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Anon is a | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 30 KB JPG 09/28/19(Sat)01:11:57 No.810541537 >be me >sea turtle >chilling in the reef with my wife >have to move from reef to reef for munchies >one day >chilling in the seagrass, munchin >spot massive f------ jellyfish >holyshit.jpg >swim towards it as fast as i can >finally reach the jellyfish >take a bite >w-- >its plastic >die from intestinal bloackage F------ humans.
Anonymous 30 KB JPG 09/28/19(Sat)01:11:57 No.810541537 >be me >sea turtle >chilling in the reef with my wife >have to move from reef to reef for munchies >one day >chilling in the seagrass, munchin >spot massive f------ jellyfish >holyshit.jpg >swim towards it as fast as i can >finally reach the jellyfish >take a bite >w-- >its plastic >die from intestinal bloackage F------ humans.

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poor anon needs help to sue his shitty school | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Need to sue my school pls help 09/10/22(Sat)12:43:48 No.27278934 Am in pharmacy school. Got kicked out for accidentally lying about being vaccinated at rotation site my last year. School caught whiff, get kicked out. I appeal for it and get back in. Am back a year later trying to finish rotations, preceptors are still bitches trying to sabotage me. I got a low grade on the midpoint for current class, very stupid comments trying to frame me. Now am on last leg, school wants me to write up contract for "improvement" its a tool that "works". I submit a couple drafts and the guy orchestrating this keeps telling me to up the stakes and to basically say the consequence is to get kicked out - because I write my "own" consequences in for my improvement plan. Please anons I feel like I'm being trapped. I have to go back to rotation site on Monday i don't have time how do i defend myself in preparation of what's to come next week? my final is due wednesday ... i feel like im going to fail this one again too because theyre trying to sabotage me pharmacy is a small world 179 KB PNG : Anonymous >accidentally lying about being vaccinated Kek. Serves you right. Nobody wants a pharmacist who is a flat Earther retard like you. Find another career, more suitable for antivaxxer IQ. 09/10/22(Sat)14:03:09 No.27279139 >>27279358 # 09/10/22(Sat)15:28:04 No.27279318 : Anonymous >>27278934 (OP) # So you lied, got low grades and don't do assignments properly. How could they possibly fail you for that?
: Anonymous Need to sue my school pls help 09/10/22(Sat)12:43:48 No.27278934 Am in pharmacy school. Got kicked out for accidentally lying about being vaccinated at rotation site my last year. School caught whiff, get kicked out. I appeal for it and get back in. Am back a year later trying to finish rotations, preceptors are still bitches trying to sabotage me. I got a low grade on the midpoint for current class, very stupid comments trying to frame me. Now am on last leg, school wants me to write up contract for "improvement" its a tool that "works". I submit a couple drafts and the guy orchestrating this keeps telling me to up the stakes and to basically say the consequence is to get kicked out - because I write my "own" consequences in for my improvement plan. Please anons I feel like I'm being trapped. I have to go back to rotation site on Monday i don't have time how do i defend myself in preparation of what's to come next week? my final is due wednesday ... i feel like im going to fail this one again too because theyre trying to sabotage me pharmacy is a small world 179 KB PNG : Anonymous >accidentally lying about being vaccinated Kek. Serves you right. Nobody wants a pharmacist who is a flat Earther retard like you. Find another career, more suitable for antivaxxer IQ. 09/10/22(Sat)14:03:09 No.27279139 >>27279358 # 09/10/22(Sat)15:28:04 No.27279318 : Anonymous >>27278934 (OP) # So you lied, got low grades and don't do assignments properly. How could they possibly fail you for that?

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Anon is reasonably racist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 48813221 25.7 kB JPG 2 min ago >Be me >At Wendy's waiting in line for tendies >Black guy walks into store and stands behind me >Immediately think to myself, "s---, this dude is about the rob the store" >Realize that I just unfairly based my thoughts on a stereotype >Decide that thinking in that way is unfair to others and close-minded and that I should pursue a more open-minded and accepting view of humanity from now on >Black guy pulls out gun >Robs the store >mfw REPLY
Anonymous 48813221 25.7 kB JPG 2 min ago >Be me >At Wendy's waiting in line for tendies >Black guy walks into store and stands behind me >Immediately think to myself, "s---, this dude is about the rob the store" >Realize that I just unfairly based my thoughts on a stereotype >Decide that thinking in that way is unfair to others and close-minded and that I should pursue a more open-minded and accepting view of humanity from now on >Black guy pulls out gun >Robs the store >mfw REPLY

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Anon Trained Too Hard for This | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/20/18(Tue)21:55:51 No.43359586 Stupid things youn have done thread >consistently dutch-ovened myself for the past few years to prepare for eating ass >finally get a girl to sit on my face 46 KB JPG >she does not fart once Is this what all my Jedi training has paid off for? 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 02/20/18(Tue)21:55:51 No.43359586 Stupid things youn have done thread >consistently dutch-ovened myself for the past few years to prepare for eating ass >finally get a girl to sit on my face 46 KB JPG >she does not fart once Is this what all my Jedi training has paid off for? 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon Asked | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/10/22(Sat)06:03:32 No.170639263 >mum lives 96 fookin years >never gave up the throne > finally kicked the bucket >you are 73yo old af and you will probably die within 5 years because men usually die between 75-80 at best 770 KB JPG >uncharismatic >even if you get to rule for more than 5 years you will be too old to enjoy it >all your successors are waiting for you to f------ die because they hate you cause everyone says you killed diana >Nobody will ever remember your insignificant short-term rule unless WWIII breaks out or some s--- like that How f----- is he?
Anonymous 09/10/22(Sat)06:03:32 No.170639263 >mum lives 96 fookin years >never gave up the throne > finally kicked the bucket >you are 73yo old af and you will probably die within 5 years because men usually die between 75-80 at best 770 KB JPG >uncharismatic >even if you get to rule for more than 5 years you will be too old to enjoy it >all your successors are waiting for you to f------ die because they hate you cause everyone says you killed diana >Nobody will ever remember your insignificant short-term rule unless WWIII breaks out or some s--- like that How f----- is he?

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Anon is a mastermind | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/23/19(Wed)21:52:08 No.48262613 >pirate game 1 KB PNG >delete it and download it again 9 more times >company loses $600
Anonymous 10/23/19(Wed)21:52:08 No.48262613 >pirate game 1 KB PNG >delete it and download it again 9 more times >company loses $600

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Flavors of Social Outcast | /r/Greentext

The Norman Guys I get depressed sometimes and I listen to obsucre music and I also like memes. As a 4chan veteran I think we should decline Incels. They're a bunch of loser virgins and they don't belong here. Have I told you that I like memes? BAND The Female/Trap Attention W---- "When is the next Discord thread?" CP AL THE PEACEFUL ROBOT I don't care about roasties. Incels are too roastie-oriented for our board. I just want feel threads, man. The Resenful Robot Incels will bring us back to our roots! For decades normie's have invaded our board. Now we can finally kick them out and return to the teaching of Saint Elliot! INCELS HERES WHY R--- SHOULD BE LEGAL AND GOVERNMENTS MUST RAISE WOMEN LIKE THEY RAISE CATTLE Anonymous 11/08/17(Wed)22:10:46 No.40976246 File: BFFHAHAHAHHPHHAHA.jpg (8 KB, 225x225) >>40976105 >that charicature of an INCEL TOO PERFECT
The Norman Guys I get depressed sometimes and I listen to obsucre music and I also like memes. As a 4chan veteran I think we should decline Incels. They're a bunch of loser virgins and they don't belong here. Have I told you that I like memes? BAND The Female/Trap Attention W---- "When is the next Discord thread?" CP AL THE PEACEFUL ROBOT I don't care about roasties. Incels are too roastie-oriented for our board. I just want feel threads, man. The Resenful Robot Incels will bring us back to our roots! For decades normie's have invaded our board. Now we can finally kick them out and return to the teaching of Saint Elliot! INCELS HERES WHY R--- SHOULD BE LEGAL AND GOVERNMENTS MUST RAISE WOMEN LIKE THEY RAISE CATTLE Anonymous 11/08/17(Wed)22:10:46 No.40976246 File: BFFHAHAHAHHPHHAHA.jpg (8 KB, 225x225) >>40976105 >that charicature of an INCEL TOO PERFECT

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anon's nickname | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous C--- 19 KB JPG 09/24/21(Fri)11:24:42 No.863688355 >name is Richard >dad used to call me "D---" as a kid >one Saturday invite friends from elementary school to spend the day at my house >dad accidentally calls me D--- in front of them >friends have a good kek at my expense >since that day they start calling me D--- too >one day at school best friend accidentally calls me "C---" >friends jokingly refer to me as C--- since that day >other classmates pick up on this and start calling me C--- too >figured this was just an elementary school thing >it wasn't >for the entirety of my middle/highschool years, I am known only as "C---" to most of my classmates >attended a highschool reunion just before the coof >turns out some of my old classmates didn't even know what my actual name was >they still refer to me as C--- to this day This is my name now, I guess View Thread
: Anonymous C--- 19 KB JPG 09/24/21(Fri)11:24:42 No.863688355 >name is Richard >dad used to call me "D---" as a kid >one Saturday invite friends from elementary school to spend the day at my house >dad accidentally calls me D--- in front of them >friends have a good kek at my expense >since that day they start calling me D--- too >one day at school best friend accidentally calls me "C---" >friends jokingly refer to me as C--- since that day >other classmates pick up on this and start calling me C--- too >figured this was just an elementary school thing >it wasn't >for the entirety of my middle/highschool years, I am known only as "C---" to most of my classmates >attended a highschool reunion just before the coof >turns out some of my old classmates didn't even know what my actual name was >they still refer to me as C--- to this day This is my name now, I guess View Thread

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anon takes a sip ☕ | /r/Greentext

Am I autistic? Anonymous 07/ >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly say "white woman spotted"
Am I autistic? Anonymous 07/ >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly say "white woman spotted"

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Anon averts a crisis | /r/Greentext

Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. I'll go first. >be me >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided 138 KB PNG
Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. I'll go first. >be me >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided 138 KB PNG

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Anon explains why Nietzsche died. | /r/Greentext

Nietzsche was a chronic masturbator : AMU Nietzsche was a chronic mastur(...) 09/10/22(Sat)03:40:14 No.394645756 Could this be the reason why he was such an edgelord nihilist? Wagner said that his chronic m----------- is responsible for his world views. I believe this is true since m----------- is no different than drugs and destroys your body, mind and soul. coomer edgelord.jpg 73 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: ygtkeJvK >>394649636 # >>394645756 (OP) # semen retention is the way 09/10/22(Sat)03:41:06 No.394645833 >>394645912 # : Anonymous (ID: SYsSJXa0) 09/10/22(Sat)03:41:11 No.394645843 >>394645756 (OP) # He makes some good points : Anonymous (ID: XNSuZEM6) 09/10/22(Sat)03:41:14 No.394645849 >>394645756 (OP) # >Nietzsche was a chronic masturbator he died of an STD, so no he f-----, not masturbating ENOUGH was the reason he died >>394646193 # >>394646514 #
Nietzsche was a chronic masturbator : AMU Nietzsche was a chronic mastur(...) 09/10/22(Sat)03:40:14 No.394645756 Could this be the reason why he was such an edgelord nihilist? Wagner said that his chronic m----------- is responsible for his world views. I believe this is true since m----------- is no different than drugs and destroys your body, mind and soul. coomer edgelord.jpg 73 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: ygtkeJvK >>394649636 # >>394645756 (OP) # semen retention is the way 09/10/22(Sat)03:41:06 No.394645833 >>394645912 # : Anonymous (ID: SYsSJXa0) 09/10/22(Sat)03:41:11 No.394645843 >>394645756 (OP) # He makes some good points : Anonymous (ID: XNSuZEM6) 09/10/22(Sat)03:41:14 No.394645849 >>394645756 (OP) # >Nietzsche was a chronic masturbator he died of an STD, so no he f-----, not masturbating ENOUGH was the reason he died >>394646193 # >>394646514 #

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anon is lonely | /r/Greentext

File: lonely_pepe.jpg (90 KB, 1280x976) How do you guys deal with extreme loneliness? Anonymous 09/09/22(Fri) 15:04:03 No.885336397 [Reply]► >>885337278 +9 replies omitted. Click here to view. >no friends irl or online >loner in high school with no friends or hobbies, ate lunch in bathroom to avoid people in cafeteria >loner in 3rd year college with no friends or hobbies, taking a random bus somewhere and eating lunch at an empty ditch to avoid people >stress farts, diarrhea, and migraines when have to be in group projects >dont play video games, watch movies or shows, go outside >no job no life experience >mindlessly scroll through youtube and 4chan for past 8 years after school >urge to commit suicide has never been higher How do you guys cope with such a miserable existence? Anonymous 09/09/22 (Fri)15:26:33 No.885336937 >>885336633 >Try Did. Succeeded. You will too. A tip? Since you have all that time to yourself, learn to be comfortable with yourself first. And then to actually like yourself. After that, you won't need validation from others. So rejection doesn't mean as much. And people will actually want to be around you. Because confidence in a man is depressingly the most rare and precious thing in the world today.
File: lonely_pepe.jpg (90 KB, 1280x976) How do you guys deal with extreme loneliness? Anonymous 09/09/22(Fri) 15:04:03 No.885336397 [Reply]► >>885337278 +9 replies omitted. Click here to view. >no friends irl or online >loner in high school with no friends or hobbies, ate lunch in bathroom to avoid people in cafeteria >loner in 3rd year college with no friends or hobbies, taking a random bus somewhere and eating lunch at an empty ditch to avoid people >stress farts, diarrhea, and migraines when have to be in group projects >dont play video games, watch movies or shows, go outside >no job no life experience >mindlessly scroll through youtube and 4chan for past 8 years after school >urge to commit suicide has never been higher How do you guys cope with such a miserable existence? Anonymous 09/09/22 (Fri)15:26:33 No.885336937 >>885336633 >Try Did. Succeeded. You will too. A tip? Since you have all that time to yourself, learn to be comfortable with yourself first. And then to actually like yourself. After that, you won't need validation from others. So rejection doesn't mean as much. And people will actually want to be around you. Because confidence in a man is depressingly the most rare and precious thing in the world today.

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Anon borrows a ghillie suit | /r/Greentext

►Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:49:16 ID: bc4e8f No.478877 >>478878 >>478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 >Be me >be 15 >2009 >Loved Call of Duty 4 so much >Loved All Ghillied Up so much >Favorite level >I would often reenact levels in my yard with imaginary guns and stuff >i was also abnormally tall for 15 (this is important) >Like 6'2" >Heard senior prom was coming up, and since i was a sophomore I couldn't go >Girl across the street was having people over for pictures >Now, at proms what happens is that when you go to take photos, people park their cars bumper to bumper >reminded of All Ghillied Up when MacMillan and Price crawl under the cars >thisgivemeanidea.jpg >from what I learned from Stephanie (the girl across the street) they were gonna go drinking and s--- in the nature reserve after prom, maybe have some sex >Figure I might 'spy"on them and pretend one is Zakhaev and "shoot" him." >borrow my friends ghillie suit >wait until prom >When everyone's taking photos I put on the ghillie suit >it was a little dark by this time (7:00) and I had cover >"Ach, it's a bloody convention out there, when they leave, crawl out and stay low." I say as I see the crowd, I wait for one of the dad's to move >"hooollld..." >he moves >"Okay...go!" >And so I ran! Exactly as MacMillan does, while even making the sounds of the music from that level >Start crawling under the cars >Holyautism.mosaic >It's a bit of a tighter squeeze than I thought > Pretty tough but I'm skinny so it works >When i get to the end of the cars, people are starting to leave >i say f--- it and run out from under the cars over to a tree in my neighbor's lawn >I hear someone say 'What the f--- was that?" >I run to the beginning of the woods and look back >People are looking in my direction, mostly kids, they look sort of shaken >They keep wondering what it was that ran past them >I run back to my house when i see one of the dads and one of the seniors (named Jake) start to walk across the street >I say to myself "What the bloody hell was that? You trying to get us killed?" ►Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:51:25 ID: bc4e8f No.478878 >>478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478975 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 File (hide): 84ac2c323adeb8c.png (206.66 KB, 319x297, 29:27, mac.png) (h) (u) >>478877 >If they see me everyone will think I'm autistic >they keep walking and I realize I got too close to them >I say in a horrible Scottish accent: "Are you daft? Stay out of the radioactive areas!" >"WHAT THE F--- IS THAT?" One of them says >"WHAT WAS THAT?" >They're seriously scared >They book it to the campsite, and I tiptoe behind them >When they get there they set up camp. I live in the south so one of the guys brings a gun. His date is complaining >"I brought it in case that thing from stephanie's house come back." >"What if that was it earlier on our way here?" >"OMG STOOOOOOP" the females whimper in unison, like a choir of alley cats >The guy (Dave) looks into the woods with his guns while his date starts drinking and inviting him to join her >he's got his eyes fixed on the woods >night comes, I pass the time playing Mw2 >No MacMillan, i am sad >I pretend he's an ultranationalist who spotted me >i run for cover >"I HEARD SOMETHING!" he shouts >in the woods I see lights >It's the seniors >No, it's the ultranationalists! >KILL ZAKHAEV >throw on my ghillie suit >run into the forest >Stalk the seniors (about ten of them) through the trails >I'm snapping a lot of twigs and s--- following them >"What the f--- is that?" One of them says >"What?" > Everyone's getting scared > Girls want to go home >The men decide to be noble and go find the "f-----" stalking them >I bolt. >An hour later, I'm still in the nature preserve > Looking for a way out >All of a sudden I run into the guys >I pretend its that part of All Ghillied Up when Price and MacMillan crawl through the grass past the ultranationalist patrol >i go prone and try to slip past them >instead, i lay down in deer s--- and get it smeared on my friend's ghillie suit >But I continue > Macmillan would have wanted it >It's me. I run to a safer location >"Hello?" Stephanie calls out >they pass me, talking about the "creature" they saw >lolwut >"What did you see, jake?" > "It was huge! like six feet, hairy as f---, and it was like...walking like it had a limp" >i do not walk like that >I DO NOT WALK LIKE THAT I should probably point out my Macmillan impression sounds like I have a bunch of marbles in my mouth while I get deepthroated by mandingo and Danny D at the same time. >i do my accent and say with all of my autism 'pooch doesn't look too friendly." >They freak the f--- out and I run. >"I HEARD IT! THAT'S IT!" >i keep running and see lights. Maybe I'm home? >Nope, campsite >it's mimicking us! >The thing is here! Stephanie shouts >i run, again >A girl shines a light into the woods, it hits me >Macmillan would be disappointed > "Hello?" >Say nothing, just stare. Macmillan would have shot her. >"What do you want, creep?" >A girl waves to get my attention >Pull down my mask to see if she would recognize me from school so she wouldn't be scared >I smile, but due to autism I smile really wide and with eyes wide like a deer getting assrammed >i wave, but its cold as f--- so I'm shaking a ton and it looks like I'm having a seizure >They scream >>478877 >>478878 ►Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:51:48 ID: bc4e8f No.478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 File (hide): 709366abb28e734.png (49.97 KB, 145x155, 29:31, 2f9.png) (h) (u) >is out cold, bleeding >I scream and bolt >then he slips and falls in >Hits his head on a rock >A guy shoots at me with his AR >Macmillan would have topped him >he is shooting wildly >KILL THAT F------ MONSTER! One shouts I kept running that night but ran into the group again. turns out they had split up to search for the "creature" but two of them, Suzie and Noah, got lost. >They're calling out for Suzie >i like Suzie, and this fits, so I shout in my scottish accent >"OI, SUZY!" >i run out of there while screaming loudly:"SUZIE! SUZIE!" hoping that they'll know I'm helping >i slip and fall into a small pit >"Did you smell that thing?" One says >I'm still splattered in deer s--- >They follow my trail, and Dave reaches the edge of pit >'Found it!" he cries >jake >I can hear the group screaming "it got Dave!" >They think I killed Dave >They see me >"NOAH!" one shouts >I'm confused, "Noah?!" >They stop >mfw I'm still using my scottish accent >they're frozen >One girl tries to approach me ake pulls her back >"Target neutralized' i say >Eventually I realize I've been going in circles because I end up back at the camp >i get an idea >trash it, throw s--- around and set things on fire >Then I say: "Look at this place, 50,000 people used to live in this city, now it's a ghost town, never seen anything like it." >When the group comes back they see their camp trashed. >They left Dave in the woods for some reason. >I was really cold so I threw on some of Noah's extra clothes to keep warm. >wat >Jake charges me >i run (getting sick of hearing that?) >he catches me >"that's not noah anymore" he says >Noah was the class clown and had a lot of funny catchphrases, so to calm them down i do an impression of him and say "What's swaggin?" >This scares them even more >Apparently he said that right before he disappeared >I'm bigger so I punch him and he falls >I pull him by his leg into the dark to punch him more >The group is screaming >the others are too scared to help >i beat him up while shouting Macmillan lines in a scottish accent >it sounds like William Wallace had suddenly come out of the trees and decided to savage one of the group members >he's bloody and I run so I won't get in trouble >The group freaks out >I stagger a lot, leaving blood all over the trees and stuff >My hand hurts from punching him a ton >i scream >More screaming from the woods >I get back home, shower, and play All Ghillied Up for real >When i return my friend's ghillie suit he tells me that apparently there's like a hairy monster man in the woods >I'm scared until I read the newspaper >blood trails all over the woods, two teens beaten and bloodied >Suzie was found stuck in mud >They never found Noah >jake and Dave ended up in the hospital >friends say they saw Noah attack Jake and then disappear >Say the creature was dark, hairy, smelly, ran fast, was tall and gaunt, and mimicked humans >two years later some anon posts about it on cuckchan's /b/ >called it a "skinwalker" >mfw I was a skinwalker >Macmillan would have been proud
►Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:49:16 ID: bc4e8f No.478877 >>478878 >>478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 >Be me >be 15 >2009 >Loved Call of Duty 4 so much >Loved All Ghillied Up so much >Favorite level >I would often reenact levels in my yard with imaginary guns and stuff >i was also abnormally tall for 15 (this is important) >Like 6'2" >Heard senior prom was coming up, and since i was a sophomore I couldn't go >Girl across the street was having people over for pictures >Now, at proms what happens is that when you go to take photos, people park their cars bumper to bumper >reminded of All Ghillied Up when MacMillan and Price crawl under the cars >thisgivemeanidea.jpg >from what I learned from Stephanie (the girl across the street) they were gonna go drinking and s--- in the nature reserve after prom, maybe have some sex >Figure I might 'spy"on them and pretend one is Zakhaev and "shoot" him." >borrow my friends ghillie suit >wait until prom >When everyone's taking photos I put on the ghillie suit >it was a little dark by this time (7:00) and I had cover >"Ach, it's a bloody convention out there, when they leave, crawl out and stay low." I say as I see the crowd, I wait for one of the dad's to move >"hooollld..." >he moves >"Okay...go!" >And so I ran! Exactly as MacMillan does, while even making the sounds of the music from that level >Start crawling under the cars >Holyautism.mosaic >It's a bit of a tighter squeeze than I thought > Pretty tough but I'm skinny so it works >When i get to the end of the cars, people are starting to leave >i say f--- it and run out from under the cars over to a tree in my neighbor's lawn >I hear someone say 'What the f--- was that?" >I run to the beginning of the woods and look back >People are looking in my direction, mostly kids, they look sort of shaken >They keep wondering what it was that ran past them >I run back to my house when i see one of the dads and one of the seniors (named Jake) start to walk across the street >I say to myself "What the bloody hell was that? You trying to get us killed?" ►Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:51:25 ID: bc4e8f No.478878 >>478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478975 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 File (hide): 84ac2c323adeb8c.png (206.66 KB, 319x297, 29:27, mac.png) (h) (u) >>478877 >If they see me everyone will think I'm autistic >they keep walking and I realize I got too close to them >I say in a horrible Scottish accent: "Are you daft? Stay out of the radioactive areas!" >"WHAT THE F--- IS THAT?" One of them says >"WHAT WAS THAT?" >They're seriously scared >They book it to the campsite, and I tiptoe behind them >When they get there they set up camp. I live in the south so one of the guys brings a gun. His date is complaining >"I brought it in case that thing from stephanie's house come back." >"What if that was it earlier on our way here?" >"OMG STOOOOOOP" the females whimper in unison, like a choir of alley cats >The guy (Dave) looks into the woods with his guns while his date starts drinking and inviting him to join her >he's got his eyes fixed on the woods >night comes, I pass the time playing Mw2 >No MacMillan, i am sad >I pretend he's an ultranationalist who spotted me >i run for cover >"I HEARD SOMETHING!" he shouts >in the woods I see lights >It's the seniors >No, it's the ultranationalists! >KILL ZAKHAEV >throw on my ghillie suit >run into the forest >Stalk the seniors (about ten of them) through the trails >I'm snapping a lot of twigs and s--- following them >"What the f--- is that?" One of them says >"What?" > Everyone's getting scared > Girls want to go home >The men decide to be noble and go find the "f-----" stalking them >I bolt. >An hour later, I'm still in the nature preserve > Looking for a way out >All of a sudden I run into the guys >I pretend its that part of All Ghillied Up when Price and MacMillan crawl through the grass past the ultranationalist patrol >i go prone and try to slip past them >instead, i lay down in deer s--- and get it smeared on my friend's ghillie suit >But I continue > Macmillan would have wanted it >It's me. I run to a safer location >"Hello?" Stephanie calls out >they pass me, talking about the "creature" they saw >lolwut >"What did you see, jake?" > "It was huge! like six feet, hairy as f---, and it was like...walking like it had a limp" >i do not walk like that >I DO NOT WALK LIKE THAT I should probably point out my Macmillan impression sounds like I have a bunch of marbles in my mouth while I get deepthroated by mandingo and Danny D at the same time. >i do my accent and say with all of my autism 'pooch doesn't look too friendly." >They freak the f--- out and I run. >"I HEARD IT! THAT'S IT!" >i keep running and see lights. Maybe I'm home? >Nope, campsite >it's mimicking us! >The thing is here! Stephanie shouts >i run, again >A girl shines a light into the woods, it hits me >Macmillan would be disappointed > "Hello?" >Say nothing, just stare. Macmillan would have shot her. >"What do you want, creep?" >A girl waves to get my attention >Pull down my mask to see if she would recognize me from school so she wouldn't be scared >I smile, but due to autism I smile really wide and with eyes wide like a deer getting assrammed >i wave, but its cold as f--- so I'm shaking a ton and it looks like I'm having a seizure >They scream >>478877 >>478878 ►Strelok 03/25/17 (Sat) 18:51:48 ID: bc4e8f No.478879 >>478881 >>478885 >>478988 >>479576 >>480533 >>489404 >>491418 >>491880 File (hide): 709366abb28e734.png (49.97 KB, 145x155, 29:31, 2f9.png) (h) (u) >is out cold, bleeding >I scream and bolt >then he slips and falls in >Hits his head on a rock >A guy shoots at me with his AR >Macmillan would have topped him >he is shooting wildly >KILL THAT F------ MONSTER! One shouts I kept running that night but ran into the group again. turns out they had split up to search for the "creature" but two of them, Suzie and Noah, got lost. >They're calling out for Suzie >i like Suzie, and this fits, so I shout in my scottish accent >"OI, SUZY!" >i run out of there while screaming loudly:"SUZIE! SUZIE!" hoping that they'll know I'm helping >i slip and fall into a small pit >"Did you smell that thing?" One says >I'm still splattered in deer s--- >They follow my trail, and Dave reaches the edge of pit >'Found it!" he cries >jake >I can hear the group screaming "it got Dave!" >They think I killed Dave >They see me >"NOAH!" one shouts >I'm confused, "Noah?!" >They stop >mfw I'm still using my scottish accent >they're frozen >One girl tries to approach me ake pulls her back >"Target neutralized' i say >Eventually I realize I've been going in circles because I end up back at the camp >i get an idea >trash it, throw s--- around and set things on fire >Then I say: "Look at this place, 50,000 people used to live in this city, now it's a ghost town, never seen anything like it." >When the group comes back they see their camp trashed. >They left Dave in the woods for some reason. >I was really cold so I threw on some of Noah's extra clothes to keep warm. >wat >Jake charges me >i run (getting sick of hearing that?) >he catches me >"that's not noah anymore" he says >Noah was the class clown and had a lot of funny catchphrases, so to calm them down i do an impression of him and say "What's swaggin?" >This scares them even more >Apparently he said that right before he disappeared >I'm bigger so I punch him and he falls >I pull him by his leg into the dark to punch him more >The group is screaming >the others are too scared to help >i beat him up while shouting Macmillan lines in a scottish accent >it sounds like William Wallace had suddenly come out of the trees and decided to savage one of the group members >he's bloody and I run so I won't get in trouble >The group freaks out >I stagger a lot, leaving blood all over the trees and stuff >My hand hurts from punching him a ton >i scream >More screaming from the woods >I get back home, shower, and play All Ghillied Up for real >When i return my friend's ghillie suit he tells me that apparently there's like a hairy monster man in the woods >I'm scared until I read the newspaper >blood trails all over the woods, two teens beaten and bloodied >Suzie was found stuck in mud >They never found Noah >jake and Dave ended up in the hospital >friends say they saw Noah attack Jake and then disappear >Say the creature was dark, hairy, smelly, ran fast, was tall and gaunt, and mimicked humans >two years later some anon posts about it on cuckchan's /b/ >called it a "skinwalker" >mfw I was a skinwalker >Macmillan would have been proud

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Anon tries to learn programming | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Computer Science BS 57 KB JPG 09/06/22(Tue) 22:15:12 No.885193882 >be me, second day of new school year >Walks into computer science >It's about "computer ethics" and "how a computer thinks" >There's no coding I just want to code something ffs
: Anonymous Computer Science BS 57 KB JPG 09/06/22(Tue) 22:15:12 No.885193882 >be me, second day of new school year >Walks into computer science >It's about "computer ethics" and "how a computer thinks" >There's no coding I just want to code something ffs

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Anon is stunned | /r/Greentext

1h (9/10 7:25). 70152158 0 Re 0 Img PNG 245KB (541 - 531) >we are not even in hell yet Crazy :
1h (9/10 7:25). 70152158 0 Re 0 Img PNG 245KB (541 - 531) >we are not even in hell yet Crazy :

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a crossover episode | /r/Greentext

what would've been the endgame of Harry Potter, if Draco was a girl? Anonymous 09/09/22 (Fri)14:04:46 No. 173907220 ► File: obi-wan potter.jpg >Albus, my son, did I ever tell you about Davina Malfoy? She was my bratty entitled classmate, a fine piece of ass. She had a really tight body and perky B cup t---. We used to rivalize and trash talk each other but in 6th year when were horny teens I Potter-punched her fartmaker after every boring Potions class, and once in a while we'd have unprotected, instinct driven sex on the dirty floor of the bathroom. In time, she learned how to d--------- my meatwand better than your mom. She wore a miniskirt every day, and since she was constantly teasing me, she usually bent over in front of me so I can get a glimpse of her pink p---- during class as she'd pretend to drop her book. It was surreal. Even after Hogwarts we had a long lasting affair, so there is a good chance your best friend Scorpius is also your half-brother. It was ridiculous, like a constant p---- Albus, you have no idea. And she was a good friend.
what would've been the endgame of Harry Potter, if Draco was a girl? Anonymous 09/09/22 (Fri)14:04:46 No. 173907220 ► File: obi-wan potter.jpg >Albus, my son, did I ever tell you about Davina Malfoy? She was my bratty entitled classmate, a fine piece of ass. She had a really tight body and perky B cup t---. We used to rivalize and trash talk each other but in 6th year when were horny teens I Potter-punched her fartmaker after every boring Potions class, and once in a while we'd have unprotected, instinct driven sex on the dirty floor of the bathroom. In time, she learned how to d--------- my meatwand better than your mom. She wore a miniskirt every day, and since she was constantly teasing me, she usually bent over in front of me so I can get a glimpse of her pink p---- during class as she'd pretend to drop her book. It was surreal. Even after Hogwarts we had a long lasting affair, so there is a good chance your best friend Scorpius is also your half-brother. It was ridiculous, like a constant p---- Albus, you have no idea. And she was a good friend.

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