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mind your business

AparnaRC @Wordesse ... Cashier at pharmacy: Ma'm, I understand that you're in your 40s with "childrenitis", but I really wouldn't recommend that you buy $1400 worth of ibuprofen. 4:11 AM - Mar 14, 2021 - Twitter for Android 23 Retweets 71 Likes
AparnaRC @Wordesse ... Cashier at pharmacy: Ma'm, I understand that you're in your 40s with "childrenitis", but I really wouldn't recommend that you buy $1400 worth of ibuprofen. 4:11 AM - Mar 14, 2021 - Twitter for Android 23 Retweets 71 Likes

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buy a caseload

Laura Marie ... @lmegordon Here's a math question: My daughters are fighting over a stupid babydollI. If I buy another, identical babydoll, then my girls will stop fighting, but they won't play with either babydoll. How many bottles of wine do I buy? 7:59 PM Mar 9, 2021 - Twitter for Android 116 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 882 Likes
Laura Marie ... @lmegordon Here's a math question: My daughters are fighting over a stupid babydollI. If I buy another, identical babydoll, then my girls will stop fighting, but they won't play with either babydoll. How many bottles of wine do I buy? 7:59 PM Mar 9, 2021 - Twitter for Android 116 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 882 Likes

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how fun

lilswizzy @MotherPlaylist ... Sorry we're late our toddler spent 30 minutes with water in their mouth that they wouldn't drink, spit out, or walk with. 6:49 PM · Mar 10, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 31 Retweets 261 Likes
lilswizzy @MotherPlaylist ... Sorry we're late our toddler spent 30 minutes with water in their mouth that they wouldn't drink, spit out, or walk with. 6:49 PM · Mar 10, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 31 Retweets 261 Likes

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parents kids fails

the next level is even worse

Marcy G @BunAndLeggings ... Anyone have the cheat codes to parenting a 3-year- old? This level is hard 8:37 PM · Mar 10, 2021 · Twitter for Android 190 Retweets 34 Quote Tweets 1,684 Likes
Marcy G @BunAndLeggings ... Anyone have the cheat codes to parenting a 3-year- old? This level is hard 8:37 PM · Mar 10, 2021 · Twitter for Android 190 Retweets 34 Quote Tweets 1,684 Likes

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parenting mom kids parenting fails

don't speak to them for the first few hours

Kim Bongiorno ... @LetMeStart hath no fury like a teenager who was kindly, gently asked by their loving parent, "Hey, how are you this morning?" 4:03 PM · Mar 10, 2021 Twitter for iPhone 47 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 474 Likes
Kim Bongiorno ... @LetMeStart hath no fury like a teenager who was kindly, gently asked by their loving parent, "Hey, how are you this morning?" 4:03 PM · Mar 10, 2021 Twitter for iPhone 47 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 474 Likes

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teenagers family parenting funny parenting

until next year

Jessie ... @mommajessiec It's finally my son's birthday, after 364 days of me telling him it's not his birthday. 5:02 PM - Mar 7, 2021 - Twitter for iPhone 89 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 1,035 Likes
Jessie ... @mommajessiec It's finally my son's birthday, after 364 days of me telling him it's not his birthday. 5:02 PM - Mar 7, 2021 - Twitter for iPhone 89 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 1,035 Likes

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Damn Jimbo who hurt you

Jim Carrey @JimCarrey Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave. >
Jim Carrey @JimCarrey Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave. >

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Well now I'm going to think about it :\

Zæy Follow @Trekles "How much do you overthink" Me: Drew @Clouttie Y'all ever kill a bug and wonder if their mama is sittin up waiting for them to come home but they dead 4:59 PM - 11 Jan 2018 191,095 Retweets 413,105 Likes
Zæy Follow @Trekles "How much do you overthink" Me: Drew @Clouttie Y'all ever kill a bug and wonder if their mama is sittin up waiting for them to come home but they dead 4:59 PM - 11 Jan 2018 191,095 Retweets 413,105 Likes

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5 stars for honesty and self awareness

shelby rhodes @missshelbayy This review from forever 21 is honestly a mood il AT&T ? 1 16% 8:41 PM A forever21.com = Q FOREVER 21 r * Cute, but I underestimated how fat I am Juana G. 03/18/2018
shelby rhodes @missshelbayy This review from forever 21 is honestly a mood il AT&T ? 1 16% 8:41 PM A forever21.com = Q FOREVER 21 r * Cute, but I underestimated how fat I am Juana G. 03/18/2018

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What did she do that even god is scared to face her?

Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42 My grandmother lived to be 102. WhenI asked her what her secret was, she said, "God's punishing me."
Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42 My grandmother lived to be 102. WhenI asked her what her secret was, she said, "God's punishing me."

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Same

Мх. Mel @pneumajustice Maybe the problem isn't that you need more coffee, maybe the problem is that you require a central nervous system stimulant to robotically sustain a constant work output so that you can conform to unrealistic capitalist standards of labor & maintain profitability to corporations 8:25 AM 2/6/19 ·
Мх. Mel @pneumajustice Maybe the problem isn't that you need more coffee, maybe the problem is that you require a central nervous system stimulant to robotically sustain a constant work output so that you can conform to unrealistic capitalist standards of labor & maintain profitability to corporations 8:25 AM 2/6/19 ·

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I want to thank my parents for never believing in me

Ellie @uh_laine Very proud to announce thatI am officially a lost cause! Thank you all for your continued support unfortunately it was all for nothing! 3/19/18, 3:49 PM
Ellie @uh_laine Very proud to announce thatI am officially a lost cause! Thank you all for your continued support unfortunately it was all for nothing! 3/19/18, 3:49 PM

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It's natural selection

Kyle @KylePlantEmoji Every group chat births a second smaller group chat without the annoying people, and if you think yours doesn't, I have some bad news
Kyle @KylePlantEmoji Every group chat births a second smaller group chat without the annoying people, and if you think yours doesn't, I have some bad news

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pedal faster bike boy

ll 02-UK 10:46 © 21% I Tweet Tom Harrison @tomhharrisonn Hate them cyclists that take up the whole road n act like there remaking Tour de France you'll be doing tour de hospital if ya carry on 22/10/2017, 16:19 4,704 Retweets 17.6K Likes
ll 02-UK 10:46 © 21% I Tweet Tom Harrison @tomhharrisonn Hate them cyclists that take up the whole road n act like there remaking Tour de France you'll be doing tour de hospital if ya carry on 22/10/2017, 16:19 4,704 Retweets 17.6K Likes

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???

jono ganz @jonoganz "What should we call our matches?" "I dunno, something normal" IMPREGNATED GOBLIN JW.T.W.T. MADE IN SWEDEN SAFETY MATCH 4:24 AM 25 Nov 20 · Twitter Web App
jono ganz @jonoganz "What should we call our matches?" "I dunno, something normal" IMPREGNATED GOBLIN JW.T.W.T. MADE IN SWEDEN SAFETY MATCH 4:24 AM 25 Nov 20 · Twitter Web App

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And now the host with the transphobic posts, Adam Sessler (March 2020)

Adam "death is a hoax" Se... Mar 5 Thank you Mr. Man. We appreciate your chromosomal contribution to the argument Joe @SlowdrawOK · Mar 5 Replying to @Christo09468962 and @AdamSessler No Adam is up his own ass because he's convinced that Warren dropped out because of misogyny and not the fact that her progressive policies were weaker than the actual progressive. I rarely ever talk about politics on this hell site and Adam's tantrum made me come out screaming 6. 30 ali fornias @hotcarrots3 Truck 7BLUE IVES Replying to @AdamSessler pretty cissexist of you to reduce someones gender down to their chromosomes! 6:31 PM · Mar 5, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone Heather Alexandra @trans.. · Mar 5 Replying to @AdamSessler Respectfully Adam, this is a trans woman making a point about the gender binary. Not a Reddit troll. 27 1 110 Danika Harrod O @danikahar. · Mar 5 Replying to @AdamSessler why are you quote tweeting a trans woman calling you on your s--- this way dude w-- is your deal? please get a private account or just log off for the day and chill. 134 ali fornias * P · Mar 5 @hotcar.. BLUE IVES Replying to @AdamSessler what does that even mean? im literally a trans woman. get off the powder adam. 27 1 77 @danikahar.· Mar 5 god i'm sorry he quote tweeted you like that, Danika Harrod this is so f----- 49 Adam "death is a hoax" Se... Mar 5 yeah, god forbid. O 22 2 Patrick Klepek @patrickklepek · 3m adam, this isn't the hill to die on. back off. 8
Adam "death is a hoax" Se... Mar 5 Thank you Mr. Man. We appreciate your chromosomal contribution to the argument Joe @SlowdrawOK · Mar 5 Replying to @Christo09468962 and @AdamSessler No Adam is up his own ass because he's convinced that Warren dropped out because of misogyny and not the fact that her progressive policies were weaker than the actual progressive. I rarely ever talk about politics on this hell site and Adam's tantrum made me come out screaming 6. 30 ali fornias @hotcarrots3 Truck 7BLUE IVES Replying to @AdamSessler pretty cissexist of you to reduce someones gender down to their chromosomes! 6:31 PM · Mar 5, 2020 · Twitter for iPhone Heather Alexandra @trans.. · Mar 5 Replying to @AdamSessler Respectfully Adam, this is a trans woman making a point about the gender binary. Not a Reddit troll. 27 1 110 Danika Harrod O @danikahar. · Mar 5 Replying to @AdamSessler why are you quote tweeting a trans woman calling you on your s--- this way dude w-- is your deal? please get a private account or just log off for the day and chill. 134 ali fornias * P · Mar 5 @hotcar.. BLUE IVES Replying to @AdamSessler what does that even mean? im literally a trans woman. get off the powder adam. 27 1 77 @danikahar.· Mar 5 god i'm sorry he quote tweeted you like that, Danika Harrod this is so f----- 49 Adam "death is a hoax" Se... Mar 5 yeah, god forbid. O 22 2 Patrick Klepek @patrickklepek · 3m adam, this isn't the hill to die on. back off. 8

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Based Burger King


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Future generations gonna be all like WHAT


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fireCuckmann


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best mask yet


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