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'Zero', dollars spent on a lawyer, ah-ha!

SESAME STREET og Attempting to save as much money as possible for his own defense in court, Count von Count hires himself as his lawyer. The jury is not impressed
SESAME STREET og Attempting to save as much money as possible for his own defense in court, Count von Count hires himself as his lawyer. The jury is not impressed

Bertstrips
bertstrips the count jew sesam street lawyer

One day, Joel...

Joel's father thinks he will catch his son streaming p----
Joel's father thinks he will catch his son streaming p----

Bertstrips
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SuperGrovergate

Super Grover chases after the journalist that photographed him peeing on a 12 yr. old girl.
Super Grover chases after the journalist that photographed him peeing on a 12 yr. old girl.

Bertstrips
grover super grover sesame street bertstrips pbs ruined childhood

The Adventures of Elmo in Daemonland

His strongest emotions, having taken a physical form, proceed to assault Elmo. Much to Elmo's horror, he can only scream helplessly as the physical embodiment of his anger strangles him to death, while his lust, taking pleasure from his suffering, vigorously strokes Elmo's flaccid penis.
His strongest emotions, having taken a physical form, proceed to assault Elmo. Much to Elmo's horror, he can only scream helplessly as the physical embodiment of his anger strangles him to death, while his lust, taking pleasure from his suffering, vigorously strokes Elmo's flaccid penis.

Bertstrips
bertstrips elmo

Kermit the Frog and the Cyber Chase

Kermit and friends enter the dark web in search of ever more twisted p---
Kermit and friends enter the dark web in search of ever more twisted p---

Bertstrips
kermit the frog muppets bertstrips internet deep web

blankroomsoup.jpg

Devoid of all hope, lethargic Telly doesn't even protest when the gypsy witch feeds him bits of his exhumated relatives
Devoid of all hope, lethargic Telly doesn't even protest when the gypsy witch feeds him bits of his exhumated relatives

Bertstrips
telly sesame street pbs bertstrips here comes the train!

Have you been downloading Bertstrips again Joel?!

bastard, s--- child Joel as he dry humps his banjo live on stage.
bastard, s--- child Joel as he dry humps his banjo live on stage.

Bertstrips
kermit the frog vinesauce joel's dad

Grover is impressed

Grover is impressed with how much the local residents in Camden, NJ, managed to steal from his car in five minutes.
Grover is impressed with how much the local residents in Camden, NJ, managed to steal from his car in five minutes.

Bertstrips
grover car steal camden impressed

Check Your Pigileges

Kermit underwent a whole lot of surgeries and gene manipulation to be able to call Mrs. Piggy a cisspecied shitlady.
Kermit underwent a whole lot of surgeries and gene manipulation to be able to call Mrs. Piggy a cisspecied shitlady.

Bertstrips
kermit the frog miss piggy muppets bertstrips sjw

Well, at least Ernie tried at something...

SESAME STREET "I got my paperwork, Bert! This means l'm finally a certified professional!" "That's not what being a registered sex offender means, Ernie."
SESAME STREET "I got my paperwork, Bert! This means l'm finally a certified professional!" "That's not what being a registered sex offender means, Ernie."

Bertstrips
sesame street ernie bert pbs bertstrips

One of the Rare Times Where Bert Does a Good Deed

Bert ditches his hot drugs by cleverly giving them away to children as Pixi-Stix·The Police are none the wiser.
Bert ditches his hot drugs by cleverly giving them away to children as Pixi-Stix·The Police are none the wiser.

Bertstrips
bert children laughing drugs hard police psychology crushed up lysergic saure dimethylamide candy

"Charlie is overrunning the base! I repeat, Charlie is overrunning the base!"

The gang shares a hearty laugh as Bert's Vietnam flashbacks get triggered.
The gang shares a hearty laugh as Bert's Vietnam flashbacks get triggered.

Bertstrips
bertstrips sesame street bert ernie elmo oscar the grouch triggered

Protip: Never give sheeps drugs

The Count cannot sleep because the sheep still scream with pain and ectasy two hours later.
The Count cannot sleep because the sheep still scream with pain and ectasy two hours later.

Bertstrips
sesame street the count pbs sheeps animals bertstrips 3edgy5me

Elmo and His Future Eating Habits

Elmo receives a visit from his future, time-travelling, more cannibalistic self.
Elmo receives a visit from his future, time-travelling, more cannibalistic self.

Bertstrips
elmo sesame street bertstrips pbs cannibalism teeth

Dick Demon

Ernie was shocked to find that after he finished masturbating, instead of the regular semen, a large demon of lust exited his d---.
Ernie was shocked to find that after he finished masturbating, instead of the regular semen, a large demon of lust exited his d---.

Bertstrips
ernie sesame street demon

Puppets and Politics

Sam Eagle (GOP) gets rid of Bernie Sanders before the election because he wants to make America great again.
Sam Eagle (GOP) gets rid of Bernie Sanders before the election because he wants to make America great again.

Bertstrips
sam the eagle statler and waldorf muppets bertstrips 2016 election bernie sanders politics

The Foundation (OC)

Dr. Ernie found out that maybe throwing a rock on SCP-682's head was not really the best idea of termination. Dr. Ernie decided to [REDACTED1 instead.
Dr. Ernie found out that maybe throwing a rock on SCP-682's head was not really the best idea of termination. Dr. Ernie decided to [REDACTED1 instead.

Bertstrips
scp bertstrips 682 foundation sesame street

Faerie King and Hard Drugs

Elmo invades the sacred realm of the Faerie King in order to s--- in his flower bed... or so he thinks. Elmo wakes up hours later in a Motel 6, next to an obese h----- in a floral print muumuu stained with s---. Elmo was into some hard drugs.
Elmo invades the sacred realm of the Faerie King in order to s--- in his flower bed... or so he thinks. Elmo wakes up hours later in a Motel 6, next to an obese h----- in a floral print muumuu stained with s---. Elmo was into some hard drugs.

Bertstrips
elmo faerie king flower bed hard drugs sesame street flowers

And this is why I don't use Tinder

"Big Bird! I'm Evelyn! Wow, you look just like your Tinder photo!" "...so do you, unfortunately!"
"Big Bird! I'm Evelyn! Wow, you look just like your Tinder photo!" "...so do you, unfortunately!"

Bertstrips
big bird tinder online dating hippopotamus no credit to op

As Jontron would say: "Byoutiful"

eli Carrie Underwood has been turned into a singing butt plug
eli Carrie Underwood has been turned into a singing butt plug

Bertstrips
carrie underwood butt plug bertstrips no credit to op