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The science of relativity

Aaron @aaronadams1997 Never feel bad about eating unhealthy things like cheesecake. Use the science of relativity. Cheesecake is healthier than crystal meth. Take another slice and be thankful.

Aaron @aaronadams1997 Never feel bad about eating unhealthy things like cheesecake. Use the science of relativity. Cheesecake is healthier than crystal meth. Take another slice and be thankful.

funny tweet science relativity cheesecake

I'd sit in the sun for 2 mins after applying sunscreen for her

Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds Following I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair. RETWEETS LIKES 25,148 44,783

Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds Following I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair. RETWEETS LIKES 25,148 44,783

funny tweet ryan reynolds

Big Caterpillar

stringmouse @stringmousey This dude does not want to pupate. I think he's enjoying being a caterpillar too much. All he wants to do is eat and he's gotten enormous. 9:22 PM · 14/04/20 · Twitter for iPhone

stringmouse @stringmousey This dude does not want to pupate. I think he's enjoying being a caterpillar too much. All he wants to do is eat and he's gotten enormous. 9:22 PM · 14/04/20 · Twitter for iPhone

caterpillar twitter

pokemon evolutions vs digimon evolutions

Cowboy Dave @MrCowbayDave 100% accurate. Pokemon evolution Digimon evolution 7:49 PM - Apr 5, 2021 Twitter Web App

Cowboy Dave @MrCowbayDave 100% accurate. Pokemon evolution Digimon evolution 7:49 PM - Apr 5, 2021 Twitter Web App

twitter pokemon digimon

no nuts

MenGyver @TheAndrewNadeau her: i'll have the salad, no nuts, please waiter: of course me: it didn't say it had nuts her: i'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe me: that makes sense waiter: and for you? me: steak, no bees, please

MenGyver @TheAndrewNadeau her: i'll have the salad, no nuts, please waiter: of course me: it didn't say it had nuts her: i'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe me: that makes sense waiter: and for you? me: steak, no bees, please

salad funny tweet

not quite

Akash Sharma @ooye_akash Making a girl cry is technically making her wet.

Akash Sharma @ooye_akash Making a girl cry is technically making her wet.

funny tweet girls

fruits

eli the pumpkin pie @jazz_inmypants fruits that do not live up to their names: passionfruit grapefruit honeydew dragonfruit fruits that do live up to their names: orange 8:21 AM 10/15/20 · Twitter Web App

eli the pumpkin pie @jazz_inmypants fruits that do not live up to their names: passionfruit grapefruit honeydew dragonfruit fruits that do live up to their names: orange 8:21 AM 10/15/20 · Twitter Web App

funny tweet fruit

great advice

James @CaucasianJames marry someone u only kinda like so if u get a divorce it won't be that bad

James @CaucasianJames marry someone u only kinda like so if u get a divorce it won't be that bad

divorce funny tweet marriage

healthy burger now

27 You Retweeted Health Badvice @BadHealthAdvice Remember: taking the vegetables off your double bacon cheeseburger decreases the amount of calories consumed 4:48 PM · 12/18/19 · Twitter for iPhone

27 You Retweeted Health Badvice @BadHealthAdvice Remember: taking the vegetables off your double bacon cheeseburger decreases the amount of calories consumed 4:48 PM · 12/18/19 · Twitter for iPhone

funny tweet food cheeseburger hamburger vegetables calories logic nutrition badhealthadvice

burnnn

kwame @johlny Do men still open car doors? Boogie. @BoogieMan How do you think we get inside

kwame @johlny Do men still open car doors? Boogie. @BoogieMan How do you think we get inside

Makes it easier to chew

wicked bitch of the MWest @AmandaRNH Friend: I hate frozen pizza Me: I hate frozen pizza too. That's why I put it in the oven for a bit before I eat it. Friend: 6:51 PM · 12/27/20 · Twitter for iPhone

wicked bitch of the MWest @AmandaRNH Friend: I hate frozen pizza Me: I hate frozen pizza too. That's why I put it in the oven for a bit before I eat it. Friend: 6:51 PM · 12/27/20 · Twitter for iPhone

funny tweet pizza frozen pizza

Daily dose of 'what the fuck are you talking about?'.

5} Replying to ( While I'm not suggesting Bill Burr is a racist, a white man having a non- white wife can sometimes be a sign of racism. So you shouldn't assume someone isn't racist just because they own a minority sex servant. They may very well have one because they're racist. 10 6:14 PM · 3/14/21 · Twitter Web App

5} Replying to ( While I'm not suggesting Bill Burr is a racist, a white man having a non- white wife can sometimes be a sign of racism. So you shouldn't assume someone isn't racist just because they own a minority sex servant. They may very well have one because they're racist. 10 6:14 PM · 3/14/21 · Twitter Web App

twitter minority sex slave bill burr interracial marriage nope still racist

one of my avocados hatched last night

zach silberberg @zachsilberberg oh s---. oh f---. one of my avocados hatched last night and i have no idea where it went 4:00 PM · Apr 2, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone

zach silberberg @zachsilberberg oh s---. oh f---. one of my avocados hatched last night and i have no idea where it went 4:00 PM · Apr 2, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone

avocado is this a billie eilish reference billie eilish

cigarette peach

KAONASHI @CAMSQUIAT James? I havent heard that name in years

KAONASHI @CAMSQUIAT James? I havent heard that name in years

peach funny tweet

will be continued...

... Noemi 8 @noemistauffer Me in 2021 I'M NOT DEAD, THIS IS JUST HOW I LOOK!

... Noemi 8 @noemistauffer Me in 2021 I'M NOT DEAD, THIS IS JUST HOW I LOOK!

2020 funny meme relatable

very true

twenty-kate-teen @katefeetie ME:I look cute MIRRORS: you look cute STORE WINDOWS: you look cute OTHER PEOPLE: you look cute IPHONE FORWARD-FACING CAMERA: what's up you Shrek-lookin bag of bitch >

twenty-kate-teen @katefeetie ME:I look cute MIRRORS: you look cute STORE WINDOWS: you look cute OTHER PEOPLE: you look cute IPHONE FORWARD-FACING CAMERA: what's up you Shrek-lookin bag of bitch >

mirrors funny tweet random tweet

Preeeeetty Much Twatter

LORD KSI @KSI Twitter used to be an amazing place where you could connect with people in different communities & communicate without any problems. Now it's just full of pretentious people that are ready to cancel & destroy your legacy for breathing incorrectly. And on that note, I'm out 3:10 AM · Mar 25, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 8,809 Retweets 1,469 Quote Tweets 150.3K Likes

LORD KSI @KSI Twitter used to be an amazing place where you could connect with people in different communities & communicate without any problems. Now it's just full of pretentious people that are ready to cancel & destroy your legacy for breathing incorrectly. And on that note, I'm out 3:10 AM · Mar 25, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 8,809 Retweets 1,469 Quote Tweets 150.3K Likes

When the lemon is sus

Roxi Horror 9* @roxiqt When life gives you lemons, give the lemons back. Why were the lemons free? Is something wrong with the lemons? Are the lemons haunted? Be suspicious of the lemons.

Roxi Horror 9* @roxiqt When life gives you lemons, give the lemons back. Why were the lemons free? Is something wrong with the lemons? Are the lemons haunted? Be suspicious of the lemons.

funny tweet lemons suspicious

Ssssqueak

nate of the living dead @MNateShyamalan [first day as snake oil salesman] are your snakes too damn squeaky

nate of the living dead @MNateShyamalan [first day as snake oil salesman] are your snakes too damn squeaky

funny tweet snake oil snakes

Sometimes Twitter makes me wanna fucking kill myself.

Sometimes Twitter makes me wanna tucking kill myselfR

Sometimes Twitter makes me wanna tucking kill myselfR

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