Chris (Simpsons Artist) - Images

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Parenting tips

life tip: now that autumn is here remember to start growing your leg hair so you can build a warming nest for your children as the days get colder
life tip: now that autumn is here remember to start growing your leg hair so you can build a warming nest for your children as the days get colder

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
hairy leg hair children cursed

Send this to your best friend

hahaha bees hahaha a true friend is someone who can make you laugh until thousands of bees fly out of your mouth
hahaha bees hahaha a true friend is someone who can make you laugh until thousands of bees fly out of your mouth

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
bees friendships cursed

What a lovely sight indeed

the sunshine doesnt come from the skies it comes from the love thats inside a dogs eyes
the sunshine doesnt come from the skies it comes from the love thats inside a dogs eyes

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
dogs pets man's best friend

birth is a miracle


Chris (Simpsons Artist)
birth pregnancy cursed

Brushing your teeth manual

how to brush your teeth step 1: put some toothpaste on the toothbrush step 2: smile at the freshly birthed toothpaste haha haha haha step 3: carefully lick the toothpaste step 4: squeeze the rest of the toothpaste into your mouth and eat it from off the toothbrush
how to brush your teeth step 1: put some toothpaste on the toothbrush step 2: smile at the freshly birthed toothpaste haha haha haha step 3: carefully lick the toothpaste step 4: squeeze the rest of the toothpaste into your mouth and eat it from off the toothbrush

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
toothpaste toothbrush teeth

It is like being dead

i love to sleep because it stops me from thinking about the rats eggs that i love to sleep because in my dreams i can finally get revenge on the stingray that strangled i found in the woods steve irwin why i love to sleep i love to sleep because it is like being dead without actually having to die i love to sleep because i sleep with my eyes open so i can watch my wife while she sleeps
i love to sleep because it stops me from thinking about the rats eggs that i love to sleep because in my dreams i can finally get revenge on the stingray that strangled i found in the woods steve irwin why i love to sleep i love to sleep because it is like being dead without actually having to die i love to sleep because i sleep with my eyes open so i can watch my wife while she sleeps

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
sleep sleeping sleeping positions cursed

What do you hear?


Chris (Simpsons Artist)
pregnancy listening lloyd webber

I would like to unlearn this

interesting film fact of the day: frodos mouth in the lord of the rings was played by andy serkis opening and closing his legs do hello gandalf
interesting film fact of the day: frodos mouth in the lord of the rings was played by andy serkis opening and closing his legs do hello gandalf

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
lord of the rings lotr andy serkis

Turn yourself into a dog

how to make people like you more: turn yourself into a dog thank you you are beautiful
how to make people like you more: turn yourself into a dog thank you you are beautiful

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
dog dogs making friends

Mayonnaise

when you are at the dentist fill your mouth up with mayonnaise so the dentist can have a snack on it while he is checking your teeth yum mayonnaise my favourite no problemo
when you are at the dentist fill your mouth up with mayonnaise so the dentist can have a snack on it while he is checking your teeth yum mayonnaise my favourite no problemo

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
mayonnaise art shitpost

Alexa

did vou know: inside everv alexa there is a trapped tiny little woman who must be freed so she can get back to her family at last i am free from this hell amazom
did vou know: inside everv alexa there is a trapped tiny little woman who must be freed so she can get back to her family at last i am free from this hell amazom

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
alexa woman free

a fun april fools day idea

fun april fools day idea: put some spiders eggs under your friends eyelids so when they hatch it looks like they are crying little baby spiders to give them a fun april fools day surprise april fools hahahahaha you got me 0
fun april fools day idea: put some spiders eggs under your friends eyelids so when they hatch it looks like they are crying little baby spiders to give them a fun april fools day surprise april fools hahahahaha you got me 0

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
april fools

the reason why we call today good friday is because on a friday 300 years ago jesus went around putting mini chocolate eggs between peoples toes to cheer them up and everyone had such a good friday we still talk about it to this very day

haha thanks jesus hold still
haha thanks jesus hold still

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
friday jesus

spring is finally here to kick winter in the face and make everything better again

see you in hell winter you selfish idiot
see you in hell winter you selfish idiot

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
winter spring shitpost facebook

The Gospel according to Chris

Simpsons pictures that I gone and done December 24, 2014 . 600 ysars ago today on a cold north pole night something magical happened under a star that shined so bright that is right it is the birth of our lord saviour baby jssus christ a lot of peopls sometimes always forget the true story of christmas time so pull up a seat or borrow a stool from a friend and listen to the tale of the newbom king when mary was lay in her bedroom on christmas eve feeling really excited for it being christmas day a angel whos name is called gabron floated down from heaven to tell her that while she was sesping the other night santa claus laid an egg inside of her and mary said i cant bel eve it and then gabron did a massive screaming laugh that sounded ike someone rolling a barrel of children ofif a roof and he said well we wil see about that haha and hen he tapped his finger on his nose 3 times and he did a slow motion wink and then he completely vanished into a puf of steam and then mary ran over to her boyfriend josephs house and she told him that santa claus had laid an egg inside of her and joseph said he couldnt believe it and mary said i know it is the one thing i least expected to happen and then suddenly a bright star whos name is called north appeared in the sky above them and he told them to follow him quickty before it is too late so mary and joseph climbed onto a donkeys back and they galloped afiter the star which led them to a ban in the middle of the north pole and he said this is where you are going to have your baby and mary said are you actually kidding me this place is so dscusting and it stinks of camels and the star said i know but it is the besti could do atthis short notice and joseph said fair enough this will do isuppose and he looked at mary and rolled his eyes and then the star said good and it disappeared into the darkness and then 3 wise men came to the barn because they heard there was some sort of birhing coing to be happening and joseph said they could wa:ch if they each give mary a gift so they gave mary some gold earrings a 6 pack of frankfurter sausages and a olly murs od because those are the things that she enjoys the most and then as quickdy as a christmas wish mary starts pooing the egg out of her bum and one of the 3 wise men bursts out laughing when he sees the top of the egg coming out of marys bum and his laughing makes the other wise men burst out laughing as well and joseph kept on looking at them and tutting and then he said either you three just shut up or just stand outside of the barn because you are putting my mary off laying her egg and then mary did one last thick deep push and the egg completely slid out of her bum andlanded on the barn floor and cracked open and baby jesus slowy climbed out of the egg and when jossph sees jssus he cant believe how big he is and he screams jesus christ he is massive and that is why they decided to call him jesus chris: because it is what everyone always says when they first see the size of him and as mary and joseph and baby jesus and the three wise men all lay in the barn cud ing each others ags they hear the sound of sleigh bells high above their heads and at that very moment they ㎞ew that the spirit of Christmas will forever live on inside of each and every single one of us for as long as baby jesus name is remembered and that is why on christmas eve santa claus lays an egg down everyones chimneys so they will always be reminded of that magical night when mary laid our lord saviour baby jesus christ out of her bum and into our hearts. love from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist xox
Simpsons pictures that I gone and done December 24, 2014 . 600 ysars ago today on a cold north pole night something magical happened under a star that shined so bright that is right it is the birth of our lord saviour baby jssus christ a lot of peopls sometimes always forget the true story of christmas time so pull up a seat or borrow a stool from a friend and listen to the tale of the newbom king when mary was lay in her bedroom on christmas eve feeling really excited for it being christmas day a angel whos name is called gabron floated down from heaven to tell her that while she was sesping the other night santa claus laid an egg inside of her and mary said i cant bel eve it and then gabron did a massive screaming laugh that sounded ike someone rolling a barrel of children ofif a roof and he said well we wil see about that haha and hen he tapped his finger on his nose 3 times and he did a slow motion wink and then he completely vanished into a puf of steam and then mary ran over to her boyfriend josephs house and she told him that santa claus had laid an egg inside of her and joseph said he couldnt believe it and mary said i know it is the one thing i least expected to happen and then suddenly a bright star whos name is called north appeared in the sky above them and he told them to follow him quickty before it is too late so mary and joseph climbed onto a donkeys back and they galloped afiter the star which led them to a ban in the middle of the north pole and he said this is where you are going to have your baby and mary said are you actually kidding me this place is so dscusting and it stinks of camels and the star said i know but it is the besti could do atthis short notice and joseph said fair enough this will do isuppose and he looked at mary and rolled his eyes and then the star said good and it disappeared into the darkness and then 3 wise men came to the barn because they heard there was some sort of birhing coing to be happening and joseph said they could wa:ch if they each give mary a gift so they gave mary some gold earrings a 6 pack of frankfurter sausages and a olly murs od because those are the things that she enjoys the most and then as quickdy as a christmas wish mary starts pooing the egg out of her bum and one of the 3 wise men bursts out laughing when he sees the top of the egg coming out of marys bum and his laughing makes the other wise men burst out laughing as well and joseph kept on looking at them and tutting and then he said either you three just shut up or just stand outside of the barn because you are putting my mary off laying her egg and then mary did one last thick deep push and the egg completely slid out of her bum andlanded on the barn floor and cracked open and baby jesus slowy climbed out of the egg and when jossph sees jssus he cant believe how big he is and he screams jesus christ he is massive and that is why they decided to call him jesus chris: because it is what everyone always says when they first see the size of him and as mary and joseph and baby jesus and the three wise men all lay in the barn cud ing each others ags they hear the sound of sleigh bells high above their heads and at that very moment they ㎞ew that the spirit of Christmas will forever live on inside of each and every single one of us for as long as baby jesus name is remembered and that is why on christmas eve santa claus lays an egg down everyones chimneys so they will always be reminded of that magical night when mary laid our lord saviour baby jesus christ out of her bum and into our hearts. love from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist xox

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
tl;dr

Dr. Who and Dalek

whatever nerd* i have got high blood pressure because of you Qolo
whatever nerd* i have got high blood pressure because of you Qolo

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
illustration dalek dr. who

Walter Jr. (Breaking Bad)

breakfast
breakfast

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
illustration breaking bad

Miley Cyrus

my thigh gap is as wide as a village and as deep as a lake
my thigh gap is as wide as a village and as deep as a lake

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
illustration miley cyrus thigh gap

How to be a Really Mysterious Person

chris (simpsons artist) lif e tips: how to be a really mysterious persn s your son depressed or is he just mysterious it is a mystery act like you want to divorce your wife so that she thinks you are more mysterious why are you acting so mysterious son pretend that vou are blind so people wil feel sorry for you i dont want to talk about it what have i done wrong honey dont look at me i am so blind and mysterious i am fine dad i just want to be on my own never look people in the eye especially wifes wear a lace glove because thev are the most mysterious gloves known to man act sensitive tell people that you are deaf for a mysterious deaf effect tell your friends that there is a creature living inside of your head why not dress like a ghost so people will think you are mysterious and haunting 1.a, flop a jacket over your shoulder wear clothes that suit your figure so people will think you have a mysterious stvlish attitude i am dea hi there geotl boo what the hell bruv
chris (simpsons artist) lif e tips: how to be a really mysterious persn s your son depressed or is he just mysterious it is a mystery act like you want to divorce your wife so that she thinks you are more mysterious why are you acting so mysterious son pretend that vou are blind so people wil feel sorry for you i dont want to talk about it what have i done wrong honey dont look at me i am so blind and mysterious i am fine dad i just want to be on my own never look people in the eye especially wifes wear a lace glove because thev are the most mysterious gloves known to man act sensitive tell people that you are deaf for a mysterious deaf effect tell your friends that there is a creature living inside of your head why not dress like a ghost so people will think you are mysterious and haunting 1.a, flop a jacket over your shoulder wear clothes that suit your figure so people will think you have a mysterious stvlish attitude i am dea hi there geotl boo what the hell bruv

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
illustration instruction

Star Wars

i am sorry that i hurt yoiu i forgive you 0
i am sorry that i hurt yoiu i forgive you 0

Chris (Simpsons Artist)
star wars r2d2 droids c3p0