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So Many Stares

Land-on Plymouth Rock @landonhowell When you walk into a rural gas station wearing your mask in the middle of a pandemic. 8:47 AM · Nov 23, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone

Land-on Plymouth Rock @landonhowell When you walk into a rural gas station wearing your mask in the middle of a pandemic. 8:47 AM · Nov 23, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone

twitter awkward party reaction covid-19 pandemic

Taco Holder

just found out my car has a taco holder Dak @RidiculousDak I've just been putting my sunglasses up there like an idiot

just found out my car has a taco holder Dak @RidiculousDak I've just been putting my sunglasses up there like an idiot

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The Root of Self-Esteem Issues

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Money Skills

Dan Wilbur @DanWilbur When l'm near the end of a bottle of body wash, I can make a few drops miraculously last for 8 showers like it's Menorah oil, then when I start a new bottle l'm doing full squeezes like it's never going to run out. Anyway, this is the same way I am with money.

Dan Wilbur @DanWilbur When l'm near the end of a bottle of body wash, I can make a few drops miraculously last for 8 showers like it's Menorah oil, then when I start a new bottle l'm doing full squeezes like it's never going to run out. Anyway, this is the same way I am with money.

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Yikes

Austin @Austin_James74 What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you? megan @meganlewis74 3 years ago, a cute guy I worked with wanted to give me a fist bump... thought he was pretending to hold an invisible microphone sol leaned forward and said hello

Austin @Austin_James74 What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you? megan @meganlewis74 3 years ago, a cute guy I worked with wanted to give me a fist bump... thought he was pretending to hold an invisible microphone sol leaned forward and said hello

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Guilty Pleasures

Ryan North @ryanqnorth All pleasures are guilty pleasures if you have high enough anxiety 2:36 PM Mar 17, 2020 Twitter for Android 839 Retweets 2.6K Likes >

Ryan North @ryanqnorth All pleasures are guilty pleasures if you have high enough anxiety 2:36 PM Mar 17, 2020 Twitter for Android 839 Retweets 2.6K Likes >

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Unrealistic Expectations

Axe Murder O @rmccarthyjames all of my plans for the future involve me waking up tomorrow with a sudden sense of discipline and adherence to routine that i have never displayed even once in my life

Axe Murder O @rmccarthyjames all of my plans for the future involve me waking up tomorrow with a sudden sense of discipline and adherence to routine that i have never displayed even once in my life

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Funny Numbers

anja @internetanja getting bored of 69 and 420. they should release new funny numbers 4:08 PM · 2020-11-18 · Twitter for iPhone 23K Retweets 3,610 Quote Tweets 388K Likes

anja @internetanja getting bored of 69 and 420. they should release new funny numbers 4:08 PM · 2020-11-18 · Twitter for iPhone 23K Retweets 3,610 Quote Tweets 388K Likes

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My Sleep Cycle Is Cruel

Matt Buechele @mattbooshell MY BODY AT 3AM: let's wake him up for no reason MY BODY TEN MINUTES TILL ALARM: let's make him feel more comfortable than he's ever felt in his life

Matt Buechele @mattbooshell MY BODY AT 3AM: let's wake him up for no reason MY BODY TEN MINUTES TILL ALARM: let's make him feel more comfortable than he's ever felt in his life

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Impossible

maggie mull @infinitesimull Can you even imagine getting in bed and then easily falling asleep and then waking up feeling rested and then having a good day and then doing it again

maggie mull @infinitesimull Can you even imagine getting in bed and then easily falling asleep and then waking up feeling rested and then having a good day and then doing it again

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It's Fate

Amanda Nell Edgar @amandanelledgar In college I fell out of my bunk bed and broke both of my legs and one arm. Years later on a date, I made a joke about being clumsy and the dude told me I couldn't compare to this woman his EMT brother helped once .. who fell out of her bunk and broke all the bones. It was me.

Amanda Nell Edgar @amandanelledgar In college I fell out of my bunk bed and broke both of my legs and one arm. Years later on a date, I made a joke about being clumsy and the dude told me I couldn't compare to this woman his EMT brother helped once .. who fell out of her bunk and broke all the bones. It was me.

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Probably

Jesse McLaren @McJesse Starring Me Are racist people like "ugh, my open minded uncle is going to be at Thanksgiving this year."

Jesse McLaren @McJesse Starring Me Are racist people like "ugh, my open minded uncle is going to be at Thanksgiving this year."

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Livin' the Dream

abe broman @penis_hernandez when you ask how a white person is doing and they say "livin the dream" thats code for "every morning i wake up wishing i was dead" 12:06 PM 30 Jul 18

abe broman @penis_hernandez when you ask how a white person is doing and they say "livin the dream" thats code for "every morning i wake up wishing i was dead" 12:06 PM 30 Jul 18

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Burn

Chris Scott @iamchrisscott Mariah Carey beginning with "I don't want a lot for Christmas" and then revealing she wants "you" is such a good burn

Chris Scott @iamchrisscott Mariah Carey beginning with "I don't want a lot for Christmas" and then revealing she wants "you" is such a good burn

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Loafers

Mike Ginn @shutupmikeginn trying to find nice loafers and my gf laughed at me for checking reddit, saying that the guys there wouldn't know. now on an 800 post thread where dudes are berating each other about leather quality. they know so much about loafers it ruined their life. i'm on the right site.

Mike Ginn @shutupmikeginn trying to find nice loafers and my gf laughed at me for checking reddit, saying that the guys there wouldn't know. now on an 800 post thread where dudes are berating each other about leather quality. they know so much about loafers it ruined their life. i'm on the right site.

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What Are Their Motives?

katie ... @socompliKATIEd do beavers even know what they're doing or do they just see water flowing down a river and think "absolutely not"

katie ... @socompliKATIEd do beavers even know what they're doing or do they just see water flowing down a river and think "absolutely not"

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Clown Shoes

Roy @Roy_oh_Roy I love to dismiss my horrible decisions by saying "yeah that was a weird time in my life" as if the rest of my existence hasn't been absolute clown shoes

Roy @Roy_oh_Roy I love to dismiss my horrible decisions by saying "yeah that was a weird time in my life" as if the rest of my existence hasn't been absolute clown shoes

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It's Never a Good Idea

Xzamilloh @Xzamilloh I'll be honest with y'all: One of the worst things I did for my mental health was getting a better understanding of how politics works. 2:40 PM · 27 Apr 20 Twitter Web App

Xzamilloh @Xzamilloh I'll be honest with y'all: One of the worst things I did for my mental health was getting a better understanding of how politics works. 2:40 PM · 27 Apr 20 Twitter Web App

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We're Not All That Creative

saw this cloud and thought it looked like a girl sleeping so one thing led to another and i sketched this :) follow @fairiys on instagram @fairiyslG that's a cowboy hat actually

saw this cloud and thought it looked like a girl sleeping so one thing led to another and i sketched this :) follow @fairiys on instagram @fairiyslG that's a cowboy hat actually

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Time Flies

Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman The problem with 10:30pm is that it comes exactly one minute before 2:30am if you're not careful. <>

Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman The problem with 10:30pm is that it comes exactly one minute before 2:30am if you're not careful. <>

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