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Autism kicks in | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:29:30 No.530995260 ITT: Autistic Mistakes > Be 15 > Go to farm on after- school group's field trip > Want to be funny > Go to farmer 19 KB JPG "You have a nice d---." > MFW meant to say c--- > MEW I realize he grew vegatables > MFW I'm probably retarded Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:38:06 No.530996935 this thread is a good thread
Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:29:30 No.530995260 ITT: Autistic Mistakes > Be 15 > Go to farm on after- school group's field trip > Want to be funny > Go to farmer 19 KB JPG "You have a nice d---." > MFW meant to say c--- > MEW I realize he grew vegatables > MFW I'm probably retarded Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:38:06 No.530996935 this thread is a good thread

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anon gets free food like a fucking pimp | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/07/22(Mon)19:10:51 No.872256880 >>872257971 >be me when I was in high school >go to mall with buddies >one of us pretends to be retard >walks funny, does the voice, the works >head to taco bell at food court >turn to retard and treat like s--- >"the f--- you gettin anon" >"s-s-stop rush-in m-me guys" >taco bell clerk looks as though he feels bad for retard >"can I help you sir?" >"WH-WHATI? "n-no I was j-just b-b-born this w-way" >everyone in line is looking >his face drops >"oh my god, I am so sorry, sir, I didn't mean that. let me take care of your meal today" >"i-thank you, b-but it is alright" >"no. please, sir. I insist >"o-okay" >food handed to us on tray >all start to walk away >retard is struggling to keep up >"hurry up f-----!" >people are glaring >"i-i'm trying g-guys." >one of us walks back as he is struggling to walk >hits the trays from under >retard tries to take a step but slips >crashes into a promo sign in front of chinese place >huge noise, everyone is looking >f-f-f--- you g-guys >ditch around the corner >meetup afterwards, >laugh our asses off
O Anonymous 02/07/22(Mon)19:10:51 No.872256880 >>872257971 >be me when I was in high school >go to mall with buddies >one of us pretends to be retard >walks funny, does the voice, the works >head to taco bell at food court >turn to retard and treat like s--- >"the f--- you gettin anon" >"s-s-stop rush-in m-me guys" >taco bell clerk looks as though he feels bad for retard >"can I help you sir?" >"WH-WHATI? "n-no I was j-just b-b-born this w-way" >everyone in line is looking >his face drops >"oh my god, I am so sorry, sir, I didn't mean that. let me take care of your meal today" >"i-thank you, b-but it is alright" >"no. please, sir. I insist >"o-okay" >food handed to us on tray >all start to walk away >retard is struggling to keep up >"hurry up f-----!" >people are glaring >"i-i'm trying g-guys." >one of us walks back as he is struggling to walk >hits the trays from under >retard tries to take a step but slips >crashes into a promo sign in front of chinese place >huge noise, everyone is looking >f-f-f--- you g-guys >ditch around the corner >meetup afterwards, >laugh our asses off

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Anon needs an explanation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/07/18(Wed)21:02:15 N download.jpg 7 KB JPG >look in bathroom mirror >8/10 handsome Chad aesthetics >take photo of self >5/10 weak basedboy betamale explain 8 Replies / 3 Images Vie
: Anonymous 11/07/18(Wed)21:02:15 N download.jpg 7 KB JPG >look in bathroom mirror >8/10 handsome Chad aesthetics >take photo of self >5/10 weak basedboy betamale explain 8 Replies / 3 Images Vie

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Anon is sad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 784605525 51 min. ago >Be me >Sophomore >Mid semester break for 10 days >Pack and travel 1300 kms to my home >Forgot my mobile charger in hostel >No one has c type charger in my home >Says f--- it, will live without phone for 10 days and improve my social skills >Spends all the time on laptop >Thinks all the time people will be worried about me and would be calling me >Come back to hostel >Charge my phone >Notifications and messages start popping 1300 messages in whatsapp >Mfw all messages are from groups and no personal messages Feels bad man
Anonymous | 784605525 51 min. ago >Be me >Sophomore >Mid semester break for 10 days >Pack and travel 1300 kms to my home >Forgot my mobile charger in hostel >No one has c type charger in my home >Says f--- it, will live without phone for 10 days and improve my social skills >Spends all the time on laptop >Thinks all the time people will be worried about me and would be calling me >Come back to hostel >Charge my phone >Notifications and messages start popping 1300 messages in whatsapp >Mfw all messages are from groups and no personal messages Feels bad man

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Anon isn't gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/17/18(Wed)02:54:17 No.782533907 >be me >Only watch lesbian p--- or solo p---, because seeing d---- is gay af >J------- twice a day to only female p--- for 5 years >be 17 20 KB JPG >at girls house >Wants to f--- >Starts f------ >The whole time im thinking "this hella gay" because a d--- is involved >Dont c-- after 3 hours of sex (Small breaks a few times) >She says she came like 4 times >No chance of pregnancy because no c-- Has this happened to anyone else?
: Anonymous 10/17/18(Wed)02:54:17 No.782533907 >be me >Only watch lesbian p--- or solo p---, because seeing d---- is gay af >J------- twice a day to only female p--- for 5 years >be 17 20 KB JPG >at girls house >Wants to f--- >Starts f------ >The whole time im thinking "this hella gay" because a d--- is involved >Dont c-- after 3 hours of sex (Small breaks a few times) >She says she came like 4 times >No chance of pregnancy because no c-- Has this happened to anyone else?

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Anon tries to be a business man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/14/18(Tue)18:25:22 No.777182678 Younger me is f------ up my present life. >college student >Comes home for summer Grfap >Cleans old high school room so it SEAL OF APPRO doesn't look like s----- highschool 51 KB JPG room >finds old flash drive from when I was in middle school >Plugs it in >Finds s--- ton of pictures of a little boy naked and posing >W-- >Realizes the kid in pictures are younger me >Finds word document >"Hello anon, glad to see you again. Take these pictures and sell them online to make bank. It's not illegal because it's if you and you are now of conserving age. Please buy Xbox." >Destroy flash drive >Cringe so f------ hard
: Anonymous 08/14/18(Tue)18:25:22 No.777182678 Younger me is f------ up my present life. >college student >Comes home for summer Grfap >Cleans old high school room so it SEAL OF APPRO doesn't look like s----- highschool 51 KB JPG room >finds old flash drive from when I was in middle school >Plugs it in >Finds s--- ton of pictures of a little boy naked and posing >W-- >Realizes the kid in pictures are younger me >Finds word document >"Hello anon, glad to see you again. Take these pictures and sell them online to make bank. It's not illegal because it's if you and you are now of conserving age. Please buy Xbox." >Destroy flash drive >Cringe so f------ hard

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anon thinks of past times | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/20(Mon)19:16:41 No.57552428 @FPHate 260 1600729145133.png 557 KB PNG >this was considered comically obese in 1990
: Anonymous 09/21/20(Mon)19:16:41 No.57552428 @FPHate 260 1600729145133.png 557 KB PNG >this was considered comically obese in 1990

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Anon has anal sex | /r/Greentext

File: 1375185212894.jpg-(12 KB, 200x200, 1324162602585.jpg) 8O Anonymous (ID: FBT1K/KO) 07/30/13(Tue)06:53:32 UTC-5 No.496583724 Replies >>496583927 >>496584039 >>496584312 >>496584558 >>496584950 >>496585203 >>496585513 >be 1996 >have qt freshman gf >she wants to be a virgin until marriage >use logic to convince her a--- until marriage >her parents require that her bedroom door is always open >develop a nightly routine >watch back to back simpsons & seinfeld reruns while we spoon under covers >i f--- her in the butt nearly every school night while tv volume is up for 2 years >be 1998 >simpsons rerun finishing up, trying to c-- before seinfeld finale starts >her dad comes in, "Oh tonight's the finale!" >he sits down on the bed and starts chatting with us >i'm responding to him when i start to c-- in his daughters ass >doing my best to contain my facial expressions >he puts his hand on my gf's calf over the covers and does a little dad-rub >seinfeld starts, i'm still buried in her ass and my d--- isn't going soft >girlfriend is totally frozen just watching seinfeld intensely >dad's hand is still resting on her leg outside covers >about 15 min in l can tell this isn't going to be a 30 min episode >45 min in, my d--- is now rock hard again >the slightest movements on the bed are causing me to get closer to c------ again >her dad starts cracking up, his weight is shifting the bed up and down >can't stand this anymore, c-- again in her ass >girfriend breaks. starts crying >mfw her dad thought she was crying because seinfeld got sent to jail at the end
File: 1375185212894.jpg-(12 KB, 200x200, 1324162602585.jpg) 8O Anonymous (ID: FBT1K/KO) 07/30/13(Tue)06:53:32 UTC-5 No.496583724 Replies >>496583927 >>496584039 >>496584312 >>496584558 >>496584950 >>496585203 >>496585513 >be 1996 >have qt freshman gf >she wants to be a virgin until marriage >use logic to convince her a--- until marriage >her parents require that her bedroom door is always open >develop a nightly routine >watch back to back simpsons & seinfeld reruns while we spoon under covers >i f--- her in the butt nearly every school night while tv volume is up for 2 years >be 1998 >simpsons rerun finishing up, trying to c-- before seinfeld finale starts >her dad comes in, "Oh tonight's the finale!" >he sits down on the bed and starts chatting with us >i'm responding to him when i start to c-- in his daughters ass >doing my best to contain my facial expressions >he puts his hand on my gf's calf over the covers and does a little dad-rub >seinfeld starts, i'm still buried in her ass and my d--- isn't going soft >girlfriend is totally frozen just watching seinfeld intensely >dad's hand is still resting on her leg outside covers >about 15 min in l can tell this isn't going to be a 30 min episode >45 min in, my d--- is now rock hard again >the slightest movements on the bed are causing me to get closer to c------ again >her dad starts cracking up, his weight is shifting the bed up and down >can't stand this anymore, c-- again in her ass >girfriend breaks. starts crying >mfw her dad thought she was crying because seinfeld got sent to jail at the end

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Anon is not bad teacher | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/11/21(Mon)22:51:24 No.844617213 >be me >6th grade >spent a week working with a group for a project >presentation day comes >watching all the other kids present from back of the class >fake applause when they're 55 KB JPG done >going good so far >middle of one group's powerpoint >suddenly get a r----------- >hide it under the table hoping no one notices >last group finishes >teacher calls my group to go up >boner hasn't gone away >S--- >get up from my seat as slowly as possible >dreading the walk of shame to the front of the class >trying to hold my d--- down with my hands in my pockets >only making it more noticable >teacher looks at me >sees my pain >"anon, why don't you come up to my computer and change the slides" >THANK F------ GOD >quickly shuffle over to the computer >hide d--- under desk >only the teacher knows >mfw I realize the teacher saved me from hanging myself that night
: Anonymous 01/11/21(Mon)22:51:24 No.844617213 >be me >6th grade >spent a week working with a group for a project >presentation day comes >watching all the other kids present from back of the class >fake applause when they're 55 KB JPG done >going good so far >middle of one group's powerpoint >suddenly get a r----------- >hide it under the table hoping no one notices >last group finishes >teacher calls my group to go up >boner hasn't gone away >S--- >get up from my seat as slowly as possible >dreading the walk of shame to the front of the class >trying to hold my d--- down with my hands in my pockets >only making it more noticable >teacher looks at me >sees my pain >"anon, why don't you come up to my computer and change the slides" >THANK F------ GOD >quickly shuffle over to the computer >hide d--- under desk >only the teacher knows >mfw I realize the teacher saved me from hanging myself that night

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Anon's dinner chat | /r/Greentext

No.783346744 2 minutes ago E643FA31-BFF4-4A87-A994-B56CB9960734.jpg JPG 115.2 KiB 1334x750 >coworker invites me over to "get together" with his family >as we're eating dinner I see a picture on the wall that looks like a 15 year old Mexican man with an Afro >ask "oh is that you when you were younger?" >he replies: "no that's my daughter"... -awkward pause- Then he says "she died when she was 10" Can I even recover?
No.783346744 2 minutes ago E643FA31-BFF4-4A87-A994-B56CB9960734.jpg JPG 115.2 KiB 1334x750 >coworker invites me over to "get together" with his family >as we're eating dinner I see a picture on the wall that looks like a 15 year old Mexican man with an Afro >ask "oh is that you when you were younger?" >he replies: "no that's my daughter"... -awkward pause- Then he says "she died when she was 10" Can I even recover?

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Anon keeps trucking | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: hxwH5zd+ 01/03/22(Mon)14:00:02 No.354828534 Transgender woman Ashley Hallstrom wrote in her Facebook post: >From a very young age I was told that people like me are freaks and abominations, that we are sick in the head and society hates us >This made me hate who I was. I tried so hard to be just like everyone else but this isn't something you can change. I can't stand to live another day, 61 KB JPG so l'm committing suicide. Soon after Ashley walked into traffic and was fatally hit by a dump truck. You caused this, /pol/. How can you possibly find this funny? : Anonymous (ID: UP9C9V3N 01/03/22(Mon)14:01:14 No.354828695 Now post a pic of her from before she got hit by the truck >>354828826 # >>354828908 # >>354828992 # >>354829381 # >>354829530 # >>354829532 # >>354829762 # >>354830540 # >>354830753 # >>354831060 # >>354831260 # >>354831512 # >>354831851 # >>354832566 # >>354833075 # >>354833206 #
: Anonymous (ID: hxwH5zd+ 01/03/22(Mon)14:00:02 No.354828534 Transgender woman Ashley Hallstrom wrote in her Facebook post: >From a very young age I was told that people like me are freaks and abominations, that we are sick in the head and society hates us >This made me hate who I was. I tried so hard to be just like everyone else but this isn't something you can change. I can't stand to live another day, 61 KB JPG so l'm committing suicide. Soon after Ashley walked into traffic and was fatally hit by a dump truck. You caused this, /pol/. How can you possibly find this funny? : Anonymous (ID: UP9C9V3N 01/03/22(Mon)14:01:14 No.354828695 Now post a pic of her from before she got hit by the truck >>354828826 # >>354828908 # >>354828992 # >>354829381 # >>354829530 # >>354829532 # >>354829762 # >>354830540 # >>354830753 # >>354831060 # >>354831260 # >>354831512 # >>354831851 # >>354832566 # >>354833075 # >>354833206 #

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Anon has a best friend | /r/Greentext

>be 14 >have a best friend >plays vidya, talk girls, a genuinely good friend. >about a month ago his mom passed away >terminal cancer, horrible thing >a week before his birthday his dad 50 KB JPG reached out to me >confusion.jpeg >"hey anon, it's friendanon's dad, I know you too are pretty close and next week is his birthday, figured we could do something nice for him." >l agree >"that's great, as you know ever since friendanon's mom passed away he's been pretty bummed out so I thought we could make something to remind him of her." >wtfwhybutok.png >agree to help him out because friendanon is my best friend. >mfw his dad asked me to bring a can of tomato sauce >whatthefuck.exe >fast forward to his birthday party >we just hanging out, some friends and family there just talking and congratulating friendanon, pretty cool b'day party >friendanon's dad clears his throat >"ehm so as you all know it's friendanon's birthday today, so for some time l've been thinking what would make anon's birthday memorable for him" >friendanon's dad takes out a plate with pasta and red sauce, puts it on the table and puts on a gentle smile. >friendanon tastes it and begins to cry >turns out it was his mother's special recipe. >anon gets so excited and emotional he throws up >he's all shaking >his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy >there's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
>be 14 >have a best friend >plays vidya, talk girls, a genuinely good friend. >about a month ago his mom passed away >terminal cancer, horrible thing >a week before his birthday his dad 50 KB JPG reached out to me >confusion.jpeg >"hey anon, it's friendanon's dad, I know you too are pretty close and next week is his birthday, figured we could do something nice for him." >l agree >"that's great, as you know ever since friendanon's mom passed away he's been pretty bummed out so I thought we could make something to remind him of her." >wtfwhybutok.png >agree to help him out because friendanon is my best friend. >mfw his dad asked me to bring a can of tomato sauce >whatthefuck.exe >fast forward to his birthday party >we just hanging out, some friends and family there just talking and congratulating friendanon, pretty cool b'day party >friendanon's dad clears his throat >"ehm so as you all know it's friendanon's birthday today, so for some time l've been thinking what would make anon's birthday memorable for him" >friendanon's dad takes out a plate with pasta and red sauce, puts it on the table and puts on a gentle smile. >friendanon tastes it and begins to cry >turns out it was his mother's special recipe. >anon gets so excited and emotional he throws up >he's all shaking >his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy >there's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti

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Anon had a wholesome relationship with his stepsister | /r/Greentext

>Be me 17, parents divorced >Dad remarries. >Stepsister is 17 too. Super hot >We have lots in common >Hang out all the time >Become really good friends 11 KB JPG >That's all > I'm not some kind of degenerate like you people Judge looks at file >Anon it says here that you were caught masturbating in your step sister's underwear drawer multiple times >That on the night in question, you saw her having sex with her boyfriend >Knocked him unconscious and tried to r--- your stepsister >She fought you off, so you burned the house down
>Be me 17, parents divorced >Dad remarries. >Stepsister is 17 too. Super hot >We have lots in common >Hang out all the time >Become really good friends 11 KB JPG >That's all > I'm not some kind of degenerate like you people Judge looks at file >Anon it says here that you were caught masturbating in your step sister's underwear drawer multiple times >That on the night in question, you saw her having sex with her boyfriend >Knocked him unconscious and tried to r--- your stepsister >She fought you off, so you burned the house down

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Anon has one chance at life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/22(Mon)20:30:36 No.872244456 >one chance at life >parents named me Chuckelberry 23 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/07/22(Mon)20:53:30 No.872245789 >>872244456 (OP) # >what is your middle name? >why don't you just call yourself chuck? >>872245876 # : Anonymous 02/07/22(Mon)20:55:17 No.872245876 >>872245789 # Chuck on dem balls Imao
: Anonymous 02/07/22(Mon)20:30:36 No.872244456 >one chance at life >parents named me Chuckelberry 23 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/07/22(Mon)20:53:30 No.872245789 >>872244456 (OP) # >what is your middle name? >why don't you just call yourself chuck? >>872245876 # : Anonymous 02/07/22(Mon)20:55:17 No.872245876 >>872245789 # Chuck on dem balls Imao

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Anon escapes from prison | /r/Greentext

File: pepe-in-jail-650x348.jpg (28 KB, 650x348) Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)15:22:52 No.772442065 >In prison >Befriend old Colombian guy >Coincidentally we both have the same amount of time left on our sentences, 23 years >Tells me he has a crazy plan to escape >Asks if I'm in >I say yes, don't want to waste my youth in this s------- >He doesn't give me any more details >When I ask he just says "All will become clear soon, amigo" >Time passes, he just keeps telling me "soon" >Years pass, every now and then he gives me a vague update like "It's all coming together nicely, amigo" and "We're getting close, amigo. Be ready" >More years pass, Colombian guy tells me that escaping prison is no easy task, but the plan is stil on >One day Colombian guy approaches me outside my cell and says "It's almost time" >Excited as s--- >Another two years pass, nothing >Serve our entire sentences. We're free men now. >Colombian guy approaches me outside of prison >"Mission success, amigo" >The f---
File: pepe-in-jail-650x348.jpg (28 KB, 650x348) Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)15:22:52 No.772442065 >In prison >Befriend old Colombian guy >Coincidentally we both have the same amount of time left on our sentences, 23 years >Tells me he has a crazy plan to escape >Asks if I'm in >I say yes, don't want to waste my youth in this s------- >He doesn't give me any more details >When I ask he just says "All will become clear soon, amigo" >Time passes, he just keeps telling me "soon" >Years pass, every now and then he gives me a vague update like "It's all coming together nicely, amigo" and "We're getting close, amigo. Be ready" >More years pass, Colombian guy tells me that escaping prison is no easy task, but the plan is stil on >One day Colombian guy approaches me outside my cell and says "It's almost time" >Excited as s--- >Another two years pass, nothing >Serve our entire sentences. We're free men now. >Colombian guy approaches me outside of prison >"Mission success, amigo" >The f---

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NO! Time to die… | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/22(Mon)21:42:17 No.163529691 toxic.jpg 6 KB JPG >Bond is infected with a poison that will harm his gf and daughter >it's there forever, he can't fix it >only solution is to sacrifice himself Toxic masculinity
: Anonymous 02/07/22(Mon)21:42:17 No.163529691 toxic.jpg 6 KB JPG >Bond is infected with a poison that will harm his gf and daughter >it's there forever, he can't fix it >only solution is to sacrifice himself Toxic masculinity

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