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Kids just say anything

@S... 8h 000 My 5 year old was overheard by his teacher telling his friends I was big robber with lots of guns. The next thing I know the police are searching my house for guns and stolen gear. Err by the way I am not a robber nor do I have or keep weapons. Police were quite apologetic. 22 17 40 965 Replying to @S and @c.. Friend's kid did the same when he told kindergarten teacher his dad had dead bodies in his car. Friend's husband owned mortuary and had the contract with county coroner to remove bodies from crime scenes. 1:06 AM - Jan 25, 2021 Twitter for iPhone

@S... 8h 000 My 5 year old was overheard by his teacher telling his friends I was big robber with lots of guns. The next thing I know the police are searching my house for guns and stolen gear. Err by the way I am not a robber nor do I have or keep weapons. Police were quite apologetic. 22 17 40 965 Replying to @S and @c.. Friend's kid did the same when he told kindergarten teacher his dad had dead bodies in his car. Friend's husband owned mortuary and had the contract with county coroner to remove bodies from crime scenes. 1:06 AM - Jan 25, 2021 Twitter for iPhone

kids are stupid kids dumb kids /r/kidsarefuckingstupid

That's an extreme plan

Joey D'Arcy @JoeyDarcyy Was on the bus the other day and two kids about 10 were in front of me. One of them said that his parents won't let him get a dog so he used to stare at the sun to try make himself blind so he could get a guide dog. No doubt he was waffling but you have to admire his imagination

Joey D'Arcy @JoeyDarcyy Was on the bus the other day and two kids about 10 were in front of me. One of them said that his parents won't let him get a dog so he used to stare at the sun to try make himself blind so he could get a guide dog. No doubt he was waffling but you have to admire his imagination

kids are stupid kids dumb kids /r/kidsarefuckingstupid dogs pets

They're too honest

ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz My 7 year old: *staring at my face* Me: What is it, sweetie? My 7 year old: Is my nose weird, too? Kids are delightful. 11:07 PM - Feb 9, 2021

ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz My 7 year old: *staring at my face* Me: What is it, sweetie? My 7 year old: Is my nose weird, too? Kids are delightful. 11:07 PM - Feb 9, 2021

kids are stupid kids dumb kids /r/kidsarefuckingstupid

A story in three parts

X (2-1) @DEAADSEAA Follow My sense of humor is so cooked

X (2-1) @DEAADSEAA Follow My sense of humor is so cooked

kids are stupid kids dumb kids /r/kidsarefuckingstupid twitter

Absolutely not

Jessica Valenti ☑ @JessicaValenti Whenever I get discouraged and want to quit something, I remember the words of my then 3 year-old after she puked carrots all over the living room floor: "I'm gonna need more carrots." 11:34 AM 18 Jan 21 Twitter Web App >

Jessica Valenti ☑ @JessicaValenti Whenever I get discouraged and want to quit something, I remember the words of my then 3 year-old after she puked carrots all over the living room floor: "I'm gonna need more carrots." 11:34 AM 18 Jan 21 Twitter Web App >

kids are stupid kids dumb kids /r/kidsarefuckingstupid

Anyone remember Netflix on DVD?

Donald Zimmer @zimmer_donald I explained to my daughter that when Netflix started they used to send you DVDs. 6yr old: (old lady voice) You know, back in my day, the internet used to come in the mail.

Donald Zimmer @zimmer_donald I explained to my daughter that when Netflix started they used to send you DVDs. 6yr old: (old lady voice) You know, back in my day, the internet used to come in the mail.

kids are stupid kids dumb kids /r/kidsarefuckingstupid netflix

Who gets the credit?

joe heenan @joeheenan There was a massive unflushed Jobby in the toilet. I asked my boys who did it & my 10yr old son said it was him. My 5yr old son is crying cause he says it was him & his big brother is taking the credit. Have a great week everyone!

joe heenan @joeheenan There was a massive unflushed Jobby in the toilet. I asked my boys who did it & my 10yr old son said it was him. My 5yr old son is crying cause he says it was him & his big brother is taking the credit. Have a great week everyone!

kids are stupid kids dumb kids /r/kidsarefuckingstupid

It is a good one

Stay at Home Meh @caseyjparker the teacher asked my kindergartner what his favorite season was and he said "garlic salt" B

Stay at Home Meh @caseyjparker the teacher asked my kindergartner what his favorite season was and he said "garlic salt" B

kids are stupid kids dumb kids /r/kidsarefuckingstupid

She'll visit

CeciATL @CeciATL my daughter asked why she can't just quit school and i told her it's against the law and they'll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said "i'll visit you"

CeciATL @CeciATL my daughter asked why she can't just quit school and i told her it's against the law and they'll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said "i'll visit you"

kids are stupid kids dumb kids /r/kidsarefuckingstupid school

Sigh...

Replying to @Gloomy French and @sumerianbby When I was 5, my mom came out into the living room while I was playing games, crawling around merging ungodly noises. I thought she was being silly, so I crawled with her and tried to like ride her like a horse. She was in labor. I was like "lol that's cool" 5:14 AM Jul 3, 2021 i 3.7K

Replying to @Gloomy French and @sumerianbby When I was 5, my mom came out into the living room while I was playing games, crawling around merging ungodly noises. I thought she was being silly, so I crawled with her and tried to like ride her like a horse. She was in labor. I was like "lol that's cool" 5:14 AM Jul 3, 2021 i 3.7K

kids are stupid kids dumb kids /r/kidsarefuckingstupid

a fictional "straight" character can be bisexual

omg the note killed me

omg the note killed me

twitter fictional character

Bro discovers trains

tweet davidson @andykreed my brother in tech these are called trains Balaji @balajis 10/8/22 The self-driving car problem will be solved by roads built for self-driving cars.

tweet davidson @andykreed my brother in tech these are called trains Balaji @balajis 10/8/22 The self-driving car problem will be solved by roads built for self-driving cars.

clever comebacks /r/clevercomebacks insults rare insults comebacks

Someone's mad

giggly @xgigglypuff 4m My Harvard diploma and education were free. I got it fully funded through financial aid and received extra money from the institution as well. It was such a blessing! AlexLindholm22 @AlexLindh.... 7/25/24 Harvard grad and this is the kind of posts you make? How much did you have to pay for the diploma to be handed to you? 22 1 10 429 ılı 6.4K ធ AlexLindholm22 @AlexLindholm22.28m Oh you paid. Just not in cash. 6 27 Il 105 ធ giggly @xgigglypuff 6m someone sounds jealous and bitter. maybe go outside and take a walk and see if it cheers you up? H 1 27 6 ılı 22 AlexLindholm22 @AlexLindholm22.1m Jealous of what? The John wick body count? 3 27 lil 2 ☐ AlexLindholm22 @AlexLindh.... 7/25/24 Harvard grad and this is the kind of posts you make? How much did you have to pay for the diploma to be handed to you? giggly @xgigglypuff bro I'm not sleeping around (by choice) and neither are you (not by choice)

giggly @xgigglypuff 4m My Harvard diploma and education were free. I got it fully funded through financial aid and received extra money from the institution as well. It was such a blessing! AlexLindholm22 @AlexLindh.... 7/25/24 Harvard grad and this is the kind of posts you make? How much did you have to pay for the diploma to be handed to you? 22 1 10 429 ılı 6.4K ធ AlexLindholm22 @AlexLindholm22.28m Oh you paid. Just not in cash. 6 27 Il 105 ធ giggly @xgigglypuff 6m someone sounds jealous and bitter. maybe go outside and take a walk and see if it cheers you up? H 1 27 6 ılı 22 AlexLindholm22 @AlexLindholm22.1m Jealous of what? The John wick body count? 3 27 lil 2 ☐ AlexLindholm22 @AlexLindh.... 7/25/24 Harvard grad and this is the kind of posts you make? How much did you have to pay for the diploma to be handed to you? giggly @xgigglypuff bro I'm not sleeping around (by choice) and neither are you (not by choice)

clever comebacks /r/clevercomebacks insults rare insults comebacks

What a nightmare

CBS News @CBSNews This 2-year-old's family couldn't afford his $20,000 electric wheelchair, and their insurance didn't cover it. So, a high school robotics team built him one for free Public Citizen @Public Citizen This country is so accustomed to its monstrous health care system that when a 2-year-old child with a genetic condition needs to rely on a high school robotics team to meet his basic health care needs the media thinks its a feel-good story, not a dystopian nightmare.

CBS News @CBSNews This 2-year-old's family couldn't afford his $20,000 electric wheelchair, and their insurance didn't cover it. So, a high school robotics team built him one for free Public Citizen @Public Citizen This country is so accustomed to its monstrous health care system that when a 2-year-old child with a genetic condition needs to rely on a high school robotics team to meet his basic health care needs the media thinks its a feel-good story, not a dystopian nightmare.

clever comebacks /r/clevercomebacks insults rare insults comebacks

Weird

After 2 months of talking, I told this guy yesterday that I wasn't ready for a relationship and he responded "it's been great, hope you have a good one." And then he blocked me. No effort, no pressure applied. I'm devastated 2:48 AM 7/5/21 Twitter for iPhone 4,706 Retweets 10.9K Quote Tweets 25.3K Likes ↑ Replying to You're devastated because he respected your decision

After 2 months of talking, I told this guy yesterday that I wasn't ready for a relationship and he responded "it's been great, hope you have a good one." And then he blocked me. No effort, no pressure applied. I'm devastated 2:48 AM 7/5/21 Twitter for iPhone 4,706 Retweets 10.9K Quote Tweets 25.3K Likes ↑ Replying to You're devastated because he respected your decision

clever comebacks /r/clevercomebacks insults rare insults comebacks

Cool!

george slopadopolus @mustachetoilet Follow 600 Cool, here in the real world you'd have already burned to death Owen Sparks @OwenSparks_⚫1d Firefighters training on Cybertruck's windows. Took 3 swings for the first crack to form, and 12+ to actually break through. Perfect car for the apocalypse, no Zombie is breaking in OF PA

george slopadopolus @mustachetoilet Follow 600 Cool, here in the real world you'd have already burned to death Owen Sparks @OwenSparks_⚫1d Firefighters training on Cybertruck's windows. Took 3 swings for the first crack to form, and 12+ to actually break through. Perfect car for the apocalypse, no Zombie is breaking in OF PA

clever comebacks /r/clevercomebacks insults rare insults comebacks tesla cybertruck