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Croissant

What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle.
What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle.

Dad Jokes
food aunt uncle

Hank Hill

Doctor to patient do you smoke? Patient: yes. Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes? Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
Doctor to patient do you smoke? Patient: yes. Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes? Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.

Dad Jokes
bbq smoking

Bald

A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can't part with it.
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can't part with it.

Dad Jokes
comb hair

Finger

Broke ny finger today On the other hand i am ok
Broke ny finger today On the other hand i am ok

Dad Jokes
broken hand

Haircuts

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue

Dad Jokes
barber haircut men

Faults

My wife tells me I have 2 major faults, I don't listen - and something else.
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults, I don't listen - and something else.

Dad Jokes
wife memory

Weightlifter

My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough. He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough. He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.

Dad Jokes
lifting gym brother

Swords

Why won't swords go obsolete? They are cutting edge technology.
Why won't swords go obsolete? They are cutting edge technology.

Dad Jokes
technology

Bros

The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week Well it's not a law it's a mandate
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week Well it's not a law it's a mandate

Dad Jokes
men friends mayor

Ladyfingers

Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is? Mentos.
Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is? Mentos.

Dad Jokes
men candy

Check In

I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Window or aisle?" I laughed in her face and replied, "Window or you'll what?"
I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Window or aisle?" I laughed in her face and replied, "Window or you'll what?"

Dad Jokes
airline threat

Cows

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?" I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?" I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

Dad Jokes
farm daughter

Equality

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

Dad Jokes
bros science

Everest

I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied, "No..." "It's to look at."
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied, "No..." "It's to look at."

Dad Jokes
mountain climbing son

Boss

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days I said it must be my weekend immune system
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days I said it must be my weekend immune system

Dad Jokes
work weekend sick

Adderall

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta Now it's a Ford Focus
I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta Now it's a Ford Focus

Dad Jokes
ford fiesta cars