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Breakfast in Bed from a 2-Year-Old

Woke up this morning to find Grey in the kitchen making us breakfast. He's only 2 but he made eggs, French toast and waffles by himself. When he saw me, he said "Mom! I was gonna bring you breakfast in bed, get back in bed! You're the best mom ever and I just wanted to do something nice for you" So I went back to bed and he brought me a tray of the best food I've ever eaten.
Woke up this morning to find Grey in the kitchen making us breakfast. He's only 2 but he made eggs, French toast and waffles by himself. When he saw me, he said "Mom! I was gonna bring you breakfast in bed, get back in bed! You're the best mom ever and I just wanted to do something nice for you" So I went back to bed and he brought me a tray of the best food I've ever eaten.

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The Lion Whisperer

Tweet Remember years ago on a safari with my fam, a lion tried to attack us and I got out of the jeep on all fours and growled at it in defence and it ran away to this day my mom calls me the lion whisperer 23/11/2018, 01:25 1 Retweet 15 Likes
Tweet Remember years ago on a safari with my fam, a lion tried to attack us and I got out of the jeep on all fours and growled at it in defence and it ran away to this day my mom calls me the lion whisperer 23/11/2018, 01:25 1 Retweet 15 Likes

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Threatening a Ranger

15 hours ago Fishing license OO yea a few states here have that but none enforce it. Had a man ask my grandpa when I was a kid If he had a fishing license & my grandpa pointed at his smith & Wesson on his hip. The ranger said "you all stay safe" & walked off. UCTV
15 hours ago Fishing license OO yea a few states here have that but none enforce it. Had a man ask my grandpa when I was a kid If he had a fishing license & my grandpa pointed at his smith & Wesson on his hip. The ranger said "you all stay safe" & walked off. UCTV

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I Can Guarantee No One Was Staring

Everyone's staring at the only white guy in here ~using chopsticks properly- O DIN DING DUMPLING HOUSE UNION CITY
Everyone's staring at the only white guy in here ~using chopsticks properly- O DIN DING DUMPLING HOUSE UNION CITY

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I Feel Personally Attacked

12:50 M ... facebook See All 2 Just now • Today at the grocery store walking around pushing my cart that just had steak, chicken, and turkey in it this random guy walks up to me. Random guy: "you're doing pretty good so far but I know you're going to go get pop tarts like the rest of us." Me: “haha, nah I'm not. There's a reason I look like me and not like you." Random guy: blank stare, walks away in silence. Hey man I can't help the truth hurts some times Like ל] Comment N Send
12:50 M ... facebook See All 2 Just now • Today at the grocery store walking around pushing my cart that just had steak, chicken, and turkey in it this random guy walks up to me. Random guy: "you're doing pretty good so far but I know you're going to go get pop tarts like the rest of us." Me: “haha, nah I'm not. There's a reason I look like me and not like you." Random guy: blank stare, walks away in silence. Hey man I can't help the truth hurts some times Like ל] Comment N Send

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Poor Little Girl

Say goodbye, say i love you, never end a conversation with a fight. where is this coming from? Read 9:20 AM I was just in starbucks and saw a little girl crying. She was cute. She had her hair braided and was wearing cute boots. I asked her if she wanted a drink. She ordered a vanilla bean frappe and her tears slowed but didn't stop. I asked why she was crying. She explained to me that her and her father got into a fight that morning because she wouldn't wake up for school and was going to be late. Before he left he said "I love you Lily" and she screamed back "I hate you". Well when he drove away that morning and pulled out of the driveway the last words she said to him were I hate you. He was on sunrise highway and got hit by a drugged driver and died. And that morning was the last time she saw her father.
Say goodbye, say i love you, never end a conversation with a fight. where is this coming from? Read 9:20 AM I was just in starbucks and saw a little girl crying. She was cute. She had her hair braided and was wearing cute boots. I asked her if she wanted a drink. She ordered a vanilla bean frappe and her tears slowed but didn't stop. I asked why she was crying. She explained to me that her and her father got into a fight that morning because she wouldn't wake up for school and was going to be late. Before he left he said "I love you Lily" and she screamed back "I hate you". Well when he drove away that morning and pulled out of the driveway the last words she said to him were I hate you. He was on sunrise highway and got hit by a drugged driver and died. And that morning was the last time she saw her father.

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Fabric Softener

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

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A Fedora With Arms Wrote This

So there's a chick in my class I like; unfrotunately im quiet, calculated and intelligent and she likes big dumb jocks. So anyway one day me and her boyfriend are walking among a group of our fellow students when a gang banger appears and threatens with a gun. Her 'big and though' boyfriend instantly freezes and loses the ability to speak. I on the other hand squint my eyes and step forward pulling my katana for judo practise out in one fell swoop. "Go ahead" I say. "The gun is only 400 years old while the sword is the child of many millenia. Do you fancy the odds?" Instantly the gang- banger drops his weapon and runs. My other classmates cheer while her jock boyfriend pretends the whole thing was funny. She looks at me and sees what she didnt see before. She thanks me with a kiss, but I dont smile because i was only doing my duty. Safe to say she saw who a real man was that day. I may be quiet and collected, but raise a weapon against me and youll face your worst nightmare.
So there's a chick in my class I like; unfrotunately im quiet, calculated and intelligent and she likes big dumb jocks. So anyway one day me and her boyfriend are walking among a group of our fellow students when a gang banger appears and threatens with a gun. Her 'big and though' boyfriend instantly freezes and loses the ability to speak. I on the other hand squint my eyes and step forward pulling my katana for judo practise out in one fell swoop. "Go ahead" I say. "The gun is only 400 years old while the sword is the child of many millenia. Do you fancy the odds?" Instantly the gang- banger drops his weapon and runs. My other classmates cheer while her jock boyfriend pretends the whole thing was funny. She looks at me and sees what she didnt see before. She thanks me with a kiss, but I dont smile because i was only doing my duty. Safe to say she saw who a real man was that day. I may be quiet and collected, but raise a weapon against me and youll face your worst nightmare.

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No Damage, You Say?

vor 11 Stunden when i was 6 i was playing under a car and my head got stuck under the tire, they drove over my head . no damage that i know of. 史
vor 11 Stunden when i was 6 i was playing under a car and my head got stuck under the tire, they drove over my head . no damage that i know of. 史

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Must Be Some Fast Glue


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Sure She Did

10:23 ll LTE Jason's Post un 3 . Yesterday I pulled the last 5 boxes of 9mm ammo off the shelf at Scheel's. To my right, a little old lady no more than 4 foot 9 wearing a babushka scarf on her head gave me a stink eye that would have made Cyclops of the X- Men proud. I started to walk away...and she gave that little Grandma cough. You know the one. I sheepishly ..... looked back....smiled at her, and slid two of the boxes back on the shelf. She smiled at me...and said "Good Boy" in a heavy Eastern European accent, scooped up the two boxes, and walked away. It was quite a surreal moment. O Like Comment Share
10:23 ll LTE Jason's Post un 3 . Yesterday I pulled the last 5 boxes of 9mm ammo off the shelf at Scheel's. To my right, a little old lady no more than 4 foot 9 wearing a babushka scarf on her head gave me a stink eye that would have made Cyclops of the X- Men proud. I started to walk away...and she gave that little Grandma cough. You know the one. I sheepishly ..... looked back....smiled at her, and slid two of the boxes back on the shelf. She smiled at me...and said "Good Boy" in a heavy Eastern European accent, scooped up the two boxes, and walked away. It was quite a surreal moment. O Like Comment Share

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Working at Walmart

SINGLE COMMENT THREAD VIEW ALL 24m Yesterday I walked past a Walmart and in the back by the loading bay was a forklift and a bunch of very disorganized, unstacked pallets. To my surprise the key was in the forklift. I got in and started re stacking all the pallets. As I was finishing and giving myself a pat on the back, an employee came out yelling saying I was stealing the forklift and the cops are coming. I looked at him and asked did you see me working here? Im just about to take a break and go home! Your welcome! I was escorted inside and after an hour the police said I could go and were actually impressed by my stacking skills. I showed them my forklift license from my real job and they were more impressed! The walmart folks said I was never to touch the forklift again, but also offered me a job. No thanks GReply t 3 Add a comment
SINGLE COMMENT THREAD VIEW ALL 24m Yesterday I walked past a Walmart and in the back by the loading bay was a forklift and a bunch of very disorganized, unstacked pallets. To my surprise the key was in the forklift. I got in and started re stacking all the pallets. As I was finishing and giving myself a pat on the back, an employee came out yelling saying I was stealing the forklift and the cops are coming. I looked at him and asked did you see me working here? Im just about to take a break and go home! Your welcome! I was escorted inside and after an hour the police said I could go and were actually impressed by my stacking skills. I showed them my forklift license from my real job and they were more impressed! The walmart folks said I was never to touch the forklift again, but also offered me a job. No thanks GReply t 3 Add a comment

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That's Basically a Hostage Situation

Imaooo one time in high school i snuck in my bf and my mom decided to be sick for 4 days and i could not sneak him back out so i had him hidden in my closet and had to feed him oreos.. for FOUR DAYS
Imaooo one time in high school i snuck in my bf and my mom decided to be sick for 4 days and i could not sneak him back out so i had him hidden in my closet and had to feed him oreos.. for FOUR DAYS

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Alternative Medicine

@ When I was like 4, I was epileptic and had a seizure. My grandpa and his brother took me to Mexico, cut open a goat, and put me inside of it. Never had a seizure again.
@ When I was like 4, I was epileptic and had a seizure. My grandpa and his brother took me to Mexico, cut open a goat, and put me inside of it. Never had a seizure again.

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No One Liked That

You should've seen the reaction in the restaurant and at my table when I ordered filet mignon raw. "Sir are you sure?" "Sir are you being serious?" "Sir do you want us to put some salt?" No just raw. Almost everyone at the table had some and they liked it. Baby steps.
You should've seen the reaction in the restaurant and at my table when I ordered filet mignon raw. "Sir are you sure?" "Sir are you being serious?" "Sir do you want us to put some salt?" No just raw. Almost everyone at the table had some and they liked it. Baby steps.

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What a Smart 3-Year-Old

8:25 * ☺ a 55% i 口: r/atheism Posted by u/r • 10h My wife told my three year old grandson that thunder is "the sound of angels bowling".. Before I had a chance to say otherwise my grandson states: "No it is not! It is hot air crashing into cold air." Needless to say, I am extremely proud of the little guy and his parents. | 金3.2k 246 S Share Award BEST COMMENTS
8:25 * ☺ a 55% i 口: r/atheism Posted by u/r • 10h My wife told my three year old grandson that thunder is "the sound of angels bowling".. Before I had a chance to say otherwise my grandson states: "No it is not! It is hot air crashing into cold air." Needless to say, I am extremely proud of the little guy and his parents. | 金3.2k 246 S Share Award BEST COMMENTS

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A Mother's Day Gift

ll TELUS ? 5:33 AM © 100% O Like Comment Share ... Was at the mall shopping and some random lady came up to me and handed me this and said "happy Mother's Day" and walked away O O e WOW PANDORA PANDORA and 85 others 3 Comments O Like Comment Share Suggestecd for You 9+ 9+
ll TELUS ? 5:33 AM © 100% O Like Comment Share ... Was at the mall shopping and some random lady came up to me and handed me this and said "happy Mother's Day" and walked away O O e WOW PANDORA PANDORA and 85 others 3 Comments O Like Comment Share Suggestecd for You 9+ 9+

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A Freddy Fazbear Video

In late 2014, there was an assembly going on at my elementary school. It was in the auditorium, and the light was off as we watched a boring safety film. I was sitting in the front row, had my phone, and decided to pull up this video by trying to connect to the auditorium video projector with a USB cable. As soon as I connected, the image popped up, and the music started, there was a loud "oh s---, run!" and Almost all of the kids got up and ran towards the doors, screaming and kicking. Amid the chaos, I escaped the teachers, and for a few months, everyone talked about how Freddy Fazbear had supposedly entered the school, and had sent us a warning over the projector.
In late 2014, there was an assembly going on at my elementary school. It was in the auditorium, and the light was off as we watched a boring safety film. I was sitting in the front row, had my phone, and decided to pull up this video by trying to connect to the auditorium video projector with a USB cable. As soon as I connected, the image popped up, and the music started, there was a loud "oh s---, run!" and Almost all of the kids got up and ran towards the doors, screaming and kicking. Amid the chaos, I escaped the teachers, and for a few months, everyone talked about how Freddy Fazbear had supposedly entered the school, and had sent us a warning over the projector.

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Stars and Stripes

7h · 3 · Manly men of Gab I like walking around in my stars and stripes shirt. Interesting how I get all these sneers from people and comments as people are walking away from me. Yah they can see that I got a gun show going on 24 7. I thought l'd take it up a notch by wearing my stars and stripes to the gym. I was hitting the punching bag and the chain broke. The bag flew against the wall and onto the floor. I got banned. So funny.
7h · 3 · Manly men of Gab I like walking around in my stars and stripes shirt. Interesting how I get all these sneers from people and comments as people are walking away from me. Yah they can see that I got a gun show going on 24 7. I thought l'd take it up a notch by wearing my stars and stripes to the gym. I was hitting the punching bag and the chain broke. The bag flew against the wall and onto the floor. I got banned. So funny.

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Not Opening a Cabinet for 2 Years

... I am in shock. Lived in this flat for 2 years and only just discovered TODAY it has a dishwasher. I thought it was a fake cupboard I've wasted days of my life washing up 10:56 AM · 5/5/21 · Twitter for Android 1,198 Retweets 422 Quote Tweets 27.7K Likes
... I am in shock. Lived in this flat for 2 years and only just discovered TODAY it has a dishwasher. I thought it was a fake cupboard I've wasted days of my life washing up 10:56 AM · 5/5/21 · Twitter for Android 1,198 Retweets 422 Quote Tweets 27.7K Likes

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