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Anon is a Cop From Uvalde Texas | /r/Greentext

>Be me, badass cop. UVALES >There's a school shooting. >Put on all of my tactical gear. Rush to the scene Meet Our S.W.A.T. Team >Gunshots from inside the school. 161 KB JPG >Kids inside the school calling 911 for help >Establish a perimeter. Parents begging us to storm the school and save their children >Tell them it is not a safe environment, police officers could get shot >Kids keep calling 911 for help >Parents get rowdy. Start screaming and trying to rush the school themselves >ITS LAW ENFORCEMENT TIME >Start screaming at parents to back up >This one guy tries rescue his kid, so I tased him >Had to handcuff a few parents for their own protection. >Good thing I got all that tactical gear. >Police Chief releases a statement that they are thankful that no officers sustained life threatening injuries >MFW everyone is mad at us. >What happened to blue lives matter?
>Be me, badass cop. UVALES >There's a school shooting. >Put on all of my tactical gear. Rush to the scene Meet Our S.W.A.T. Team >Gunshots from inside the school. 161 KB JPG >Kids inside the school calling 911 for help >Establish a perimeter. Parents begging us to storm the school and save their children >Tell them it is not a safe environment, police officers could get shot >Kids keep calling 911 for help >Parents get rowdy. Start screaming and trying to rush the school themselves >ITS LAW ENFORCEMENT TIME >Start screaming at parents to back up >This one guy tries rescue his kid, so I tased him >Had to handcuff a few parents for their own protection. >Good thing I got all that tactical gear. >Police Chief releases a statement that they are thankful that no officers sustained life threatening injuries >MFW everyone is mad at us. >What happened to blue lives matter?

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Anon gets a kiss | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 20 KB JPG 16 Replies / 4 Images : Anonymous >>63252295 (OP) # nice, you are now part of the majority of people who have herpes 04/17/21 (Sat)03:43:40 No.63252295 >kiss my first girl >get a pimple on my lips a week later >it hurts when I lick it View Thread 04/17/21 (Sat)06:46:17 No.63253675
Anonymous 20 KB JPG 16 Replies / 4 Images : Anonymous >>63252295 (OP) # nice, you are now part of the majority of people who have herpes 04/17/21 (Sat)03:43:40 No.63252295 >kiss my first girl >get a pimple on my lips a week later >it hurts when I lick it View Thread 04/17/21 (Sat)06:46:17 No.63253675

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Anon’s gf is evil | /r/Greentext

DOPAMEME APP Anonymous 12/05/19(Thu)04:16:12 No.815538141 >>815538191 >>815538268 >>815538277 >>815538347 >>815538726 >>815538732 >>815539139 >>815539154 >>815539158 >>815540977 >>815541599 >>815541683 >>815541821 >>815543040 >>815545009 >>815545761 >>815545822 >>815545873 >>815545961 >My girlfriend went through my text messages >found out I had been talking to my ex (just as friends) >she doesn't work, just lives off me for free >while I'm doing a 12 hour shift, she takes my dog buddy and hides him somewhere >she won't tell me where he is >I call several local shelters looking for him >check craigslist to see if she might have sold him >its been 2 days and my baby boy is gone >what do I do? >I'm f------ heartbroken without my boy
DOPAMEME APP Anonymous 12/05/19(Thu)04:16:12 No.815538141 >>815538191 >>815538268 >>815538277 >>815538347 >>815538726 >>815538732 >>815539139 >>815539154 >>815539158 >>815540977 >>815541599 >>815541683 >>815541821 >>815543040 >>815545009 >>815545761 >>815545822 >>815545873 >>815545961 >My girlfriend went through my text messages >found out I had been talking to my ex (just as friends) >she doesn't work, just lives off me for free >while I'm doing a 12 hour shift, she takes my dog buddy and hides him somewhere >she won't tell me where he is >I call several local shelters looking for him >check craigslist to see if she might have sold him >its been 2 days and my baby boy is gone >what do I do? >I'm f------ heartbroken without my boy

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Anon is playing mind games with his co-worker. | /r/Greentext

>assigned to do a project with a co- worker Ⓡ >whenever we do some progress or get past a roadblock say the word "stupendous" >do it for a couple weeks 451 KB PNG >co-worker eventually starts picking it up >pavlov.png >co-worker starts saying stupendous as well in the same situations >stop saying it >ffw 1 month, project pretty much done >just cleared the last bug, co-worker says stupendous >allacordingtoplan.wav >"huh? that's an unusual expression" >"what do you mean, anon? I heard it from you" >"i never used that word in my life" see you soon on the board, fellow schizo
>assigned to do a project with a co- worker Ⓡ >whenever we do some progress or get past a roadblock say the word "stupendous" >do it for a couple weeks 451 KB PNG >co-worker eventually starts picking it up >pavlov.png >co-worker starts saying stupendous as well in the same situations >stop saying it >ffw 1 month, project pretty much done >just cleared the last bug, co-worker says stupendous >allacordingtoplan.wav >"huh? that's an unusual expression" >"what do you mean, anon? I heard it from you" >"i never used that word in my life" see you soon on the board, fellow schizo

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Anon flips burgers | /r/Greentext

03/09/22(Wed)04:03:53 No.67711405 Anonymous Autism story time >be burger flipper >boss told me that I had to make sure to get orders right >"I'll have 2 number 45s, one with cheese" >"which one is with cheese sir?" >"uhh..." 44 KB PNG >"the left one please" >"your left or my left sir?" somehow I have flipped burger for 2 years
03/09/22(Wed)04:03:53 No.67711405 Anonymous Autism story time >be burger flipper >boss told me that I had to make sure to get orders right >"I'll have 2 number 45s, one with cheese" >"which one is with cheese sir?" >"uhh..." 44 KB PNG >"the left one please" >"your left or my left sir?" somehow I have flipped burger for 2 years

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Anon is a soon to be rich virgin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/19(Sun)12:45:11 No.791076151 >be me, 3 years ago >already know about my future virgin life >decide to make profit of it >come to my tard friend >"bet 100$ that I'll be virgin in my 15 KB PNG 40's" >tard agrees >feelsgoodman.org >turns out another f-- heard us >"Ha-ha anon, I bet 100 bucks that you'll have children by that time" >mfw I'm gonna be rich cya later POOR virgins
: Anonymous 01/27/19(Sun)12:45:11 No.791076151 >be me, 3 years ago >already know about my future virgin life >decide to make profit of it >come to my tard friend >"bet 100$ that I'll be virgin in my 15 KB PNG 40's" >tard agrees >feelsgoodman.org >turns out another f-- heard us >"Ha-ha anon, I bet 100 bucks that you'll have children by that time" >mfw I'm gonna be rich cya later POOR virgins

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Anon makes mad cash | /r/Greentext

No.772995598 06/30/18(Sat)05:29:45 R14kkDj.jpg JPG 35.1 KiB 657x527 >be me >be in 5th grade >class is planning field trip, need money >everyone needs to bring 20 dollars >go home, ask mom for 30 dollars so I can have 10 dollars extra for myself >mom doesn't believe me, goes to friend's house who lives on the same street >ohshit.gif >comes back angry, saying I need to pay more attention in class meetings >tfw I found out my friend told his parents that he needed 50 dollars ●●● :
No.772995598 06/30/18(Sat)05:29:45 R14kkDj.jpg JPG 35.1 KiB 657x527 >be me >be in 5th grade >class is planning field trip, need money >everyone needs to bring 20 dollars >go home, ask mom for 30 dollars so I can have 10 dollars extra for myself >mom doesn't believe me, goes to friend's house who lives on the same street >ohshit.gif >comes back angry, saying I need to pay more attention in class meetings >tfw I found out my friend told his parents that he needed 50 dollars ●●● :

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Fruit of the sea | /r/Greentext

05/29/22(Sun)09:03:26 No.68826835 >be me >have watched multiple gore and shock videos >see a girl get her head cut off with a machete >noreaction.jpg >buffalo shooting livestream >looks like a call of duty : Anonymous 15 KB PNG campaign mission >be also me >watch Forrest Gump once >see Bubba die >cry like a little bitch
05/29/22(Sun)09:03:26 No.68826835 >be me >have watched multiple gore and shock videos >see a girl get her head cut off with a machete >noreaction.jpg >buffalo shooting livestream >looks like a call of duty : Anonymous 15 KB PNG campaign mission >be also me >watch Forrest Gump once >see Bubba die >cry like a little bitch

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Demonic OP | /r/Greentext

1018611.jpg) Anonymous (ID: jR83qLK5) 06/02/12(Sat)07:03:45 No.40 1) piss on a plate 2) put it in the freezer 3) wait till late at night when its frozen 4) take the piss disc off the plate 5) slide it under someone's door 6) they'll wake up to a mysterious puddle of piss on their floo 5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
1018611.jpg) Anonymous (ID: jR83qLK5) 06/02/12(Sat)07:03:45 No.40 1) piss on a plate 2) put it in the freezer 3) wait till late at night when its frozen 4) take the piss disc off the plate 5) slide it under someone's door 6) they'll wake up to a mysterious puddle of piss on their floo 5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.

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Hit the weak point for massive damage | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)08:10:38 No.68826433 >be 6 feet 4 inches >go to gym everyday >210 lbs of lean muscle >several times stronger than the average woman 19 KB JPG >average woman could still take me out with one light kick to my balls It freaks me out anons. Why did God give men such an exploitable weakness? No matter how strong I get, a 100 pound woman can beat me with one hit.
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)08:10:38 No.68826433 >be 6 feet 4 inches >go to gym everyday >210 lbs of lean muscle >several times stronger than the average woman 19 KB JPG >average woman could still take me out with one light kick to my balls It freaks me out anons. Why did God give men such an exploitable weakness? No matter how strong I get, a 100 pound woman can beat me with one hit.

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Debtor's prison | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 206 KB JPG 05/29/22(Sun)07:23:16 No.68826077 >neet autist >no one called or text me in 10 years >get into debt and dont pay it off >now people call me 10 times a day I made it bros...
: Anonymous 206 KB JPG 05/29/22(Sun)07:23:16 No.68826077 >neet autist >no one called or text me in 10 years >get into debt and dont pay it off >now people call me 10 times a day I made it bros...

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Family Feud seen by /tv/ | /r/Greentext

family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue) 20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy..." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says..." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end
family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue) 20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy..." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says..." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end

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Anon don't understand | /r/Greentext

Are you ready for the movie? 03/30/22(Wed)09:24:55 No.593799271 LEVEL IN THEATRES AND APRIL 8 189 KB JPG : Anonymous >>593799169 (OP) # how the f--- can you be "ready" for a f------ movie do I have 10 bucks? yes is that what your ass is asking?
Are you ready for the movie? 03/30/22(Wed)09:24:55 No.593799271 LEVEL IN THEATRES AND APRIL 8 189 KB JPG : Anonymous >>593799169 (OP) # how the f--- can you be "ready" for a f------ movie do I have 10 bucks? yes is that what your ass is asking?

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anons gf uplifts him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)17:13:33 No.68827301 >gf praises me for being smart >I flunked out of art school while she has a master's degree >gf tells me I am so tall >I am 5'7", she is 5'6" 1.01 MB PNG >gf tells me I am a natural leader >I am shy and quiet >gf wishes she was athletic like me >I am a shut nerd What is she doing? I don't understand what she wants. : Anonymous >>68827301 (OP) # >my gf is being nice to me >what is her endgame? 05/29/22(Sun)17:41:01 No.68827552
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)17:13:33 No.68827301 >gf praises me for being smart >I flunked out of art school while she has a master's degree >gf tells me I am so tall >I am 5'7", she is 5'6" 1.01 MB PNG >gf tells me I am a natural leader >I am shy and quiet >gf wishes she was athletic like me >I am a shut nerd What is she doing? I don't understand what she wants. : Anonymous >>68827301 (OP) # >my gf is being nice to me >what is her endgame? 05/29/22(Sun)17:41:01 No.68827552

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Anon gets a divorce | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11 hours ago 769969141 Sorry I suck at Greentext. >Catch my now ex-wife cheating on me. >Pretend nothing is wrong but turn into a manipulative sociopath. >Break gas gauge in her car. Siphon gas out randomly so she's always running out. >Get a nanny cam that's hidden in a lamp. Get video of her f------ around. >Find out everything I can about the guy she's f------. >lol dance instructor. >Find out he's looking for work, get ahold of his resume. >Rework it so it's not retarded, impersonate him, and get him an interview at a studio 2 states away. Dream job, if you're a f--. >He bites. Takes the job and after some mushy b------- ghosts my wife. >Meanwhile I start siphoning money out of our accounts slowly and keep the cash hidden away in my truck in a lockbox. Put away $10k. >It's time. >Wait for her to be dead asleep, unlock her phone and turn off alarms on days that the coin I flip turns up heads. >She gets fired. Calls me bawling her eyes out. >When she gets home my wedding ring is on the table with her laptop playing the video of them f------. Next to that is a copy of the divorce petition. 10 REPLIES
Anonymous 11 hours ago 769969141 Sorry I suck at Greentext. >Catch my now ex-wife cheating on me. >Pretend nothing is wrong but turn into a manipulative sociopath. >Break gas gauge in her car. Siphon gas out randomly so she's always running out. >Get a nanny cam that's hidden in a lamp. Get video of her f------ around. >Find out everything I can about the guy she's f------. >lol dance instructor. >Find out he's looking for work, get ahold of his resume. >Rework it so it's not retarded, impersonate him, and get him an interview at a studio 2 states away. Dream job, if you're a f--. >He bites. Takes the job and after some mushy b------- ghosts my wife. >Meanwhile I start siphoning money out of our accounts slowly and keep the cash hidden away in my truck in a lockbox. Put away $10k. >It's time. >Wait for her to be dead asleep, unlock her phone and turn off alarms on days that the coin I flip turns up heads. >She gets fired. Calls me bawling her eyes out. >When she gets home my wedding ring is on the table with her laptop playing the video of them f------. Next to that is a copy of the divorce petition. 10 REPLIES

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Anon asks for a source | /r/Greentext

05/15/22(Sun)05:34:18 No.68631152 >arguing with some f-- on reddit about how pitbulls are s----- dogs >claims chihuahuas kill twice as many people >sends the number of people who died in chihuahua, mexico
05/15/22(Sun)05:34:18 No.68631152 >arguing with some f-- on reddit about how pitbulls are s----- dogs >claims chihuahuas kill twice as many people >sends the number of people who died in chihuahua, mexico

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Anons neighbor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)11:57:42 No.879082417 >upstairs neighbor never shuts the f--- up >always stomping and playing Led Zeppelin at all times >probably just autistic 77 KB JPG >come home one day to my bathroom ceiling leaking s--- ton of water >smells awful >p----- so I go upstairs >knock like 10 times >no answer >figured he probably knows and isn't answering, or he's just not home >go back to apartment >see ambulance pull up >they rush in and go upstairs and break his door >Mfw he died in the shower and it was on all day leaking >Mfw I smelled his corpse >sometimes I play Led Zeppelin and stomp around to honor him and piss off my downstairs neighbor Felt weird that night going to bed in complete silence, but rip to him I guess.
Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)11:57:42 No.879082417 >upstairs neighbor never shuts the f--- up >always stomping and playing Led Zeppelin at all times >probably just autistic 77 KB JPG >come home one day to my bathroom ceiling leaking s--- ton of water >smells awful >p----- so I go upstairs >knock like 10 times >no answer >figured he probably knows and isn't answering, or he's just not home >go back to apartment >see ambulance pull up >they rush in and go upstairs and break his door >Mfw he died in the shower and it was on all day leaking >Mfw I smelled his corpse >sometimes I play Led Zeppelin and stomp around to honor him and piss off my downstairs neighbor Felt weird that night going to bed in complete silence, but rip to him I guess.

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Anons best friend has marriage problem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)12:37:26 No.879081753 >Best friend married a woman who's basically the Down syndrome girl from family guy >she's 6ft even and about 280- 300pounds hes 5'4 and 130lbs >Refuses to work constantly complains that every job is too hard 27 KB JPG >expects him to provide for her 100% on his meager bar tender wages&tips >fat bitch makes him buy her "princess dresses" that she wears even when grocery shopping >she constantly starts s--- with my wife when she sees her anywhere >have heard her beat the s--- out of his 5ft4 ass over party chat on PlayStation cause he won't give her the d--- >poor bastard never has any spare cash for himself always bitches that me and other friends waste money on "frivolities" >me and some friends finally went off on him about how bad that bitch treats him >he knows, but can't bring himself to do anything about it >get a call from his brother couple days later >my best friend is hospitalized >apparently he tried to finally put his foot down and told her to get a job or get out >she attacked him with a cast iron skillet >busted up his collar bone >she's trying to claim she acted in self defense >cops didn't buy it, they've been called about her before >apparently she's beaten the s--- out of him in the hallway of the building they live in,threatened neighbors kids,etc >he's applying for divorce >not worried about losing half his s--- since everything he really cared about she made him give away after getting married to her >at least he'll be free of the hambeast
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)12:37:26 No.879081753 >Best friend married a woman who's basically the Down syndrome girl from family guy >she's 6ft even and about 280- 300pounds hes 5'4 and 130lbs >Refuses to work constantly complains that every job is too hard 27 KB JPG >expects him to provide for her 100% on his meager bar tender wages&tips >fat bitch makes him buy her "princess dresses" that she wears even when grocery shopping >she constantly starts s--- with my wife when she sees her anywhere >have heard her beat the s--- out of his 5ft4 ass over party chat on PlayStation cause he won't give her the d--- >poor bastard never has any spare cash for himself always bitches that me and other friends waste money on "frivolities" >me and some friends finally went off on him about how bad that bitch treats him >he knows, but can't bring himself to do anything about it >get a call from his brother couple days later >my best friend is hospitalized >apparently he tried to finally put his foot down and told her to get a job or get out >she attacked him with a cast iron skillet >busted up his collar bone >she's trying to claim she acted in self defense >cops didn't buy it, they've been called about her before >apparently she's beaten the s--- out of him in the hallway of the building they live in,threatened neighbors kids,etc >he's applying for divorce >not worried about losing half his s--- since everything he really cared about she made him give away after getting married to her >at least he'll be free of the hambeast

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Juanon.... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/19(Wed)13:08:51 No.50459642 HOLA PRIMO >school cafeteria >it's Mexican day >rice beans, tortillas, carne asada, s--- like that >this s--- is my jam, green chile on everything 129 KB PNG >tall white dude comes up to my s--- ass >"Hey, anon. Could you roll my burrito for me? I don't know how." >"Hm? Oh, yeah, sure." >neatly portion out the proper amount of beans into each tort, tuck, and roll some nice burritos for him >"You have to tuck in the bottom like this so nothing spills out." >"Oh, cool. Thanks, dude." >"No problem."
: Anonymous 01/16/19(Wed)13:08:51 No.50459642 HOLA PRIMO >school cafeteria >it's Mexican day >rice beans, tortillas, carne asada, s--- like that >this s--- is my jam, green chile on everything 129 KB PNG >tall white dude comes up to my s--- ass >"Hey, anon. Could you roll my burrito for me? I don't know how." >"Hm? Oh, yeah, sure." >neatly portion out the proper amount of beans into each tort, tuck, and roll some nice burritos for him >"You have to tuck in the bottom like this so nothing spills out." >"Oh, cool. Thanks, dude." >"No problem."

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Anon has a lucid dream | /r/Greentext

63 KB JPG >going to school >realise i forgot my bag >conclude the only explenation is that im in a dream >go into school bathroom and r--- a girl >dont wake up
63 KB JPG >going to school >realise i forgot my bag >conclude the only explenation is that im in a dream >go into school bathroom and r--- a girl >dont wake up

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