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Teacher Who Dedicates Life To Students Total F------ Bitch NEWS IN BRIEF Local Education Human Interest Kids ISSUE 51-09-Mar 2, 2015 f Share on Facebook Share on Twitter 8' randomfandomteacher: theonion MERIDIAN, ID Students at Union Junior High School reported Monday that eighth-grade history teacher Evelyn Carmody, a tireless educator who has dedicated her whole life to the vocation of teaching, is a total goddamn bitch. T f------ hate her, 14 year-old Scaret Ramsey said of the woman who not only stays up wel past midhight providing individual feeaback on each paper she grades, but also sets aside nearly $1,000 of her income each year to buy books and basic supplies for students who can't afford them. "Give us homework over a three-day weekend? Who does that bitch think she is? hope she dies. Sources also stated that eighth-grade English teacher Mark Bradstone, who doean't really give a s--- about his job and shows up hungover most momings, is super popular and very cool. Oh my God YESSSSSSSSSSS This what I hear when you all post s--- about your teachers

Teacher Who Dedicates Life To Students Total F------ Bitch NEWS IN BRIEF Local Education Human Interest Kids ISSUE 51-09-Mar 2, 2015 f Share on Facebook Share on Twitter 8' randomfandomteacher: theonion MERIDIAN, ID Students at Union Junior High School reported Monday that eighth-grade history teacher Evelyn Carmody, a tireless educator who has dedicated her whole life to the vocation of teaching, is a total goddamn bitch. T f------ hate her, 14 year-old Scaret Ramsey said of the woman who not only stays up wel past midhight providing individual feeaback on each paper she grades, but also sets aside nearly $1,000 of her income each year to buy books and basic supplies for students who can't afford them. "Give us homework over a three-day weekend? Who does that bitch think she is? hope she dies. Sources also stated that eighth-grade English teacher Mark Bradstone, who doean't really give a s--- about his job and shows up hungover most momings, is super popular and very cool. Oh my God YESSSSSSSSSSS This what I hear when you all post s--- about your teachers

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U.S. Mint Introduces New Double-Stuf Quarters

U.S. Mint Introduces New Double-Stuf Quarters NEWS IN PHOTOS Government Money News ISSUE 51-05 Feb 5,2015 UNITED STATES MINT

U.S. Mint Introduces New Double-Stuf Quarters NEWS IN PHOTOS Government Money News ISSUE 51-05 Feb 5,2015 UNITED STATES MINT

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It's... The Onion...

via Jay James 7 hrs. I say b------- Study Finds 90% Of Adopted Children's Biological Parents Own Mansions THEONION.COM Share It's...The Onion Jay 7 hrs Sande 1 hr Jay 1 hr James 1 hr 1 Jay 1 hr Jay 56 mins Total BS!!! Again...it's The Onion Jay I am afraid their research may be flawed My god...it's The Onion. Hello...earth to Starke County LOL!! www.theonion.com

via Jay James 7 hrs. I say b------- Study Finds 90% Of Adopted Children's Biological Parents Own Mansions THEONION.COM Share It's...The Onion Jay 7 hrs Sande 1 hr Jay 1 hr James 1 hr 1 Jay 1 hr Jay 56 mins Total BS!!! Again...it's The Onion Jay I am afraid their research may be flawed My god...it's The Onion. Hello...earth to Starke County LOL!! www.theonion.com

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Health experts

Health Experts Recommend Standing Up At Desk, Leaving Office, Never Coming Back NEWS IN BRIEF Health Fitness Lifestyle ISSUE 51.05 Feb 6,2015 f Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Health Experts Recommend Standing Up At Desk, Leaving Office, Never Coming Back NEWS IN BRIEF Health Fitness Lifestyle ISSUE 51.05 Feb 6,2015 f Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Majority of God's blessings burn up on entry into atmosphere

ew Up On Entry Into Atmosphere NEWS IN BRIEF Science&Technology Religion God ISSUE 51.05 Feb 5, 2015 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

ew Up On Entry Into Atmosphere NEWS IN BRIEF Science&Technology Religion God ISSUE 51.05 Feb 5, 2015 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

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Area Man Willing To Give Up Any Of Muslims' Rights Necessary To Feel Safe NEWS IN BRIEF Local Religion Civil Rights ISSUE 51.02.Jan 15, 2015 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Area Man Willing To Give Up Any Of Muslims' Rights Necessary To Feel Safe NEWS IN BRIEF Local Religion Civil Rights ISSUE 51.02.Jan 15, 2015 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

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Man Looks On Helplessly As Friend Tells Him Story He's Already Heard NEWS IN BRIEF Local Friends ISSUE 51.01 Jan 9,2015 13 g* Share on Facebook 14 Share on Twitter

Man Looks On Helplessly As Friend Tells Him Story He's Already Heard NEWS IN BRIEF Local Friends ISSUE 51.01 Jan 9,2015 13 g* Share on Facebook 14 Share on Twitter

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World's Oldest Woman Tust Pleased Everv Other Human On Earth When She Was Born Now Dead NEWS IN BRIEF Human Interest Senior Citizens. Lifestyle ISSUE 50.49 Dec 8, 2014 Share on Twitter Share on Facebook

World's Oldest Woman Tust Pleased Everv Other Human On Earth When She Was Born Now Dead NEWS IN BRIEF Human Interest Senior Citizens. Lifestyle ISSUE 50.49 Dec 8, 2014 Share on Twitter Share on Facebook

Folded Clothes NEWS IN BRIEF Family Local Teenagers ISSUE 50.49 Dec 10, 2014 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter g-

Folded Clothes NEWS IN BRIEF Family Local Teenagers ISSUE 50.49 Dec 10, 2014 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter g-

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Obama Calls For Turret-Mounted Video Cameras On All Police Tanks NEWS IN BRIEF Police Violence Barack Obama . News ISSUE 50.48 Dec 3, 2014 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter SWAT

Obama Calls For Turret-Mounted Video Cameras On All Police Tanks NEWS IN BRIEF Police Violence Barack Obama . News ISSUE 50.48 Dec 3, 2014 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter SWAT

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Father-In-Law Think Tank Issues Comprehensive One-Sentence Solution To Immigration, Unemployment, Crime Problems NEWS IN BRIEF News. ISSUE 50.48 Dec 2, 2014 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter RADO ick

Father-In-Law Think Tank Issues Comprehensive One-Sentence Solution To Immigration, Unemployment, Crime Problems NEWS IN BRIEF News. ISSUE 50.48 Dec 2, 2014 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter RADO ick

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Meteorologists Report Sky Just A Little Bluer Today, And It's Because Minneapolis Resident Doug Bramowski's In Love NEWS Weather Local Love ISSUE 49-30 Jul 25, 2013 386 70 39

Meteorologists Report Sky Just A Little Bluer Today, And It's Because Minneapolis Resident Doug Bramowski's In Love NEWS Weather Local Love ISSUE 49-30 Jul 25, 2013 386 70 39

COMMENTARY No One Should Have The Right To Die Until God Is Done Toying With Them BY AMY FOSTER

COMMENTARY No One Should Have The Right To Die Until God Is Done Toying With Them BY AMY FOSTER

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te ONION America's Finest News Source F--- Everything, Nation Reports Just F--- It All To Hell NEWS News ISSUE 48.50 Dec 14, 2012

te ONION America's Finest News Source F--- Everything, Nation Reports Just F--- It All To Hell NEWS News ISSUE 48.50 Dec 14, 2012

Guard In Video Game Under Strict Orders to Repeatedly Pace Same Stretch of Hallway

Guard In Video Game Under Strict Orders To Repeatedly Pace Same Stretch Of Hallway NEWS IN BRIEF Science & Technology Video Games Technology ISSUE 50 41 Oct 14, 2014 Share on Facebook 13 Share on Twitter

Guard In Video Game Under Strict Orders To Repeatedly Pace Same Stretch Of Hallway NEWS IN BRIEF Science & Technology Video Games Technology ISSUE 50 41 Oct 14, 2014 Share on Facebook 13 Share on Twitter

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Police Pleasantly Surprised To Learn Man They Shot Was Armed NEWS IN BRIEF Local Crime Police Violence ISSUE 50.41 Oct 14,2014 Share on Facebook 29.7K Share on Twitter 4.4K 367 LEXINGTON, KY- Following a pedestrian stop Monday night during which they fired their weapons on a suspicious individual, patrol officers for the Fayette County Police Department were pleasantly surprised to discover the man they shot was armed, sources confirmed. "Well, what do you know-he really was carrying a gun," said officer Dustin Hayes, smiling upon finding a 9mm pistol on the body of the 23-year-old individual shortly after the policeman and his partner discharged their firearms a total of 19 times. "l honestly had no idea if he had a handgun, so it's pretty great to find one right there tucked into his waistband. This makes the rest of our week a whole lot easier." Officers said they were further relieved after discovering the man had a petty theft charge on his record, ensuring they were 100 percent off the hook. i

Police Pleasantly Surprised To Learn Man They Shot Was Armed NEWS IN BRIEF Local Crime Police Violence ISSUE 50.41 Oct 14,2014 Share on Facebook 29.7K Share on Twitter 4.4K 367 LEXINGTON, KY- Following a pedestrian stop Monday night during which they fired their weapons on a suspicious individual, patrol officers for the Fayette County Police Department were pleasantly surprised to discover the man they shot was armed, sources confirmed. "Well, what do you know-he really was carrying a gun," said officer Dustin Hayes, smiling upon finding a 9mm pistol on the body of the 23-year-old individual shortly after the policeman and his partner discharged their firearms a total of 19 times. "l honestly had no idea if he had a handgun, so it's pretty great to find one right there tucked into his waistband. This makes the rest of our week a whole lot easier." Officers said they were further relieved after discovering the man had a petty theft charge on his record, ensuring they were 100 percent off the hook. i

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It's true.

Friend Who Sent Link To 8-Minute YouTube Video Must Be F------ Delusional NEWS IN BRIEF Local. Friends Social Media ISSUE 49.20 May 15, 2013 4.1K 1.2K SALEM, OR-Sources confirmed that local man Paul Gallagher emailed friends a link to an eight-minute-long YouTube video Wednesday, evidently experiencing some kind of psychotic break that left him deluded enough to believe people would want to watch the whole goddamned thing 1s he out of his f------ mind? link recipient Stephen Dunstable said after reading the email's instruction to "be sure to watch all the way to the end." "Because he'd have to be be crazy enough-but eight? And the a------ doesn't even tell us what point we should cue it up to if we just want to watch the best part. I honestly don't know what planet this guy is living on. Later on, while procrastinating at work, Dunstable reportedly watched the video in its entirety and admitted it was "actually kind of good."

Friend Who Sent Link To 8-Minute YouTube Video Must Be F------ Delusional NEWS IN BRIEF Local. Friends Social Media ISSUE 49.20 May 15, 2013 4.1K 1.2K SALEM, OR-Sources confirmed that local man Paul Gallagher emailed friends a link to an eight-minute-long YouTube video Wednesday, evidently experiencing some kind of psychotic break that left him deluded enough to believe people would want to watch the whole goddamned thing 1s he out of his f------ mind? link recipient Stephen Dunstable said after reading the email's instruction to "be sure to watch all the way to the end." "Because he'd have to be be crazy enough-but eight? And the a------ doesn't even tell us what point we should cue it up to if we just want to watch the best part. I honestly don't know what planet this guy is living on. Later on, while procrastinating at work, Dunstable reportedly watched the video in its entirety and admitted it was "actually kind of good."

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CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years

CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years NEWS Politics. Government Scandal WikiLeaks. ISSUE 41.48 Nov 30, 2005 LANGLEY, VA-A report released Tuesday by the CIA's Office of the Inspector General revealed that the CIA has mistakenly obscured hundreds of thousands of pages of critical intelligence information with black highlighters 回 CIA Director Porter Goss has ordered further internal investigation Why did it go on for this long, and this far?" said Goss in a press conference called shortly after the report's release. "T'm as frustrated as anyone. You can't read a single thing that's been highlighted. Had I been there to advise [former CIA director] Allen Dulles, I would have suggested the traditional yellow color-or pink." Goss added: "There was probably some really, really important information in these documents."

CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years NEWS Politics. Government Scandal WikiLeaks. ISSUE 41.48 Nov 30, 2005 LANGLEY, VA-A report released Tuesday by the CIA's Office of the Inspector General revealed that the CIA has mistakenly obscured hundreds of thousands of pages of critical intelligence information with black highlighters 回 CIA Director Porter Goss has ordered further internal investigation Why did it go on for this long, and this far?" said Goss in a press conference called shortly after the report's release. "T'm as frustrated as anyone. You can't read a single thing that's been highlighted. Had I been there to advise [former CIA director] Allen Dulles, I would have suggested the traditional yellow color-or pink." Goss added: "There was probably some really, really important information in these documents."

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Grotesque Child Born With Only 99% Normal Human DNA

Grotesque Child Born with Only 99% Normal Human DNA NEWS IN PHOTOS Science & Technology Kids ISSUE 50-02. Jan 16, 2014 f6.6K 12K 166

Grotesque Child Born with Only 99% Normal Human DNA NEWS IN PHOTOS Science & Technology Kids ISSUE 50-02. Jan 16, 2014 f6.6K 12K 166

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Obama Not Ruling Out U.S. Military Action In Congress

Obama Not Ruling Out U.S. Military Action In Congress NEWS Politics War Congress Politicians Military ISSUE 50-02 Jan 14, 2014 16.5K 1.5K 254 President Obama says peacekeeping efforts have failed and a military option in Congress may be the only option. WASHINGTON-Following years of con disorder in the troubled region, President Barack Obama revealed today that he has not ruled out taking immediate and decisive military action in the United States Congress an Admitting that diplomatic outreach efforts in the area have so far proven unsuccessful, the president claimed that his administration is weighing the feasibility of committing combat troops to both the U.S. Senate and the House of Representatives in order to bring lasting peace and stability to the chaos-afflicted legislature "We have not yet made a decision as to how we are going to address this rapidly deteriorating situation, but at this point I can tell you that military action is indeed on the table," Obama told reporters at a morning press conference, emphasizing that he is "deeply troubled" by the escalating hostilities and diminishing prospects for unity on the Congressional floor. "Clearly sending our young men and women into this tumultuous war zone is not ideal, and I still hope to resolve the situation through peaceful means. But as the conflict continues to worsen, it becomes increasingly evident that the deployment of our armed forces may be our only real option. "We cannot stand idly by and allow this senseless mayhem to continue," the president continued Cortinue eflorts in Senabe region According to international observers, the United States Capitol ranks as among the most turbulent and unstable regions in the world, dominated by warring factions of rogue lawmakers who have shown neither the ability nor the willingness to peacefully resolve their differences Engage House Chamber Military officials say an intervention in Congress would likely involve a three-pronged attack As conditions worsen by the day, the president confirmed to reporters that he and his military advisors are currently evaluating the merits of a military option, suggesting that his administration has left open the possibility of toppling the hostile, unpredictable leadership currently reigning over the legislative assembly and restoring order to the Capitol building Our efforts at resolving this conflict through conventional, non-military means have not only failed but seemingly emboldened extremists in the region," said Obama, noting that while the United States does have some allies on the ground within the Senate, the administration has been almost completely cut off from the House for some time. "Right now there are millions of people who are hopelessly trapped under Congress' corrupt rule, and it's doubtful we'll see any kind of progress in the area without either military intervention or a full-scale revolution, which is unlikely." While the White House continues to explore the use of armed forces in Congress, some military experts have expressed doubts as to the prospects of such an operation, saying that a full-scale invasion of the Capitol building represents a costly and uncertain venture that could hamstring the U.S. for the foreseeable future The nation's armed forces are currently awaiting order for a possible invasion of the rogue U.S We may have to accept the fact that the deep fissures afflicting Congress are, at present, unfixable, and that wel just have to wait the half-century or so it could take for the legislative body to achieve some kind of stability naturally from within," said retired U.S. Marine Corps Lieutenant Colonel Lawrence Harley, adding that the deep divisions affecting Congress may in fact be endemic to the entire Washington region. "We are seeing similar levels of chaos and infighting in the Supreme Court and in many of the smaller cities and towns where extremists loyal to members of Congress have gained significant ground. Are we really prepared to risk Americarn lives for what could be a lost cause?" "Besides, the majority of the American people are barely even aware of what's going on over there," Harley added. d

Obama Not Ruling Out U.S. Military Action In Congress NEWS Politics War Congress Politicians Military ISSUE 50-02 Jan 14, 2014 16.5K 1.5K 254 President Obama says peacekeeping efforts have failed and a military option in Congress may be the only option. WASHINGTON-Following years of con disorder in the troubled region, President Barack Obama revealed today that he has not ruled out taking immediate and decisive military action in the United States Congress an Admitting that diplomatic outreach efforts in the area have so far proven unsuccessful, the president claimed that his administration is weighing the feasibility of committing combat troops to both the U.S. Senate and the House of Representatives in order to bring lasting peace and stability to the chaos-afflicted legislature "We have not yet made a decision as to how we are going to address this rapidly deteriorating situation, but at this point I can tell you that military action is indeed on the table," Obama told reporters at a morning press conference, emphasizing that he is "deeply troubled" by the escalating hostilities and diminishing prospects for unity on the Congressional floor. "Clearly sending our young men and women into this tumultuous war zone is not ideal, and I still hope to resolve the situation through peaceful means. But as the conflict continues to worsen, it becomes increasingly evident that the deployment of our armed forces may be our only real option. "We cannot stand idly by and allow this senseless mayhem to continue," the president continued Cortinue eflorts in Senabe region According to international observers, the United States Capitol ranks as among the most turbulent and unstable regions in the world, dominated by warring factions of rogue lawmakers who have shown neither the ability nor the willingness to peacefully resolve their differences Engage House Chamber Military officials say an intervention in Congress would likely involve a three-pronged attack As conditions worsen by the day, the president confirmed to reporters that he and his military advisors are currently evaluating the merits of a military option, suggesting that his administration has left open the possibility of toppling the hostile, unpredictable leadership currently reigning over the legislative assembly and restoring order to the Capitol building Our efforts at resolving this conflict through conventional, non-military means have not only failed but seemingly emboldened extremists in the region," said Obama, noting that while the United States does have some allies on the ground within the Senate, the administration has been almost completely cut off from the House for some time. "Right now there are millions of people who are hopelessly trapped under Congress' corrupt rule, and it's doubtful we'll see any kind of progress in the area without either military intervention or a full-scale revolution, which is unlikely." While the White House continues to explore the use of armed forces in Congress, some military experts have expressed doubts as to the prospects of such an operation, saying that a full-scale invasion of the Capitol building represents a costly and uncertain venture that could hamstring the U.S. for the foreseeable future The nation's armed forces are currently awaiting order for a possible invasion of the rogue U.S We may have to accept the fact that the deep fissures afflicting Congress are, at present, unfixable, and that wel just have to wait the half-century or so it could take for the legislative body to achieve some kind of stability naturally from within," said retired U.S. Marine Corps Lieutenant Colonel Lawrence Harley, adding that the deep divisions affecting Congress may in fact be endemic to the entire Washington region. "We are seeing similar levels of chaos and infighting in the Supreme Court and in many of the smaller cities and towns where extremists loyal to members of Congress have gained significant ground. Are we really prepared to risk Americarn lives for what could be a lost cause?" "Besides, the majority of the American people are barely even aware of what's going on over there," Harley added. d

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