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anon's bullies get karma | /r/Greentext

04/01/22(Fri)11:11:24 No.68025806 : Anonymous >be millennial >all my bullies joined the military in the height of afgan and iraq war >all are either dead (mostly suicide or opioid overdose), maimed, or divorce r---- and paying alimony and child support >all while I got into crypto social media does have it's bright side, watching their lives collapse in real time is top tier fap fuel
04/01/22(Fri)11:11:24 No.68025806 : Anonymous >be millennial >all my bullies joined the military in the height of afgan and iraq war >all are either dead (mostly suicide or opioid overdose), maimed, or divorce r---- and paying alimony and child support >all while I got into crypto social media does have it's bright side, watching their lives collapse in real time is top tier fap fuel

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Anon gets the vaccine | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 5 KB JPG 05/23/21(Sun)16:30:43 No.8551462 >be me >just got COVID vaccine >have sudden urge to purchase Microsoft Office available now for only $69.99 per year
: Anonymous 5 KB JPG 05/23/21(Sun)16:30:43 No.8551462 >be me >just got COVID vaccine >have sudden urge to purchase Microsoft Office available now for only $69.99 per year

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Anon gets a phone book | /r/Greentext

most retarded moments thread? > be me > be 11 100 KB JPG > in car with family heading home from county fair > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate
most retarded moments thread? > be me > be 11 100 KB JPG > in car with family heading home from county fair > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate

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Anon switches careers | /r/Greentext

05/01/22(Sun)00:12:27 No.877258467 : Anonymous > be me live in s----- country > work 7 years in bars and restaurants > quit to pursue new career > find job as english speaking phone operator for an outsourced call center > internet addicted my whole life so english is really good and i can fake an 69 KB JPG english accent > do the training and be told to sell some bogus magazine monthly subscribtion at the end of customer service calls > dont think much of it > within a week i sell record breaking amounts of magazines because the customers are in the UK and everyone else speaks broken english > be encouraged to decorate desk and feel at home > everyone is super nice and they say we are family > get candy and bell rings when i get a sale > feelsgood.jpg > get call from manager saying they want me in sales > go to sales and people talk me up > get assigned under the best seller for training and she brags alot > be told my only job now is to call people and sell magazines > get more sales than top seller on first day > get commisions so sallary is 3 times more than old job > start to realise most calls are old and vulnerable people > be encouraged to read the terms and conditions really fast so they dont understand what they're signing up for > make alot of sales to people that can't hear well or have dementia and alzheimer's > feelsbad.jpg > job is soul-sucking > make a call to an old lady who is dying of cancer and says she will buy the magazine if we can talk abit > she reminds me of my mother who died of cancer > i start crying on the phone > put my one weeks notice the next day > spend my last week doing origami and not getting any sales on purpose > found another job that only pays 1k a month but makes me happy > feelsgoodagain.jpg
05/01/22(Sun)00:12:27 No.877258467 : Anonymous > be me live in s----- country > work 7 years in bars and restaurants > quit to pursue new career > find job as english speaking phone operator for an outsourced call center > internet addicted my whole life so english is really good and i can fake an 69 KB JPG english accent > do the training and be told to sell some bogus magazine monthly subscribtion at the end of customer service calls > dont think much of it > within a week i sell record breaking amounts of magazines because the customers are in the UK and everyone else speaks broken english > be encouraged to decorate desk and feel at home > everyone is super nice and they say we are family > get candy and bell rings when i get a sale > feelsgood.jpg > get call from manager saying they want me in sales > go to sales and people talk me up > get assigned under the best seller for training and she brags alot > be told my only job now is to call people and sell magazines > get more sales than top seller on first day > get commisions so sallary is 3 times more than old job > start to realise most calls are old and vulnerable people > be encouraged to read the terms and conditions really fast so they dont understand what they're signing up for > make alot of sales to people that can't hear well or have dementia and alzheimer's > feelsbad.jpg > job is soul-sucking > make a call to an old lady who is dying of cancer and says she will buy the magazine if we can talk abit > she reminds me of my mother who died of cancer > i start crying on the phone > put my one weeks notice the next day > spend my last week doing origami and not getting any sales on purpose > found another job that only pays 1k a month but makes me happy > feelsgoodagain.jpg

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Anon hates civilization. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/30/22(Sat)21:40:22 No.68441249 >be 6ft4 170lbs alpha male >be working in a construction site >spill a bag of cement >a wild 5ft7 120lbs manlet supervisor appears >he starts going ape s--- over the spilled cement bag 75 KB JPG I f------ hate civilizations robots. Without civilization I can easily squeeze that c---'s throat, kill all of his kids and impregnate his wife to pass down my superior silverback genes. But all I could do was say sorry and putting back the cement or else I would have lost $25.
Anonymous 04/30/22(Sat)21:40:22 No.68441249 >be 6ft4 170lbs alpha male >be working in a construction site >spill a bag of cement >a wild 5ft7 120lbs manlet supervisor appears >he starts going ape s--- over the spilled cement bag 75 KB JPG I f------ hate civilizations robots. Without civilization I can easily squeeze that c---'s throat, kill all of his kids and impregnate his wife to pass down my superior silverback genes. But all I could do was say sorry and putting back the cement or else I would have lost $25.

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Anon doesn’t care | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: W5LVjQ2V) Someone please explain to me 188 KB JPG Anonymous (ID: GYo2t5u1 )= 1601717005308.gif 24 KB GIF >>321859706 (OP) # not your problem >>321861165 # >>321864751 # >>321868464 # >>321871645 # >>321872382 # >>321873368 # >>321874044 # >>321874045 # >>321876078 # >>321881125 # >>321887329 # >>321890085 # >>321891701 # 05/16/21(Sun)13:00:47 No.321859706 The Palestine X Israel conflict like im 5yo 05/16/21(Sun)13:02:06 No.321859883
Anonymous (ID: W5LVjQ2V) Someone please explain to me 188 KB JPG Anonymous (ID: GYo2t5u1 )= 1601717005308.gif 24 KB GIF >>321859706 (OP) # not your problem >>321861165 # >>321864751 # >>321868464 # >>321871645 # >>321872382 # >>321873368 # >>321874044 # >>321874045 # >>321876078 # >>321881125 # >>321887329 # >>321890085 # >>321891701 # 05/16/21(Sun)13:00:47 No.321859706 The Palestine X Israel conflict like im 5yo 05/16/21(Sun)13:02:06 No.321859883

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Anon talks about Nazi clubs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: GIQLAUt2 04/30/22(Sat)16:31:32 No.375469008 B8C3026D-021A-458A-AB8A-6B7D516249D0.jpg 116 KB JPG So I just learned that Nazi clubs are a thing in Japan >a while back there was one such club named "Unfair" >it was a place where people would dress up in Nazi uniforms >the place was filled with Nazi memorabilia and Swastikas >The people at this club claimed they weren't Nazis, but just liked being in a place surrounded by attractive waiters wearing Nazi uniforms and serving them drinks with Swastikas on them >eventually the club shuts down after social media backlash, and the owners claimed that they didn't know that Hitler was all that bad, and that they were sorry for offending Jewish people with their club Is it just cultural ignorance or what? It's hard to imagine how not one of the employees or visitors knew about the Holocaust or any of the other bad stuff the Nazis did
: Anonymous (ID: GIQLAUt2 04/30/22(Sat)16:31:32 No.375469008 B8C3026D-021A-458A-AB8A-6B7D516249D0.jpg 116 KB JPG So I just learned that Nazi clubs are a thing in Japan >a while back there was one such club named "Unfair" >it was a place where people would dress up in Nazi uniforms >the place was filled with Nazi memorabilia and Swastikas >The people at this club claimed they weren't Nazis, but just liked being in a place surrounded by attractive waiters wearing Nazi uniforms and serving them drinks with Swastikas on them >eventually the club shuts down after social media backlash, and the owners claimed that they didn't know that Hitler was all that bad, and that they were sorry for offending Jewish people with their club Is it just cultural ignorance or what? It's hard to imagine how not one of the employees or visitors knew about the Holocaust or any of the other bad stuff the Nazis did

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Femanon joins a discord server | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/01/22(Sun)00:59:06 No.68438905 >Join discord server from a link on b >claims to be about fighting against the degradation of traditional values >mostly just zoomers combining about women 37 KB JPG >make a post pretending to be a girl >say that I hate feminism and want a dominant husband to be subservient to >get flooded with replies and dms from desperate zoomers trying to hook up >say I want to marry a fit man who abstains from drugs and p--- >everyone flips out, get called a feminazi and sent death threats by the same zoomers Are they all like this?
Anonymous 05/01/22(Sun)00:59:06 No.68438905 >Join discord server from a link on b >claims to be about fighting against the degradation of traditional values >mostly just zoomers combining about women 37 KB JPG >make a post pretending to be a girl >say that I hate feminism and want a dominant husband to be subservient to >get flooded with replies and dms from desperate zoomers trying to hook up >say I want to marry a fit man who abstains from drugs and p--- >everyone flips out, get called a feminazi and sent death threats by the same zoomers Are they all like this?

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Perfect way to go | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: CfNHW8YS ) 06/24/14(Tue)00:32:23 No.552734235 >rent a convertible sports car and a parachute >get your favorite handgun and shoot it in the air around a police station >high speed chase ensues >lead the police into the desert and wait for media choppers >itstime.jpg >tie parachute cord around your neck and throw a brick on the gas >deploy parachute, snapping your neck and simultaniously dragging your lifeless body into the air behind the car >parasail across the desert until your car dies Bonus points if the parachute says Ron Paul 2008 Bonus points if wearing assless fursuit
Anonymous (ID: CfNHW8YS ) 06/24/14(Tue)00:32:23 No.552734235 >rent a convertible sports car and a parachute >get your favorite handgun and shoot it in the air around a police station >high speed chase ensues >lead the police into the desert and wait for media choppers >itstime.jpg >tie parachute cord around your neck and throw a brick on the gas >deploy parachute, snapping your neck and simultaniously dragging your lifeless body into the air behind the car >parasail across the desert until your car dies Bonus points if the parachute says Ron Paul 2008 Bonus points if wearing assless fursuit

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Anon can't go swimming | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)21:44:54 No.743795350 T >About 600 gators are now in the flood water in Houston >Apparently HIV-positive blood has leaked into said water (from hospitals being 51 KB JPG flooded n s---) >AFAIK they're warning people not to go in the water because of the GatorAIDS POOL'S CLOSED
Anonymous 08/31/17(Thu)21:44:54 No.743795350 T >About 600 gators are now in the flood water in Houston >Apparently HIV-positive blood has leaked into said water (from hospitals being 51 KB JPG flooded n s---) >AFAIK they're warning people not to go in the water because of the GatorAIDS POOL'S CLOSED

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Some men just want to watch the world burn | /r/Greentext

07/29/21(Thu)13:47:06 No.15424063 : Anonymous Movie idea >aliens come to earth >tell humanity that it must choose one of its races to be eliminated before they share their knowledge and tech 20 KB JPG >a worldwide anonymous poll is held where you just have to think of which race to get rid of (none is an option as well) >plot twist: as the poll ends everyone who voted for a certain race gets a corresponding symbol tattooed on their face >aliens instantly leave without purging anyone or saying a word >chaos ensues
07/29/21(Thu)13:47:06 No.15424063 : Anonymous Movie idea >aliens come to earth >tell humanity that it must choose one of its races to be eliminated before they share their knowledge and tech 20 KB JPG >a worldwide anonymous poll is held where you just have to think of which race to get rid of (none is an option as well) >plot twist: as the poll ends everyone who voted for a certain race gets a corresponding symbol tattooed on their face >aliens instantly leave without purging anyone or saying a word >chaos ensues

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Anon is a camping expert | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)11:44:34 No.64448617 Have you taken the NPCpill yet, /r9k/ >Be me, social retard >Work is always difficult because I literally can't make friends >Never have any idea what to talk about 89 KB JPG >Like the idea of camping >Decide I'm going to be the Camp Bro NPC >No matter what, no matter how minor the question or subject is at work, always tie in camping or at minimum a camping pun >Any time I'm away from my desk I put a "Gone Fishing" sign up >Start to wear plaid and camo, drink my coffee out of a thermos >People are annoyed at first, but ignore it >Eventually people start to talk to me about camping, asking for places, ideas, how to do stuff >Start to make friends, coworkers want to do a BBQ by the river and invite me and have me help plan it >it goes great and I b------- my way through everything >"Whoa, you're a pretty cool guy, anon!" >mfw I've never been camping and just browse /out/ too much 6 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 07/05/21(Mon)11:44:34 No.64448617 Have you taken the NPCpill yet, /r9k/ >Be me, social retard >Work is always difficult because I literally can't make friends >Never have any idea what to talk about 89 KB JPG >Like the idea of camping >Decide I'm going to be the Camp Bro NPC >No matter what, no matter how minor the question or subject is at work, always tie in camping or at minimum a camping pun >Any time I'm away from my desk I put a "Gone Fishing" sign up >Start to wear plaid and camo, drink my coffee out of a thermos >People are annoyed at first, but ignore it >Eventually people start to talk to me about camping, asking for places, ideas, how to do stuff >Start to make friends, coworkers want to do a BBQ by the river and invite me and have me help plan it >it goes great and I b------- my way through everything >"Whoa, you're a pretty cool guy, anon!" >mfw I've never been camping and just browse /out/ too much 6 Replies View Thread

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dumblebased | /r/Greentext

1559591480647.png, 396KIB, 1305x667 Anonymous Tue 09 Jul 2019 17:51:38 No.117817885 Quoted By: >>117818074>>117818090 >>117818102 >>117818697 >>117820732 >>117822685>>117822875 >>117822997 >>117823695 >>117823706 >>117823780 >ONE POINT TO SLYTHERIN FOR EACH JEW KILLED IN THE HOLOCAUST >Draco and the kids start cheering >Gandalf looks at the screen >ZERO POINTS!
1559591480647.png, 396KIB, 1305x667 Anonymous Tue 09 Jul 2019 17:51:38 No.117817885 Quoted By: >>117818074>>117818090 >>117818102 >>117818697 >>117820732 >>117822685>>117822875 >>117822997 >>117823695 >>117823706 >>117823780 >ONE POINT TO SLYTHERIN FOR EACH JEW KILLED IN THE HOLOCAUST >Draco and the kids start cheering >Gandalf looks at the screen >ZERO POINTS!

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Psstt.... Have you heard this? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/26/22(Tue) 14:51:05 No.167141834 LOO000000OL.jpg 56 KB JPG Moscow theater showing pirated version (from torrents) of batman LOL Anonymous 04/26/22(Tue)16:46:24 No.167148013 >>167141834 (OP) # >projector fires up >some Russian Google chrome browser homepage >types in 123movies into search bar >clicks first link >doesn't work >clicks second link >clicks on search bar >ad pops up >exit ad >click search bar >ad pops up >exit ad, click searchbar >type in Batman >click The Batman (2022) >ad pops up >exit ad >hit play >hit full-screen >ad pops up >exit ad, hit full screen >Russian audience starts cheering Sounds based to me
: Anonymous 04/26/22(Tue) 14:51:05 No.167141834 LOO000000OL.jpg 56 KB JPG Moscow theater showing pirated version (from torrents) of batman LOL Anonymous 04/26/22(Tue)16:46:24 No.167148013 >>167141834 (OP) # >projector fires up >some Russian Google chrome browser homepage >types in 123movies into search bar >clicks first link >doesn't work >clicks second link >clicks on search bar >ad pops up >exit ad >click search bar >ad pops up >exit ad, click searchbar >type in Batman >click The Batman (2022) >ad pops up >exit ad >hit play >hit full-screen >ad pops up >exit ad, hit full screen >Russian audience starts cheering Sounds based to me

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Fake it till you makeup | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/22(Sat)12:06:17 No.68435164 >be ugly male >terrible skin with scars from cystic acne >start wearing light make-up >women start checking me out >sister calls me handsome 77 KB JPG >mom keeps saying how clear my skin looks now >my reflection in the mirror actually looks good >self confidence is through the roof why haven't you taken the make-up pill? it's a litteral cheat code, I can't ever go back.
: Anonymous 04/30/22(Sat)12:06:17 No.68435164 >be ugly male >terrible skin with scars from cystic acne >start wearing light make-up >women start checking me out >sister calls me handsome 77 KB JPG >mom keeps saying how clear my skin looks now >my reflection in the mirror actually looks good >self confidence is through the roof why haven't you taken the make-up pill? it's a litteral cheat code, I can't ever go back.

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Anon has an unpopular opinion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 15 KB JPG 05/10/21 (Mon)12:17:38 No.854094226 >go on reddit >unpopular opinion subreddit >give unpopular opinion >downvoted how do these retards function
: Anonymous 15 KB JPG 05/10/21 (Mon)12:17:38 No.854094226 >go on reddit >unpopular opinion subreddit >give unpopular opinion >downvoted how do these retards function

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Anon's Journey | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/30/22(Sat)21:34:35 No.877233761 >be me >been fat for most of my life >parents have always loved me >encouraged me to play sports >this stopped me from getting any fatter since I ate the equivalent of a horse a day 39 KB JPG >get really depressed when 14 >didn't help that I was already pretty introverted >quit all sports & extracurricular activities >become fatter >lose all motivation to do anything >grades drop dramatically >start going to school less and less >parents get really concerned after I start skipping entire days >I get called into the principal's office multiple times regarding my attendance with my moth >mother cries every time >16 >covid hits >online school >don't do any of the work and don't attend any classes >back to school after a few months >still skip most days or arrive really late >school finally threatens to expel me >parents decide to take me to a psychiatrist to see why I'm so retarded >psychiatrist was hot 40 ish brown lady and was very kind >after a few sessions she puts me on meds >take meds for rest of the year >help a little but was underwhelming >mother sends me to different school because she feels that it would be a better environment >struggle to make friends for the first 4 months >start hitting the gym although inconsistently >start eating less and healthier >start picking up activities again >overall mood is better >start get closer and hanging out more with friends >feel motivated to do better in school >improve my grades enough to get into uni even though I haven't paid attention in classes for the last 3 years >meds have served their purpose and make me feel worse so I stop taking them >lose 12kg body weight and built up a little bit of muscle by the end of the year >still pretty fat and have more gains to achieve >no longer depressed and become more social but still pretty introverted >18 now, still a long way to go but proud of my progress so far I know there are people in much worse situations than me but I hope this motivated you a little Anon :)
: Anonymous 04/30/22(Sat)21:34:35 No.877233761 >be me >been fat for most of my life >parents have always loved me >encouraged me to play sports >this stopped me from getting any fatter since I ate the equivalent of a horse a day 39 KB JPG >get really depressed when 14 >didn't help that I was already pretty introverted >quit all sports & extracurricular activities >become fatter >lose all motivation to do anything >grades drop dramatically >start going to school less and less >parents get really concerned after I start skipping entire days >I get called into the principal's office multiple times regarding my attendance with my moth >mother cries every time >16 >covid hits >online school >don't do any of the work and don't attend any classes >back to school after a few months >still skip most days or arrive really late >school finally threatens to expel me >parents decide to take me to a psychiatrist to see why I'm so retarded >psychiatrist was hot 40 ish brown lady and was very kind >after a few sessions she puts me on meds >take meds for rest of the year >help a little but was underwhelming >mother sends me to different school because she feels that it would be a better environment >struggle to make friends for the first 4 months >start hitting the gym although inconsistently >start eating less and healthier >start picking up activities again >overall mood is better >start get closer and hanging out more with friends >feel motivated to do better in school >improve my grades enough to get into uni even though I haven't paid attention in classes for the last 3 years >meds have served their purpose and make me feel worse so I stop taking them >lose 12kg body weight and built up a little bit of muscle by the end of the year >still pretty fat and have more gains to achieve >no longer depressed and become more social but still pretty introverted >18 now, still a long way to go but proud of my progress so far I know there are people in much worse situations than me but I hope this motivated you a little Anon :)

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Anon's Favourite Movie Lines | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Favorite movie lines 10/04/20(Sun)15:07:39 No.140245384 161AA42A-EDA1-4F0D-832B-B18023B797D1.jpg 50 KB JPG >Patrick, it's you!! You're the American Psycho?!!" Anonymous >>140245384 (OP) # He didn't say that. 10/04/20(Sun)15:08:00 No.140245402
Anonymous Favorite movie lines 10/04/20(Sun)15:07:39 No.140245384 161AA42A-EDA1-4F0D-832B-B18023B797D1.jpg 50 KB JPG >Patrick, it's you!! You're the American Psycho?!!" Anonymous >>140245384 (OP) # He didn't say that. 10/04/20(Sun)15:08:00 No.140245402

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Anon is born dumb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/20(Sun)21:14:04 No.842264200 >be me >retard >never done drugs once in my life >friends and family all think I smoke weed every day >boss also thinks I show 27 KB PNG up high to work >nobody believes me when I tell them I'm just f------ stupid >mfw View Thread
: Anonymous 12/13/20(Sun)21:14:04 No.842264200 >be me >retard >never done drugs once in my life >friends and family all think I smoke weed every day >boss also thinks I show 27 KB PNG up high to work >nobody believes me when I tell them I'm just f------ stupid >mfw View Thread

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Anon laughs to hold back the tears | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: GCNakmXd ) 08/22/21(Sun)21:15:04 No.335610568 >>335609141 # >Taliban is now running around with M4s decked in western-style operator gear, driving around in MRAPS and IFVs and operating their own air force 8 KB JPG >Anti-Taliban forces are now rag-wearnig mountain guerillas with rusty Aks this whole thing is just f------ ridiculous
: Anonymous (ID: GCNakmXd ) 08/22/21(Sun)21:15:04 No.335610568 >>335609141 # >Taliban is now running around with M4s decked in western-style operator gear, driving around in MRAPS and IFVs and operating their own air force 8 KB JPG >Anti-Taliban forces are now rag-wearnig mountain guerillas with rusty Aks this whole thing is just f------ ridiculous

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