Misheard Lyrics / Phonetic Translations / Buffalaxing - What If English Were Phonetically Consistent?

Towards the end it sounds like Middle English like Chaucer spoke it.

>Be England
>Make world's most ridiculous and confusing language because you're the cultural slut of Europe
>Accidentally take over the world because your descendants colonized the most agriculturally productive part of the Americas
>Your ridiculous language is now the global default
>For extra shits and grins, make the first keyboards deliberately hard to use because typewriters would jam if people typed too fast
>Billions of people across the planet talk to each other this way