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Please... stop...

me at 3am reading all 264 comments of 2 strangers arguing online georgie @BeefyGorilla There's nothing worse than watching the one you're rooting for become cringe
me at 3am reading all 264 comments of 2 strangers arguing online georgie @BeefyGorilla There's nothing worse than watching the one you're rooting for become cringe

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He didn't lie

Donny Electric @DonnyElectric I saw my boy across the bar tell some girl he "travels for work"... that man delivers pizza
Donny Electric @DonnyElectric I saw my boy across the bar tell some girl he "travels for work"... that man delivers pizza

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Goals

Ygrene @Ygrene Hope that when I retire I can come back to the office, like many athletes do for their sports, as a commentator- just absolutely critiquing every spreadsheet entry, google slide, and co-worker interaction
Ygrene @Ygrene Hope that when I retire I can come back to the office, like many athletes do for their sports, as a commentator- just absolutely critiquing every spreadsheet entry, google slide, and co-worker interaction

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Goofy

h @chibbed out for dinner with my bf and mid- convo he's absolutely not listening to me but looking longingly at another table making mad in love eyes so I turn around and afwhite labradoodle is locked in a trance with him
h @chibbed out for dinner with my bf and mid- convo he's absolutely not listening to me but looking longingly at another table making mad in love eyes so I turn around and afwhite labradoodle is locked in a trance with him

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It's the small things

Brunette Bohemian @Jane_Doe82 Saw two dads share a dad joke out in the wild. At a grocery store, two guys exchanging a cart. The guy taking the cart said "did ya put some gas in it?" And the other guy patted the cart and said "yep, filled 'er up for ya" and they had a good little chuckle together
Brunette Bohemian @Jane_Doe82 Saw two dads share a dad joke out in the wild. At a grocery store, two guys exchanging a cart. The guy taking the cart said "did ya put some gas in it?" And the other guy patted the cart and said "yep, filled 'er up for ya" and they had a good little chuckle together

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That's rough

Sassparilla @Megatronic13 My 4-yr old was sitting on my lap and she felt the baby kick her in the back. She immediately started. crying about the baby kicking her. This baby isn't even born and they are already fighting. God help me.
Sassparilla @Megatronic13 My 4-yr old was sitting on my lap and she felt the baby kick her in the back. She immediately started. crying about the baby kicking her. This baby isn't even born and they are already fighting. God help me.

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Good to be alone

Tarek Ali @itstarekali + > I think my love with being alone stems from me knowing if I'm alone then no one is around to disturb me or alter any of my emotions. Everything is up to me. no one is there to misunderstand me, judge me, etc. It's peaceful. A peace I don't feel often with other humans
Tarek Ali @itstarekali + > I think my love with being alone stems from me knowing if I'm alone then no one is around to disturb me or alter any of my emotions. Everything is up to me. no one is there to misunderstand me, judge me, etc. It's peaceful. A peace I don't feel often with other humans

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I get it

Henpecked Hal @Henpecked Hal Last night my seven year old asked to go to bed about 20 minutes before her normal bedtime. "Are you sleepy?" I asked. She said, "I'm not tired, I'm just tired of being awake," and brother, I felt those words in my bones.
Henpecked Hal @Henpecked Hal Last night my seven year old asked to go to bed about 20 minutes before her normal bedtime. "Are you sleepy?" I asked. She said, "I'm not tired, I'm just tired of being awake," and brother, I felt those words in my bones.

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Terrible timing


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Like... okay...

Anosognosiogenesis @pookleblinky Every cop show: d this serial killer is crafty, very smart and sneaky Every true crime podcast: despite dozens of complaints from neighbors, it took over a year for police to investigate the source of the foul odor
Anosognosiogenesis @pookleblinky Every cop show: d this serial killer is crafty, very smart and sneaky Every true crime podcast: despite dozens of complaints from neighbors, it took over a year for police to investigate the source of the foul odor

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Woohoo

Geoff Norcott ☑ @Geoff Norcott Follow Massive away win for the little fella. X ERYMAN GLADIATOR 2 PADDINGTON 1:37 PM Dec 2, 2024 15 3 PG i
Geoff Norcott ☑ @Geoff Norcott Follow Massive away win for the little fella. X ERYMAN GLADIATOR 2 PADDINGTON 1:37 PM Dec 2, 2024 15 3 PG i

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Worst nightmare

Sosa @ihysosa imagine u gettin kidnapped with a stuffy nose and they tape your mouth
Sosa @ihysosa imagine u gettin kidnapped with a stuffy nose and they tape your mouth

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True

Kris P. Bacon @KrisWolfheart kids today are missing out of the pre-streaming era, where your childhood was at least partially defined by some semi-obscure movie your family just happened to own on tape and you watched several dozen times
Kris P. Bacon @KrisWolfheart kids today are missing out of the pre-streaming era, where your childhood was at least partially defined by some semi-obscure movie your family just happened to own on tape and you watched several dozen times

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80s 1980s the 80s the 1980s nostalgia 80s nostalgia 1980s nostalgia throwback

That's just wrong

big wet pig @bigwetpig I work at Domino's and sometimes when people put instructions for different ingredients to be on the left/right I put the left ingredients on the right and the right ingredients on the left
big wet pig @bigwetpig I work at Domino's and sometimes when people put instructions for different ingredients to be on the left/right I put the left ingredients on the right and the right ingredients on the left

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madlads mad lads /r/madlads insane people hmmm

They'll never know

makayla @makaylathinks i once worked with someone who told customers "sorry, it's my first day!" any time they messed up. for 2 years straight . 2:46 PM 19 May 21 Twitter for iPhone
makayla @makaylathinks i once worked with someone who told customers "sorry, it's my first day!" any time they messed up. for 2 years straight . 2:46 PM 19 May 21 Twitter for iPhone

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madlads mad lads /r/madlads insane people hmmm

Thanks, mom

Calla Wahlquist @callapilla My parents are replacing their coffee machine, which is 7 years old. Me: that's not that old, I have sheets older than that. Mother: well perhaps your sheets aren't getting as much action as our coffee machine. I'm going to need an ambulance.
Calla Wahlquist @callapilla My parents are replacing their coffee machine, which is 7 years old. Me: that's not that old, I have sheets older than that. Mother: well perhaps your sheets aren't getting as much action as our coffee machine. I'm going to need an ambulance.

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madlads mad lads /r/madlads insane people hmmm

How do you live like this?

Saucy Spice @trilleti I've never actually heard guys introduce themselves, how do y'all find out each other's names? Young Sesame Chicken @loccdawgg We usually just wait until we hear somebody else say it
Saucy Spice @trilleti I've never actually heard guys introduce themselves, how do y'all find out each other's names? Young Sesame Chicken @loccdawgg We usually just wait until we hear somebody else say it

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madlads mad lads /r/madlads insane people hmmm

Did this happen?

Anjali Oberoi @bringitanj So I'm driving and I notice the guy behind me is cute so I'm checking him out in my rear view mirror and HE DEADA NUMBER?? AIRDROPS ME HIS towarc 50 feet Turn right onto AirDrop would like to Share a note. Decline 0.5 miles Turn left onto Accept Google Maps oo0 18:12 35%) Notes To the girl staring at me from the really old car... hope this is u 781
Anjali Oberoi @bringitanj So I'm driving and I notice the guy behind me is cute so I'm checking him out in my rear view mirror and HE DEADA NUMBER?? AIRDROPS ME HIS towarc 50 feet Turn right onto AirDrop would like to Share a note. Decline 0.5 miles Turn left onto Accept Google Maps oo0 18:12 35%) Notes To the girl staring at me from the really old car... hope this is u 781

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madlads mad lads /r/madlads insane people hmmm

This is true

Teya @tey_an Gen Z will drink one medium caramel latte, not eat a single thing till 4 pm, verbally abuse a racist, crack a joke about their mental health and pick up a tear gas canister with their bare hands, but get nervous when they have to call to make a doctors appointment. 12:59 6/8/20 Twitter for iPhone 33.6K Retweets 168K Likes
Teya @tey_an Gen Z will drink one medium caramel latte, not eat a single thing till 4 pm, verbally abuse a racist, crack a joke about their mental health and pick up a tear gas canister with their bare hands, but get nervous when they have to call to make a doctors appointment. 12:59 6/8/20 Twitter for iPhone 33.6K Retweets 168K Likes

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oddly specific specific suspiciously specific /r/oddlyspecific hmmm brand new sentence

Could happen

teka @orangejellyace 15/12/2019 imagine if it wasn't a *@filmchwe 14/12/2019 even their shadows are synchronized Show this thread 6L0Z NO fox 227 27.4K 108K ↑
teka @orangejellyace 15/12/2019 imagine if it wasn't a *@filmchwe 14/12/2019 even their shadows are synchronized Show this thread 6L0Z NO fox 227 27.4K 108K ↑

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comedy heaven /r/comedyheaven memes meme