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Tales from the bertside

"I know that look, Bert. You had that same look on your face the night you killed me eight years ago. That's right, you killed me. But I never left you, Bert. l've been by your side all this time. I know you've found yourself loving your wife less with each passing day. She doesn't understand your condition. She thinks I'm bad for you But really, all that selfish hog wants is to have you all to herself!" "Ernie, she's my wife. I-..." And I'm your best friend, Bert! The one who always cheers you up. Haven't I always been there for you? To talk to you? To love and care for you no matter what, even in death? Those pills she has you taking are going to make me vanish, Bert. l'll die again. I won't be at your side anymore. I want to stay by your side, but I can't with her here! And judging from that look on your face, you know it too." "You need to get your wrench, Bert. Go to the garage and get your wrench. You've always been good with tools. So fix the problem." ....Don't let me die all over again, Bert...

"I know that look, Bert. You had that same look on your face the night you killed me eight years ago. That's right, you killed me. But I never left you, Bert. l've been by your side all this time. I know you've found yourself loving your wife less with each passing day. She doesn't understand your condition. She thinks I'm bad for you But really, all that selfish hog wants is to have you all to herself!" "Ernie, she's my wife. I-..." And I'm your best friend, Bert! The one who always cheers you up. Haven't I always been there for you? To talk to you? To love and care for you no matter what, even in death? Those pills she has you taking are going to make me vanish, Bert. l'll die again. I won't be at your side anymore. I want to stay by your side, but I can't with her here! And judging from that look on your face, you know it too." "You need to get your wrench, Bert. Go to the garage and get your wrench. You've always been good with tools. So fix the problem." ....Don't let me die all over again, Bert...

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Moments later, Ernie's head resembled an erupting volcano.

"No, Ernie, it's not concentrated sulfuric acid. Why would I give you that? Just go ahead and chug it."

"No, Ernie, it's not concentrated sulfuric acid. Why would I give you that? Just go ahead and chug it."

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How did it come to this?

Any minute now, a car is going to drive by and splatter Gonzo's blood across the park in a storm of gunfire. Yet all Gonzo can think about is the chicken he loved, and how he wishes he could see her one last time.

Any minute now, a car is going to drive by and splatter Gonzo's blood across the park in a storm of gunfire. Yet all Gonzo can think about is the chicken he loved, and how he wishes he could see her one last time.

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Can a bear be a furry?

Fozzie was able to finally look in the mirror and say his appearence matched who he knew he was inside

Fozzie was able to finally look in the mirror and say his appearence matched who he knew he was inside

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HIstorical reenactments done the muppet way

Hermit follows Grover to the Hasidic part of town in order to re-enact Kristallnacht.

Hermit follows Grover to the Hasidic part of town in order to re-enact Kristallnacht.

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Beaker reveals the truth

Beaker eloquently explains in his TED Talk how Ashkenazi Jews are not only in control of the world's media and government, but also part lizard.

Beaker eloquently explains in his TED Talk how Ashkenazi Jews are not only in control of the world's media and government, but also part lizard.

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It was for science

"Hey, Bert? You know how ants huddle together to form a raft and float on top of water? Well, I wondered if other creatures could do the same thing. Turns out they can't, so now we've got a lake full of dead babies to deal with."

"Hey, Bert? You know how ants huddle together to form a raft and float on top of water? Well, I wondered if other creatures could do the same thing. Turns out they can't, so now we've got a lake full of dead babies to deal with."

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He's from a very different time

No matter what Ernie argued on their early-morning debate show, Bert remained firmly anti-feminist and pro-slavery

No matter what Ernie argued on their early-morning debate show, Bert remained firmly anti-feminist and pro-slavery

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Cookie remembers his time in a Turkish prison

Cookie Monster reminisces about his time in a turkish prison

Cookie Monster reminisces about his time in a turkish prison

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Cookie Monster fulfills the prophecy

Cookie Monster eats the moon, ushering in the apocalypse.

Cookie Monster eats the moon, ushering in the apocalypse.

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Sounds like a fun night

Bert glued shut the windows, Ernie cut the telephone cable. The Count added colorless, odorless GHB to Kermit's milk. Tonight they would come back and have some fun.

Bert glued shut the windows, Ernie cut the telephone cable. The Count added colorless, odorless GHB to Kermit's milk. Tonight they would come back and have some fun.

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I'm surprised they let Bert on the bus with his suitcase dripping like that

With the economy the way it is Bert had to get a second job. Ernie welcomes Bert home after Bert had another rough day at the abortion clinic. Ernie then asks if Bert

With the economy the way it is Bert had to get a second job. Ernie welcomes Bert home after Bert had another rough day at the abortion clinic. Ernie then asks if Bert

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Sleeping beauty

Bert begins to think he may have choked the princess a little too hard

Bert begins to think he may have choked the princess a little too hard

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Ernie brings his mercy to Bort

"Now be quiet and breathe in as much water as possible. Said Ernie as he grabbed Bort to drown him,all while Bert watched,showing no emotion.

"Now be quiet and breathe in as much water as possible. Said Ernie as he grabbed Bort to drown him,all while Bert watched,showing no emotion.

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sorry

Robin is laughing at a joke he just told. Two Headed Monster is laushing at what he's planning to replace Robin's antidepressants with.

Robin is laughing at a joke he just told. Two Headed Monster is laushing at what he's planning to replace Robin's antidepressants with.

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Ernie's secret stash

Bert convinces Ernie to tell him where he buried the children. Bert explains that selling them into human trafficking would be much more profitable than letting them suffocate.

Bert convinces Ernie to tell him where he buried the children. Bert explains that selling them into human trafficking would be much more profitable than letting them suffocate.

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death note

Believing it to be a guest registry for a friend's wedding, Lauren Graham unknowingly seals her family's fate when she writes the names of her children and spouse in Grover's Death Note.

Believing it to be a guest registry for a friend's wedding, Lauren Graham unknowingly seals her family's fate when she writes the names of her children and spouse in Grover's Death Note.

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How low can you go?

RICHARD TERMINE The Count tries to talk congress into lowering the age of consent even further

RICHARD TERMINE The Count tries to talk congress into lowering the age of consent even further

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Slavery.

Ernie, there has to be an easier Way to find child slaves.

Ernie, there has to be an easier Way to find child slaves.

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Touch of death.

Ernie demonstrates the "Touch of Death" technique on Bert. 05

Ernie demonstrates the "Touch of Death" technique on Bert. 05