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Oh, totally

A man walked by me and loudly said, "oh god more f Taylor swift merch" I looked up and said, "says a cowboys fan, at least my team wins"

A man walked by me and loudly said, "oh god more f Taylor swift merch" I looked up and said, "says a cowboys fan, at least my team wins"

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That's all it takes for free food?

Went to Wholefoods with my wife. I had on a t-shirt that said "Unionize Today!" Guy at the checkout said "nice shirt." $150 of food rang up to about $26. I said "Did you get.." He cut me off. "I got everything, brother. You're good to go." 6:14 PM 02 Apr 22 Twitter for iPhone

Went to Wholefoods with my wife. I had on a t-shirt that said "Unionize Today!" Guy at the checkout said "nice shirt." $150 of food rang up to about $26. I said "Did you get.." He cut me off. "I got everything, brother. You're good to go." 6:14 PM 02 Apr 22 Twitter for iPhone

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He isn't lying, guys

I'm speeding and a cop pulls me over. I keep the stereo blasting. He walks up and goes "woah I luv Lil Tjay" and starts mouthing the words to "Calling my Phone" and he's like an old guy but he's got the moves. Then he says "Bro, you all right, don't speed and stay cool" and he pulls out his wallet and hands me a 20!! I ain't lying. He lets me go, this was the coolest po po on earth!!! I'm gunna keep speeding in his area know wut I mean!!! Like Comment Share

I'm speeding and a cop pulls me over. I keep the stereo blasting. He walks up and goes "woah I luv Lil Tjay" and starts mouthing the words to "Calling my Phone" and he's like an old guy but he's got the moves. Then he says "Bro, you all right, don't speed and stay cool" and he pulls out his wallet and hands me a 20!! I ain't lying. He lets me go, this was the coolest po po on earth!!! I'm gunna keep speeding in his area know wut I mean!!! Like Comment Share

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Then everyone brought their flags out

Follow New neighbor across street walked over and introduced herself. Nice chat 3 kids, moved from CA, for hubby's work. Then she asked me if there were many neighbors like the one to the left of me. I'm like you mean multiracial couples? She said oh no, no one's who fly the American flag. I said yes there are we just haven't put ours out yet. She replied is there not a covenants against it? No, there's not why?, I replied. It's offensive she said. I replied well you have choices, you can just overlook it and enjoy the neighborhood which is great for kids, etc. or you could move back to CA, have a nice night. WTH? 20:45.16 Apr 24 60.8K Views 348 Reposts 27 Quotes 2,272 Likes

Follow New neighbor across street walked over and introduced herself. Nice chat 3 kids, moved from CA, for hubby's work. Then she asked me if there were many neighbors like the one to the left of me. I'm like you mean multiracial couples? She said oh no, no one's who fly the American flag. I said yes there are we just haven't put ours out yet. She replied is there not a covenants against it? No, there's not why?, I replied. It's offensive she said. I replied well you have choices, you can just overlook it and enjoy the neighborhood which is great for kids, etc. or you could move back to CA, have a nice night. WTH? 20:45.16 Apr 24 60.8K Views 348 Reposts 27 Quotes 2,272 Likes

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That child didn't say that

My 5 year old son had his first T-ball practice tonight...he came home and said this... "Mom, I have a really big game on Saturday and I need to be brave, strong, confident, (is that how you say that word, Mom?) peaceful, and calm if things don't go my teams way." I wasn't prepared for what happened next 1746 253

My 5 year old son had his first T-ball practice tonight...he came home and said this... "Mom, I have a really big game on Saturday and I need to be brave, strong, confident, (is that how you say that word, Mom?) peaceful, and calm if things don't go my teams way." I wasn't prepared for what happened next 1746 253

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It's okay to stalk if you're hot

I had the opposite experience actually. I would wake up early and go to Duncan doughnuts everyday and honestly I wanted the coffee but it did turn out the girls working there were also very attractive. I would just get my coffee say hello and leave. One day I went there and the girl working there said....i want to tell you something. I said go ahead. She said the other day when you left..... I followed you home and I feel weird about it. I said really? She told me my address. I said well honest I am fine with it. If you want to come over just knock on the door. Ha ha so I was happy to be stalked by an attractive young woman. She also isn't the first young woman to stalk me. My women stalkers have been hot so I was ok with it. Reply -12

I had the opposite experience actually. I would wake up early and go to Duncan doughnuts everyday and honestly I wanted the coffee but it did turn out the girls working there were also very attractive. I would just get my coffee say hello and leave. One day I went there and the girl working there said....i want to tell you something. I said go ahead. She said the other day when you left..... I followed you home and I feel weird about it. I said really? She told me my address. I said well honest I am fine with it. If you want to come over just knock on the door. Ha ha so I was happy to be stalked by an attractive young woman. She also isn't the first young woman to stalk me. My women stalkers have been hot so I was ok with it. Reply -12

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Why go to a doctor when you can Google it?

Follow Numbers don't lie...... My husband & his Doctor: Doc: Your TSH is 4.7...It's time to go on a Thyroid Med, I'd like you to take Synthroid. Husband: My wife healed her Hypothyroid, I'd like to go that route 1st, & not take Synthroid. Doc: Is your wife Googling stuff again? Go ahead but it won't work. You'll need to come back in & start on Synthroid. Blood tests are 12 months apart. TSH is now 1.9 Yes Doc, I'm still "Googling stuff" which I call "deep diving into research" & "root cause healing". My Hypothyroid Protocol works again! No Synthroid for my dear Husband.

Follow Numbers don't lie...... My husband & his Doctor: Doc: Your TSH is 4.7...It's time to go on a Thyroid Med, I'd like you to take Synthroid. Husband: My wife healed her Hypothyroid, I'd like to go that route 1st, & not take Synthroid. Doc: Is your wife Googling stuff again? Go ahead but it won't work. You'll need to come back in & start on Synthroid. Blood tests are 12 months apart. TSH is now 1.9 Yes Doc, I'm still "Googling stuff" which I call "deep diving into research" & "root cause healing". My Hypothyroid Protocol works again! No Synthroid for my dear Husband.

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This just didn't happen

thobral Meet a girl at Starbucks (8.75/10) Rizz her up (obviously) Take her out for drinks that night She comes home with me (obviously) Next morning she tells me... "I have a boyfriend" Follow She tells him it's over She looks at me for approval "Now we can be together" I tell her to get the f*ck out of my house I can't be with a disloyal girl 3:38 pm 28 Jan 2024 172.4K Views Sounds like his problem 57 Reposts 16 Quotes 1,123 Likes Tell her she has to send him a pic of us if she ever wants to see me again She complies (obviously) Boyfriend blowing her phone up 354 Bookmarks 27 354 88

thobral Meet a girl at Starbucks (8.75/10) Rizz her up (obviously) Take her out for drinks that night She comes home with me (obviously) Next morning she tells me... "I have a boyfriend" Follow She tells him it's over She looks at me for approval "Now we can be together" I tell her to get the f*ck out of my house I can't be with a disloyal girl 3:38 pm 28 Jan 2024 172.4K Views Sounds like his problem 57 Reposts 16 Quotes 1,123 Likes Tell her she has to send him a pic of us if she ever wants to see me again She complies (obviously) Boyfriend blowing her phone up 354 Bookmarks 27 354 88

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Pure-blood?

Follow SIMILAR EXPERIENCE. In late 2022 I had to have a small elective surgery. I didn't tell them I was a pure blood. They Doc told me "not to worry about if I got an abnormal electrocardiogram because everyone has it..." mine was totally normal without a single glitch. The Doc was surprised! I told her I didn't get the vaxx and her whole face changed. My heart is high-functioning because ZERO mRNA in my system.

Follow SIMILAR EXPERIENCE. In late 2022 I had to have a small elective surgery. I didn't tell them I was a pure blood. They Doc told me "not to worry about if I got an abnormal electrocardiogram because everyone has it..." mine was totally normal without a single glitch. The Doc was surprised! I told her I didn't get the vaxx and her whole face changed. My heart is high-functioning because ZERO mRNA in my system.

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What's that even mean

Follow Just saw a man wearing a whole suit. Nice watch, hair, shoes, looked sharp. I would guess he's an executive or a business owner. Except he was standing at a bus stop. I realized he's prob got a job interview. So I stopped and asked him if he wanted a ride. He said "Nope, my story needs to have this part". My entire perspective today is changed. 16:27.10 Apr 24 from LIK Views 49 Reposts 36 Quotes 1,455 Likes

Follow Just saw a man wearing a whole suit. Nice watch, hair, shoes, looked sharp. I would guess he's an executive or a business owner. Except he was standing at a bus stop. I realized he's prob got a job interview. So I stopped and asked him if he wanted a ride. He said "Nope, my story needs to have this part". My entire perspective today is changed. 16:27.10 Apr 24 from LIK Views 49 Reposts 36 Quotes 1,455 Likes

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Not to brag, or anything

Thinking about the random woman that came up to me on the street today and proceeded to shower me with a 5 minute (!!) monologue about how I'm so incredibly beautiful, it not only blinded her but also made her incredibly happy and how my smile made her day and how she now has to pass by here more often only for the small chance of seeing my beauty again, etc. Lemme tell you I nearly cried. I think this might be my new Roman Empire.

Thinking about the random woman that came up to me on the street today and proceeded to shower me with a 5 minute (!!) monologue about how I'm so incredibly beautiful, it not only blinded her but also made her incredibly happy and how my smile made her day and how she now has to pass by here more often only for the small chance of seeing my beauty again, etc. Lemme tell you I nearly cried. I think this might be my new Roman Empire.

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She's just so amazing

Kenz > I saw my ex's family last night. His parents hugged me and said "I'm sorry for any pain our son has caused you. He's a dumb You are the best thing that ever walked into his life. When he realizes it, it's gonna be too late." Woah Elle no one said this to you

Kenz > I saw my ex's family last night. His parents hugged me and said "I'm sorry for any pain our son has caused you. He's a dumb You are the best thing that ever walked into his life. When he realizes it, it's gonna be too late." Woah Elle no one said this to you

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How do you accidentally post, and caption a new profile picture?

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This TOTALLY happened

My two boys arguing with eachother while playing Minecraft on their computers. 11y/o to 5y/o: "Why did you do that! You're a soy boy" 5y/o to 11y/o: "Oh yeah? Well you eat seed oils" 11y/o: "I don't eat seed oils ever. I'm primal. You're sub-primal" 5y/o: "I'm primal too. But you probably went and got vaccinated without telling us cause you ACT vaccinated" 11y/o: "HA! Yeah right. I'd never do that. I'm not retarded like you are. You act BOOSTED!" 5y/o: "YEAH RIGHT (getting louder) YOU PROBABLY DRINK OAT MILK!" 11y/o: "Oat milk is for soy boys like you. It's full of sugar and seed oils. I only drink raw milk. Mama got some new raw milk actually. Want a glass?" 5y/o: "yeah. Put it in a silicone cup. Thanks" ::They go back to slaying zombies in Minecraft::

My two boys arguing with eachother while playing Minecraft on their computers. 11y/o to 5y/o: "Why did you do that! You're a soy boy" 5y/o to 11y/o: "Oh yeah? Well you eat seed oils" 11y/o: "I don't eat seed oils ever. I'm primal. You're sub-primal" 5y/o: "I'm primal too. But you probably went and got vaccinated without telling us cause you ACT vaccinated" 11y/o: "HA! Yeah right. I'd never do that. I'm not retarded like you are. You act BOOSTED!" 5y/o: "YEAH RIGHT (getting louder) YOU PROBABLY DRINK OAT MILK!" 11y/o: "Oat milk is for soy boys like you. It's full of sugar and seed oils. I only drink raw milk. Mama got some new raw milk actually. Want a glass?" 5y/o: "yeah. Put it in a silicone cup. Thanks" ::They go back to slaying zombies in Minecraft::

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Like a medical celebrity or something

Reels A weird experience I've had was when I was at a doctors appointment and a student burst in and went "you have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome?! I've only read about you all in textbooks and I never thought I'd get to see one in person!!!" Which was followed by five seconds of awkward silence because what do you say to that uns Follow 30.2K Q 208

Reels A weird experience I've had was when I was at a doctors appointment and a student burst in and went "you have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome?! I've only read about you all in textbooks and I never thought I'd get to see one in person!!!" Which was followed by five seconds of awkward silence because what do you say to that uns Follow 30.2K Q 208

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What a quirky boss

S.LIZ @slizagna Follow my boss has interrupted our meetings multiple times because she has to go outside to feed the ravens. she always comes back five minutes later with some ominous like "you need to befriend them or they'll turn against you." like ok get it girl. cawcaw. build that bird army.

S.LIZ @slizagna Follow my boss has interrupted our meetings multiple times because she has to go outside to feed the ravens. she always comes back five minutes later with some ominous like "you need to befriend them or they'll turn against you." like ok get it girl. cawcaw. build that bird army.

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