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So I wrote a Satire Amazon review about a deck of cards.

Animewild Hatsune Miku Trump Price: $13.59 Great for Donald Trump Supporters By Amazon Customer-August 10, 2016 If you watch hentai, think Donald Trump- Senpai is sugoi, and happen to be a Vocaloid fan on Promnight (Its better than nothing), then this moshi moshi delicious deal is for you. Watashi Wa Suki Desu, and You should nee (too)! Arigatou Gozaimasu for reading my sugoi review, Keep loving Trump-Senpai, and DESU DESU DESU DESU NE!!! Notice: Won't keep immigrants out of the United States, as a Great Wall, Hillary Clinton's Missing Emails, and a Small Loan of a Million Dollars is sold seperatley Was this review helpful?
Animewild Hatsune Miku Trump Price: $13.59 Great for Donald Trump Supporters By Amazon Customer-August 10, 2016 If you watch hentai, think Donald Trump- Senpai is sugoi, and happen to be a Vocaloid fan on Promnight (Its better than nothing), then this moshi moshi delicious deal is for you. Watashi Wa Suki Desu, and You should nee (too)! Arigatou Gozaimasu for reading my sugoi review, Keep loving Trump-Senpai, and DESU DESU DESU DESU NE!!! Notice: Won't keep immigrants out of the United States, as a Great Wall, Hillary Clinton's Missing Emails, and a Small Loan of a Million Dollars is sold seperatley Was this review helpful?

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nip zips

☆★☆★☆ Stylish By Patrick Chung on November 2, 2013 Size: Medium/US 40 Color: Burgundy Verified Purchase I like it. It looks great. The zippers on the chest are non-functional, but still look good. I call them "nip-zips". They can store a toothpick each. Sol have emergency "nip-picks" in my "nip-zips" 2 Comments 49 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? YesNo Report abuse
☆★☆★☆ Stylish By Patrick Chung on November 2, 2013 Size: Medium/US 40 Color: Burgundy Verified Purchase I like it. It looks great. The zippers on the chest are non-functional, but still look good. I call them "nip-zips". They can store a toothpick each. Sol have emergency "nip-picks" in my "nip-zips" 2 Comments 49 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? YesNo Report abuse

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now KISS

55 of 63 people found the following review helpful ☆☆☆☆☆ Got tired of saving the Princess ILDA on January 20,2015 Edition: USA Color: Zelda Verified Purchase So, let me just say that I have been a long time LoZ fan since the very first game. That means I have been playing since 1986. S<o thirty years of making with the stab-stab in the Land of Hyrule has garnered me quite the warrior of legend reputation. No, correction. Nearly thirty years of saving freaking Princess Zelda over, and over, and over again. No, seriously. I get the whole "T'm reincarnated and don't know better" thing, but literally almost every time this girl gets abducted, it starts with some powerful dude from the Gerudo people showing up and wrecking the day. His name is always freaking the same. Not even sure how that is getting past Hyrulian immigration. Then l got to go on this long quest to save the world from being destroyed, all because this girl never cracked open a history book. At the end of the whole ordeal, what is the reward? Knowledge of a job well done and maybe a handshake. If I'm lucky amiibo Finally got tired of the grind. Bought her off of Amazon and locked her inside a safe inside a box labeled "sand fleas." I figure any Gerudo warriors will see that box and be like "I hate sand fleas, no way I'm opening that." Ganon can look all he wants, it just isn't going to happen this time. As an added precaution, I put my Captain Falcon amiibo on top of it. So, I give this item five stars because it's going to save me so much time in the future P.S. Works great with Smash Bros. Put her next to my Link amiibo, but they still won't kiss. Tried playing different songs from the series to enhance the mood, but the Song of Time always starts me back at square one 2 Comments Was this review helpful to you?YesNo Report abuse
55 of 63 people found the following review helpful ☆☆☆☆☆ Got tired of saving the Princess ILDA on January 20,2015 Edition: USA Color: Zelda Verified Purchase So, let me just say that I have been a long time LoZ fan since the very first game. That means I have been playing since 1986. S<o thirty years of making with the stab-stab in the Land of Hyrule has garnered me quite the warrior of legend reputation. No, correction. Nearly thirty years of saving freaking Princess Zelda over, and over, and over again. No, seriously. I get the whole "T'm reincarnated and don't know better" thing, but literally almost every time this girl gets abducted, it starts with some powerful dude from the Gerudo people showing up and wrecking the day. His name is always freaking the same. Not even sure how that is getting past Hyrulian immigration. Then l got to go on this long quest to save the world from being destroyed, all because this girl never cracked open a history book. At the end of the whole ordeal, what is the reward? Knowledge of a job well done and maybe a handshake. If I'm lucky amiibo Finally got tired of the grind. Bought her off of Amazon and locked her inside a safe inside a box labeled "sand fleas." I figure any Gerudo warriors will see that box and be like "I hate sand fleas, no way I'm opening that." Ganon can look all he wants, it just isn't going to happen this time. As an added precaution, I put my Captain Falcon amiibo on top of it. So, I give this item five stars because it's going to save me so much time in the future P.S. Works great with Smash Bros. Put her next to my Link amiibo, but they still won't kiss. Tried playing different songs from the series to enhance the mood, but the Song of Time always starts me back at square one 2 Comments Was this review helpful to you?YesNo Report abuse

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Get all the Ladies

140 of 155 people found the following review helpful ☆☆☆☆☆ Get all the ladies with this controller! By Huels on April 25, 2015 Verified Purchase I decided to attend a Super Smash Bros tournament at the local University. It was going to be a packed house. I put on my Sunday best and had the 1993 Honda Civic washed by the neighbors son. As I rolled up on the main parking lot it noticed that the who's who of Smash gamers were at this event. How was I going to compete when I was a nobody? All that changed the moment I pulled out my White Classic Smash controller. The gaming crowd went silent and the DJ started freaking out. Within 20 seconds I had six or seven gaming ladies surrounding me. Even the Dean's wife was all over me. She wanted to lick my C stick and press my start button. I did not even partake in the tournament and I was awarded the grand champion that evening. As I was accepting my Gold Mario amiibo I got a call from Shigeru Miyamoto congratulating me on my performance. 5CommentsWas this review helpful to you? Yes No Report abuse
140 of 155 people found the following review helpful ☆☆☆☆☆ Get all the ladies with this controller! By Huels on April 25, 2015 Verified Purchase I decided to attend a Super Smash Bros tournament at the local University. It was going to be a packed house. I put on my Sunday best and had the 1993 Honda Civic washed by the neighbors son. As I rolled up on the main parking lot it noticed that the who's who of Smash gamers were at this event. How was I going to compete when I was a nobody? All that changed the moment I pulled out my White Classic Smash controller. The gaming crowd went silent and the DJ started freaking out. Within 20 seconds I had six or seven gaming ladies surrounding me. Even the Dean's wife was all over me. She wanted to lick my C stick and press my start button. I did not even partake in the tournament and I was awarded the grand champion that evening. As I was accepting my Gold Mario amiibo I got a call from Shigeru Miyamoto congratulating me on my performance. 5CommentsWas this review helpful to you? Yes No Report abuse

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Good Shooting Range

← Columbine High School 5★ 4★ 3★ 2★ 3.7 40 reviews Has a great indoor shooting range." 3 reviewers
← Columbine High School 5★ 4★ 3★ 2★ 3.7 40 reviews Has a great indoor shooting range." 3 reviewers

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Trolling Amazon Answers

amazon All Shop by Department- Hello. Sign in Your Accour Your Amazon.com Today's Deals Gift Cards Sell Help Will this mouse pad work with my mac? asked by on November 5, 2014 Answer here... SteelSeries Qck Gaming Mouse Pad... $7.95 Add to Cart Showing 1-10 of 12 answers Sort: Mo No. This mousepad is incompatible with Macs. The gripping material on the underside of the mat is 58c9x Wally spec from Indonesia. While this spec fits nicely into 64 bit Windows architecture, it will mix up the mainframe if you try to put this into an Apple Macintoshchpet answered on May 4, 2015 Comments () 130 of 143 found this helpful. Do you? Yes No Report abuse It depends on which Mac you have. Works great with Mac-aroni, but ill not hold up to sustained fire from a MAC-10. answered on May 14, 2015 Comment 52 of 58 found this helpful. Do you? Yes No Report abuse
amazon All Shop by Department- Hello. Sign in Your Accour Your Amazon.com Today's Deals Gift Cards Sell Help Will this mouse pad work with my mac? asked by on November 5, 2014 Answer here... SteelSeries Qck Gaming Mouse Pad... $7.95 Add to Cart Showing 1-10 of 12 answers Sort: Mo No. This mousepad is incompatible with Macs. The gripping material on the underside of the mat is 58c9x Wally spec from Indonesia. While this spec fits nicely into 64 bit Windows architecture, it will mix up the mainframe if you try to put this into an Apple Macintoshchpet answered on May 4, 2015 Comments () 130 of 143 found this helpful. Do you? Yes No Report abuse It depends on which Mac you have. Works great with Mac-aroni, but ill not hold up to sustained fire from a MAC-10. answered on May 14, 2015 Comment 52 of 58 found this helpful. Do you? Yes No Report abuse

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My life is Perler

Perler beads October 22, 2014 If this product was a potato, it would be a very good potato. Yes, I recommend this product. Charlie Was this helpful? Yes 48 No 6 Report inappropriate content f S
Perler beads October 22, 2014 If this product was a potato, it would be a very good potato. Yes, I recommend this product. Charlie Was this helpful? Yes 48 No 6 Report inappropriate content f S

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Dancing with Eternity

669 of 746 people found the following review helpful ★★ Is good By Heavy on September 20, 2011 Format: Paperback Even if cannot read, you will like. Book is heavy so I throw at spy. He will never ever walk again. 4 Comments Was this review helpful to you?YesNo
669 of 746 people found the following review helpful ★★ Is good By Heavy on September 20, 2011 Format: Paperback Even if cannot read, you will like. Book is heavy so I throw at spy. He will never ever walk again. 4 Comments Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

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Dancing with Eternity

161 of 181 people found the following review helpful ★ If you aren't 100% satisfied with this book, you can take it up with me! By Saxton Hale on September 23, 2011 Format: Paperback Let me tell you, little fella, that a REAL MAN is one who isn't afraid to crack open a book, usually after cracking open some spines. And I am NOT referring to the spine of another book! In fact, top Australian scientists have found out that a good read is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself! Not many people know this, but one of my favorite pastimes is keeping a rhinoceros in a headlock with my thighs while curling up with a good sci-fi novel, and "Dancing with Eternity" is one of those gems! Sometimes while having my midnight-snack steak I'll knock out a few chapters here and there, and when I awake the next morning I find several body-shaped holes in the walls. These shapes don't seem to match any of my staff members, so it is PROBABLY UNRELATED!! Regardless, although I was slightly disappointed in the lack of chapters focusing on disemboweling mimes, I am confident in giving this book my highest recommendation! If it doesn't cause your chest hair to burst into flames upon the first reading, I will personally suplex a hippie. In fact, I will most likely do so anyways! -Saxton Hale Australian CEO Mann Co. 2 Comments Was this review helpful to you? Yes No
161 of 181 people found the following review helpful ★ If you aren't 100% satisfied with this book, you can take it up with me! By Saxton Hale on September 23, 2011 Format: Paperback Let me tell you, little fella, that a REAL MAN is one who isn't afraid to crack open a book, usually after cracking open some spines. And I am NOT referring to the spine of another book! In fact, top Australian scientists have found out that a good read is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself! Not many people know this, but one of my favorite pastimes is keeping a rhinoceros in a headlock with my thighs while curling up with a good sci-fi novel, and "Dancing with Eternity" is one of those gems! Sometimes while having my midnight-snack steak I'll knock out a few chapters here and there, and when I awake the next morning I find several body-shaped holes in the walls. These shapes don't seem to match any of my staff members, so it is PROBABLY UNRELATED!! Regardless, although I was slightly disappointed in the lack of chapters focusing on disemboweling mimes, I am confident in giving this book my highest recommendation! If it doesn't cause your chest hair to burst into flames upon the first reading, I will personally suplex a hippie. In fact, I will most likely do so anyways! -Saxton Hale Australian CEO Mann Co. 2 Comments Was this review helpful to you? Yes No

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Dancing with Eternity

232 of 263 people found the following review helpful ★★★★★ Ach, lad… By Demoman on September 22, 2011 Format: Paperback So! Ya bampot with your face like a skelpit erse, prancin' aboot writin' wee silly space-stories! Do ya think I doon the Dee on a digestive?! Ye ain't got the stones te write a proper bloody fable, ye prancin' nyaff! I would'nae use this rubbish tae light a fuse! Keep your pen in your pocket and your mind on the job, or ye'll find ye'self meetin' a sticky end! Still, using et as a shield may joost'ave saved my good eye from an ill-timed blast, so it's a grudgin' five stars for ye! Tavish DeGroot Demoman 2 Comments Was this review helpful to you?YesNo
232 of 263 people found the following review helpful ★★★★★ Ach, lad… By Demoman on September 22, 2011 Format: Paperback So! Ya bampot with your face like a skelpit erse, prancin' aboot writin' wee silly space-stories! Do ya think I doon the Dee on a digestive?! Ye ain't got the stones te write a proper bloody fable, ye prancin' nyaff! I would'nae use this rubbish tae light a fuse! Keep your pen in your pocket and your mind on the job, or ye'll find ye'self meetin' a sticky end! Still, using et as a shield may joost'ave saved my good eye from an ill-timed blast, so it's a grudgin' five stars for ye! Tavish DeGroot Demoman 2 Comments Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

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Dancing with Eternity

199 of 225 people found the following review helpful wGentlemen By The Spy on September 20, 2011 Format: Paperback This is a thoroughly compelling read, not exactly my genre. It's not Camus, but it was worth my time to read it As well sir, you owe me for the dry cleaning on my suit. Au Revoir, The Spy Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No
199 of 225 people found the following review helpful wGentlemen By The Spy on September 20, 2011 Format: Paperback This is a thoroughly compelling read, not exactly my genre. It's not Camus, but it was worth my time to read it As well sir, you owe me for the dry cleaning on my suit. Au Revoir, The Spy Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No

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Dancing with Eternity

248 of 282 people found the following review helpful Maggots! By Soldier on September 22, 2011 Format: Paperback Having a book like this on my shelf is like having your cat at your funeral: it's not necessary, but it's nice! Why, every time I look up at this book and listen to that soothing Aussie's voice, my smile grows wider than the circumference on my bazooka! Anyone who doesn't listen to this book should be hung by their thumbs and beaten like a rented mule! 2 Comments Was this review helpful to you? Yes No
248 of 282 people found the following review helpful Maggots! By Soldier on September 22, 2011 Format: Paperback Having a book like this on my shelf is like having your cat at your funeral: it's not necessary, but it's nice! Why, every time I look up at this book and listen to that soothing Aussie's voice, my smile grows wider than the circumference on my bazooka! Anyone who doesn't listen to this book should be hung by their thumbs and beaten like a rented mule! 2 Comments Was this review helpful to you? Yes No

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tf2 team fortress 2 john patrick lowrie amazon soldier

Dancing with Eternity

255 of 290 people found the following review helpful helpful ★★★★★ It was good By Scout on September 19, 2011 Format: Paperback It was a good book, don't get me wrong. I don't normally read y'know, because I'm busy busting heads and capping points, but when I found out my friend Sniper wrote a book, I had to get it. I give it 4 stars. Would have been 5 if it had come with a hat. 2 Comments Was this review helpful to you? Yes No
255 of 290 people found the following review helpful helpful ★★★★★ It was good By Scout on September 19, 2011 Format: Paperback It was a good book, don't get me wrong. I don't normally read y'know, because I'm busy busting heads and capping points, but when I found out my friend Sniper wrote a book, I had to get it. I give it 4 stars. Would have been 5 if it had come with a hat. 2 Comments Was this review helpful to you? Yes No

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Knuckle Blaster review.

1,847 of 2,050 people found the following review helpful r☆☆☆ Victory! By tdoog on May 5, 2013 I purchased this after I was confronted by some punks demanding that I hand over my money. I'm a relatively fit guy, but I was no match for them. That is when I realized that I need to protect myself. The day after I bought this product I went to the very same Wal-Mart parking lot when I was first mugged. I approached the group of hooligans standing outside the entrance, concealing my secret weapon I cooly asked "Remember me?". One of them looked up and said, "Have you come back to buy some Samoas or Thin Mints? My Girl Scout Troop needs to raise more money!" I replied with "you're not taking my money this time". "But sir, they're delicious!", she said. I whipped out my Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun hand and shouted "WRONG MOVE B" " The five girl scouts ran away screaming. As I pounded my chest in victory, I accidentally activated the stun gun and applied 950,000 Volts to my right nipple. I woke up 4 hours later to the sound of heavy footsteps. Those Girl Scouts had brought their fathers. But I was ready. I lunged at the largest one with a cry of "RAGGLE FRAGGLE!ll and hit him in the stomach. He hit the ground harder than a fat kid on a jungle gym. As the others began to circle around me, I changed techniques. Holding both of my hands in tight fists,I rased my arms to my sides and initiated the helicopter spin. They all backed off, fearing my impressive RPM. After a while l started getting dizzy, and one of the fathers decided to try to tackle me. As he ran to me stood there, dizzy and queasy; time was going real slow. Then I remembered. I had eaten lunch at Chipotle and the burrito was fighting its way back up my stomach. tuned toward my enemy and launched a stream of projectile vomit at him, knocking him to the ground. Then I started singing "Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the.... FLOOOOORRR!!!!" I grabbed my Knuckle Blasher Stun Gun and shoved it into my mouth, running headfirst at my foes, electrocuting them with my teeth. Eventually they were all unconscious, andI walked home victorious 36 Comments Was this review helpful to you? | Yes |
1,847 of 2,050 people found the following review helpful r☆☆☆ Victory! By tdoog on May 5, 2013 I purchased this after I was confronted by some punks demanding that I hand over my money. I'm a relatively fit guy, but I was no match for them. That is when I realized that I need to protect myself. The day after I bought this product I went to the very same Wal-Mart parking lot when I was first mugged. I approached the group of hooligans standing outside the entrance, concealing my secret weapon I cooly asked "Remember me?". One of them looked up and said, "Have you come back to buy some Samoas or Thin Mints? My Girl Scout Troop needs to raise more money!" I replied with "you're not taking my money this time". "But sir, they're delicious!", she said. I whipped out my Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun hand and shouted "WRONG MOVE B" " The five girl scouts ran away screaming. As I pounded my chest in victory, I accidentally activated the stun gun and applied 950,000 Volts to my right nipple. I woke up 4 hours later to the sound of heavy footsteps. Those Girl Scouts had brought their fathers. But I was ready. I lunged at the largest one with a cry of "RAGGLE FRAGGLE!ll and hit him in the stomach. He hit the ground harder than a fat kid on a jungle gym. As the others began to circle around me, I changed techniques. Holding both of my hands in tight fists,I rased my arms to my sides and initiated the helicopter spin. They all backed off, fearing my impressive RPM. After a while l started getting dizzy, and one of the fathers decided to try to tackle me. As he ran to me stood there, dizzy and queasy; time was going real slow. Then I remembered. I had eaten lunch at Chipotle and the burrito was fighting its way back up my stomach. tuned toward my enemy and launched a stream of projectile vomit at him, knocking him to the ground. Then I started singing "Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the.... FLOOOOORRR!!!!" I grabbed my Knuckle Blasher Stun Gun and shoved it into my mouth, running headfirst at my foes, electrocuting them with my teeth. Eventually they were all unconscious, andI walked home victorious 36 Comments Was this review helpful to you? | Yes |

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Dancing with Eternity

139 of 156 people found the following review helpful AAnuATTENTION ALL EMPLOYEES By The Administrator on September 23, 2011 Format:Paperback It is absolutely necessary that all mercenarial employees read this missive at once. I cannot stress enough the importance of this intelligence to our mission, and to me personally. Do not throw it at the enemy. Read it, then use its knowledge to COMPLETE THE MISSION. Do NOT fail me again. You have found this informative. 3 Comments Was this review helpful to you? YesNo
139 of 156 people found the following review helpful AAnuATTENTION ALL EMPLOYEES By The Administrator on September 23, 2011 Format:Paperback It is absolutely necessary that all mercenarial employees read this missive at once. I cannot stress enough the importance of this intelligence to our mission, and to me personally. Do not throw it at the enemy. Read it, then use its knowledge to COMPLETE THE MISSION. Do NOT fail me again. You have found this informative. 3 Comments Was this review helpful to you? YesNo

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Topkek.

345 of 5,025 people found the tollowing review heiptu ☆☆☆☆☆ This is your Captain speaking: Do not eat the red Gummy Bear. You'll be sorry By Mike Armes on January 9,2014 Before a company goes public, the highest level executives embark on a muiti-city tour with their investment bankers to drum up support for the upooming IPO. This trip is called a roadshow and sinoe the group will typically visit dozens of cities on a tight schedule, a private jet is the preferred means oftransportation. During a roadshow, it s not unusual to visit two or three cities in a single day so work starts at the crack of dawn. Thatdoesn't mean the group goes to bed early. Every night, the bankers treat their clients to a wild nights, complete with complimentary Gummy Bears and coffee. No matter how hard the group parties the night before, the private jet will lift them off to their nextdestination very early the next morning Just for a minute, pretend you're an investment banker traveling with some very important clients on one of these roadshows. Now imagine that you spent the previous night"dropping Yog way beyond your limitonly to be startled outof bed by a piercing 8:30 am wake up call. In an atempt to getyour head and body feeling remotely human again, you scarfdown some more warm Gummy Bears and ateast two glasses of cofee at the hotels breakfast buffet before jumping on the shuttle to the private airport. Within a few minutes ofarriving at the airport, your entire group is seated and the plane begins to taxi down the runway. At this point you mightfeel a bit of reliefas the morning's blur subsides. All you have to do is sit back and relax for the one hour fight to the next city There s justone problem. In your rush to getout of the hotel, down to breakfast and onto the plane you forgot to do one very crucial thing. Go to the bathroom. And Im nottalking about peeing. You have a stomach full of last nights multi-colored death bears and coffee churning around your lower intestine at 30,000 feet. Butthafs not the worst part. True horror sets in when you realize you're noton a spacious 20 person G5 with couches, beds, lay-z boys and a fully tucked away private bathroom. No, on this day you are traveling on a six-person puddle jumper sitting shoulder to shoulder with your clients and co-workers. Butwait, somehow the story gets even worse Just over halfway through the flight, all the coffee in my stomach feels like its percolating its way down into my lower intestine.I hunker down and try and focus on other things. What feels like an hour, but probably isn't more than twenty minutes, passes. We then enter what turns out to be pretty violent turbulenoe. With each bounoe, I have to fight my body, trying not to poop my pants. Thirty minutes to landing, maybe forty five" Itry and tell myself,each jostle a gamble I can'tafford to lose. Isignal to [the fight attendan and she heads toward me Excuse me, where is the bathroom, because ldon'tsee a door?lask while still devoting considerable energy to fighting off what starts to feel like someone shook a seltzer botle and shoved itup my butt. She looks at me, bemused, and says, "Well, we don'treally have one per se."She continues, Technically, we have one, but it's really just for emergencies. Don' worry, we're landing shortly anyway "Tm pretty sure this qualifies as an emergency"Imanage to mutter through my grmace.Ican see the fear in her faoe as she points nervously to the back seat. The turbulenoe outside is matched only by the cyclone that is ravaging my bowels. She points to the back of the plane and says, There. The toilet is there." For a brief instant, reliefpasses over my face. She continues, "If you pull awaythe leather cushion from that seat, its under there. There's a smal privacy screen that pulls up around it, but thafs it." At this point,Iwas committed. She had just lit the dynamite and the mine shaftwas set to blow. Iturn to look where she is pointing and Iget the urge to cry. Ido cry, but my face is so tightly clenched it makes no differenoe. The "toilef' seat is occupied by the CFO,ie.our freaking client. Our freaking female freaking client Up to this point, nobody has observed my struggle or myexchange with the flightatendant. "Tm so sorry. Im so sorry. Thats all Ican say as I limp toward her like Quasimodo imperonating a penguin, and begin my explanation. Ofcourse, as soon as my competitors see me talking to the CFO, they all perk up to find outwhat the hell Imdoing Given myjovial nature and fun-loving attitude thus far on the roadshow, almosteverybody thinks Imjoking. She, however, knows right away that lam anything butand jumps up, moving quickly to where lhad been sitting. Inow had to remove the seat top-no easy task when you can barely stand upright, are getting tossed around like a hoodrat at a block party and are fighting against a gastrointestinal Mt. Vesuvius. Imanage to peel back the leather seat top to find a rather luxurious looking commode, with a nice cherry or walnut frame. lt had obviously never been used, ever. Why this momentof clarity came to me, Ido not know. Perhaps itwas the realization that lwas going to take this toilefs virginity with a fury and savagery thatwas an abomination to its delicate crafismanship and quality. limagined some poor ltalian carpenter weeping over the violently soiled remains of his onoe beautiful creation. The lament lasted only a second asl was quickly back to concentrating on the tiny muscle that stood between me and molten hot lava. I reach down and pull up the privacy screens, with only seconds to spare before lerupt. Is an alka-seltzer bomb, nothing butair and liquid spraying out in all directions-a Jackson P------ masterpiece. The pressure is now reversed. Ifeel like Imgoing to have a stroke, I push so hard to end the relief, the tormented sublime relief "Tm so sorry. Im so sorry."Myapologies do nothing to drown out the heinous noises that seem to carry on and reverberate throughout the small cabin indefinitely. If thafs not bad enough, Ihave one more major problem. The privacy screen stops right around shoulder level.Iam sitting there, a disembodied head, in the back of the plane, on a bucking bronco for a toilet, all while looking my colleagues, competitors, and clients directly in the eyes. "Pay no atention to that man behind the curtain! briefly comes to mind I lite rally could reach out with my left hand and rest iton the shoulder of the person adjacent to me. Itwas virtually impossible for him, or any of the others, and by others I mean high profile business partners and clients, to avert their eyes. They squirm and try not to look, inclined to do their best to carry on and pretend as if nothing out ofthe ordinary was happening, that they weren't sharing a stall with some guy dropping his intestines out Releasing smelly, sweaty, shame at 100 feet per second. Im so sorry" is all the ashamed disembodied head can say ...over and over again. Not that it matered. 104comments Was this review helpful to you? | Yes No |Report abuse

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Dancing with Eternity

212 of 241 people found the following review helpful ★★★ Practical? No. Enjoyable? Yes. By Engineer on September 20, 2011 Format:Paperback Now I ain't too keen on these mumbo-jumbo science-fiction books on account of them being impractical in application. But let's just say I have this fine piece of literature tucked away in my toolbox. A mighty fine read indeed. Regards, Engineer
212 of 241 people found the following review helpful ★★★ Practical? No. Enjoyable? Yes. By Engineer on September 20, 2011 Format:Paperback Now I ain't too keen on these mumbo-jumbo science-fiction books on account of them being impractical in application. But let's just say I have this fine piece of literature tucked away in my toolbox. A mighty fine read indeed. Regards, Engineer

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How to Avoid Huge Ships

6,661 of 6,909 people found the following review helpful ☆ TOO Informative. By Dan on December 25, 2010 Format: Paperback Read this book before going on vacation and couldn't find my cruise liner in the port. Vacation ruined. 29 Comments Was this review helpful to you?YesNo
6,661 of 6,909 people found the following review helpful ☆ TOO Informative. By Dan on December 25, 2010 Format: Paperback Read this book before going on vacation and couldn't find my cruise liner in the port. Vacation ruined. 29 Comments Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

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How to Avoid Huge Ships

,131 of 1,186 people found the following review helpful AWHY NO KINDLE EDITION?????? By Jim Henley on December 26, 2013 Format: Paperback Given that there is a huge ship bearing down on me RIGHT NOW I am extremely disappointed that I cannot get inst 19 Comments Was this review helpful to you? Yes No
,131 of 1,186 people found the following review helpful AWHY NO KINDLE EDITION?????? By Jim Henley on December 26, 2013 Format: Paperback Given that there is a huge ship bearing down on me RIGHT NOW I am extremely disappointed that I cannot get inst 19 Comments Was this review helpful to you? Yes No

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How to Avoid Huge Ships

930 of 991 people found the following review helpful AYYDestroying my business By amodestconsumer on September 21, 2011 Format: Paperback I make a living by hitting things with my Huge Ship. This book is absolutely DESTROYING my business! Please do not buy this! 1 Comment Was this review helpful to you?YesNo
930 of 991 people found the following review helpful AYYDestroying my business By amodestconsumer on September 21, 2011 Format: Paperback I make a living by hitting things with my Huge Ship. This book is absolutely DESTROYING my business! Please do not buy this! 1 Comment Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

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