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anon Is a redneck | /r/Greentext

File: clowns17n-2-web.jpg (94 KB, 750x829) E Anonymous 03/22/17(Wed)16:03:39 No.726490398 story time autists >be me >6'6" 280lb redneck >we're talking full blown, AR15-toting, Trump-supporting, trailer-dwelling Texan redneck >live 2 miles from nearest human and 10 miles from nearest town >watching s----- reality TV one evening >stark naked b/c Texan summers and my wagie ass can't afford A/C >at about 11pm, hear car pulling up in driveway >LeaveMeAloneShitheads.jpg >look out window, see s------ 1990s Toyota covered in graffiti >3 teenagers in what I'm guessing was supposed to be "scary" clown attire file out >recall string of vandalism in local news, lightbulb goes off >NotOnMyWatch.exe >grab rifle, throw on nearest pair of boots and quietly go out back door >start slowly circling around trailer hoping to catch the little f------ in the act >hear some indistinct talking on side opposite mine, figure it's my chance >dramatically jump out with rifle up and start thinking of something imposing to say like "wanna die?" or "f--- you" >stage 5 autism kicks in, my brain fuses the two, and I shout at the top of my voice "WANNA F---?" >quickly look down and realize all the adrenaline has made my member fully erect >realize how it must look from their perspective >a 6'6" fatass with an AR15, a woody, and wearing nothing but cowboy boots has just asked them to f--- >I have NEVER seen anything haul ass faster in my entire life >no vandalism on the news for a couple weeks
File: clowns17n-2-web.jpg (94 KB, 750x829) E Anonymous 03/22/17(Wed)16:03:39 No.726490398 story time autists >be me >6'6" 280lb redneck >we're talking full blown, AR15-toting, Trump-supporting, trailer-dwelling Texan redneck >live 2 miles from nearest human and 10 miles from nearest town >watching s----- reality TV one evening >stark naked b/c Texan summers and my wagie ass can't afford A/C >at about 11pm, hear car pulling up in driveway >LeaveMeAloneShitheads.jpg >look out window, see s------ 1990s Toyota covered in graffiti >3 teenagers in what I'm guessing was supposed to be "scary" clown attire file out >recall string of vandalism in local news, lightbulb goes off >NotOnMyWatch.exe >grab rifle, throw on nearest pair of boots and quietly go out back door >start slowly circling around trailer hoping to catch the little f------ in the act >hear some indistinct talking on side opposite mine, figure it's my chance >dramatically jump out with rifle up and start thinking of something imposing to say like "wanna die?" or "f--- you" >stage 5 autism kicks in, my brain fuses the two, and I shout at the top of my voice "WANNA F---?" >quickly look down and realize all the adrenaline has made my member fully erect >realize how it must look from their perspective >a 6'6" fatass with an AR15, a woody, and wearing nothing but cowboy boots has just asked them to f--- >I have NEVER seen anything haul ass faster in my entire life >no vandalism on the news for a couple weeks

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Anon uses morality | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 02/22/19(Fri)03:00:39 No.793293384 >be me >have a giant crush on this girl I've known for 4 years but she's been in a relationship with a dude whom I also know >host a party but he was busy and didn't come >she was too drunk after party to drive and asked to stay over >found out she had been having relationship issues and wanted to cheat on him >refused >she gave me a sad look and feel asleep I'm still a virgin. I did good, right anons?
: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 02/22/19(Fri)03:00:39 No.793293384 >be me >have a giant crush on this girl I've known for 4 years but she's been in a relationship with a dude whom I also know >host a party but he was busy and didn't come >she was too drunk after party to drive and asked to stay over >found out she had been having relationship issues and wanted to cheat on him >refused >she gave me a sad look and feel asleep I'm still a virgin. I did good, right anons?

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Anon is angry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 1.25 MB JPG 2 Replies 08/06/22(Sat)04:41:11 No.883393749 I am angry. I have been angry for over 7 hours straight. : Anonymous >>883393749 (OP) # What's wrong, bro? View Thread 08/06/22(Sat)04:42:23 No.883393769 08/06/22(Sat)04:43:46 No.883393801 : Anonymous >>883393749 (OP) # been angry for two decades, won't make you c-- any harder
: Anonymous 1.25 MB JPG 2 Replies 08/06/22(Sat)04:41:11 No.883393749 I am angry. I have been angry for over 7 hours straight. : Anonymous >>883393749 (OP) # What's wrong, bro? View Thread 08/06/22(Sat)04:42:23 No.883393769 08/06/22(Sat)04:43:46 No.883393801 : Anonymous >>883393749 (OP) # been angry for two decades, won't make you c-- any harder

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Anon tells it how it is | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 25 KB JPG 05/29/22(Sun)00:26:22 No.168747534 When did south park stop being cool? 05/29/22(Sun)00:27:17 No.168747561 : Anonymous >>168747534 (OP) # When the world's absurdity surpassed the show's >>168749262 # >>168750212 # >>168752046 # >>168752114 # >>168752168 # >>168752303 # >>168755825 #
: Anonymous 25 KB JPG 05/29/22(Sun)00:26:22 No.168747534 When did south park stop being cool? 05/29/22(Sun)00:27:17 No.168747561 : Anonymous >>168747534 (OP) # When the world's absurdity surpassed the show's >>168749262 # >>168750212 # >>168752046 # >>168752114 # >>168752168 # >>168752303 # >>168755825 #

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/b/ has reached equilibrium | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 99 KB PNG 08/05/22(Fri)13:16:23 No.883348623 >open /b/ >half the posts are p--- >other half are yellow posts complaining about p--- There is now more interesting content on Leddit...
Anonymous 99 KB PNG 08/05/22(Fri)13:16:23 No.883348623 >open /b/ >half the posts are p--- >other half are yellow posts complaining about p--- There is now more interesting content on Leddit...

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Anon has no time to waste | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 30 KB JPG 08/05/22(Fri)14:44:33 No.883353299 Be me - last night > See wife wearing granny panties with a pad on - her period will start tomorrow > Getting ready for bed, brush teeth, piss. > Leave two fasting acting 10mg THC dummies and 40 mg of Cialis on the bathroom counter > Sleep > Bladder wakes me up at 5:30 - get up, piss, eat pills & gummies before going back to bed > Get 40 min of hallucinogenic sleep > Wake up hard and very stoned. > Wife sleeping- snoring > I rolled her over onto her side and pulled her panties down, pad catches on her leg but vuvla now exposed > I lay beside her, covered with the blanket, d--- in the crack of her ass > She moans and pushes against me > I find her vagina and slide inside her - she is wet but tight > I literally go balls deep and c-- within a few seconds without moving at all > I stay hard and start taking slow short strokes - I can feel her open up for me > After a few moments I'm taking deep strokes > I have 2 more small orgasms - she has one intense orgasm - won't let me pull out > We fall asleep again with my d--- inside her. > Wake up at 8:15 - bed looks like a crime scene. > We are both late for work - worth it. Better living through chemistry!
Anonymous 30 KB JPG 08/05/22(Fri)14:44:33 No.883353299 Be me - last night > See wife wearing granny panties with a pad on - her period will start tomorrow > Getting ready for bed, brush teeth, piss. > Leave two fasting acting 10mg THC dummies and 40 mg of Cialis on the bathroom counter > Sleep > Bladder wakes me up at 5:30 - get up, piss, eat pills & gummies before going back to bed > Get 40 min of hallucinogenic sleep > Wake up hard and very stoned. > Wife sleeping- snoring > I rolled her over onto her side and pulled her panties down, pad catches on her leg but vuvla now exposed > I lay beside her, covered with the blanket, d--- in the crack of her ass > She moans and pushes against me > I find her vagina and slide inside her - she is wet but tight > I literally go balls deep and c-- within a few seconds without moving at all > I stay hard and start taking slow short strokes - I can feel her open up for me > After a few moments I'm taking deep strokes > I have 2 more small orgasms - she has one intense orgasm - won't let me pull out > We fall asleep again with my d--- inside her. > Wake up at 8:15 - bed looks like a crime scene. > We are both late for work - worth it. Better living through chemistry!

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Anon is a nonce | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 3 KB JPG 08/06/22(Sat)01:49:46 No.69694402 >be me >neet coomer >try to meet people online tl fill the void >join a bri'ish discord server >be having fun and sharing memes >be curious aviut how they look like so ask them for pics >they suddenly start calling me a "nonce" >ask them w-- a nonce is but they just say its what I am >nobody wants to explain and its getting awkward >conversation changes so I ask them random questions to get to know them better >get banned >ask the admin why the hell was I kicked out and he justs says that it's because im a NonCe >ask him w-- is a nonce and get blocked Anons what THE F--- is a nonce? Is it like the bri'ish version of a retard or something? 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 08/06/22(Sat)01:51:15 No.69694415 So you didn't just google it like any normal person would? Stop fishing for attention & get some friends. Top tip: shower & brush your teeth.
: Anonymous 3 KB JPG 08/06/22(Sat)01:49:46 No.69694402 >be me >neet coomer >try to meet people online tl fill the void >join a bri'ish discord server >be having fun and sharing memes >be curious aviut how they look like so ask them for pics >they suddenly start calling me a "nonce" >ask them w-- a nonce is but they just say its what I am >nobody wants to explain and its getting awkward >conversation changes so I ask them random questions to get to know them better >get banned >ask the admin why the hell was I kicked out and he justs says that it's because im a NonCe >ask him w-- is a nonce and get blocked Anons what THE F--- is a nonce? Is it like the bri'ish version of a retard or something? 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 08/06/22(Sat)01:51:15 No.69694415 So you didn't just google it like any normal person would? Stop fishing for attention & get some friends. Top tip: shower & brush your teeth.

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Anon's grandfatroll. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/09/22(Mon)20:10:43 No.68563456 >84 year old grandfather tells me that he's joined a message board devoted to discussing cars >based on the way he speaks, he clearly had no idea what a message board was until very recently 117 KB JPG >he shows me some of his post history >he enjoys posting stupid, obviously false and ridiculous information just to see how people reply >he doesn't know the terms shitposting or trolling, so he says "I'm jerkin' their chains!" and scrolls down, busting a gut with laughter as he reads off some of the replies An 84 year old man is an online troll. I am genuinely ashamed to be his grandson. Anonymous >>68563456 (OP) lol sounds like your chain got jerked 05/09/22(Mon)20:37:06 No.68563759
Anonymous 05/09/22(Mon)20:10:43 No.68563456 >84 year old grandfather tells me that he's joined a message board devoted to discussing cars >based on the way he speaks, he clearly had no idea what a message board was until very recently 117 KB JPG >he shows me some of his post history >he enjoys posting stupid, obviously false and ridiculous information just to see how people reply >he doesn't know the terms shitposting or trolling, so he says "I'm jerkin' their chains!" and scrolls down, busting a gut with laughter as he reads off some of the replies An 84 year old man is an online troll. I am genuinely ashamed to be his grandson. Anonymous >>68563456 (OP) lol sounds like your chain got jerked 05/09/22(Mon)20:37:06 No.68563759

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No one man should have all that power | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 82 KB JPG 08/05/22 (Fri)22:55:08 No.69699589 >be me, f------ otaku >love going to conventions >never gotten p---- at one before, but it never bothered me >realize Zoomersaw Man anime means more Makima and Power cosplayers at cons >Makima and Power make my penis hard >but cosplay Stacies don't like Ugly Bastard looking fatfucks >motivation.exe >finally can be assed to read the /fit/ sticky >start lifting on an endurance program and dieting hard >already down 20 lbs Anyone who says being a coomer is bad for you is a d------. I'm gonna crush some tight Makima p--- for Zyzz.
: Anonymous 82 KB JPG 08/05/22 (Fri)22:55:08 No.69699589 >be me, f------ otaku >love going to conventions >never gotten p---- at one before, but it never bothered me >realize Zoomersaw Man anime means more Makima and Power cosplayers at cons >Makima and Power make my penis hard >but cosplay Stacies don't like Ugly Bastard looking fatfucks >motivation.exe >finally can be assed to read the /fit/ sticky >start lifting on an endurance program and dieting hard >already down 20 lbs Anyone who says being a coomer is bad for you is a d------. I'm gonna crush some tight Makima p--- for Zyzz.

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Anon has penis problems | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 20 12/16 mkn 01/06/22(Thu)19:44:29 No.66875936 3d5faabb4719cbfa15d37cd6e1c9db39.jpg 762 KB JPG >5'6 height >4 inch penis Recently talked with my mother about my size, penis and height and showed her my erect penis for sake of confirmation and she said my size is normal and there's no need to be insecure about. Is she right?
: Anonymous 20 12/16 mkn 01/06/22(Thu)19:44:29 No.66875936 3d5faabb4719cbfa15d37cd6e1c9db39.jpg 762 KB JPG >5'6 height >4 inch penis Recently talked with my mother about my size, penis and height and showed her my erect penis for sake of confirmation and she said my size is normal and there's no need to be insecure about. Is she right?

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Anon hits rock bottom | /r/Greentext


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Anon can't control herself | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 800 KB PNG Anonymous so much i puke >stacey comes over >"oh femanon are you ok? i think you ate too much" >bitch trots off giggling to her stacey army >immediately leaves 487 KB PNG 08/05/22(Fri)19:22:09 No.883368124 >be me >complete and utter landwhale >somehow invited to a party >turn up and be a complete loner >sit in a corner drinking for an hour >haven't left the house since >it's been 3 weeks why am i such a blob /b/ Anonymous >get hungry >make a pig of myself by eating 08/05/22(Fri)19:24:34 No.883368242 >>883368124 ha fat 08/05/22 (Fri)19:24:51 No.883368254 >>883368124 lose weight fatso
Anonymous 800 KB PNG Anonymous so much i puke >stacey comes over >"oh femanon are you ok? i think you ate too much" >bitch trots off giggling to her stacey army >immediately leaves 487 KB PNG 08/05/22(Fri)19:22:09 No.883368124 >be me >complete and utter landwhale >somehow invited to a party >turn up and be a complete loner >sit in a corner drinking for an hour >haven't left the house since >it's been 3 weeks why am i such a blob /b/ Anonymous >get hungry >make a pig of myself by eating 08/05/22(Fri)19:24:34 No.883368242 >>883368124 ha fat 08/05/22 (Fri)19:24:51 No.883368254 >>883368124 lose weight fatso

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Anon is a little slow | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 37 KB JPG Anonymous i like cheese Anonymous 08/05/22(Fri)10:37:52 No.883340707 Does anyone else think white chess pieces look tasty as f---? 08/05/22(Fri)10:38:58 No.883340759 08/05/22(Fri)10:40:28 No.883340828 >>883340707 They remind me of chocolate for some reason I've always wanted to eat them.
Anonymous 37 KB JPG Anonymous i like cheese Anonymous 08/05/22(Fri)10:37:52 No.883340707 Does anyone else think white chess pieces look tasty as f---? 08/05/22(Fri)10:38:58 No.883340759 08/05/22(Fri)10:40:28 No.883340828 >>883340707 They remind me of chocolate for some reason I've always wanted to eat them.

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anon is a bro | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous important question for all aut(...) 637 KB JPG : Anonymous It's not in English btw so I can't post it, really don't wanna translate it and it's a personal letter anyway. >>69696292 # : Anonymous : Anonymous 08/06/22(Sat)01:50:39 No.69696253 >>69696311 # Should I put "please watch Chainsaw Man for me" in my suicide letter or is that too cringe? Rest is normal stuff, this would be the PS underneath. I'm really hyped for it and have talked about it a lot for like a year now. 08/06/22(Sat)01:52:32 No.69696277 08/06/22(Sat)01:53:39 No.69696292 08/06/22(Sat)01:53:41 No.69696295 : Anonymous >>69696253 (OP) # I will watch chainsaw man for you anon 08/06/22(Sat)01:54:25 No.69696305
: Anonymous important question for all aut(...) 637 KB JPG : Anonymous It's not in English btw so I can't post it, really don't wanna translate it and it's a personal letter anyway. >>69696292 # : Anonymous : Anonymous 08/06/22(Sat)01:50:39 No.69696253 >>69696311 # Should I put "please watch Chainsaw Man for me" in my suicide letter or is that too cringe? Rest is normal stuff, this would be the PS underneath. I'm really hyped for it and have talked about it a lot for like a year now. 08/06/22(Sat)01:52:32 No.69696277 08/06/22(Sat)01:53:39 No.69696292 08/06/22(Sat)01:53:41 No.69696295 : Anonymous >>69696253 (OP) # I will watch chainsaw man for you anon 08/06/22(Sat)01:54:25 No.69696305

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Anon is frustrated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 58 KB JPG 08/05/22(Fri)15:49:49 No.883366494 >be me >alone often >play vidja >no irl friends >no gf >start to have panic attacks >go to therapy >I'm told to go with the flow and be more social >make new friends, try new things >change my life basically >give into trends in order to fit in >start going out more >start making friends >start being invited to parties >eventually offered to be roommates with some said friends >more parties >meet of women >start to loose myself >become someone else >one day start having panic attacks again >go to therapy >told that I should take some alone time >find myself again >go against the grain of social trends and do my own thing What the f---, am I just f----- either way?
: Anonymous 58 KB JPG 08/05/22(Fri)15:49:49 No.883366494 >be me >alone often >play vidja >no irl friends >no gf >start to have panic attacks >go to therapy >I'm told to go with the flow and be more social >make new friends, try new things >change my life basically >give into trends in order to fit in >start going out more >start making friends >start being invited to parties >eventually offered to be roommates with some said friends >more parties >meet of women >start to loose myself >become someone else >one day start having panic attacks again >go to therapy >told that I should take some alone time >find myself again >go against the grain of social trends and do my own thing What the f---, am I just f----- either way?

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Anon doesn't understand popcorn | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 593 KB JPG 08/05/22(Fri)09:14:35 No.18195308 How do they get the butter inside the kernel?
: Anonymous 593 KB JPG 08/05/22(Fri)09:14:35 No.18195308 How do they get the butter inside the kernel?

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Anon is a Lee Key Bum | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 9 KB JPG >>69692566 # 08/06/22(Sat)03:48:49 No.69692511 Anonymous Be a lazy f--- that can't go on roof to fix it Anonymous >thunderstorm rn >have to take a s--- >leaky ceiling directly over toilet >water slowly leaks on me while I s--- What did I do to deserve this 08/06/22(Sat)03:53:14 No.69692556 08/06/22(Sat)03:54:16 No.69692566 >>69692556 # I dont know how to fix it and am scared of heights
: Anonymous 9 KB JPG >>69692566 # 08/06/22(Sat)03:48:49 No.69692511 Anonymous Be a lazy f--- that can't go on roof to fix it Anonymous >thunderstorm rn >have to take a s--- >leaky ceiling directly over toilet >water slowly leaks on me while I s--- What did I do to deserve this 08/06/22(Sat)03:53:14 No.69692556 08/06/22(Sat)03:54:16 No.69692566 >>69692556 # I dont know how to fix it and am scared of heights

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and this is our son’s room… | /r/Greentext

g fd.jpg 467 KB JPG g odig >and this is our son's room, he's quite the computer nerd >come say hi, John
g fd.jpg 467 KB JPG g odig >and this is our son's room, he's quite the computer nerd >come say hi, John

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Anon misses out on making a friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 440 KB PNG 08/05/22(Fri)14:46:49 No.883353409 >be 15 >on instangram, some strange lady dms me >she and I start talking, slowly gets personal >don't realize that I am being groomed >good morning and goodnight texts abound >more personal messages, not overly sexual >tell my friends about her at 10th grade math >teacher asks for more info >she becomes concerned >get out of her that she lives in a different time zone >reads messages, tells me to block her >obey, forget about it >4 years later, look through old messages >deep down, see an unfamiliar message >it's the lady that groomed me >read the texts back >slowly become petrified >find her linkedin, she is 45 claiming to be 23 >realize that my math teacher saved me from getting r---- at 15 I still think about that from time to time and it gives me chills every time. Should I write my math teacher a thank you note?
Anonymous 440 KB PNG 08/05/22(Fri)14:46:49 No.883353409 >be 15 >on instangram, some strange lady dms me >she and I start talking, slowly gets personal >don't realize that I am being groomed >good morning and goodnight texts abound >more personal messages, not overly sexual >tell my friends about her at 10th grade math >teacher asks for more info >she becomes concerned >get out of her that she lives in a different time zone >reads messages, tells me to block her >obey, forget about it >4 years later, look through old messages >deep down, see an unfamiliar message >it's the lady that groomed me >read the texts back >slowly become petrified >find her linkedin, she is 45 claiming to be 23 >realize that my math teacher saved me from getting r---- at 15 I still think about that from time to time and it gives me chills every time. Should I write my math teacher a thank you note?

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Anons autism ascends | /r/Greentext


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