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Anon is visited by penis fairy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:49:58 No.23850515 >got up the morning >check pants >penis fairy got me again How do you guys stop the penis fairy from putting glue on your penis when you wake up? So, the nightmare begins again. 306 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:49:58 No.23850515 >got up the morning >check pants >penis fairy got me again How do you guys stop the penis fairy from putting glue on your penis when you wake up? So, the nightmare begins again. 306 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon realize something important | /r/Greentext


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Here we go, the world is spinning. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:25:32 No.120221896 >Happy birthday son, here is your present, I hope you like it 206 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:26:39 No.120221944 >>120221896 (OP) # >WHAT THE F--- GIGACHAD? HAVEN'T YOU SEEN THE MOVIE? 513 KB PNG >>120222043 # : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:28:53 No.120222043 >>120221944 # >movie? Are you talking about this cool tape I found? 181 KB JPG >>120222100 # >>120222210 # : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:30:01 No.120222100 >>120222043 # >woah check it out I think she wants to suck my d--- bro haha 63 KB JPG >>120222210 # >>120222229 #
: Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:25:32 No.120221896 >Happy birthday son, here is your present, I hope you like it 206 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:26:39 No.120221944 >>120221896 (OP) # >WHAT THE F--- GIGACHAD? HAVEN'T YOU SEEN THE MOVIE? 513 KB PNG >>120222043 # : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:28:53 No.120222043 >>120221944 # >movie? Are you talking about this cool tape I found? 181 KB JPG >>120222100 # >>120222210 # : Anonymous 03/25/20(Wed)12:30:01 No.120222100 >>120222043 # >woah check it out I think she wants to suck my d--- bro haha 63 KB JPG >>120222210 # >>120222229 #

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Anon does asmr | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/21(Sun)02:09:07 No.843845416 066.png 69 KB PNG >decide to do ASMR videos >get banned from youtube for uploading 'ASMR roleplay: abortion clinic | lets scrap that fetus' Well that was a bust
: Anonymous 01/03/21(Sun)02:09:07 No.843845416 066.png 69 KB PNG >decide to do ASMR videos >get banned from youtube for uploading 'ASMR roleplay: abortion clinic | lets scrap that fetus' Well that was a bust

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Anon insults the cat | /r/Greentext

O Weird Memories Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)21:13:22 No.62946387 [Reply] D >jokingly call the cat a f----- >dad lectures me on animal abuse
O Weird Memories Anonymous 03/27/21(Sat)21:13:22 No.62946387 [Reply] D >jokingly call the cat a f----- >dad lectures me on animal abuse

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Fake: Girls sends Anon nudes Gay: Anon unironically uses pog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:19:40 No.850710433 >messaging girl for a while now >she finally sends me nudes >"what do you think of me, anon?" >type pog, it autocorrects to pig. >press send before I realise me mistake 5 KB JPG >she blocks me before I can explain Why must fate hurt me this way? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:20:38 No.850710478 : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:21:12 No.850710505 >pog military grade cringe, die alone.
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:19:40 No.850710433 >messaging girl for a while now >she finally sends me nudes >"what do you think of me, anon?" >type pog, it autocorrects to pig. >press send before I realise me mistake 5 KB JPG >she blocks me before I can explain Why must fate hurt me this way? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:20:38 No.850710478 : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)19:21:12 No.850710505 >pog military grade cringe, die alone.

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Anon tells university story | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/20/19(Sun)18:23:45 No.49234214 This one still hurts me >at the university basketball court >shooting hoops with some friends >free time for basketball ends, yoga class about to start >all the yoga qts file into the >me being the tall, athletic, cocky son of a 139 KB JPG gym gun that I am, start throwing down dunks to impress the ladies >two girls that I know approach me >"hey anon. Let's make a bet. If you go up for a dunk and miss, you have to take my friend here on a date" >qt friend giggles and smiles >agree, think to myself "f---, like I would ever miss a dunk. Especially in front of my boys" >everyone watching now >go up and throw down one of my best tomahawk slams >my friends go nuts >girls look at me sad and confused >walk up and awkwardly say "sorry, I don't miss dunks" >they don't say anything, just walk away >mfw I realize I was supposed to miss it on purpose Neither of them talked to me again >>49234236 # >>49234263 # >>49234298 # >>49234317 # >>49234412 # >>49234481 # >>49234664 # >>49234704 # >>49234739 # >>49234806 # >>49234817 # >>49234851 # >>49234921 #
: Anonymous 01/20/19(Sun)18:23:45 No.49234214 This one still hurts me >at the university basketball court >shooting hoops with some friends >free time for basketball ends, yoga class about to start >all the yoga qts file into the >me being the tall, athletic, cocky son of a 139 KB JPG gym gun that I am, start throwing down dunks to impress the ladies >two girls that I know approach me >"hey anon. Let's make a bet. If you go up for a dunk and miss, you have to take my friend here on a date" >qt friend giggles and smiles >agree, think to myself "f---, like I would ever miss a dunk. Especially in front of my boys" >everyone watching now >go up and throw down one of my best tomahawk slams >my friends go nuts >girls look at me sad and confused >walk up and awkwardly say "sorry, I don't miss dunks" >they don't say anything, just walk away >mfw I realize I was supposed to miss it on purpose Neither of them talked to me again >>49234236 # >>49234263 # >>49234298 # >>49234317 # >>49234412 # >>49234481 # >>49234664 # >>49234704 # >>49234739 # >>49234806 # >>49234817 # >>49234851 # >>49234921 #

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Anon controls the market | /r/Greentext

03/24/21(Wed)12:15:01 No.31710569 bog.jpg 22 KB JPG >economy is recovering? >block the canal
03/24/21(Wed)12:15:01 No.31710569 bog.jpg 22 KB JPG >economy is recovering? >block the canal

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Anon is too late | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:39:59 No.62952175 Girl >have a crush, very popular girl >one day me and the boys at same swimming pool as girls group. >girl tells me my crush also has a crush on me >crush has a serious expression on 67 KB JPG her face she 99% means it >autism kicks in >say cool, walk away silently >lots of people saw it >years later >ask her out >she rejects with a smile Where did I go wrong bros..? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:42:17 No.62952190 >>62952175 (OP) # >years later there it is >>62952202 #
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:39:59 No.62952175 Girl >have a crush, very popular girl >one day me and the boys at same swimming pool as girls group. >girl tells me my crush also has a crush on me >crush has a serious expression on 67 KB JPG her face she 99% means it >autism kicks in >say cool, walk away silently >lots of people saw it >years later >ask her out >she rejects with a smile Where did I go wrong bros..? : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:42:17 No.62952190 >>62952175 (OP) # >years later there it is >>62952202 #

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Piercing the simulacrum | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)09:17:02 No.62951575 School >last day of school before 1 week holidays >get home, feeling great >have a fun weekend >first day of actual holidays, Monday >dad gets p----- at me for playing 68 KB PNG vidya >says school starts in a week and I have to study >holidays going to s--- really quickly I get the good intent my dad had but this is one of the things I hated the most in my childhood. Can anyone relate?
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)09:17:02 No.62951575 School >last day of school before 1 week holidays >get home, feeling great >have a fun weekend >first day of actual holidays, Monday >dad gets p----- at me for playing 68 KB PNG vidya >says school starts in a week and I have to study >holidays going to s--- really quickly I get the good intent my dad had but this is one of the things I hated the most in my childhood. Can anyone relate?

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Anon is envious of his neighbor | /r/Greentext

1614132247152.jpg| 6 KB JPG >go to check mail >notice neighbor is still lying face down on lawn He's been doing that for like 4 days now. Must be nice to f--- off on a weekday
1614132247152.jpg| 6 KB JPG >go to check mail >notice neighbor is still lying face down on lawn He's been doing that for like 4 days now. Must be nice to f--- off on a weekday

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Anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

your Féel TO 1592964201459.jpg| 51 KB JPG >catfishing on dating website >qt girl messages me >'oh my god, Bon Jovi i love your music!" >ask her if she wants to meet at a nearby Denny's so i can sing to her >she agrees >tell her to wait at table 7 >go to Denny's >walk to table 7 >mfw it is another neckbeard who was catfishing >mfw i fisted him with a cat for catfishing me I just want to find true love /b/ros.
your Féel TO 1592964201459.jpg| 51 KB JPG >catfishing on dating website >qt girl messages me >'oh my god, Bon Jovi i love your music!" >ask her if she wants to meet at a nearby Denny's so i can sing to her >she agrees >tell her to wait at table 7 >go to Denny's >walk to table 7 >mfw it is another neckbeard who was catfishing >mfw i fisted him with a cat for catfishing me I just want to find true love /b/ros.

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Anon goes to cinema with dad | /r/Greentext

272d3f1985fbb13fd8701390f.).jpg (38 KB, 640x628) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)10:13:51 No.90452095 - >>90452267 >>90452385 >>90452451 >>90453024 >at cinema with dad >character says the word n----- >dad laughs out loud Anyone want to trade? B Anonymousv E O Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)10:15:34 No.90452144 v >>90452161 >>90452257 >>90452264 >>90452285 >>90452322 >>90452350 >>90452384 >>90452385 >>90452394 >>90452402 >>90452452 >>90452798 >>90452835 >>90452871 >>90453027 >>90453047 >>90453055 >>90453080 >>90453104 >at cinema with n----- >character says the word dad >n----- looks around in confusion
272d3f1985fbb13fd8701390f.).jpg (38 KB, 640x628) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)10:13:51 No.90452095 - >>90452267 >>90452385 >>90452451 >>90453024 >at cinema with dad >character says the word n----- >dad laughs out loud Anyone want to trade? B Anonymousv E O Anonymous 11/19/17(Sun)10:15:34 No.90452144 v >>90452161 >>90452257 >>90452264 >>90452285 >>90452322 >>90452350 >>90452384 >>90452385 >>90452394 >>90452402 >>90452452 >>90452798 >>90452835 >>90452871 >>90453027 >>90453047 >>90453055 >>90453080 >>90453104 >at cinema with n----- >character says the word dad >n----- looks around in confusion

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Anon is at lunch | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)10:00:03 No.850728037 >work night shift >on lunch break at 4 AM >sitting in dark parking lot in car with windows rolled down >hear footsteps approaching >see man appear from the darkness 112 KB GIF >he looks around >doesn't notice me >he pulls down his pants and starts taking a s--- >watching this guy taking a s--- while i eat my sandwich >he is struggling >constipated.jpg >i sneeze >he gets startled and looks at my direction >spotted.png >we look at each other for a minute >i break the awkward silence >'nice a------ bro' >'thanks' >'got any paper towels?' >hand him some napkins >quickly drive off i have to find another parking lot now, this one is tainted
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)10:00:03 No.850728037 >work night shift >on lunch break at 4 AM >sitting in dark parking lot in car with windows rolled down >hear footsteps approaching >see man appear from the darkness 112 KB GIF >he looks around >doesn't notice me >he pulls down his pants and starts taking a s--- >watching this guy taking a s--- while i eat my sandwich >he is struggling >constipated.jpg >i sneeze >he gets startled and looks at my direction >spotted.png >we look at each other for a minute >i break the awkward silence >'nice a------ bro' >'thanks' >'got any paper towels?' >hand him some napkins >quickly drive off i have to find another parking lot now, this one is tainted

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Anon learns to drink | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:42:02 No.850723772 >be me >drink soda >swallow soda >cough while swallowing soda >mouth opens automatically >spew out soda out of my throat and nose like a f------ watergun >can't fecking breathe 8 KB JPG >finish practically regurgitating soda >my nose can taste the sweet >try to back away and slip on the soda that I f------ regurgitated >worst experience in my life how was your day /b/ : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:43:16 No.850723846 Learn to drink, f--
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:42:02 No.850723772 >be me >drink soda >swallow soda >cough while swallowing soda >mouth opens automatically >spew out soda out of my throat and nose like a f------ watergun >can't fecking breathe 8 KB JPG >finish practically regurgitating soda >my nose can taste the sweet >try to back away and slip on the soda that I f------ regurgitated >worst experience in my life how was your day /b/ : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)16:43:16 No.850723846 Learn to drink, f--

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Anon regrets his behaviour | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The one that got away 03/28/21(Sun)06:48:46 No.62947867 >year 10 >smol girl sits next to me every lesson >find her really cute in a weird way, she is conventionally not that attractive, has acne and weak chin 92 KB JPG >help her with school work >calls me smart and strong, looks at me in a really adoring way >'cool' a------ friends I hang out with make fun of her and say 'haha she likes you xD' >'ew no, I don't like her.." If I could go back in time, I would tell my a------ 'friends' to go f--- themselves and hang out with her instead.
: Anonymous The one that got away 03/28/21(Sun)06:48:46 No.62947867 >year 10 >smol girl sits next to me every lesson >find her really cute in a weird way, she is conventionally not that attractive, has acne and weak chin 92 KB JPG >help her with school work >calls me smart and strong, looks at me in a really adoring way >'cool' a------ friends I hang out with make fun of her and say 'haha she likes you xD' >'ew no, I don't like her.." If I could go back in time, I would tell my a------ 'friends' to go f--- themselves and hang out with her instead.

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Anon is not tall | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)01:53:54 No.850520630 >short >like tall girls >tall girls like tall guys >try short girls >short girls also like tall guys guess i cant win
Anonymous 03/26/21(Fri)01:53:54 No.850520630 >short >like tall girls >tall girls like tall guys >try short girls >short girls also like tall guys guess i cant win

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Anon has a Nephew | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/18(Mon)16:50:34 No.42685823 >"Uncle Anon, why aren't you married?" >"Mom says people only get married when they love each other, does that mean no one loves you?" >>42685878 # : Anonymous 01/22/18(Mon)17:24:59 No.42685878 >>42685823 # f------ wish i had a nephew with such top quality banter >>42685953 #
: Anonymous 01/22/18(Mon)16:50:34 No.42685823 >"Uncle Anon, why aren't you married?" >"Mom says people only get married when they love each other, does that mean no one loves you?" >>42685878 # : Anonymous 01/22/18(Mon)17:24:59 No.42685878 >>42685823 # f------ wish i had a nephew with such top quality banter >>42685953 #

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Anon is a living sister | /r/Greentext


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/r9k/ on the forms of humor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:43:11 No.62945469 >entire sense of humor consists of pop culture references 7 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:47:35 No.62945532 >>62945501 # >entire sense of humor is scatological/fart humor 112 KB PNG >>62945606 # : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:50:09 No.62945561 >entire sense of humor consists of racist caricatures and hating on liberals 50 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:51:57 No.62945581 >entire sense of humor consists of self-deprecation and irony 5 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:54:49 No.62945606 >>62945532 # >entire sense of humor consists of sexual innuendos 50 KB JPG >>62945643 2# : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:58:09 No.62945643 >>62945606 # >entire sense of humor consists of strange noises and weird motions 163 KB PNG >>62945971 #
: Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:43:11 No.62945469 >entire sense of humor consists of pop culture references 7 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:47:35 No.62945532 >>62945501 # >entire sense of humor is scatological/fart humor 112 KB PNG >>62945606 # : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:50:09 No.62945561 >entire sense of humor consists of racist caricatures and hating on liberals 50 KB JPG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:51:57 No.62945581 >entire sense of humor consists of self-deprecation and irony 5 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:54:49 No.62945606 >>62945532 # >entire sense of humor consists of sexual innuendos 50 KB JPG >>62945643 2# : Anonymous 03/28/21(Sun)01:58:09 No.62945643 >>62945606 # >entire sense of humor consists of strange noises and weird motions 163 KB PNG >>62945971 #

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