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I would not know how to walk

Platform Boots from Windowsen Couture Fall 2021 Path ... @MinniePath I would not know how to act if I wore these
Platform Boots from Windowsen Couture Fall 2021 Path ... @MinniePath I would not know how to act if I wore these

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haute couture windowsen fashion platform boots

We're still not advanced enough

Weird History @weird_hist What 1900 people thought life would be like in the year 2000: balloon-supported lake-walking. hildebrands Deutsche Schokolade Busserspariengnng im Jahre 2000, jomny sun @jonnysun we've GONE THE WRONG WAY
Weird History @weird_hist What 1900 people thought life would be like in the year 2000: balloon-supported lake-walking. hildebrands Deutsche Schokolade Busserspariengnng im Jahre 2000, jomny sun @jonnysun we've GONE THE WRONG WAY

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weird history lake walking 1900 2000 prediction

So JK Simmons is just one of the coolest dudes to ever exist right?

TRAFON(S Backup Account) @RiseFallNickBck ... So JK Simmons is just one of the coolest dudes to ever exist right? 11:00 PM · May 3, 2021 · Twitter Web App
TRAFON(S Backup Account) @RiseFallNickBck ... So JK Simmons is just one of the coolest dudes to ever exist right? 11:00 PM · May 3, 2021 · Twitter Web App

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i'm feeling pretty adapted today

Time For Crab @crab_time Whenever someone asks me how I'm feeling This creature has adapted to the crushing pressure and oppressive darkness.
Time For Crab @crab_time Whenever someone asks me how I'm feeling This creature has adapted to the crushing pressure and oppressive darkness.

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funny tweet feeling crabs crushing pressure adapting oppressive darkness

asking the real questions

sophie @sophxthompson when bald people wash their faces how high up do they go Little Mix O @LittleMix Song writing again today. What concepts would you like to hear us sing about? :) jade
sophie @sophxthompson when bald people wash their faces how high up do they go Little Mix O @LittleMix Song writing again today. What concepts would you like to hear us sing about? :) jade

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bald hair washing songs lyrics

win-win situation

Steve Stifler @StevStiffler why test on animals when there r people who r rude to waiters 4/4/18, 4:40 PM
Steve Stifler @StevStiffler why test on animals when there r people who r rude to waiters 4/4/18, 4:40 PM

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funny tweet testing animals rude people waiters staff

penguin onesie


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sexting texting lingerie pajamas dating

the kind of exhausted that sleep can't fix

Asif Ullah @AsifUllah22 *opens eyes at 7am* Me: I can't wait to go bed tonight
Asif Ullah @AsifUllah22 *opens eyes at 7am* Me: I can't wait to go bed tonight

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funny tweet sleep sleeping tired

Disclaimer: I've only seen one of these, so I don't know how true this is.

Mr.BadUsername @reallybaduse Unholy trinity of s----- and abusive girlfriends
Mr.BadUsername @reallybaduse Unholy trinity of s----- and abusive girlfriends

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Groovy, baby!

E7 Let's Talk Godzilla Retweeted Steven Sloss •.. @StevenScrivello Frozen by an ancient civilisation Reawakened in the '90s - Powered by a mysterious natural energy (a four-letter word starting with M) - Loses life energy mid-trilogy - Shares an origin with their nemesis - Trilogy masterpieces 3:09 PM · May 3, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 118 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 398 Likes
E7 Let's Talk Godzilla Retweeted Steven Sloss •.. @StevenScrivello Frozen by an ancient civilisation Reawakened in the '90s - Powered by a mysterious natural energy (a four-letter word starting with M) - Loses life energy mid-trilogy - Shares an origin with their nemesis - Trilogy masterpieces 3:09 PM · May 3, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 118 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 398 Likes

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austin powers gamera similarities trilogy

I eat dairy all the time and it doesn't even affect me

? @QualifiedVirgin how are you lactose intolerant? just tolerate it bro
? @QualifiedVirgin how are you lactose intolerant? just tolerate it bro

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lactose intolerant tolerate dairy milk allergy

if you don't help your friend balance above the toilet are you even friends

7 Daddy oyoyo @Blaaq_ie Ever wondered why girls don't go to the bathroom alone? WELLO * Four-eyed Edo boy™ and 9 others 7:25 · 20 Oct 19 · Twitter for iPhone
7 Daddy oyoyo @Blaaq_ie Ever wondered why girls don't go to the bathroom alone? WELLO * Four-eyed Edo boy™ and 9 others 7:25 · 20 Oct 19 · Twitter for iPhone

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funny tweet girls women toilet alone

sibling rivalry

vampireapologist @mallaidhanne if any only children have eve wondered what it's like to have siblings, I just passed two little kids in their yard "sword" fighting, and the younger sibling had a branch, and the older sibling had an entire shovel. It's just that for your whole r life 1:17 PM : 19 Oct 19 · Twitter for Android
vampireapologist @mallaidhanne if any only children have eve wondered what it's like to have siblings, I just passed two little kids in their yard "sword" fighting, and the younger sibling had a branch, and the older sibling had an entire shovel. It's just that for your whole r life 1:17 PM : 19 Oct 19 · Twitter for Android

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only child siblings older sibling younger sibling brother sister

"That'll be $120 see you next Monday"


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therapy therapist mental health

ahh young love

sp00ky moose @tiemoose [Dracula giving his son "the talk"] Dracula: you see when two monsters love each other very much, they- Dracula's son: they do the mash Dracula: *nodding* they do the monster mash 01/10/2018, 14:15
sp00ky moose @tiemoose [Dracula giving his son "the talk"] Dracula: you see when two monsters love each other very much, they- Dracula's son: they do the mash Dracula: *nodding* they do the monster mash 01/10/2018, 14:15

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dracula vampire the talk birds and bees monster mash monsters

I need to hear the other side of the story

Sean Mitchell @Sean_Mitchell One time I was late to practice and coach made me run laps. My dad was the coach. And he drove me to practice.
Sean Mitchell @Sean_Mitchell One time I was late to practice and coach made me run laps. My dad was the coach. And he drove me to practice.

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funny tweet parenting coach punishment late practice dad

How the turntables

AJ Olarinde @AjOlarinde It all makes sense now. Imagine working from 9-5 and coming back and your kid didn't take the chicken out the freezer
AJ Olarinde @AjOlarinde It all makes sense now. Imagine working from 9-5 and coming back and your kid didn't take the chicken out the freezer

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funny tweet chicken freezer parenting parents kids

Please no licking of shoes

Weird Mom @weirdmomming Is it f----- up or genius that I taught my kids to sing a clean up song to the tune of "my neck, my back"? 'Do it now Clean it good Clean this house up like you should Your books Your blocks Pick your shoes up, and your socks'
Weird Mom @weirdmomming Is it f----- up or genius that I taught my kids to sing a clean up song to the tune of "my neck, my back"? 'Do it now Clean it good Clean this house up like you should Your books Your blocks Pick your shoes up, and your socks'

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weird mom parenting my neck my back clean up song children kids parents

"Nobody's gonna know" -"They're gonna know"

New York Post @nypost · 1d NEW YORK POST Man caught with $34K worth of cocaine under his wig trib.al/KSKYIQB
New York Post @nypost · 1d NEW YORK POST Man caught with $34K worth of cocaine under his wig trib.al/KSKYIQB

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wig news headline crime arrest new york post

growing up sucks

Cptn Green Head The Man With The Pr... v @CptnMan Not a single person asked me how fast I could run in my new shoes today, being an adult is f------ stupid
Cptn Green Head The Man With The Pr... v @CptnMan Not a single person asked me how fast I could run in my new shoes today, being an adult is f------ stupid

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new shoes fast run running adult growing up