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Anon does a super jump | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/17(Mon)19:02:10 No.365059692 ITT: Autistic things that Video Games made you do: >in middle school >8/10 qt3.14 >heard she liked Super Mario and 37 KB JPG Zelda >completely in love with this girl >she has no idea who I am >see her sitting with her friends at lunch >want to get her attention and impress her somehow >get a massive run up >jump past their seat >as loud as I can scream "YAHOO" just like Mario as loud as I can >turn around and face her with a massive alpha grin like I just killed a bear in front of them >her friends look at me and laugh >she stares at me going red in the face >l wink at her and walk away >find out she has a boyfriend when he beats me up in the car park after school I find it incredibly hard to talk to girls now days. And in my defence it was a pretty impressive jump; but this experience haunts me so much. Why didn't I just say 'hello'?
: Anonymous 01/23/17(Mon)19:02:10 No.365059692 ITT: Autistic things that Video Games made you do: >in middle school >8/10 qt3.14 >heard she liked Super Mario and 37 KB JPG Zelda >completely in love with this girl >she has no idea who I am >see her sitting with her friends at lunch >want to get her attention and impress her somehow >get a massive run up >jump past their seat >as loud as I can scream "YAHOO" just like Mario as loud as I can >turn around and face her with a massive alpha grin like I just killed a bear in front of them >her friends look at me and laugh >she stares at me going red in the face >l wink at her and walk away >find out she has a boyfriend when he beats me up in the car park after school I find it incredibly hard to talk to girls now days. And in my defence it was a pretty impressive jump; but this experience haunts me so much. Why didn't I just say 'hello'?

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Anon is based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/21/19(Sun)20:42:51 No.805223939 >17th bday >the bois got tired of me being a virgin wm >they gave a slut at our school 575 KB JPG 500 USD to f--- me >they locked us in a room together >i give her a hug and tell her "Your better than this" >she cries and gives me a peck in the cheek Crisis avoided and kept my virginity
: Anonymous 07/21/19(Sun)20:42:51 No.805223939 >17th bday >the bois got tired of me being a virgin wm >they gave a slut at our school 575 KB JPG 500 USD to f--- me >they locked us in a room together >i give her a hug and tell her "Your better than this" >she cries and gives me a peck in the cheek Crisis avoided and kept my virginity

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anon orders dessert | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)19:48:24 No.15514415 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh..." "Th-this one..." (points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r.rooty t-toot..." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f.f- fresh n... n fruity..."
: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)19:48:24 No.15514415 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh..." "Th-this one..." (points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r.rooty t-toot..." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f.f- fresh n... n fruity..."

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Anon has a realization | /r/Greentext

NEAT 1. #103618555 10/17/18, 5:00 PM >mfw I realize all of Spider-Man's enemies are modeled after the spider's natural predators 9 REPLIES 2 #103618579 10/17/18 5:01 PM >>103618555 OP How is an octopus a natural predator for spiders? 2 REPLIES 3 #103618601 10/17/18 5:02 PM >>103618555 OP Rhino, alien symbiote, electricity, etc.... seems legit. 2 REPLIES 4 #103618607 10/17/18 5:03 PM >>103618555 OP Ah yes, the greatest of the natural predators, the goblin.
NEAT 1. #103618555 10/17/18, 5:00 PM >mfw I realize all of Spider-Man's enemies are modeled after the spider's natural predators 9 REPLIES 2 #103618579 10/17/18 5:01 PM >>103618555 OP How is an octopus a natural predator for spiders? 2 REPLIES 3 #103618601 10/17/18 5:02 PM >>103618555 OP Rhino, alien symbiote, electricity, etc.... seems legit. 2 REPLIES 4 #103618607 10/17/18 5:03 PM >>103618555 OP Ah yes, the greatest of the natural predators, the goblin.

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Anon has a Friend | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)04:42:18 No.848003433 Autistic friend stories. I'll start. >Be me >Go to boarding school in Germany >Friends with an autistic Chinese kid in my dorm >He gets really into German culture >Starts talking about foreigners coming to Germany >Starts saying Germany will become Germistan if they keep letting Muslims in >Starts talking about how the German race needs to be kept pure >ohNo.jpg >won't listen to reason >more extreme every day >idea.jpg >"I'll make an account on an autistic people forum and ask them" >Make account >Ask question >Answers are all autistic >mfw
O Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)04:42:18 No.848003433 Autistic friend stories. I'll start. >Be me >Go to boarding school in Germany >Friends with an autistic Chinese kid in my dorm >He gets really into German culture >Starts talking about foreigners coming to Germany >Starts saying Germany will become Germistan if they keep letting Muslims in >Starts talking about how the German race needs to be kept pure >ohNo.jpg >won't listen to reason >more extreme every day >idea.jpg >"I'll make an account on an autistic people forum and ask them" >Make account >Ask question >Answers are all autistic >mfw

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Anon is a man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/21/21(Sun)22:53:56 No.847953789 >be a woman >turn 30 >life over 53 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/21/21(Sun)22:53:56 No.847953789 >be a woman >turn 30 >life over 53 KB JPG

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Anon’s Amazon GF | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/27/20(Sun)20:42:13 No.209345239 >>209345415 >>209347592 >>209348568 >>209349383 File: tomboy.jpg (218 KB, 1330x512) Smile There wagn't anyone there that could stop the tomboy. >>209267022 # >tfw your wife calls herself your Amazon, is nearly a foot taller than you, and can carry you around with ease >Used to be super embarrassed of her back in college because she'd emasculate me doing things like bridal carry me around the dorm, tape signs to my dorm room declaring it as her property, loudly tell her friends about how she'd dom me in bed, etc. >For years only let me initiate sex if I could pull off a physical feat she assigned (climb up to her window on the second floor, run five laps around campus, do a hundred pull-ups, etc.) >Was even the one that proposed to me at a Christmas party in front of all our friends. Even on one knee she was around chest-level to me >Took her hunting with me and my friends. We all got jack s---, and she nabbed a near record-setting buck with a f------ bow. >Only realized in the last few years I'm living the dream of thousands of guys
Anonymous 09/27/20(Sun)20:42:13 No.209345239 >>209345415 >>209347592 >>209348568 >>209349383 File: tomboy.jpg (218 KB, 1330x512) Smile There wagn't anyone there that could stop the tomboy. >>209267022 # >tfw your wife calls herself your Amazon, is nearly a foot taller than you, and can carry you around with ease >Used to be super embarrassed of her back in college because she'd emasculate me doing things like bridal carry me around the dorm, tape signs to my dorm room declaring it as her property, loudly tell her friends about how she'd dom me in bed, etc. >For years only let me initiate sex if I could pull off a physical feat she assigned (climb up to her window on the second floor, run five laps around campus, do a hundred pull-ups, etc.) >Was even the one that proposed to me at a Christmas party in front of all our friends. Even on one knee she was around chest-level to me >Took her hunting with me and my friends. We all got jack s---, and she nabbed a near record-setting buck with a f------ bow. >Only realized in the last few years I'm living the dream of thousands of guys

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Anon is broke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)18:37:23 No.78605778E >be me >go on Reddit >see that a post has gold and silver >wot.jpg 83 KB JPG >ffw a few weeks >see a post that made me laugh >click on button to give gold >a menu comes up to buy gold >confusion.jpg >click on buy gold >asks for a payment method >what the f--- >some f------ actually spend money to give a medal to posts and comments that they enjoy >mfw
: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)18:37:23 No.78605778E >be me >go on Reddit >see that a post has gold and silver >wot.jpg 83 KB JPG >ffw a few weeks >see a post that made me laugh >click on button to give gold >a menu comes up to buy gold >confusion.jpg >click on buy gold >asks for a payment method >what the f--- >some f------ actually spend money to give a medal to posts and comments that they enjoy >mfw

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Anon talks to his dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)22:34:36 No.807214230 >be me,5 years ago >sitting alone in hospital room with 94 year old dad >nothing wrong with him just old and his time is coming >just sitting there with him when suddenly he starts whistling we,ll 2 KB JPG meet again by Vera Lynn >after he finishes I look at him and tell him it was a good song >he looks up at me from his bed "Damn f------ right it was. Best song in the world" >I go onto my phone and put on the song and we listen for a while >after awhile more of hanging out I leave and go home for the night >wake up in the morning to a text from my sister that he died a bit after I left >mfw we,ll meet again pops. some day
: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)22:34:36 No.807214230 >be me,5 years ago >sitting alone in hospital room with 94 year old dad >nothing wrong with him just old and his time is coming >just sitting there with him when suddenly he starts whistling we,ll 2 KB JPG meet again by Vera Lynn >after he finishes I look at him and tell him it was a good song >he looks up at me from his bed "Damn f------ right it was. Best song in the world" >I go onto my phone and put on the song and we listen for a while >after awhile more of hanging out I leave and go home for the night >wake up in the morning to a text from my sister that he died a bit after I left >mfw we,ll meet again pops. some day

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Anon is high and dry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/21/21(Sun)16:35:05 No.62437037 >coworkers start talking about how they lost their virginity 17 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/21/21(Sun)16:35:05 No.62437037 >coworkers start talking about how they lost their virginity 17 KB JPG

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Anon goes to Europe | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:31:25 No.609857223 I'd like to tell a story >be me last summer >not too beta but spend all time inside on computer (also virginfag) >vidya, animu, p---, etc. >parents cool with lifestyle but dad 68 KB JPG always tries to get me out of my shell >offers to pay for a flight to Europe >i'm not too interested (murica f--- yeah) but figure its a free trip >fly into Munich >reenact german invasion (train to Poland, Denmark, Norway, France and Belgium) >pretty uneventful, just go to lame tourist traps and sometimes local bars >want to lose virginity >decide to go to Amsterdam my last two days Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:34:04 No.609857553 >>609857440 >stay in hostel, first day just walk around, notice some clubs and brothels 579 KB JPG >figure l'll go to club and try to talk up a girl, and if that fails I'll atleast hit up a brothel >night cometh, go to closest club >can hear music from outside, no line just a bouncer outside >this guy is f------ ripped, has 3 inches on me atleast (im 6'2) >long hair >long beard >beard braided to a point >nordic blood flowing strong >a f------ viking blocking my entrance to the club >get up to door expecting to be turned away >what a twist, lets me in no problem >>609857883 Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:36:07 No.609857850 >>609857515 >typical club, lots of bros and rave chicks >get a drink and look around at the girls 873 KB JPG >see one fine ass girl, long blonde hair with flower hairband, pierced nose >dancing by herself, figure she came alone or her friends are away >go up to her and start dancing >we dance a little, I ask her where shes from >"sweden" >ask her name >"Sky" >doubt its her real name, f------ hippies but shes so hot >we dance and I buy her a few drinks >asks me if I want to do molly >never done anything but pot, but hey this may go somewhere 22609857980 # 2609858074 # >>609857883 That would be hard >we keep dancing, she starts grinding on me more and more >please dont get hard please dont get hard 205 KB JPG >get hard >after about 20 seconds of grinding on my hard d--- she turns around >big smile on her face, puts hand on the front of my pants >l put my arms around her and we kind of sway to the music while she strokes >she stops >"follow me" >she leads me away from the pit and bar to the mens bathroom >ohgodthisisit >a guy is coming out as we go in, just smiles at us >some stalls are closed and a guy is washing his hands but doesnt see us go to the last stall >she unzips my pants >drops to her knees, starts going as if my d--- is rotting fish or whatever the f--- they eat >l c-- in less than a minute >s--- happens >she kind of giggles and swallows >unzips and takes off her pants Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:39:55 No.609858305 >>609858074 Aye Aye captain 73 KB JPG >bends over the toilet >l've gone soft, start to eat her out >shes loving it, though I have no idea what I'm doing >a few minutes into it she turns around >Rim my ass >pokerface.jpeg >never thought l'd do something so nasty but I'm pretty buzzed and horny >start to rim her ass, shes moaning loudly >all of the sudden hear a knock at the urinal >"open the door" >oh s--- >get up from the floor >open the door >>609858392# >>609858560 >>609858579 # Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:41:36 No.609858487 >>609858330 >l'ts the f------ nordic bouncer >'what do you think you're doing in here?" 280 KB JPG >I stumble over words, "I uhh we were just uhh" >he pushes past me, I see girl is still bent over >he gets on the floor >what the f--- >bouncer starts eating her ass >shes moaning even louder than before >I'm f------ frozen in awe >finally get courage and speak up >"what the f--- are you doing?" >bouncer turns to me and says >"Skys rim belongs to the nords" Reinvented by Fracati for iFunny :) ifunny.co
Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:31:25 No.609857223 I'd like to tell a story >be me last summer >not too beta but spend all time inside on computer (also virginfag) >vidya, animu, p---, etc. >parents cool with lifestyle but dad 68 KB JPG always tries to get me out of my shell >offers to pay for a flight to Europe >i'm not too interested (murica f--- yeah) but figure its a free trip >fly into Munich >reenact german invasion (train to Poland, Denmark, Norway, France and Belgium) >pretty uneventful, just go to lame tourist traps and sometimes local bars >want to lose virginity >decide to go to Amsterdam my last two days Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:34:04 No.609857553 >>609857440 >stay in hostel, first day just walk around, notice some clubs and brothels 579 KB JPG >figure l'll go to club and try to talk up a girl, and if that fails I'll atleast hit up a brothel >night cometh, go to closest club >can hear music from outside, no line just a bouncer outside >this guy is f------ ripped, has 3 inches on me atleast (im 6'2) >long hair >long beard >beard braided to a point >nordic blood flowing strong >a f------ viking blocking my entrance to the club >get up to door expecting to be turned away >what a twist, lets me in no problem >>609857883 Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:36:07 No.609857850 >>609857515 >typical club, lots of bros and rave chicks >get a drink and look around at the girls 873 KB JPG >see one fine ass girl, long blonde hair with flower hairband, pierced nose >dancing by herself, figure she came alone or her friends are away >go up to her and start dancing >we dance a little, I ask her where shes from >"sweden" >ask her name >"Sky" >doubt its her real name, f------ hippies but shes so hot >we dance and I buy her a few drinks >asks me if I want to do molly >never done anything but pot, but hey this may go somewhere 22609857980 # 2609858074 # >>609857883 That would be hard >we keep dancing, she starts grinding on me more and more >please dont get hard please dont get hard 205 KB JPG >get hard >after about 20 seconds of grinding on my hard d--- she turns around >big smile on her face, puts hand on the front of my pants >l put my arms around her and we kind of sway to the music while she strokes >she stops >"follow me" >she leads me away from the pit and bar to the mens bathroom >ohgodthisisit >a guy is coming out as we go in, just smiles at us >some stalls are closed and a guy is washing his hands but doesnt see us go to the last stall >she unzips my pants >drops to her knees, starts going as if my d--- is rotting fish or whatever the f--- they eat >l c-- in less than a minute >s--- happens >she kind of giggles and swallows >unzips and takes off her pants Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:39:55 No.609858305 >>609858074 Aye Aye captain 73 KB JPG >bends over the toilet >l've gone soft, start to eat her out >shes loving it, though I have no idea what I'm doing >a few minutes into it she turns around >Rim my ass >pokerface.jpeg >never thought l'd do something so nasty but I'm pretty buzzed and horny >start to rim her ass, shes moaning loudly >all of the sudden hear a knock at the urinal >"open the door" >oh s--- >get up from the floor >open the door >>609858392# >>609858560 >>609858579 # Anonymous 04/13/15(Mon)23:41:36 No.609858487 >>609858330 >l'ts the f------ nordic bouncer >'what do you think you're doing in here?" 280 KB JPG >I stumble over words, "I uhh we were just uhh" >he pushes past me, I see girl is still bent over >he gets on the floor >what the f--- >bouncer starts eating her ass >shes moaning even louder than before >I'm f------ frozen in awe >finally get courage and speak up >"what the f--- are you doing?" >bouncer turns to me and says >"Skys rim belongs to the nords" Reinvented by Fracati for iFunny :) ifunny.co

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Anon Texts a girl | /r/Greentext

OAnonymous (ID: kPkSv/99) 07/07/12(Sat)13:00:06 M >be 14 year old boy >chat with girl of my age >tells me she's into older guys >pretend I'm 19 >sext with her >arrange meeting >go to her house >it's chris hanson >crew goes to jail for sexting with me
OAnonymous (ID: kPkSv/99) 07/07/12(Sat)13:00:06 M >be 14 year old boy >chat with girl of my age >tells me she's into older guys >pretend I'm 19 >sext with her >arrange meeting >go to her house >it's chris hanson >crew goes to jail for sexting with me

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Anon shares his pencil | /r/Greentext

>>31484134 (OP) # >qt girl in front of me asks me if i have a spare pencil >have only one but too beta to say no >give it to her >have no pencil >pretend im taking notes and doing the hand- motions as if i was writing something in my notes >teacher notices >"anon what are you doing why aren't you writing this down" >"do you need a pencil"? >mumble "yes" >girl says "but you said you have another one" >shrug my arms and want to kill myself
>>31484134 (OP) # >qt girl in front of me asks me if i have a spare pencil >have only one but too beta to say no >give it to her >have no pencil >pretend im taking notes and doing the hand- motions as if i was writing something in my notes >teacher notices >"anon what are you doing why aren't you writing this down" >"do you need a pencil"? >mumble "yes" >girl says "but you said you have another one" >shrug my arms and want to kill myself

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anon is unable to find any middle ground | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/21/21(Sun)23:47:19 No.847962425 >Using 4chan >b is getting too weird, too much s--- and p--- >Go to business and finance >Don't understand any of it, not smart enough >Come back to b, still just s--- and p--- 62 KB JPG Where's the middle ground here bois? Let's just have a normal conversation for once
: Anonymous 02/21/21(Sun)23:47:19 No.847962425 >Using 4chan >b is getting too weird, too much s--- and p--- >Go to business and finance >Don't understand any of it, not smart enough >Come back to b, still just s--- and p--- 62 KB JPG Where's the middle ground here bois? Let's just have a normal conversation for once

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Anon plays Silent Hill | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat)19:06 No.215457549 File 1382828761196 jpg-(42 KB. 480x480. 1353212900339 jpg) >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >I WILL BIRTH THE GOD" >My dads face when "Well have fun" >leaves room
Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat)19:06 No.215457549 File 1382828761196 jpg-(42 KB. 480x480. 1353212900339 jpg) >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >I WILL BIRTH THE GOD" >My dads face when "Well have fun" >leaves room

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Anon makes a friend | /r/Greentext

>Be me in army >mandatory in my s----- country >first time we noob soldiers fire our guns >we lay in the ground and get ready 108 KB JPG >drill instructor yells "are you ready?" >i yell back "ai ai captain" >random guy two rows away yells "i cant hear you" >drill instructor mad and tries to find out who mocked him >i yell again "O0000000" >random guy shots a rock 10 meters in front of him from laughter ( the target was 300 meter away) >dust rises up and one general runs and screams at drill instructor >we march back to camp 10 kilometers instead of driving >i am attending the "i cant hear you" guy wedding next week
>Be me in army >mandatory in my s----- country >first time we noob soldiers fire our guns >we lay in the ground and get ready 108 KB JPG >drill instructor yells "are you ready?" >i yell back "ai ai captain" >random guy two rows away yells "i cant hear you" >drill instructor mad and tries to find out who mocked him >i yell again "O0000000" >random guy shots a rock 10 meters in front of him from laughter ( the target was 300 meter away) >dust rises up and one general runs and screams at drill instructor >we march back to camp 10 kilometers instead of driving >i am attending the "i cant hear you" guy wedding next week

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anon is horny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/30/20(Mon)14:49:14 No.841216045 >Pandemic >Millions of QTs short on rent and food So why aren't you taking advantage of this /b? 70 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/30/20(Mon)14:49:59 No.841216095 Because I'm not a degenerate shitheel. >>841217081 #
: Anonymous 11/30/20(Mon)14:49:14 No.841216045 >Pandemic >Millions of QTs short on rent and food So why aren't you taking advantage of this /b? 70 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/30/20(Mon)14:49:59 No.841216095 Because I'm not a degenerate shitheel. >>841217081 #

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anon clicks a button | /r/Greentext

Greentext thread. >be me >in class >playing games on my computer cuz the teacher can't see my screen from her 162 KB JPG angle >go to an indie devs website >browsing his games when I find one about a button >its literally just a button with a message at the top saying "click the button 11 times to win!" >i click it >"click the button 10 times to win!" >l keep clicking it until I reach 11 clicks and then it says >"congratulations! you win!" >click button again >"You lose. Forever." >i click again >it doesnt change >i refresh the page >it doesnt change >i close the tab, delete my history and go back in incognito mode >it doesnt change
Greentext thread. >be me >in class >playing games on my computer cuz the teacher can't see my screen from her 162 KB JPG angle >go to an indie devs website >browsing his games when I find one about a button >its literally just a button with a message at the top saying "click the button 11 times to win!" >i click it >"click the button 10 times to win!" >l keep clicking it until I reach 11 clicks and then it says >"congratulations! you win!" >click button again >"You lose. Forever." >i click again >it doesnt change >i refresh the page >it doesnt change >i close the tab, delete my history and go back in incognito mode >it doesnt change

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Anon says “Later virgins” | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)21:25:10 No.790753828 >Girl looks at me >The image of me is now pulsing through her neurons >Technically am inside her >Later virgins 29 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)21:25:10 No.790753828 >Girl looks at me >The image of me is now pulsing through her neurons >Technically am inside her >Later virgins 29 KB JPG

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Anon goes through a phase | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)18:26:22 No.47414971 1524085735334.jpg 122 KB JPG >tfw had a general grievous phase when i was younger >would wrap a blanket around my shoulders like a cape while walking around hunched over coughing and doing the voice i-i wasn't the only one right?
: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)18:26:22 No.47414971 1524085735334.jpg 122 KB JPG >tfw had a general grievous phase when i was younger >would wrap a blanket around my shoulders like a cape while walking around hunched over coughing and doing the voice i-i wasn't the only one right?

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