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All praise the dolphin king

Daniel Kibblesmith ... @kibblesmith Me in high school: WHY AM I SPENDING AN HOUR A DAY LEARNING ABOUT A SUBJECT THAT WON'T HELP ME IN REAL LIFE? Me now: Oh boy a new episode of my podcast about dolphin social hierarchies
Daniel Kibblesmith ... @kibblesmith Me in high school: WHY AM I SPENDING AN HOUR A DAY LEARNING ABOUT A SUBJECT THAT WON'T HELP ME IN REAL LIFE? Me now: Oh boy a new episode of my podcast about dolphin social hierarchies

Twitter / X
dolphins twitter tweet school subjects

these updates are getting out of hand

miKE LİIERALLYO ... @SkippyMcGizzard And by automatic updates, I mean not automatic at all. ~ computers and phones 11:35 PM · 2/18/21 · Twitter for Android
miKE LİIERALLYO ... @SkippyMcGizzard And by automatic updates, I mean not automatic at all. ~ computers and phones 11:35 PM · 2/18/21 · Twitter for Android

Twitter / X
updates app updates updating that is not how it works

These things matter

Breckin Meyer ALE @breckinmeyer Please be a fan of Road Trip. Please be a fan of Road Trip.. 1:09 PM · 2/16/21 · Twitter for iPhone
Breckin Meyer ALE @breckinmeyer Please be a fan of Road Trip. Please be a fan of Road Trip.. 1:09 PM · 2/16/21 · Twitter for iPhone

Twitter / X
police pull over cops road trip

The truth

Sarah J @Trisarahjtops Just because l choose not to drink doesn't automatically make me no fun. That is a separate choice, which I've also made. 3:55 AM 8/20/19 · Twitter Web App
Sarah J @Trisarahjtops Just because l choose not to drink doesn't automatically make me no fun. That is a separate choice, which I've also made. 3:55 AM 8/20/19 · Twitter Web App

Twitter / X
twitter drink alcohol fun

You can sleep for the rest of the day

Sean | @S_Byrnes Developer Me: whew, I got that done in only 10 minutes! My brain: you deserve an hour break Me: but I could just keep goi- My brain: nah, treat yo self
Sean | @S_Byrnes Developer Me: whew, I got that done in only 10 minutes! My brain: you deserve an hour break Me: but I could just keep goi- My brain: nah, treat yo self

Twitter / X
twitter productive work break job

I'm good! But not too good

just viv @pxwertrip_ Trying to be honest with my therapist but not so honest that I get involuntarily hospitalized arandomthot This hits home a little too hard
just viv @pxwertrip_ Trying to be honest with my therapist but not so honest that I get involuntarily hospitalized arandomthot This hits home a little too hard

Twitter / X
therapy therapist twitter

I'm not very song-worthy

lil arab @sweatyhairy eminem: look, if u had one shot or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment - would you capture it, or just let it slip? me: oh l'd let it slip for sure eminem: oh aiite me: yea sorry
lil arab @sweatyhairy eminem: look, if u had one shot or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment - would you capture it, or just let it slip? me: oh l'd let it slip for sure eminem: oh aiite me: yea sorry

Twitter / X
eminem song life

Why can't I have hindsight now?

lil arab @sweatyhairy Y'all ever look at old pictures of yourself and think "damn ppl really let me walk around like that" but then u look in the mirror and think "damn it's happening again"
lil arab @sweatyhairy Y'all ever look at old pictures of yourself and think "damn ppl really let me walk around like that" but then u look in the mirror and think "damn it's happening again"

Twitter / X
twitter hindsight fashion

Phew, now I'm exhausted

Grace Segers @Grace_Segers Me, writing an email: I'm using an exclamation point so you know I'm friendly and excited! But now I'm using a period so that you know l'm not crazy. Here's another sentence with a period as a buffer, proving my normalness. Thanks so much!
Grace Segers @Grace_Segers Me, writing an email: I'm using an exclamation point so you know I'm friendly and excited! But now I'm using a period so that you know l'm not crazy. Here's another sentence with a period as a buffer, proving my normalness. Thanks so much!

Twitter / X
email emails twitter exclamation point

Maybe after some coffee

Alyssa Limperis @alyssalimp 11:00am - anything is possible 2:00pm - but not today
Alyssa Limperis @alyssalimp 11:00am - anything is possible 2:00pm - but not today

Twitter / X
twitter productive coffee

Even MORE mac and cheese

caustic sand witch @hellohappy_time [minutes after eating mac & cheese] u know what would be amazing right now- and honestly it's beena while since l've had it- mac & cheese 12/5/17, 2:56 AM
caustic sand witch @hellohappy_time [minutes after eating mac & cheese] u know what would be amazing right now- and honestly it's beena while since l've had it- mac & cheese 12/5/17, 2:56 AM

Twitter / X
twitter food mac and cheese

Maybe it's just hiding

Frankie! @FrankieMooon How do they know an animal is extinct like??? U looked everywhere????
Frankie! @FrankieMooon How do they know an animal is extinct like??? U looked everywhere????

Twitter / X
twitter animals animal extinct

Life is overrated

sio @bestinsio so let me get this straight...i have to do tasks..every day..dozens of them..and then I have to wash my skin off (did not ask for skin)..and then lie unconscious for a while.. and then do tasks again 1:24 PM · 2021-02-13 · Twitter Web App 70.3K Retweets 1,955 Quote Tweets 470K Likes
sio @bestinsio so let me get this straight...i have to do tasks..every day..dozens of them..and then I have to wash my skin off (did not ask for skin)..and then lie unconscious for a while.. and then do tasks again 1:24 PM · 2021-02-13 · Twitter Web App 70.3K Retweets 1,955 Quote Tweets 470K Likes

Twitter / X
life weird tasks

What is math?

olliethreads @olliethreads ngl i think my calculator history is more embarrassing than my search history
olliethreads @olliethreads ngl i think my calculator history is more embarrassing than my search history

Twitter / X
math maths adding up

I'm surprised he didn't leave twitter after the "I'm black" fiasco. His scorching takes would be sorely missed /s

Dean Browning @DeanBrowningPA The Left loves to show their anti- Italian bigotry every time Christopher Columbus is brought dn It never, ever ends.
Dean Browning @DeanBrowningPA The Left loves to show their anti- Italian bigotry every time Christopher Columbus is brought dn It never, ever ends.

Twitter / X
christopher columbus dean browning dumb

On Homophobia

throat 700 CLUB @SPVCEMVN Being homophobic is kinda gay cuz you letting a gay n---- control yo emotions like he yo boyfriend
throat 700 CLUB @SPVCEMVN Being homophobic is kinda gay cuz you letting a gay n---- control yo emotions like he yo boyfriend

Twitter / X
gay

Idolizing a politician is like believing the stripper really likes you.

Larinzo ... @LarinzoMosley Idolizing a politician is like believing the stripper really likes you. 8:46 AM · Feb 17, 2021 · Twitter for Android
Larinzo ... @LarinzoMosley Idolizing a politician is like believing the stripper really likes you. 8:46 AM · Feb 17, 2021 · Twitter for Android

Twitter / X
twitter politician stripper larinzomosley

No sympathy from me

M Daily Mirror @DailyMirror Sick paedophiles are pretending to be chicken nuggets online to lure kids mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/f.. DI DANK MEAMEOLOGY Josh @Solacee If your kid goes to meet a chicken nugget that s---- just natural selection at that point
M Daily Mirror @DailyMirror Sick paedophiles are pretending to be chicken nuggets online to lure kids mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/f.. DI DANK MEAMEOLOGY Josh @Solacee If your kid goes to meet a chicken nugget that s---- just natural selection at that point

Twitter / X
natural selection chicken nuggets

Get me out!

SMadimoiselle @drivingmemadi an escape room, but it's just your thoughts. good luck 3:55 PM 8/12/20 · Twitter for iPhone
SMadimoiselle @drivingmemadi an escape room, but it's just your thoughts. good luck 3:55 PM 8/12/20 · Twitter for iPhone

Twitter / X
twitter emotions escape room memories

This has the potential to change everything

Alexander James @DrunkScribe Some years back my wife and l got into the habit of asking each other 'do you want comfort or solutions' when the other was having a bad time. That one sentence can save us from an argument 9/10 times. 9:22 AM 1/23/21 - Twitter for iPhone 15.5K Retweets 1,443 Quote Tweets 48K Likes A.J. Hensley @TheAJHensley 3d Replying to @DrunkScribe This is key. My family says, "are we listening or problem solving?" 94 27 259 O 1,909
Alexander James @DrunkScribe Some years back my wife and l got into the habit of asking each other 'do you want comfort or solutions' when the other was having a bad time. That one sentence can save us from an argument 9/10 times. 9:22 AM 1/23/21 - Twitter for iPhone 15.5K Retweets 1,443 Quote Tweets 48K Likes A.J. Hensley @TheAJHensley 3d Replying to @DrunkScribe This is key. My family says, "are we listening or problem solving?" 94 27 259 O 1,909

Twitter / X
twitter therapy listening trauma family