonymous Mirin - female harassment thre...) 03/29/21(Mon)05:43:07 No.60626198 >needed a covid test so went to a nearby clinic >hot 8/10 25yo-ish nurse calls my name and asks me to go in a testing room >"take of your shirt anon" >wat? 1.63 MB WEBM >"take off your shirt" >uh... ok. >takes a sample from my NOSE for 30 seconds while touching my shoulders and arms >"you can get dressed now" >ask her why did I had to be shirtless >"because I wanted to. NEXT" >tested positive even though I feel fine

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Anon feels better | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)16:59:54 No.851121711 >be me >unkissed >never had sex, no friends >have job >get to know one of the colleagues alittle better 18 KB PNG >he's a gamer like me >be his friend on steam >he's rarely online >check out his activity >lots of p--- games >he prob thinks activity doesnt save when offline >alot of cuck games >thinking he's a cuck loser >feeling better >thanks friend
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)16:59:54 No.851121711 >be me >unkissed >never had sex, no friends >have job >get to know one of the colleagues alittle better 18 KB PNG >he's a gamer like me >be his friend on steam >he's rarely online >check out his activity >lots of p--- games >he prob thinks activity doesnt save when offline >alot of cuck games >thinking he's a cuck loser >feeling better >thanks friend

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anon does origami | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)19:42:59 No.49546506 >be me >horny as f--- >see bowsette cosplay picture while browsing twitter >d--- beat hard >finish and decide to check out 34 KB JPG the cosplayer >mfw its a dude am i gay or is he gay 2 Replies /1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)19:44:36 No.49546535 : Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)19:46:40 No.49546566 Yes to both. Origami 47 KB JPG
: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)19:42:59 No.49546506 >be me >horny as f--- >see bowsette cosplay picture while browsing twitter >d--- beat hard >finish and decide to check out 34 KB JPG the cosplayer >mfw its a dude am i gay or is he gay 2 Replies /1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)19:44:36 No.49546535 : Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)19:46:40 No.49546566 Yes to both. Origami 47 KB JPG

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Anon obeys | /r/Greentext

most retarded moments thread ? > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate
most retarded moments thread ? > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate

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Anon finds gud fren | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/19(Tue)08:46:58 No.52633633 >name Hep >Hep very small, very hungry >no have tribe, all day hunt small meat in bush >one day find big pig in big bush >pig needs lots of bonks, but Hep keep trying >bad pig go to sleep, Hep eat pig 9 KB PNG >no more hungry, and still have meat >Hep tired from doing bonks >put meat in pack, Hep did good job today >hug pack, Hep go to sleep >but then hear noise >open eyes, wild wuff sniff Hep >Hep scared, but stay very still >Wuff small, Wuff just bone >no wuff tribe, wuff all alone >Hep all alone too >Open pack, take meat in hand >Give to Wuff >Wuff take meat, no take hand >Wuff yawn, lay down >Hep and wuff hunt together now >Wuff find meat, Hep bonk meat >play game like catch-bone, chase, play-fight >Hep hug Wuff when sleep, no more cold >Hep not alone, Wuff gud fren What your gud fren story?
: Anonymous 05/28/19(Tue)08:46:58 No.52633633 >name Hep >Hep very small, very hungry >no have tribe, all day hunt small meat in bush >one day find big pig in big bush >pig needs lots of bonks, but Hep keep trying >bad pig go to sleep, Hep eat pig 9 KB PNG >no more hungry, and still have meat >Hep tired from doing bonks >put meat in pack, Hep did good job today >hug pack, Hep go to sleep >but then hear noise >open eyes, wild wuff sniff Hep >Hep scared, but stay very still >Wuff small, Wuff just bone >no wuff tribe, wuff all alone >Hep all alone too >Open pack, take meat in hand >Give to Wuff >Wuff take meat, no take hand >Wuff yawn, lay down >Hep and wuff hunt together now >Wuff find meat, Hep bonk meat >play game like catch-bone, chase, play-fight >Hep hug Wuff when sleep, no more cold >Hep not alone, Wuff gud fren What your gud fren story?

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Anon feels alive | /r/Greentext

12/07/17(Thu)20:20:40 No.41636302 : Anon Ascended >Be me, in biology class >teacher not here, so we watch House >I make a joke about the incesty father in the episode >girl next to me laughs and says "Man, I really hate you, anon." 25 KB JPG >I reply "Yeah, get that alot." >She responds "Aww man, you know I was joking, right? You're honestly f------ hilarious." I truly feel alive now, never been happier : Anonymous 12/07/17(Thu)20:56:38 No.41636877 >>41636302 (OP) # >girl sits next to you on the bus see you around losers 47 KB JPG
12/07/17(Thu)20:20:40 No.41636302 : Anon Ascended >Be me, in biology class >teacher not here, so we watch House >I make a joke about the incesty father in the episode >girl next to me laughs and says "Man, I really hate you, anon." 25 KB JPG >I reply "Yeah, get that alot." >She responds "Aww man, you know I was joking, right? You're honestly f------ hilarious." I truly feel alive now, never been happier : Anonymous 12/07/17(Thu)20:56:38 No.41636877 >>41636302 (OP) # >girl sits next to you on the bus see you around losers 47 KB JPG

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Anon is a proud American | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: WW503DHF 02/21/18(Wed)21:07:20 No.161424130 >be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that l'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)
: Anonymous (ID: WW503DHF 02/21/18(Wed)21:07:20 No.161424130 >be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that l'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)

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Anon is hacker-pedophile | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/27/18(Tue)15:49:02 No.785975313 >Be me >/b/tard >Dad sees me laughing at my phone >ohshit.jpg >"What you laughing at anon?" >Panic tell them just the funny LLAP CLAP 30 KB JPG meme website called 4chan >Dad loses it >"THAT WEBSITE IS FULL OF HACKERS AND PEDOPHILES, ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ABDUCTED? ARE YOU A PDEOPHILE? DO I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT YOU COMMITTING HACKER CRIMES ONLINE?" >mfw my dad thinks im talking to elite hacker pedophiles online >mfw I really talk to autistic retard neckbeards
: Anonymous 11/27/18(Tue)15:49:02 No.785975313 >Be me >/b/tard >Dad sees me laughing at my phone >ohshit.jpg >"What you laughing at anon?" >Panic tell them just the funny LLAP CLAP 30 KB JPG meme website called 4chan >Dad loses it >"THAT WEBSITE IS FULL OF HACKERS AND PEDOPHILES, ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ABDUCTED? ARE YOU A PDEOPHILE? DO I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT YOU COMMITTING HACKER CRIMES ONLINE?" >mfw my dad thinks im talking to elite hacker pedophiles online >mfw I really talk to autistic retard neckbeards

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Anon fights the good fight | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)06:52:43 No.63022272 >make a Chad Tinder account >females message me first >never respond to any of them >their Tinder elo gets lowered because of that 39 KB JPG Get rekt foids View Thread
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)06:52:43 No.63022272 >make a Chad Tinder account >females message me first >never respond to any of them >their Tinder elo gets lowered because of that 39 KB JPG Get rekt foids View Thread

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Anon asks for love advice | /r/Greentext

File :1188663010.jpg-(31 KB, 600x800, melissa.jpg) O 09/01/07(Sat)12:10:10 No.38098656 Ok /b/, im am really high right now, but i need your advise. I'm in love with this girl(see pic) but shes mad at me and doesnt like me in that way. How do I fix? im only asking because im stoned and am willing to do anything, except kill her. >> O 09/01/07(Sat)12:10:35 No.38098692 kill her. > O 09/01/07(Sat)12:10:56 No.38098712 kill her >> O 09/01/07(Sat)12:11:11 No.38098733 kill her >> O 09/01/07(Sat)12:11:21 No.38098744 kill her. >> O 09/01/07(Sat)12:11:26 No.38098752 Do a Barrel Roll. 09/01/07(Sat)12:11:28 No.38098756 kill yourself. >> O 09/01/07(Sat)12:11:31 No.38098762 kill her
File :1188663010.jpg-(31 KB, 600x800, melissa.jpg) O 09/01/07(Sat)12:10:10 No.38098656 Ok /b/, im am really high right now, but i need your advise. I'm in love with this girl(see pic) but shes mad at me and doesnt like me in that way. How do I fix? im only asking because im stoned and am willing to do anything, except kill her. >> O 09/01/07(Sat)12:10:35 No.38098692 kill her. > O 09/01/07(Sat)12:10:56 No.38098712 kill her >> O 09/01/07(Sat)12:11:11 No.38098733 kill her >> O 09/01/07(Sat)12:11:21 No.38098744 kill her. >> O 09/01/07(Sat)12:11:26 No.38098752 Do a Barrel Roll. 09/01/07(Sat)12:11:28 No.38098756 kill yourself. >> O 09/01/07(Sat)12:11:31 No.38098762 kill her

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Anon gets fooled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous F--- 4chan cucked by April foo(...) 04/02/21(Fri)13:47:43 No.63020654 >be in a thread >talking to someone about an interest >they let on they are a girl and interested in talking to me >l go to post my discord >error deported to >>>/qb/ >cant change IP >watch as some f------ chad pretends to be me 116 KB JPG in the thread and drops his discord >REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE >this was my one chance and 4chan f----- me and an anon did me dirty 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)13:56:09 No.63020728 >>63020654 (OP) # You know whats even funnier OP? I left her on read.
: Anonymous F--- 4chan cucked by April foo(...) 04/02/21(Fri)13:47:43 No.63020654 >be in a thread >talking to someone about an interest >they let on they are a girl and interested in talking to me >l go to post my discord >error deported to >>>/qb/ >cant change IP >watch as some f------ chad pretends to be me 116 KB JPG in the thread and drops his discord >REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE >this was my one chance and 4chan f----- me and an anon did me dirty 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)13:56:09 No.63020728 >>63020654 (OP) # You know whats even funnier OP? I left her on read.

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Anon orders Pizza | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)09:01:29 No.63020037 >Dad calls me a special snowflake No Signall for ordering literally any pizza that isnt pepperoni Why would they give me options for pizza if anything other than pepperoni means I am some type 18 KB JPG of loser and snowflake ?
: Anonymous 04/02/21(Fri)09:01:29 No.63020037 >Dad calls me a special snowflake No Signall for ordering literally any pizza that isnt pepperoni Why would they give me options for pizza if anything other than pepperoni means I am some type 18 KB JPG of loser and snowflake ?

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