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"He doesn't miss you pls stop asking me to shuffle them again"
"He doesn't miss you pls stop asking me to shuffle them again"

Me IRL
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Sad but true

Diane @dianenotdiana When gas was $1.65 I used to drive around to "clear my mind" .. now!? These thoughts living with me.
Diane @dianenotdiana When gas was $1.65 I used to drive around to "clear my mind" .. now!? These thoughts living with me.

Me IRL
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It's pretty peaceful over here

it girl. @laMamiNOLA If you 25+ with no kids You're the problem @fjaystaytrill Lol whatever makes you feel better about being stuck in the house with them kids
it girl. @laMamiNOLA If you 25+ with no kids You're the problem @fjaystaytrill Lol whatever makes you feel better about being stuck in the house with them kids

Me IRL
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No one wants to know

Charmin commercials really do be wild tho. Like the entire family just waits outside the bathroom for dad to come out and brag about how good his wipe was
Charmin commercials really do be wild tho. Like the entire family just waits outside the bathroom for dad to come out and brag about how good his wipe was

Me IRL
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Is that too much to ask?


Me IRL
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It isn't a gift

hugo @toastered bread every mental health professional i've ever talked to has been like "you have a lot of self awareness" and i'm like yes i actually think that is part of the problem 15:13 · 3/5/21 · Twitter Web App
hugo @toastered bread every mental health professional i've ever talked to has been like "you have a lot of self awareness" and i'm like yes i actually think that is part of the problem 15:13 · 3/5/21 · Twitter Web App

Me IRL
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Whoops...

"Please reply to this email by the 12th" Me reading the email on 20th:
"Please reply to this email by the 12th" Me reading the email on 20th:

Me IRL
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She knows

8 Mum > Text Message Yesterday 21:31 Stay away from her What time was I born?
8 Mum > Text Message Yesterday 21:31 Stay away from her What time was I born?

Me IRL
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This is awkward

Aly Dixon @alydixonisOK doctor at my check up asked me if i had "any feelings of depression or anxiety" and i said "don't we all" and she said "no" lol
Aly Dixon @alydixonisOK doctor at my check up asked me if i had "any feelings of depression or anxiety" and i said "don't we all" and she said "no" lol

Me IRL
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Real

@solomonmissouri I want somebody to see the same possibilities in me that ocean spray saw in cranberries Ocean Spray Ocean Spray Ocean Spray Ocean Spray Cran-Pineapple Cran-Raspberry Cran-Pomegranate Cran-Apple 100% VITAMINC FOO MAM 100% 100% Ocean Spray Ocean Spray Ocean Spray NEW FLANG Cran-Watermelon Cran-Mango White Cran-Strawberry Ocean Spray Cran-Grape VITASIN 100% 100% VITAMINC
@solomonmissouri I want somebody to see the same possibilities in me that ocean spray saw in cranberries Ocean Spray Ocean Spray Ocean Spray Ocean Spray Cran-Pineapple Cran-Raspberry Cran-Pomegranate Cran-Apple 100% VITAMINC FOO MAM 100% 100% Ocean Spray Ocean Spray Ocean Spray NEW FLANG Cran-Watermelon Cran-Mango White Cran-Strawberry Ocean Spray Cran-Grape VITASIN 100% 100% VITAMINC

Me IRL
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They're just lying

Kit Yates @Kit_Yates_Maths I'm sorry, but you can't *always* be experiencing a higher volume of calls than average. That's not how averages work. 4 4 4
Kit Yates @Kit_Yates_Maths I'm sorry, but you can't *always* be experiencing a higher volume of calls than average. That's not how averages work. 4 4 4

Me IRL
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Strange but true

rat mic @sliccmic boys make 3 friends at 15 and decide that's enough socialising for the whole life
rat mic @sliccmic boys make 3 friends at 15 and decide that's enough socialising for the whole life

Me IRL
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It's not worth it

delaniac @ChadNotChud People talk about "secret menus" at fast food places, but I would never in a million years ever order a "secret menu" item because if the cashier looked at me and said "huh?" I would die on the spot
delaniac @ChadNotChud People talk about "secret menus" at fast food places, but I would never in a million years ever order a "secret menu" item because if the cashier looked at me and said "huh?" I would die on the spot

Me IRL
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For the records, ya know

Trev @TrevShow do u anxiously screenshot all payment confirmations and then never look at them again, or are you healthy 3:40 PM 6/9/23 .
Trev @TrevShow do u anxiously screenshot all payment confirmations and then never look at them again, or are you healthy 3:40 PM 6/9/23 .

Me IRL
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One day I'll do it

always wanted to pull out one of these and leave the house mysteriously
always wanted to pull out one of these and leave the house mysteriously

Me IRL
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So real

That moment when you're a working- class communist millionaire but you have to wait for the maid to finish making your bed so you can continue to Imagine no possessions. OVE STAY CIN-BE PRING ove E GROW OUR AIR.
That moment when you're a working- class communist millionaire but you have to wait for the maid to finish making your bed so you can continue to Imagine no possessions. OVE STAY CIN-BE PRING ove E GROW OUR AIR.

Me IRL
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Oh grandma

annabelle :3 @oomfabelle Oh I'm doomed My grandmother is 85 and still talks about the guy she dated when she was 19 600
annabelle :3 @oomfabelle Oh I'm doomed My grandmother is 85 and still talks about the guy she dated when she was 19 600

Me IRL
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Agreed

Jake* @moviefan67 you should basically never start working until 10:30am. you should also start wrapping things up for the day around 3pm. and we mustn't forget about the traditional hour lunch.
Jake* @moviefan67 you should basically never start working until 10:30am. you should also start wrapping things up for the day around 3pm. and we mustn't forget about the traditional hour lunch.

Me IRL
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How it feels

*Steps outside in the sun to get to my car* -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp
*Steps outside in the sun to get to my car* -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp -1hp

Me IRL
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Real sadness

You watch a new show It's good and the last epidose has a cliffhanger @9GAG The show got canceled
You watch a new show It's good and the last epidose has a cliffhanger @9GAG The show got canceled

Me IRL
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