Frozen

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Created By BrentD15 • Updated 6 years ago

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Frozen

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-28

Frozen

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-27

Hans comes back so Anna can echo the sentiments of the audience. Wonent Wait, wait. I have an even better reference! Pierre Kirby, you can make any fight scene better! 川 Hmm. What a Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #027 useless guy. Hmm. What a useless guy. I rise, you fall. Momen E FALCON PU-- Yep, any fight scene!) 9

Frozen

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-26

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-25

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-24

Now the climax involves everything frosting over... Well f--- it! You know how bad movies sometimes remind of better ones that you'd rather be watching? This movie's instead reminding me of movies that make me even more glad I'm watching this! Duck. Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #024 And in the eye of the storm, people get frozen... solid... But then for some reason, they have to get through a video game quick time event. Okay, gotta jump. Your sister is dead... because of you! woment Wait. Didn't I already reference "The Day After Tomorrow"? Anna and Kristoff race to find each other.. Now move left. Crap! He fell in the lake! Mash X! Mash XI And because of that, she's going to feel the pain of losing her sister twice this day. Man, what an a------. This is they guy who should be about to take over Satan's job.

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-23

So Anna asks Hans to kiss her, which infamously leads to... Moment by m Why yes, Everyone. That's a d---. Olaf shows what it truly means to be your friend 'till the end. Love is... putting someone. else's needs before yours Just maybe not right this second. Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #023 Okay, I'm honestly at a loss when the comic relief is actually comical. There's your act of true love, right there, riding across. the fjords like a valiant, pungent reindeer king! What? Are you saying the Sami people stink? F--- you, Olaf! You sicken me! Oh, Anna.. If only there was someone out there who loved you. So while Hans is turning this movie into "Game of Thrones"... by Moment Of course! That's just like how I put other people's need to not see films I don't like ahead of my need for those films to not be made! Couldn't you spout an obnoxious catch phrase? Moment imirment Or act clumsy at random moments? Or say something that I can at least pretend is offensive? There. Now I feel better!

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-22

Queen Elsa! Don't be the monster they fear you are! This is a concern, because unlike Superman, not killing people isn't in her DNA. Perhaps Elsa can't be hurt by the ice she makes... Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #022 Oh, what a nightmare. I dreamed "That's My Boy" made more money than "Titanic". Hans asks her to stop the winter... Meanwhile, Kristoff races to get Anna to the castle. convinced? Well, then, let You think I'm joking? at it: "I guess for me and in t version of the script he just got zapped into the Phantom Zone - David and I but it and Chris and I talked long about it and it was like, 'I really think we shou I really think Superman should kill him. And the why of it was, for me, that if i stocy, his aversion to killing is unexplained. It's just in his DNA. Delt like we n something, just like him putting on the glasses or going to the Daily Planet things that you're sort of seeing for the first time that you realize will then be elt like, if we can find a way of making it impossible for him like Kobayashi M way out - I felt like that could also make you go, 'OK, this is the why of him in, right?' He's basically obliterated his entire neople and his culture and he (http://spinoff.comicbookresources.com/2013/06/18/ ble for it and nolan-opposed-man-of-steels-controversial-ending-spoilers/) IXXX (But I wouldn't take that chance either. You know, the "Fifty Shades of Gray" movie doens't look that bad. But she doesn't know how. Time to go on a fetch quest to find the proper artifact. And Olaf shows off the new and improved noncaloric, silicon-based, kitchen lubricant.

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-21

So Hans finds Elsa's castle, but instead of facing a taunting Frenchman.. But those two d---- just leave the rest to go after an ice witch who, froze the whole kingdom. I can't see how that plan would go wrong. Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #021 I actually like this kind of scene. And even if we know they aren't going to fall into the abyss, we see what drove them to it. So it's a tried-and-true storytelling technique. He faces the giant snowman. Which is actually a much easier obstacle. Don't worry about this guy. You find out after the credits that bumbles bounce. Instead of the usual, "You can't kill him, because you're the good guy" scene, the heroes instead are driven to their darkest point. This happened with Luke in "Return of the Jedi", and Sarah Connor in "Terminator 2". That is unless a Michael Bay movie does it, then it's stupid!

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-20

And the film did forshadow that the snow was thick enough survive the fall. And as long as they weren't in a fridge, I'm perfectly okay with that. Ahh, that feels better. Yet another line that would be even funnier in the p---- version. Kristoff takes them to see his family... Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #020 It takes Anna fainting to make them finally shut up.. So that Hoggle can come over and help. Or did she know Kristoff longer, even though she met him later? So they ride off to see the guy Anna's just met... well knew for longer than Kristoff. Anyway, they're still wrong, because this is modern Disney.. Hey, do me a favor, grab my butt! He brought c GIIIIIRL! After they discover Anna is cursed.. Who react to Anna like every parent who pesters their children for grandkids. He says it will take an act of true love to save her.... And in Disney tradition, they think it's true love's kiss. DI And the new tradition is that the kiss must come from who cursed her. So pucker up those lips, Elsa! I'm sure the fans won't at all take it to mean something else! RA

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-19

Frozen

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-18

Before the crystal look became all the rage. Wait. That ceiling is three colors? So dyeing ice is also a power she has? * Well she could probably make ice cream and slushies if she wanted. That would certainly answer what she'd eat here. Elsa, you look different. It's a good different! Be honest, Anna. You'd say that if she came out looking like Aqua Com 89045. No, I belong here. Alone. Where I can be who I am without hurting anybody. Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #018 And you're alive? Olaf then shows up so that Elsa can know she's just as powerful as a magic hat. I think so? (sound clip of Johnny Cash's cover of "Hurt") Kryptonian architecture was a lot more elegant. Is it odd that I find this at least as hot as some of the naked. women I've watched on film? I actually mean that reference. Just like Johnny Cash, she can make angst sound f------ genuine. God, these hands can do anything! Maybe I have watched too much p---. I never knew what I was capable of. Yeah, neither did the script. They can even turn a s----- trailer with a reindeer and a snowman into Disney's best animated film in decades!

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-17

They have trouble getting up the mountain... But after what happened last time, they know better than to take the ski lift. Woment You can't just help the plot move faster! How are they going to pad this to over two-and-a-half hours now? NUW And I'm pretty sure he copped a feel. Now that's ice. I might cry. Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #017 Go ahead. I won't judge. Hey, Sven? Not sure if this is going to solve the problem, but I found a staircase that leads exactly where you want to go. Hey! What are you doing? Thanks! That was like a crazy trust exercise. By Disney standards, this is third base. I bet Pierce Brosnan and Rick Yune are using the indoor car racing track waument That's a filthy lie! As soon as your back is turned, she's going to mock you over that on Facebook! Ha ha. Thank goodness. Catch! Not that it ever happened to me! O

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-16

This is like if a teen in a horror movie sang about what it would be like to get stabbed with a machete. KEHAHOVAL I'm gonna' tell him. I guess that will be included in "Stage Fright 2". Don't you dare! The castle is open. There's soup and hot glögg in the Great Hall. And we have Darkthrone on stage, taking requests! Larry sends his brother Darryl, and his other brother Darryl along. Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #016 Hey, they got pulled into his fantasy! HH Oh, look at that. I've been impaled. He, he hel Perhaps that's symbolic of how audiences often lose themselves in a film... Or how our perception affects reality... Or some other b------- I can say to feel better about watching a movie for chiltren! moment Hey, that's exactly what Jillian Zurawski and I were saying when Brad Jones was about to try edible crickets! I was not going to let her spoil the fun! After Hans calls for help with looking for Anna... momover You know, if this actually was a p----, that line would be ten time funnier. Meanwhile, our heroes find themselves in every Mega Man player's worst nightmare.

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-15

(sigh) And here we come to the film's biggest disappointment. множен We can't just keep coasting on Skids and Mudflap for the next few years. Who are we going to have as our next annoying character punching bag? H Um... thanks.. I think? Elsa seems to do anything, as long as ice is even a little involved. Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #015 This is really stretching it, movie. HEADERIRE (Whew! That's a relief!) 1776 Gotta' remember this is a Disney film. They aren't gonna' start f------. I'm starting to understand why Josh Hadley prefers science fiction over fantasy. HAMMASTER AMKY BRILMI Come on, Olaf! You were supposed to be the next Jar-Jar! We were going to have so much fun hating you! I'm a slug. No shell over here, Baby.. MUNGU ANYWELE Oh, no! Don't stick that-- Olaf, did Elsa make you? Yeah. Why? Okay, we need to address this. (clip from "Radiodrome" episode "Fantasy") TAM ISTIN First it controls Josh Hadley: I at least like the fact that they try to pretend to put thought into why such-and-such is happening. ONLY ONE Brad Jones: So you like the whole Midi-chlorians thing? Josh Hadley: Not Midi-chlorians! Why'd you have to go there? You're a son of a bitch! RADIO DROM

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-14

There had better not be zombie confederates out there. Unless Gene Hackman or Steve McQueen is driving, Who marries a man she just met? Mrs. Miracle Max still gets p----- if you deny true love. FE Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #014 Involve a shot against the moon? Well, the movie "Dogs" is still a step up. I don't give a s--- about this high speed chase. It's TRUE LOVE! Now why couldn't this slow motion leap, THI She'll die on her own! I can live with that. You won't get your new sled if she's dead. Amazing. I didn't see Sven's lips move at all!

Frozen

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-13

Clearly Snowpiercer's prototype wasn't nearly as effective. EE Of the Southern Isles? Didn't your parents ever warn you about strangers? } Wait, you're just leaving it there? Thank you movie! Yes, they did. Cinema Snob reviews Frozen 013 Stop talking. No, no, no. I'd like to meet these-- momence Eye color? Uhg! I hate it when people talk on the rides! What's his last name? H I mean it. God, no... And she said she wouldn't bless the marriage! Please don't. The Newlywed Game just isn't the same without Bob Eubanks. Dreamy! Yes, the audience members with penises are getting tired of your Meg Ryan impression. O

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-12

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-11

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-10

Otherwise this would be her name, Besides, if she was really gay, Here it is, the song that gave everyone in the audience larynx envy. Cinema Snob reviews Frozen #010 I still hear Lloyd belting it around the house sometimes. And we'd have to call her "The Queen Formerly known as 'Princess Elsa". Wouldn't she give herself a butch haircut and a pair of sensible shoes? He he he... Hey, I just realized something. her dress is made of ice, The cold never bothered me anyway. There's a news article that claims Prince inspired this. Frankly, I hope it's fake. And I guess I have to bring up all the complaints that Elsa's just a way to push the gay agenda on young children. moment by moment Moment I bet her n------ must be rock hard right now! Moment by Moment (sigh) Of course. Come on, didn't you hear her say "no h---" at the end of this song? But seriously, F---, YOU.

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The Cinema Snob "reviews" Frozen-9

Frozen

cinema snob brad jones frozen disney

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