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Anon rewrites a classic to appeal to the youngsters. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/09/22(Thu)10:06:17 No.169343560 fr.png 1.33 MB PNG >Big yikes! TF is that, Private Pyle? A jelly donut xir! >Deadass? Im shook! Xir yes xir! >Are you allowed to slay jelly donuts Private Pyle? Xir no Xir! >And why not? Because im a thicc bitch xir! >Because you are a hecking chonker, Private Pyle! Xir yes xir! >Private Pyle has been acting mad sus no cap fr, I have tried to help they/them, but I have failed ong. From now, whenever they/them f--- up, I will not punish they/them, I will punish all of you, NO CAP. The way I see it, you owe me one jelly donut. BET.
Anonymous 06/09/22(Thu)10:06:17 No.169343560 fr.png 1.33 MB PNG >Big yikes! TF is that, Private Pyle? A jelly donut xir! >Deadass? Im shook! Xir yes xir! >Are you allowed to slay jelly donuts Private Pyle? Xir no Xir! >And why not? Because im a thicc bitch xir! >Because you are a hecking chonker, Private Pyle! Xir yes xir! >Private Pyle has been acting mad sus no cap fr, I have tried to help they/them, but I have failed ong. From now, whenever they/them f--- up, I will not punish they/them, I will punish all of you, NO CAP. The way I see it, you owe me one jelly donut. BET.

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Anon in Ukraine | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: q919z79T 02/23/22(Wed) 22:52:29 No.362756862 F--- I wanted to sleep. Odessa bro here. I woke up because I heard a couple of distant explosions like 40 minutes ago. Does anybody know what happened? >>362757003 # >>362757030 # >>362757332 # >>362757456 # >>362757470 # Anonymous (ID: wi8f50f3) >>362758404 # Anonymou 02/23/22(Wed)22:53:03 No.362757030 >>362756862 # you are under attack retard
Anonymous (ID: q919z79T 02/23/22(Wed) 22:52:29 No.362756862 F--- I wanted to sleep. Odessa bro here. I woke up because I heard a couple of distant explosions like 40 minutes ago. Does anybody know what happened? >>362757003 # >>362757030 # >>362757332 # >>362757456 # >>362757470 # Anonymous (ID: wi8f50f3) >>362758404 # Anonymou 02/23/22(Wed)22:53:03 No.362757030 >>362756862 # you are under attack retard

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We wuz celebratin' | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: bbgL6iKs 280 KB JPG 06/18/21(Fri)14:06:52 No.326478624 >june 17th >juneteenth eve >leave tray of fried chicken and watermelon slices out for the ghost of harriet tubman >wake up the next morning >"Dad where did my bike go?" >mfw its a Juneteenth miracle
Anonymous (ID: bbgL6iKs 280 KB JPG 06/18/21(Fri)14:06:52 No.326478624 >june 17th >juneteenth eve >leave tray of fried chicken and watermelon slices out for the ghost of harriet tubman >wake up the next morning >"Dad where did my bike go?" >mfw its a Juneteenth miracle

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An interesting title | /r/Greentext

connect 4.jpg 37 KB JPG >Valiant effort, Mr. Bond. However, you neglected to look diagonally.
connect 4.jpg 37 KB JPG >Valiant effort, Mr. Bond. However, you neglected to look diagonally.

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Anon downloading all the personality DLCs | /r/Greentext

File: br2049.png (228 KB, 325x570) Anonymous 11/27/21 (Sat)01:09:10 No.159735798 >>159735816 >>159735873 >>159735919 >>159739580 >>159739689 >>159739723 Anyone here bought the bladerunner coat from Amazon? Is it good? Anonymous 11/27/21 (Sat)01:09:35 No.159735816 >>159735864 >>159736148 >>159737183 >>159738451 >>159739246 >>159739465 >>159739580 >>159739639 >>159739741 >>159739884 >>159742766 >>159743101 >>159735798 (OP) # I wear it over my drive jacket.
File: br2049.png (228 KB, 325x570) Anonymous 11/27/21 (Sat)01:09:10 No.159735798 >>159735816 >>159735873 >>159735919 >>159739580 >>159739689 >>159739723 Anyone here bought the bladerunner coat from Amazon? Is it good? Anonymous 11/27/21 (Sat)01:09:35 No.159735816 >>159735864 >>159736148 >>159737183 >>159738451 >>159739246 >>159739465 >>159739580 >>159739639 >>159739741 >>159739884 >>159742766 >>159743101 >>159735798 (OP) # I wear it over my drive jacket.

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ching chong a-non | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/22/22 (Wed)16:17:23 No.880626760 >be me >6ft2in black man >walking >come across group of asian men >they are like 5"2" >they say "ohhh nooo, here come the shadow man, bring out ur fwied chicken 24 KB GIF so he no beat us up" >mfw they each pull out a bucket of kfc chicken >they give me the chicken >they run away and yell "haha, black person likes fried chicken" >dont really care, free food >go home w-- did i experience can tiny d--- asians even be chads?
Anonymous 06/22/22 (Wed)16:17:23 No.880626760 >be me >6ft2in black man >walking >come across group of asian men >they are like 5"2" >they say "ohhh nooo, here come the shadow man, bring out ur fwied chicken 24 KB GIF so he no beat us up" >mfw they each pull out a bucket of kfc chicken >they give me the chicken >they run away and yell "haha, black person likes fried chicken" >dont really care, free food >go home w-- did i experience can tiny d--- asians even be chads?

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Anon is a Taoist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 69 KB JPG 06/22/22(Wed)14:43:47 No.880607373 itself >Bliss and peace realizing I can't make a mistake because that's the Tao baby >Be me >Universe.gif >Be a part of everything >Be everything >Literally be the universe experiencing Later virgins >Feel sense of unity with everything and everyone because I AM everything and everyone >MFW that means I'm also the vibrator on Stacy's clit somewhere out there right now
Anonymous 69 KB JPG 06/22/22(Wed)14:43:47 No.880607373 itself >Bliss and peace realizing I can't make a mistake because that's the Tao baby >Be me >Universe.gif >Be a part of everything >Be everything >Literally be the universe experiencing Later virgins >Feel sense of unity with everything and everyone because I AM everything and everyone >MFW that means I'm also the vibrator on Stacy's clit somewhere out there right now

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Anon's friend wants to watch the movie too | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/22/22(Wed)16:27:55 No.69136647 356 KB PNG >be me >about to enjoy a night watching Shrek 2 (2004) >got my popcorn >sitting in my chair with a blanket >the deer man starts speaking loudly in the voice of my deceased mother outside, trying to lure me outside I just wanted to relax
Anonymous 06/22/22(Wed)16:27:55 No.69136647 356 KB PNG >be me >about to enjoy a night watching Shrek 2 (2004) >got my popcorn >sitting in my chair with a blanket >the deer man starts speaking loudly in the voice of my deceased mother outside, trying to lure me outside I just wanted to relax

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anon is a fan of the beat em up game 'Yakuza'. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/21/22(Tue)17:27:40 No.603263019 >play the whole Yakuza franchise >end up vacationing in Kabukicho >know the whole f------ area like I've lived there for years with minimal differences >to the point where I end up finding a place with good hookers Are there any other games that get this autistic with real world locations? 1012 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/21/22(Tue)17:29:05 No.603263141 >>603263281 # >>603277357 # >>603263482 # : Anonymous : Anonymous : Anonymous >>603263019 (OP) # >starts beating up random locals 06/21/22(Tue)17:30:23 No.603263281 06/21/22(Tue)17:31:21 No.603263359 06/21/22(Tue)17:31:36 No.603263381 06/21/22(Tue)17:32:46 No.603263482 : Anonymous >>603263381 # The japanese aren't very big people. It's shockingly easy to get away with. >>603267081 # >>603271094 # >>603277502 #
: Anonymous 06/21/22(Tue)17:27:40 No.603263019 >play the whole Yakuza franchise >end up vacationing in Kabukicho >know the whole f------ area like I've lived there for years with minimal differences >to the point where I end up finding a place with good hookers Are there any other games that get this autistic with real world locations? 1012 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/21/22(Tue)17:29:05 No.603263141 >>603263281 # >>603277357 # >>603263482 # : Anonymous : Anonymous : Anonymous >>603263019 (OP) # >starts beating up random locals 06/21/22(Tue)17:30:23 No.603263281 06/21/22(Tue)17:31:21 No.603263359 06/21/22(Tue)17:31:36 No.603263381 06/21/22(Tue)17:32:46 No.603263482 : Anonymous >>603263381 # The japanese aren't very big people. It's shockingly easy to get away with. >>603267081 # >>603271094 # >>603277502 #

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Anon is a caveman | /r/Greentext

Anonymous C. to 5 1:0 43 KB PNG 06/22/22(Wed)13:12:56 No.69137992 >grug want to make baby with cave woman >cave woman no want grug to make baby with her >grug sad >grug pleasure himself >grug no longer want to make baby with cave woman >grug happy now
Anonymous C. to 5 1:0 43 KB PNG 06/22/22(Wed)13:12:56 No.69137992 >grug want to make baby with cave woman >cave woman no want grug to make baby with her >grug sad >grug pleasure himself >grug no longer want to make baby with cave woman >grug happy now

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Anon plays DnD | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 105 KB JPG 01/03/21(Sun)18:08:32 >friend wants me to be wingman for him in some weird ERP DnD inspired discord server >tell him im not really into DnD so dont know a f------ thing >tells me not to worry i'll have a 'fun' time No.843900872 >the discord server is suppose to be in a inn for weary adventurers >have to tell everyone name, race & class >im vizathar, human sorcerer >friend seems to be having a good time >i just s--- there doing other s--- >get message from a female bartender half elf >'hello mighty sorcerer, would you like to lay with me in thy bed?' >'afraid i cant stunning wench' >'but why not master of the arcane arts?' >'herpitus haveitus' >mfw i get banned from server Told him i didnt know s---
: Anonymous 105 KB JPG 01/03/21(Sun)18:08:32 >friend wants me to be wingman for him in some weird ERP DnD inspired discord server >tell him im not really into DnD so dont know a f------ thing >tells me not to worry i'll have a 'fun' time No.843900872 >the discord server is suppose to be in a inn for weary adventurers >have to tell everyone name, race & class >im vizathar, human sorcerer >friend seems to be having a good time >i just s--- there doing other s--- >get message from a female bartender half elf >'hello mighty sorcerer, would you like to lay with me in thy bed?' >'afraid i cant stunning wench' >'but why not master of the arcane arts?' >'herpitus haveitus' >mfw i get banned from server Told him i didnt know s---

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Anon Buys Over 20lbs of Liver | /r/Greentext

Anonymous I f----- up bros 04/23/22(Sat)23:17:00 No.66484543 >Be me 22 autist trying to live healthy >Find out beef liver is insanely good for you >Call up the local butcher to see how much it costs >He says $5 a kilo >I ask how many kilos a liver is and he says 5 but somehow I hear it as 1.5 >I say I'll take two then >Fast forward four days later he's got the goods >I'm met with the monster of my own making. pic related >Wonder what the f--- I'm going to do with all this s--- >Parcel it up into different weeks worth of beef liver >Cook some up with onions and make it into an omelette >I knew beforehand that liver was easy to overcook but good lord this s--- browned immediately 366 KB JPG
Anonymous I f----- up bros 04/23/22(Sat)23:17:00 No.66484543 >Be me 22 autist trying to live healthy >Find out beef liver is insanely good for you >Call up the local butcher to see how much it costs >He says $5 a kilo >I ask how many kilos a liver is and he says 5 but somehow I hear it as 1.5 >I say I'll take two then >Fast forward four days later he's got the goods >I'm met with the monster of my own making. pic related >Wonder what the f--- I'm going to do with all this s--- >Parcel it up into different weeks worth of beef liver >Cook some up with onions and make it into an omelette >I knew beforehand that liver was easy to overcook but good lord this s--- browned immediately 366 KB JPG

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anon gets a haircut | /r/Greentext

Anonymous INP 205 KB JPG 12/06/21 (Mon)02:59:09 No.66448750 >Grew hair long over 2020 and 2021 like a lot of guys >Have actually felt good about it, think I look better than with short hair >Walking home >Walk past group of women >One of them sarcastically says I have great hair >Her friends all laugh F------ c----. I'm getting a haircut.
Anonymous INP 205 KB JPG 12/06/21 (Mon)02:59:09 No.66448750 >Grew hair long over 2020 and 2021 like a lot of guys >Have actually felt good about it, think I look better than with short hair >Walking home >Walk past group of women >One of them sarcastically says I have great hair >Her friends all laugh F------ c----. I'm getting a haircut.

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Anon works the night shift | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 112 KB GIF 03/28/21(Sun)10:00:03 No.850728037 >work night shift >on lunch break at 4 AM >sitting in dark parking lot in car with windows rolled down >hear footsteps approaching >see man appear from the darkness >he looks around >doesn't notice me >he pulls down his pants and starts taking a s--- >watching this guy taking a s--- while i eat my sandwich >he is struggling >constipated.jpg >i sneeze >he gets startled and looks at my direction >spotted.png >we look at each other for a minute >i break the awkward silence >'nice a------ bro' >'thanks' >'got any paper towels?' >hand him some napkins >quickly drive off i have to find another parking lot now, this one is tainted
: Anonymous 112 KB GIF 03/28/21(Sun)10:00:03 No.850728037 >work night shift >on lunch break at 4 AM >sitting in dark parking lot in car with windows rolled down >hear footsteps approaching >see man appear from the darkness >he looks around >doesn't notice me >he pulls down his pants and starts taking a s--- >watching this guy taking a s--- while i eat my sandwich >he is struggling >constipated.jpg >i sneeze >he gets startled and looks at my direction >spotted.png >we look at each other for a minute >i break the awkward silence >'nice a------ bro' >'thanks' >'got any paper towels?' >hand him some napkins >quickly drive off i have to find another parking lot now, this one is tainted

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Anon plays red dead redemption 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)21:58:56 No.789916764 48 KB JPG >Be me >Been playing red dead 2 all day everyday for a week straight >Had to actually leave the house for groceries etc (I live at college so I actually have to do things for myself) > Decide to try to be more like Arthur Morgan >About to walk past a guy in the street, will say the first cowboy-ish thing that comes to my head when I pass him >Approach him >"Hey sexy" What the f---
: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)21:58:56 No.789916764 48 KB JPG >Be me >Been playing red dead 2 all day everyday for a week straight >Had to actually leave the house for groceries etc (I live at college so I actually have to do things for myself) > Decide to try to be more like Arthur Morgan >About to walk past a guy in the street, will say the first cowboy-ish thing that comes to my head when I pass him >Approach him >"Hey sexy" What the f---

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Anon had an encounter with the banished 8th dwarf. | /r/Greentext

12/24/18(Mon)00:05:30 No.788087819 >The r--- dwarf is still in my walls ENOUGH >I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall Anonymous 30 KB JPG >Complete silence until I hear it laugh >"Hoho!" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes >Blood drips out from beneath the molding >I got him for now, but he'll be back View Thread
12/24/18(Mon)00:05:30 No.788087819 >The r--- dwarf is still in my walls ENOUGH >I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall Anonymous 30 KB JPG >Complete silence until I hear it laugh >"Hoho!" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes >Blood drips out from beneath the molding >I got him for now, but he'll be back View Thread

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The rats are unionized | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)23:50:39 No.86161127 ss.jpg 60 KB JPG >the rats have unionized
: Anonymous 08/22/21(Sun)23:50:39 No.86161127 ss.jpg 60 KB JPG >the rats have unionized

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Is It Illegal to Deflate Someone's Tires? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Is it illegal to deflate the t(...) 15 KB JPG >>25000404 # 01/02/22(Sun)19:55:40 No.25000392 I don't mean slashing or damaging them, I mean just releasing all the air through the valve stem Anonymous >>25000392 (OP) # Yes, you can't f--- with other people's property. Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)19:57:28 No.25000401 01/02/22(Sun)19:58:01 No.25000404 >>25000401 # I asked about the legality of it, not your personal opinion >>25000421 # >>25000472 # >>25000484 # >>25000511 # >>25001560 #
Anonymous Is it illegal to deflate the t(...) 15 KB JPG >>25000404 # 01/02/22(Sun)19:55:40 No.25000392 I don't mean slashing or damaging them, I mean just releasing all the air through the valve stem Anonymous >>25000392 (OP) # Yes, you can't f--- with other people's property. Anonymous 01/02/22(Sun)19:57:28 No.25000401 01/02/22(Sun)19:58:01 No.25000404 >>25000401 # I asked about the legality of it, not your personal opinion >>25000421 # >>25000472 # >>25000484 # >>25000511 # >>25001560 #

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Anon meets a female | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Anon Oversimplified 10 KB PNG 11/16/18(Fri)11:09:28 No.7327432 >be [pronoun] >see female at [insert noun], rate her [X]/10 >[female] starts up conversation >[word].fileformat >talk more and head over to [female's] house >laying on her [object] >We start [action] >[reaction].fileformat >[female] says she is a t----- >[sexual action] ["female"] anyway >seeya later [group of persons] [redtext] So anons how did I do
: Anonymous Anon Oversimplified 10 KB PNG 11/16/18(Fri)11:09:28 No.7327432 >be [pronoun] >see female at [insert noun], rate her [X]/10 >[female] starts up conversation >[word].fileformat >talk more and head over to [female's] house >laying on her [object] >We start [action] >[reaction].fileformat >[female] says she is a t----- >[sexual action] ["female"] anyway >seeya later [group of persons] [redtext] So anons how did I do

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Anon likes John Oliver | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 48 KB JPG 09/02/19 (Mon)14:00:05 No.120427931 >"Trump being President is like a SQUIRREL riding a skateboard." *image of squirrel photoshopped onto skateboard appears, audience laughs* >"It's entertaining for a few minutes, but then you start to wonder how the F--- it got there!" *audience explodes into laughter and applause* *Oliver turns to image of squirrel* >"That's not a good way to find nuts, Chirpy. Get a real job, you're parents are worried!" *camera cuts to man in audience wearing a squirrel costume and holding a skateboard as he gives Oliver the middle finger and walks off, audience gives standing ovation*
Anonymous 48 KB JPG 09/02/19 (Mon)14:00:05 No.120427931 >"Trump being President is like a SQUIRREL riding a skateboard." *image of squirrel photoshopped onto skateboard appears, audience laughs* >"It's entertaining for a few minutes, but then you start to wonder how the F--- it got there!" *audience explodes into laughter and applause* *Oliver turns to image of squirrel* >"That's not a good way to find nuts, Chirpy. Get a real job, you're parents are worried!" *camera cuts to man in audience wearing a squirrel costume and holding a skateboard as he gives Oliver the middle finger and walks off, audience gives standing ovation*

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