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Dark Magics

Let Me get this straight. How exacbly do you want Me to Peel about that7 S0, now we need to go kill Evil JiM? Well.. I thinki technically, you're Evil JiM. You colluded With our Dungeon Master behind My back, Months ago, to create a Magical clone oP My character without My knowledge with the intention oP killing Me and starting over with the Appreciative...? clone? Correct WwW.Penny-Arcade.cOM © 2018 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

Let Me get this straight. How exacbly do you want Me to Peel about that7 S0, now we need to go kill Evil JiM? Well.. I thinki technically, you're Evil JiM. You colluded With our Dungeon Master behind My back, Months ago, to create a Magical clone oP My character without My knowledge with the intention oP killing Me and starting over with the Appreciative...? clone? Correct WwW.Penny-Arcade.cOM © 2018 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

NFL DLC

it's no secret that we're losing Marketshare to the youngs on the Twitcher. IP the NFL is going to Pend oPP the Overwatch League, we need to change the Meta Starting next season, Quarterbacks will be granted Pire spellS. And Wide receivers Will be iMbued With liMited Plight What? That's insane. Hey, now. Take it easy He Said it was liMited. www.penny-arcade.coㅆ 2018Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

it's no secret that we're losing Marketshare to the youngs on the Twitcher. IP the NFL is going to Pend oPP the Overwatch League, we need to change the Meta Starting next season, Quarterbacks will be granted Pire spellS. And Wide receivers Will be iMbued With liMited Plight What? That's insane. Hey, now. Take it easy He Said it was liMited. www.penny-arcade.coㅆ 2018Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

Owls

How in the hell does Seattle not have a team in the Overwatch League? You can't throw a rock in this ciby without hitting a nerd. Oh My God. He's dead. He's Puching dead. Breath oP the Wild Shirt. And look at the blood pooling around that Nintendo sWitch I'm just saying, I was right. I Mean, watch this. Okay, yeah. But. Look! www.penny-arcade.coㅆ O 2018Mike rahulik&Jerry Holkins

How in the hell does Seattle not have a team in the Overwatch League? You can't throw a rock in this ciby without hitting a nerd. Oh My God. He's dead. He's Puching dead. Breath oP the Wild Shirt. And look at the blood pooling around that Nintendo sWitch I'm just saying, I was right. I Mean, watch this. Okay, yeah. But. Look! www.penny-arcade.coㅆ O 2018Mike rahulik&Jerry Holkins

Win Condition

A hundred siblings return to their sprawling childhood home. Now Paladins is doing a Battle Royale thing? IM trying to Pigure out iP that Means it's over now, or iP it's just beginning. It's not jost Paladine. Even Gone Home is getting into this s---. The Pirst one to realize they're gay Wins What? How. What? www.penny-arcade.coㅆ 2O18Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

A hundred siblings return to their sprawling childhood home. Now Paladins is doing a Battle Royale thing? IM trying to Pigure out iP that Means it's over now, or iP it's just beginning. It's not jost Paladine. Even Gone Home is getting into this s---. The Pirst one to realize they're gay Wins What? How. What? www.penny-arcade.coㅆ 2O18Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

Skiffers

I think out of the That's because whole Star Wars PandoM, it's degenerate, Chewbabba shipperspervert bollshit. Retorn op the Jedi all but conpirMs it! have it the hardest. The passionate, eternal bond between Jabba the Hutt, notorious criMe lord, and Chewbacca, the MaSsive wookie Puck-rug is a story Por our tiMes. It was only Chewie's liPe debt to Han Solo that kept hiM away. Obviously, Kylo Ren did our comwonity a huge Pavor in Force Awakens Once Chewbacca puts a bow on this Rey S---? Twin suns Means twin Pun. 23/7 PuckPest. Wait, isn't Jabba dead? God. You sound s0 duMb right now. www.penny-arcade.coㅆ 2013Mike Krahulik &Jderry Holkins

I think out of the That's because whole Star Wars PandoM, it's degenerate, Chewbabba shipperspervert bollshit. Retorn op the Jedi all but conpirMs it! have it the hardest. The passionate, eternal bond between Jabba the Hutt, notorious criMe lord, and Chewbacca, the MaSsive wookie Puck-rug is a story Por our tiMes. It was only Chewie's liPe debt to Han Solo that kept hiM away. Obviously, Kylo Ren did our comwonity a huge Pavor in Force Awakens Once Chewbacca puts a bow on this Rey S---? Twin suns Means twin Pun. 23/7 PuckPest. Wait, isn't Jabba dead? God. You sound s0 duMb right now. www.penny-arcade.coㅆ 2013Mike Krahulik &Jderry Holkins

Best Value

You accidentally bought a hundred and PiPty dollars worth oP V-BuckS in Fortnite? You accidentally pressed the button three separate times in three very specific locations, and then accidentally spent all the currency you bought Well, I do know, because you live in a digitally ePorced police state. I get a Mail and a text every time you look at the Xbox Wow. Alright, I'M still super Mad. Obviously, remeMber that part. But that i a cool-ass hat. What are you spending that kind oP Money on? I Might have! I don't know. www.penny-arcade.coㅆ © 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

You accidentally bought a hundred and PiPty dollars worth oP V-BuckS in Fortnite? You accidentally pressed the button three separate times in three very specific locations, and then accidentally spent all the currency you bought Well, I do know, because you live in a digitally ePorced police state. I get a Mail and a text every time you look at the Xbox Wow. Alright, I'M still super Mad. Obviously, remeMber that part. But that i a cool-ass hat. What are you spending that kind oP Money on? I Might have! I don't know. www.penny-arcade.coㅆ © 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

On The Worst Day of Christmas, Part Two

There is a Christmas Magic, but it is ancient, and alien, and it Means US harM. My Pirst brush with it was during My time at OxPord. I came upon certain etchings depicting a man, or something which had stolen a Man's shape, draped in volgar robes. Beneath his cap was a knot oP bwisted holly, and each red berry blinked in unison. He is said to Serve a creature Who we cannot describe, because it devoured the words we need to do s0 From an evil Star, its proboscides unPorl into every hoMe at once, drinking deep The tree, the cookie, the giPt; these are our only protection xR www.penny-arcade.coM 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

There is a Christmas Magic, but it is ancient, and alien, and it Means US harM. My Pirst brush with it was during My time at OxPord. I came upon certain etchings depicting a man, or something which had stolen a Man's shape, draped in volgar robes. Beneath his cap was a knot oP bwisted holly, and each red berry blinked in unison. He is said to Serve a creature Who we cannot describe, because it devoured the words we need to do s0 From an evil Star, its proboscides unPorl into every hoMe at once, drinking deep The tree, the cookie, the giPt; these are our only protection xR www.penny-arcade.coM 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

on the worst day of christmas part two

On The Worst Day of Christmas, Part One

I think this Might be the last year Por Santa at My house. Ronia's become sophisticated. There's two Scenarios here. I can coMe clean about the Whole thing, Which Makes Me coMplicit, or I can Pashion an even More proPound lie ProM the Marrow oP this one Yes, Ronia. There is no Santa Claus. I Should have known her ravenous, inherited intellect Would Shred this ruse like S0 Much holiday wrapping paper. Yes. A kind oP ritual puzzle she can spend her liPe unraveling. There is something inPinitely More vast and terriPying. 2) www.penny-arcade.coM 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

I think this Might be the last year Por Santa at My house. Ronia's become sophisticated. There's two Scenarios here. I can coMe clean about the Whole thing, Which Makes Me coMplicit, or I can Pashion an even More proPound lie ProM the Marrow oP this one Yes, Ronia. There is no Santa Claus. I Should have known her ravenous, inherited intellect Would Shred this ruse like S0 Much holiday wrapping paper. Yes. A kind oP ritual puzzle she can spend her liPe unraveling. There is something inPinitely More vast and terriPying. 2) www.penny-arcade.coM 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

on the worst day of christmas part one

Two Thousand And Late

I heard you and Kiko were playing The Division again, and I decided to get back into it. S0, all this is to say, we should play together! It's been a couple years, but I'M on the Xbox just like you Oh. Well I've heard that a lot oP Massively Moltiplayer tactical Shooters are best played coMpletely alone. guys, s0. I'M COMing at it proM a more dad place now, I think. I got a pair oP brown Dockers as loot, and I was genuinely excited. I've never heard that. We play on PC now. Well, it's out there www.penny-arcade.coM 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

I heard you and Kiko were playing The Division again, and I decided to get back into it. S0, all this is to say, we should play together! It's been a couple years, but I'M on the Xbox just like you Oh. Well I've heard that a lot oP Massively Moltiplayer tactical Shooters are best played coMpletely alone. guys, s0. I'M COMing at it proM a more dad place now, I think. I got a pair oP brown Dockers as loot, and I was genuinely excited. I've never heard that. We play on PC now. Well, it's out there www.penny-arcade.coM 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

two thousand and late

Shivering In The Jeweled Dark

APter the Fox deal, you know, people wanted to know Where we were looking Por our next acquisition Well, we're proud to announce that we've purchased your star - the Earth Sun But I can tell you that out there, in the boundless dark, they hunger. But Who did Oh, I dare you buy the sunnot speak their naMe ProM Next question www.penny-arcade.coM © 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

APter the Fox deal, you know, people wanted to know Where we were looking Por our next acquisition Well, we're proud to announce that we've purchased your star - the Earth Sun But I can tell you that out there, in the boundless dark, they hunger. But Who did Oh, I dare you buy the sunnot speak their naMe ProM Next question www.penny-arcade.coM © 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

shivering in the jeweled dark

Aspirational Truths

I was on the prowl Por Star Wars spoilers, because not knowing was burning a hole in My chest. But I don't buy any oP these. These aren't real spoilers! It's like... The MilleniUM Falcon is not The Last Jedi." And I don't think Finn is Chewbacca because they have scenes bogether. I don't think Rey is Luke's Pather. Itjust... it seeMs unlikely aee Dee! Stop spoiling S---! But what ip it was...! www.penny-arcade.coㅆ © 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

I was on the prowl Por Star Wars spoilers, because not knowing was burning a hole in My chest. But I don't buy any oP these. These aren't real spoilers! It's like... The MilleniUM Falcon is not The Last Jedi." And I don't think Finn is Chewbacca because they have scenes bogether. I don't think Rey is Luke's Pather. Itjust... it seeMs unlikely aee Dee! Stop spoiling S---! But what ip it was...! www.penny-arcade.coㅆ © 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

aspirational truths

Drumroll

And the award Por Best GeofP Keighley goes to.... Mister keighley, everyone's gone hoMe. It's tiMe to close up. AWARDS Cuphead Just Pive More Minutes. © 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins www.penny-arcade.coㅆ

And the award Por Best GeofP Keighley goes to.... Mister keighley, everyone's gone hoMe. It's tiMe to close up. AWARDS Cuphead Just Pive More Minutes. © 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins www.penny-arcade.coㅆ

Form Arms And Torso

I know that Star Wars coMes out the night oP the Child's Play Charity Dinner, and.. that you Might be Peeling a litble conPlicted I ant to reMind you that this is an auction to help Sick children and you can just as easily have your "special dedi times" on Friday. do I hear more「 You alone up there? QI wouldn't do that to you www.penny-arcade.coㅆ 2017 Mike Krahulik & derry Holkins

I know that Star Wars coMes out the night oP the Child's Play Charity Dinner, and.. that you Might be Peeling a litble conPlicted I ant to reMind you that this is an auction to help Sick children and you can just as easily have your "special dedi times" on Friday. do I hear more「 You alone up there? QI wouldn't do that to you www.penny-arcade.coㅆ 2017 Mike Krahulik & derry Holkins

form arms and torso

Weaponized

I haven't played Xenoblade at all. S0, your weapons are people? I jüst got a new one actually, I'M gonna bond with it and see What it is. Evoogh! Bleph! It Might be a lion Man, WHAT'S WRONG They become people. Or, soMething like a person. To get good with a weapon, MoU have to becoMe best Priends with theM DON'T YOU LOVE ME or a super cool robot lady, you never knoW! No, no! It's just that you're so... hairy and wet. ZL www.penny-arcaae.COM 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

I haven't played Xenoblade at all. S0, your weapons are people? I jüst got a new one actually, I'M gonna bond with it and see What it is. Evoogh! Bleph! It Might be a lion Man, WHAT'S WRONG They become people. Or, soMething like a person. To get good with a weapon, MoU have to becoMe best Priends with theM DON'T YOU LOVE ME or a super cool robot lady, you never knoW! No, no! It's just that you're so... hairy and wet. ZL www.penny-arcaae.COM 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

Happy Holidays

It was like a Mean It's just... I Peel like it's a big present. And it's a dog barking up out oP a hole. What does your son want Por ChristmaS? -big deal! My kid wants the Google Pixel, but he didn't say iP he wanted the 2 or the 1. S0 now I'M like, you know... Which one is it?! I said, "Jesus doesn't know about this place. And there's no chimney on there. S0 Santa can't get in." He wants Mmore tiMe out oP the cage. And I laughed. But it wasn't really my laugh: it was the Devil's laugh www.penny-arcaae.CoM © 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

It was like a Mean It's just... I Peel like it's a big present. And it's a dog barking up out oP a hole. What does your son want Por ChristmaS? -big deal! My kid wants the Google Pixel, but he didn't say iP he wanted the 2 or the 1. S0 now I'M like, you know... Which one is it?! I said, "Jesus doesn't know about this place. And there's no chimney on there. S0 Santa can't get in." He wants Mmore tiMe out oP the cage. And I laughed. But it wasn't really my laugh: it was the Devil's laugh www.penny-arcaae.CoM © 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

Retrofuturism

The game came out six God damn years ago. You are the last creature on Gaia's weathered Pace to know What a Dragon Shout is. On, Man. Do you know about these Dragon Shouts in ShyriM? This guy just said he took an Arrow To The Knee. Whoa! F--- you That's ProM Skyrim? That Pucking dog knows about this s---. www.penny-arcade.coM 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

The game came out six God damn years ago. You are the last creature on Gaia's weathered Pace to know What a Dragon Shout is. On, Man. Do you know about these Dragon Shouts in ShyriM? This guy just said he took an Arrow To The Knee. Whoa! F--- you That's ProM Skyrim? That Pucking dog knows about this s---. www.penny-arcade.coM 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

“There’s no greater indicator of quality than polygon not liking something.”

Hey, did you check out The Punisher? It got tore up over at Polygon. It's like the reverse oP the Nintendo Seal of Approval. They said Subway's Chicken Bacon Ranch was "bone deap, given the current political climate." There's no greater indicator OP quality than Polygon not liking something. On, S---! We should probably start watching it right now, then. And, look. That's a great sandwich. www.penny-arcade.coㅆ 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

Hey, did you check out The Punisher? It got tore up over at Polygon. It's like the reverse oP the Nintendo Seal of Approval. They said Subway's Chicken Bacon Ranch was "bone deap, given the current political climate." There's no greater indicator OP quality than Polygon not liking something. On, S---! We should probably start watching it right now, then. And, look. That's a great sandwich. www.penny-arcade.coㅆ 2017 Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins

penny arcade polygon impetus comic the punisher

You haven't moved an inch since I left! What the hell have you been doing? I've had time to harness my latent pscyhic ability I'm waiting for this Sin level to load Really? I also knit you this sweater

You haven't moved an inch since I left! What the hell have you been doing? I've had time to harness my latent pscyhic ability I'm waiting for this Sin level to load Really? I also knit you this sweater

I know that we typically liMit Nathaniel to Porby-Pive Minotes oP screen time per dajy. Thank you 50 Much Por inviting us over. What other tools Por creativity and learning do you arbitrarily liMit? Do you have a hard rule on "paper tiMe"? www.penny-arcaae.COM O2014 Mike Krahulik & derry Holkins

I know that we typically liMit Nathaniel to Porby-Pive Minotes oP screen time per dajy. Thank you 50 Much Por inviting us over. What other tools Por creativity and learning do you arbitrarily liMit? Do you have a hard rule on "paper tiMe"? www.penny-arcaae.COM O2014 Mike Krahulik & derry Holkins

Penny Arcade Report Shutting Down

Jason Evangelho @killyourfm y Follow Remember that time @BenKuchera told @Erikkain that writing bad articles should hurt your career. Well, Penny Arcade Report is shutting down. Reply t Retweet ★Favorite More RETWEETS FAVORITES 1:24 PM-12 Dec 13

Jason Evangelho @killyourfm y Follow Remember that time @BenKuchera told @Erikkain that writing bad articles should hurt your career. Well, Penny Arcade Report is shutting down. Reply t Retweet ★Favorite More RETWEETS FAVORITES 1:24 PM-12 Dec 13

video games twitter series comics post penny arcade tweet announcement shutdown penny arcade report shutting down jason evangelho