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Times change

Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom *holding newborn* I would literally do anything for him. [10 years later] Kid: Can you get me some chips? Me: You have feet.
Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom *holding newborn* I would literally do anything for him. [10 years later] Kid: Can you get me some chips? Me: You have feet.

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I JUST saw you all...

Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.
Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

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Terrifying

loool ☑ @thtsotru Being a baby must be terrifying. Imagine going to sleep in your house and you wake up at Walmart.
loool ☑ @thtsotru Being a baby must be terrifying. Imagine going to sleep in your house and you wake up at Walmart.

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Midday selfies

brig @brigittemontes the things my dad sends my mom Today 5:49 PM I thought you liked me Why did you send this
brig @brigittemontes the things my dad sends my mom Today 5:49 PM I thought you liked me Why did you send this

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A moving poem

Grace Follow @gracecamille in 7th grade my friend wrote a poem so moving that they had her read it at a school assembly in front of everyone then like a week later we found out the poem was Airplanes by B.o.B and she had just heard the song on MySpace like a week before it started playing on radio 9:02 AM - 27 Nov 24. 3M Views
Grace Follow @gracecamille in 7th grade my friend wrote a poem so moving that they had her read it at a school assembly in front of everyone then like a week later we found out the poem was Airplanes by B.o.B and she had just heard the song on MySpace like a week before it started playing on radio 9:02 AM - 27 Nov 24. 3M Views

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Boss fight

I've played so many JRPGs that if I walked into this room I'd fight the pope Jennifer Harrison7 @GeneticJen · 1d Replying to @GeneticJen Maybe take out his two healers first
I've played so many JRPGs that if I walked into this room I'd fight the pope Jennifer Harrison7 @GeneticJen · 1d Replying to @GeneticJen Maybe take out his two healers first

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Well, do they?

Jenni @hashjenni Follow • I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet 7:55 AM Jan 23, 2024 X i
Jenni @hashjenni Follow • I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet 7:55 AM Jan 23, 2024 X i

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Fictional adult

James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn I tried to say, "I'm a functional adult," but my phone changed it to "fictional adult," and I feel like that's more accurate.
James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn I tried to say, "I'm a functional adult," but my phone changed it to "fictional adult," and I feel like that's more accurate.

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Moon people

critter . @BecomingCritter 1d i can't wait til we have slurs for moon people dirtman (b/sac) @terrorproforma. 1d The 51st state 600
critter . @BecomingCritter 1d i can't wait til we have slurs for moon people dirtman (b/sac) @terrorproforma. 1d The 51st state 600

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They have the right to be mad

Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking dog: [brings sticks inside] me: no that belongs outside me, at Christmas time: [brings entire tree inside] dog: what the actual s'¨ is this
Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking dog: [brings sticks inside] me: no that belongs outside me, at Christmas time: [brings entire tree inside] dog: what the actual s'¨ is this

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Like of course you did

Joey @joeyglighr I hate when boomers say "I paid off my tuition by working through college" and their tuition cost like 3 nickels and an oath against communism L
Joey @joeyglighr I hate when boomers say "I paid off my tuition by working through college" and their tuition cost like 3 nickels and an oath against communism L

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Feels the same

Tom @TwterGun Why do drugs after 30 when you can just stand up too fast?
Tom @TwterGun Why do drugs after 30 when you can just stand up too fast?

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I am not reliable

truer words have never been spoken "Believe in myself??" The same person who got me into this mess?
truer words have never been spoken "Believe in myself??" The same person who got me into this mess?

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Sounds about right

aborteddreams Aborted Dreams @aborteddreams My dental plan is, "I guess I'll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on"
aborteddreams Aborted Dreams @aborteddreams My dental plan is, "I guess I'll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on"

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Too real

rice Kwame Mbalia and Tristan Strong @KSekouM Banana: I'm not ripe yet Banana: I'm not ripe yet Banana: I'm not ripe yet Banana, whispering at 3am in the morning: i'm ripe Banana at 8am that morning: HAHAHA I'M ROTTEN BOOOOOOOOY, WELCOME TO BROWN TOWN.
rice Kwame Mbalia and Tristan Strong @KSekouM Banana: I'm not ripe yet Banana: I'm not ripe yet Banana: I'm not ripe yet Banana, whispering at 3am in the morning: i'm ripe Banana at 8am that morning: HAHAHA I'M ROTTEN BOOOOOOOOY, WELCOME TO BROWN TOWN.

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Self-reflection

emily may ⭑ @emilykmay Follow My 2yo, Miguel, had taken off his diaper at some point during his nap and when I walked in and saw it on the floor, he looked at me and said: "WHY'D YOU DO THAT, MIGUEL?????" 1:05 AM Oct 14, 2023 509.2K Views 71 tv 181 7.5K 151 80
emily may ⭑ @emilykmay Follow My 2yo, Miguel, had taken off his diaper at some point during his nap and when I walked in and saw it on the floor, he looked at me and said: "WHY'D YOU DO THAT, MIGUEL?????" 1:05 AM Oct 14, 2023 509.2K Views 71 tv 181 7.5K 151 80

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kids are stupid kids children dumb kids

True crime

Katie D @Katie Deal99 . Follow X My daughter told her teacher that I love murder but forgot to include the TV SHOWS part so our next meeting should be fun
Katie D @Katie Deal99 . Follow X My daughter told her teacher that I love murder but forgot to include the TV SHOWS part so our next meeting should be fun

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So nice!

That Mom Tho @mom_tho Follow • X my six year old wanted me to pretend to be her mom and i said "i am your mom" and she said "but like, a cool young fun mom" im glad i tore up my body to birth her just to get shredded to pieces like that
That Mom Tho @mom_tho Follow • X my six year old wanted me to pretend to be her mom and i said "i am your mom" and she said "but like, a cool young fun mom" im glad i tore up my body to birth her just to get shredded to pieces like that

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They don't know what they're doing

Mandalynns23 @mandalynns23 We told my 4yr old I was pregnant and she was NOT happy about it. After she cried in her bed she came downstairs hands on hips and asked in the most accusatory tone "And where exactly is this new baby gonna sleep?" like we were two teens who hadn't thought this pregnancy through
Mandalynns23 @mandalynns23 We told my 4yr old I was pregnant and she was NOT happy about it. After she cried in her bed she came downstairs hands on hips and asked in the most accusatory tone "And where exactly is this new baby gonna sleep?" like we were two teens who hadn't thought this pregnancy through

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Sounds about right

James Breakwell, Exploding Uni... @XplodingUnicorn 4-year-old: Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Me: What? 4: I don't remember.
James Breakwell, Exploding Uni... @XplodingUnicorn 4-year-old: Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Me: What? 4: I don't remember.

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