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win-win situation

Steve Stifler @StevStiffler why test on animals when there r people who r rude to waiters 4/4/18, 4:40 PM
Steve Stifler @StevStiffler why test on animals when there r people who r rude to waiters 4/4/18, 4:40 PM

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funny tweet testing animals rude people waiters staff

penguin onesie


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sexting texting lingerie pajamas dating

the kind of exhausted that sleep can't fix

Asif Ullah @AsifUllah22 *opens eyes at 7am* Me: I can't wait to go bed tonight
Asif Ullah @AsifUllah22 *opens eyes at 7am* Me: I can't wait to go bed tonight

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funny tweet sleep sleeping tired

Disclaimer: I've only seen one of these, so I don't know how true this is.

Mr.BadUsername @reallybaduse Unholy trinity of s----- and abusive girlfriends
Mr.BadUsername @reallybaduse Unholy trinity of s----- and abusive girlfriends

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Groovy, baby!

E7 Let's Talk Godzilla Retweeted Steven Sloss •.. @StevenScrivello Frozen by an ancient civilisation Reawakened in the '90s - Powered by a mysterious natural energy (a four-letter word starting with M) - Loses life energy mid-trilogy - Shares an origin with their nemesis - Trilogy masterpieces 3:09 PM · May 3, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 118 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 398 Likes
E7 Let's Talk Godzilla Retweeted Steven Sloss •.. @StevenScrivello Frozen by an ancient civilisation Reawakened in the '90s - Powered by a mysterious natural energy (a four-letter word starting with M) - Loses life energy mid-trilogy - Shares an origin with their nemesis - Trilogy masterpieces 3:09 PM · May 3, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 118 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 398 Likes

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austin powers gamera similarities trilogy

I eat dairy all the time and it doesn't even affect me

? @QualifiedVirgin how are you lactose intolerant? just tolerate it bro
? @QualifiedVirgin how are you lactose intolerant? just tolerate it bro

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lactose intolerant tolerate dairy milk allergy

if you don't help your friend balance above the toilet are you even friends

7 Daddy oyoyo @Blaaq_ie Ever wondered why girls don't go to the bathroom alone? WELLO * Four-eyed Edo boy™ and 9 others 7:25 · 20 Oct 19 · Twitter for iPhone
7 Daddy oyoyo @Blaaq_ie Ever wondered why girls don't go to the bathroom alone? WELLO * Four-eyed Edo boy™ and 9 others 7:25 · 20 Oct 19 · Twitter for iPhone

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funny tweet girls women toilet alone

sibling rivalry

vampireapologist @mallaidhanne if any only children have eve wondered what it's like to have siblings, I just passed two little kids in their yard "sword" fighting, and the younger sibling had a branch, and the older sibling had an entire shovel. It's just that for your whole r life 1:17 PM : 19 Oct 19 · Twitter for Android
vampireapologist @mallaidhanne if any only children have eve wondered what it's like to have siblings, I just passed two little kids in their yard "sword" fighting, and the younger sibling had a branch, and the older sibling had an entire shovel. It's just that for your whole r life 1:17 PM : 19 Oct 19 · Twitter for Android

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only child siblings older sibling younger sibling brother sister

"That'll be $120 see you next Monday"


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therapy therapist mental health

ahh young love

sp00ky moose @tiemoose [Dracula giving his son "the talk"] Dracula: you see when two monsters love each other very much, they- Dracula's son: they do the mash Dracula: *nodding* they do the monster mash 01/10/2018, 14:15
sp00ky moose @tiemoose [Dracula giving his son "the talk"] Dracula: you see when two monsters love each other very much, they- Dracula's son: they do the mash Dracula: *nodding* they do the monster mash 01/10/2018, 14:15

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dracula vampire the talk birds and bees monster mash monsters

I need to hear the other side of the story

Sean Mitchell @Sean_Mitchell One time I was late to practice and coach made me run laps. My dad was the coach. And he drove me to practice.
Sean Mitchell @Sean_Mitchell One time I was late to practice and coach made me run laps. My dad was the coach. And he drove me to practice.

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funny tweet parenting coach punishment late practice dad

How the turntables

AJ Olarinde @AjOlarinde It all makes sense now. Imagine working from 9-5 and coming back and your kid didn't take the chicken out the freezer
AJ Olarinde @AjOlarinde It all makes sense now. Imagine working from 9-5 and coming back and your kid didn't take the chicken out the freezer

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funny tweet chicken freezer parenting parents kids

Please no licking of shoes

Weird Mom @weirdmomming Is it f----- up or genius that I taught my kids to sing a clean up song to the tune of "my neck, my back"? 'Do it now Clean it good Clean this house up like you should Your books Your blocks Pick your shoes up, and your socks'
Weird Mom @weirdmomming Is it f----- up or genius that I taught my kids to sing a clean up song to the tune of "my neck, my back"? 'Do it now Clean it good Clean this house up like you should Your books Your blocks Pick your shoes up, and your socks'

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weird mom parenting my neck my back clean up song children kids parents

"Nobody's gonna know" -"They're gonna know"

New York Post @nypost · 1d NEW YORK POST Man caught with $34K worth of cocaine under his wig trib.al/KSKYIQB
New York Post @nypost · 1d NEW YORK POST Man caught with $34K worth of cocaine under his wig trib.al/KSKYIQB

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wig news headline crime arrest new york post

growing up sucks

Cptn Green Head The Man With The Pr... v @CptnMan Not a single person asked me how fast I could run in my new shoes today, being an adult is f------ stupid
Cptn Green Head The Man With The Pr... v @CptnMan Not a single person asked me how fast I could run in my new shoes today, being an adult is f------ stupid

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new shoes fast run running adult growing up

Insane Cow Names

Hooved peets @Hoofpeet I love show cattle catalogue sites racehorse names are good but these cows always have insane names BEAST MODE Risk It For the Biscuit Next Generation WHO DA MAN Bulls Sired Hame semen Mane Arju/ WHO DA MAN 2004 I Da Man BMW Onset 10:41 AM · Apr 28, 2021 · Twitter Web App
Hooved peets @Hoofpeet I love show cattle catalogue sites racehorse names are good but these cows always have insane names BEAST MODE Risk It For the Biscuit Next Generation WHO DA MAN Bulls Sired Hame semen Mane Arju/ WHO DA MAN 2004 I Da Man BMW Onset 10:41 AM · Apr 28, 2021 · Twitter Web App

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beast mode who da man risk it for the biscuit