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How the turntables

AJ Olarinde @AjOlarinde It all makes sense now. Imagine working from 9-5 and coming back and your kid didn't take the chicken out the freezer
AJ Olarinde @AjOlarinde It all makes sense now. Imagine working from 9-5 and coming back and your kid didn't take the chicken out the freezer

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funny tweet chicken freezer parenting parents kids

Please no licking of shoes

Weird Mom @weirdmomming Is it f----- up or genius that I taught my kids to sing a clean up song to the tune of "my neck, my back"? 'Do it now Clean it good Clean this house up like you should Your books Your blocks Pick your shoes up, and your socks'
Weird Mom @weirdmomming Is it f----- up or genius that I taught my kids to sing a clean up song to the tune of "my neck, my back"? 'Do it now Clean it good Clean this house up like you should Your books Your blocks Pick your shoes up, and your socks'

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weird mom parenting my neck my back clean up song children kids parents

"Nobody's gonna know" -"They're gonna know"

New York Post @nypost · 1d NEW YORK POST Man caught with $34K worth of cocaine under his wig trib.al/KSKYIQB
New York Post @nypost · 1d NEW YORK POST Man caught with $34K worth of cocaine under his wig trib.al/KSKYIQB

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wig news headline crime arrest new york post

growing up sucks

Cptn Green Head The Man With The Pr... v @CptnMan Not a single person asked me how fast I could run in my new shoes today, being an adult is f------ stupid
Cptn Green Head The Man With The Pr... v @CptnMan Not a single person asked me how fast I could run in my new shoes today, being an adult is f------ stupid

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new shoes fast run running adult growing up

Insane Cow Names

Hooved peets @Hoofpeet I love show cattle catalogue sites racehorse names are good but these cows always have insane names BEAST MODE Risk It For the Biscuit Next Generation WHO DA MAN Bulls Sired Hame semen Mane Arju/ WHO DA MAN 2004 I Da Man BMW Onset 10:41 AM · Apr 28, 2021 · Twitter Web App
Hooved peets @Hoofpeet I love show cattle catalogue sites racehorse names are good but these cows always have insane names BEAST MODE Risk It For the Biscuit Next Generation WHO DA MAN Bulls Sired Hame semen Mane Arju/ WHO DA MAN 2004 I Da Man BMW Onset 10:41 AM · Apr 28, 2021 · Twitter Web App

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beast mode who da man risk it for the biscuit

it's here to finally kill me

it's here to finally kill me
it's here to finally kill me

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frog balloon frog balloon twitter menacing aura

the bad ending of a slushie


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slushies straw food drink

there could be a chameleon behind you right now

David Hughes @david8hughes [at the chameleon store] Me: do you have any chameleons? Clerk: I've no fcken idea
David Hughes @david8hughes [at the chameleon store] Me: do you have any chameleons? Clerk: I've no fcken idea

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chameleon pet shop

life hack

andrew chamings @AndrewChamings If you ride a segway naked on the freeway for long enough you get to be on tv
andrew chamings @AndrewChamings If you ride a segway naked on the freeway for long enough you get to be on tv

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funny tweet naked segway tv police chase wanted

but even Shrek found love in the end

twenty-kate-teen @katefeetie ME:I look cute MIRRORS: you look cute STORE WINDOWS: you look cute OTHER PEOPLE: you look cute IPHONE FORWARD-FACING CAMERA: what's up you Shrek-lookin bag of b ch
twenty-kate-teen @katefeetie ME:I look cute MIRRORS: you look cute STORE WINDOWS: you look cute OTHER PEOPLE: you look cute IPHONE FORWARD-FACING CAMERA: what's up you Shrek-lookin bag of b ch

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shrek reflection mirror self image ugly camera phone

you're fired. i know you weren't hired yet, but you're fired.

Troutman @robotrowboat Interviewer: Well that was interesting. What's your second best quality? Me: [getting out of chair] Persistence Interviewer: Please do not tickle me again >
Troutman @robotrowboat Interviewer: Well that was interesting. What's your second best quality? Me: [getting out of chair] Persistence Interviewer: Please do not tickle me again >

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job interview interviewer persistent best quality

not doing my best

Floyd @dafloydsta "Well, I did everything I could," I said, having given up quite easily.
Floyd @dafloydsta "Well, I did everything I could," I said, having given up quite easily.

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funny tweet trying giving up work hard

I'm unfamiliar with the concept

YourFavoriteAsian o @AsianTing Fellas, how do you feel when your girl apologizes to you? A Spike Lee Joint @lmNoRoleModel When she what?
YourFavoriteAsian o @AsianTing Fellas, how do you feel when your girl apologizes to you? A Spike Lee Joint @lmNoRoleModel When she what?

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girls women always right apologize apology

Freddie woke up and chose pure violence

Big @FreddieGibbs · 12h I don't tell grown men to shut up unless I plan on knocking they teeth out. Who's next? 181 2I 404 3.5K sir xandro lol @xandror2 · 12h i think its best for you to take a break from social media 2 27 2 308 @FreddieGibbs · 12h I think u should e---------. Who's next? Big 28 27 50 1.2K
Big @FreddieGibbs · 12h I don't tell grown men to shut up unless I plan on knocking they teeth out. Who's next? 181 2I 404 3.5K sir xandro lol @xandror2 · 12h i think its best for you to take a break from social media 2 27 2 308 @FreddieGibbs · 12h I think u should e---------. Who's next? Big 28 27 50 1.2K

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freddie gibbs

Missy Elliot is a national treasure

Kirk @KirkCodes · Apr 25 •.. Today we achieved the dream. Made a function called `missyElliott` that takes a data structure, flips it, and reverses it. I have ascended. O 378 L7 13.9K 115.8K Missy Elliott @MissyElliott · Apr 26 ... Wow I'm so humbly grateful much love to y'all O 31 17 428 12.5K Colin Hagan @scouse_us · 23h •.. Was it worth it? 1 618 Missy Elliott ... @MissyElliott Replying to @scouse_us and @KirkCodes Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup I
Kirk @KirkCodes · Apr 25 •.. Today we achieved the dream. Made a function called `missyElliott` that takes a data structure, flips it, and reverses it. I have ascended. O 378 L7 13.9K 115.8K Missy Elliott @MissyElliott · Apr 26 ... Wow I'm so humbly grateful much love to y'all O 31 17 428 12.5K Colin Hagan @scouse_us · 23h •.. Was it worth it? 1 618 Missy Elliott ... @MissyElliott Replying to @scouse_us and @KirkCodes Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup I

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missy elliott code programming

putting my career on the line for an extra 10 mins of sleep

@tallant *My morning routine* wake up late, yell F---, get ready in 6 minutes and then go 90 in a 45
@tallant *My morning routine* wake up late, yell F---, get ready in 6 minutes and then go 90 in a 45

Twitter / X
funny tweet morning routine late running late wake up late for work

is there a cure?

caleb hearon @calebsaysthings what is the name of the illness where your friends with real jobs start talking like grown ups overnight? saying s--- like "it's very good to hear you're well, always nice to catch up." I've seen you do cocaine off another person why are you microsoft outlook- ing me. 6:26 PM · 10/8/20 · Twitter for iPhone
caleb hearon @calebsaysthings what is the name of the illness where your friends with real jobs start talking like grown ups overnight? saying s--- like "it's very good to hear you're well, always nice to catch up." I've seen you do cocaine off another person why are you microsoft outlook- ing me. 6:26 PM · 10/8/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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funny tweet growing up grow old grown ups

hanging by a thread

Xaubrey @aubreybell oh boy ever spill a little bit of your coffee and realize the thread you are hanging on by is actually quite thin
Xaubrey @aubreybell oh boy ever spill a little bit of your coffee and realize the thread you are hanging on by is actually quite thin

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coffee minor inconvenience mental health breakdown

I sentence you to... therapy

Tweet Me in court: your honor i would like to plead guilty as well as request the death penalty Judge: this...is a parking ticket.. 6/24/17, 8:35 PM
Tweet Me in court: your honor i would like to plead guilty as well as request the death penalty Judge: this...is a parking ticket.. 6/24/17, 8:35 PM

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funny tweet judge court courthouse parking ticket guilty

oops! all carbs


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funny tweet cap'n crunch cereal pun exercise workout