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Solid argument

lakey lake @laken_babeee don't get a bf, just get a mahogany teakwood candle instead smells good & won't cheat 2:30 PM · 2021-05-03 · Twitter for iPhone 1,287 Retweets 89 Quote Tweets 10.8K Likes

lakey lake @laken_babeee don't get a bf, just get a mahogany teakwood candle instead smells good & won't cheat 2:30 PM · 2021-05-03 · Twitter for iPhone 1,287 Retweets 89 Quote Tweets 10.8K Likes

funny tweet relationships dating

valid af

Simon @DrillKnight i do not identify as a boy or girl, i identify as a nuisance. an irritant. a fool and a problem 10:42 PM · 2021-05-02 · Twitter Web App 6,274 Retweets 202 Quote Tweets 22.8K Likes

Simon @DrillKnight i do not identify as a boy or girl, i identify as a nuisance. an irritant. a fool and a problem 10:42 PM · 2021-05-02 · Twitter Web App 6,274 Retweets 202 Quote Tweets 22.8K Likes

funny tweet identify nuisance

Brain's having a bad day

Ron Iver @ronnui_ Having a headache is so embarrassing, like bro you are the one that decides when things hurt just turn it off 3:35 PM · 2021-05-03 · Twitter for Android 2,073 Retweets 41 Quote Tweets 19.7K Likes

Ron Iver @ronnui_ Having a headache is so embarrassing, like bro you are the one that decides when things hurt just turn it off 3:35 PM · 2021-05-03 · Twitter for Android 2,073 Retweets 41 Quote Tweets 19.7K Likes

funny tweet headache

the last one sounds a bit suspicious

Pitch O @pitchjokes other products made by I Cant Believe Its Not Butter: -F--- Off, It's Mayonnaise -I Hope These Aren't Hornets -You Thought This Was Yogurt? Surprise, Dumbass! -F--- My Ass, Thats Good Peanut Brittle -No One Said This Was Ham

Pitch O @pitchjokes other products made by I Cant Believe Its Not Butter: -F--- Off, It's Mayonnaise -I Hope These Aren't Hornets -You Thought This Was Yogurt? Surprise, Dumbass! -F--- My Ass, Thats Good Peanut Brittle -No One Said This Was Ham

i can't believe it's not butter products food

That's what happens when you fall into the same old dull routine

Melvin of York @MelvinofYork In that Pina Colada song the guy says "I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long" and later says he never knew she liked "the smell of the ocean or the taste of champagne." So this romeo never took her to the beach or drank champagne with her but whines that HE'S bored 8:13 PM · 4/24/21 · Twitter Web App

Melvin of York @MelvinofYork In that Pina Colada song the guy says "I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long" and later says he never knew she liked "the smell of the ocean or the taste of champagne." So this romeo never took her to the beach or drank champagne with her but whines that HE'S bored 8:13 PM · 4/24/21 · Twitter Web App

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Twitter Art Police

This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

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Olympics ban BLM

Ben Crump O @AttorneyCrump May 5 The Olympics will now BAN any athlete who wears a BLM shirt, kneels during the national anthem or raises a fist to oppose racism. This sends the WRONG message about basic human rights & I urge the Olympic Committee to reverse this decision! Olympics bans 'Black Lives Matter' apparel, could punish athletes for s. The Olympics continue to ban athlete protests and could punish athletes who choose to protest anyway. That means raising a fist or kneeling . S wtrf.com 1.2K t7 6.6K 14.2K

Ben Crump O @AttorneyCrump May 5 The Olympics will now BAN any athlete who wears a BLM shirt, kneels during the national anthem or raises a fist to oppose racism. This sends the WRONG message about basic human rights & I urge the Olympic Committee to reverse this decision! Olympics bans 'Black Lives Matter' apparel, could punish athletes for s. The Olympics continue to ban athlete protests and could punish athletes who choose to protest anyway. That means raising a fist or kneeling . S wtrf.com 1.2K t7 6.6K 14.2K

I always hated doing that

Marina Ayano K @even_kei Kids these days will never know the hardships of each week having to overcook a fresh hardboiled egg yolk for the computer mouse C1 10:18 AM - 5/21/20 - Twitter Web App

Marina Ayano K @even_kei Kids these days will never know the hardships of each week having to overcook a fresh hardboiled egg yolk for the computer mouse C1 10:18 AM - 5/21/20 - Twitter Web App

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You took it too far

Nikki Valentine 2 d are "chad" and "soyjack" in the room with us right now?

Nikki Valentine 2 d are "chad" and "soyjack" in the room with us right now?

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That does sound good

David Dunkovich @DavidDunkovich Igotta get this off my chest. I accidentally served a lady spinach artichoke dip thinking it was broccoli & cheddar soup. she ate the whole thing and said it was one of her favorite soups she's ever had

David Dunkovich @DavidDunkovich Igotta get this off my chest. I accidentally served a lady spinach artichoke dip thinking it was broccoli & cheddar soup. she ate the whole thing and said it was one of her favorite soups she's ever had

mistake accident spinach artichoke broccoli cheddar soup dip

Thinking long term

Amanda B @amandajpanda DMV Lady: Do you want to retake your photo? You look mad. Me:I am mad. DMV Lady: But you'll look mad on here for 5 years. Me: I will still be mad in 5 years.

Amanda B @amandajpanda DMV Lady: Do you want to retake your photo? You look mad. Me:I am mad. DMV Lady: But you'll look mad on here for 5 years. Me: I will still be mad in 5 years.

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EU vs US

Samuel Pollen @samuel_pollen European out-of-offices: "I'm away camping for the summer. Email again in September" American out-of-offices: "I have left the office for two hours to undergo kidney surgery but you can reach me on my cell anytime"

Samuel Pollen @samuel_pollen European out-of-offices: "I'm away camping for the summer. Email again in September" American out-of-offices: "I have left the office for two hours to undergo kidney surgery but you can reach me on my cell anytime"

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I would not know how to walk

Platform Boots from Windowsen Couture Fall 2021 Path ... @MinniePath I would not know how to act if I wore these

Platform Boots from Windowsen Couture Fall 2021 Path ... @MinniePath I would not know how to act if I wore these

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We're still not advanced enough

Weird History @weird_hist What 1900 people thought life would be like in the year 2000: balloon-supported lake-walking. hildebrands Deutsche Schokolade Busserspariengnng im Jahre 2000, jomny sun @jonnysun we've GONE THE WRONG WAY

Weird History @weird_hist What 1900 people thought life would be like in the year 2000: balloon-supported lake-walking. hildebrands Deutsche Schokolade Busserspariengnng im Jahre 2000, jomny sun @jonnysun we've GONE THE WRONG WAY

weird history lake walking 1900 2000 prediction

So JK Simmons is just one of the coolest dudes to ever exist right?

TRAFON(S Backup Account) @RiseFallNickBck ... So JK Simmons is just one of the coolest dudes to ever exist right? 11:00 PM · May 3, 2021 · Twitter Web App

TRAFON(S Backup Account) @RiseFallNickBck ... So JK Simmons is just one of the coolest dudes to ever exist right? 11:00 PM · May 3, 2021 · Twitter Web App

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i'm feeling pretty adapted today

Time For Crab @crab_time Whenever someone asks me how I'm feeling This creature has adapted to the crushing pressure and oppressive darkness.

Time For Crab @crab_time Whenever someone asks me how I'm feeling This creature has adapted to the crushing pressure and oppressive darkness.

funny tweet feeling crabs crushing pressure adapting oppressive darkness

asking the real questions

sophie @sophxthompson when bald people wash their faces how high up do they go Little Mix O @LittleMix Song writing again today. What concepts would you like to hear us sing about? :) jade

sophie @sophxthompson when bald people wash their faces how high up do they go Little Mix O @LittleMix Song writing again today. What concepts would you like to hear us sing about? :) jade

bald hair washing songs lyrics

win-win situation

Steve Stifler @StevStiffler why test on animals when there r people who r rude to waiters 4/4/18, 4:40 PM

Steve Stifler @StevStiffler why test on animals when there r people who r rude to waiters 4/4/18, 4:40 PM

funny tweet testing animals rude people waiters staff

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the kind of exhausted that sleep can't fix

Asif Ullah @AsifUllah22 *opens eyes at 7am* Me: I can't wait to go bed tonight

Asif Ullah @AsifUllah22 *opens eyes at 7am* Me: I can't wait to go bed tonight

funny tweet sleep sleeping tired