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anon cheats death | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)18:15:49 No.68116103 >feel weird pain in my upper back, left 420 side >outside of left hand is tingly >ruhroh >pain is increasing, now getting more intense and spreading to chest >that's where my ticker is 58 KB JPG >s--- >shitshitshit >pain has increased tenfold >feels like I have a spear in my back going through my chest >pick up phone, dial 911 >sweating buckets >operator answers >feel a massive, painful lump in my esophagus >"911 what's your emergen-" >the lump has reached the top of my throat, my mouth opens and a raucous belch sounds into the receiver >feels like my esophagus is ripping apart >i can taste the monster energy drink i had back in eighth grade >proceed to fire off an a------ shredding fart >pain is lessened significantly >can finally relax >breathe sigh of relief >operator is nose breathing on the end of the line >f--- >"um... I guess I'm okay now." >operator >"You sure about that bud? No other emergency?" >"nah man, I'm good." >hangs up on me >go back to drinking coffee and playing minecraft Not today, Death.
: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)18:15:49 No.68116103 >feel weird pain in my upper back, left 420 side >outside of left hand is tingly >ruhroh >pain is increasing, now getting more intense and spreading to chest >that's where my ticker is 58 KB JPG >s--- >shitshitshit >pain has increased tenfold >feels like I have a spear in my back going through my chest >pick up phone, dial 911 >sweating buckets >operator answers >feel a massive, painful lump in my esophagus >"911 what's your emergen-" >the lump has reached the top of my throat, my mouth opens and a raucous belch sounds into the receiver >feels like my esophagus is ripping apart >i can taste the monster energy drink i had back in eighth grade >proceed to fire off an a------ shredding fart >pain is lessened significantly >can finally relax >breathe sigh of relief >operator is nose breathing on the end of the line >f--- >"um... I guess I'm okay now." >operator >"You sure about that bud? No other emergency?" >"nah man, I'm good." >hangs up on me >go back to drinking coffee and playing minecraft Not today, Death.

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Mm yesssssssssssss | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I found some irony 05/15/18(Tue)07:19:03 No.45411384 >go to iFunny >post a green text >get called a Reddit user >get called a normie I got called a normie on the EWIPE TO NEXT> normiest site 136 KB JPG
: Anonymous I found some irony 05/15/18(Tue)07:19:03 No.45411384 >go to iFunny >post a green text >get called a Reddit user >get called a normie I got called a normie on the EWIPE TO NEXT> normiest site 136 KB JPG

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Eyes bigger than her stomach | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/21/20(Mon)13:56:45 No.58980950 >milf-tier friend of my parents comes over for lunch >my parents are still cooking so im chilling with her in the living room for a bit 258 KB JPG >"did you just come back from lifting? youre looking jacked" >tell her no, i last lifted the day before >food is ready, we have a seat on the lunch table >me and her are sitting on one side, parents on the opposite >she says to my mom "thank god youre sitting in front of me and not ur son, i wouldnt be able to focus on the food haha" >mfw
: Anonymous 12/21/20(Mon)13:56:45 No.58980950 >milf-tier friend of my parents comes over for lunch >my parents are still cooking so im chilling with her in the living room for a bit 258 KB JPG >"did you just come back from lifting? youre looking jacked" >tell her no, i last lifted the day before >food is ready, we have a seat on the lunch table >me and her are sitting on one side, parents on the opposite >she says to my mom "thank god youre sitting in front of me and not ur son, i wouldnt be able to focus on the food haha" >mfw

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Anon on romance. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous : Anonymous 07/24/18(Tue)03:19:36 No.101490849 07/24/18(Tue)03:20:19 No.101490870 ALL WOMEN KEEP SCORE. ONLY THE GREAT ONES PUT IT IN WRITING. 노소리의 RENÉE ZELLWEGER COLIN FIRTH e HUGH GRANT BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY Uncensored. Uninhibited. Unmarried. From the makers of "Four Weddings and a Funeral" & "Notting Hill" -jpg 2017.05.09 238 KB JPG jpg Romance for women: 141 KB JPG >IM A FAT UGLY BITCH WHO RIDES A Romance for men: DIFFERENT C--- EVERY NIGHT. >Young love is a special bond between two people that will last an eternity SHOULD I F--- RICH CHAD OR SLIGHTLY LESS RICH CHAD, GUESS ILL JUST F--- THEM BOTH LOL
Anonymous : Anonymous 07/24/18(Tue)03:19:36 No.101490849 07/24/18(Tue)03:20:19 No.101490870 ALL WOMEN KEEP SCORE. ONLY THE GREAT ONES PUT IT IN WRITING. 노소리의 RENÉE ZELLWEGER COLIN FIRTH e HUGH GRANT BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY Uncensored. Uninhibited. Unmarried. From the makers of "Four Weddings and a Funeral" & "Notting Hill" -jpg 2017.05.09 238 KB JPG jpg Romance for women: 141 KB JPG >IM A FAT UGLY BITCH WHO RIDES A Romance for men: DIFFERENT C--- EVERY NIGHT. >Young love is a special bond between two people that will last an eternity SHOULD I F--- RICH CHAD OR SLIGHTLY LESS RICH CHAD, GUESS ILL JUST F--- THEM BOTH LOL

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I like this | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)15:28:11 No.875850625 >"Bro just get one of the few jobs that takes decades to be qualified for and won't accept just anybody, or get into favorable circumstances and MAYBE you'll have a living wage. It's that simple bro." 47 KB JPG
: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)15:28:11 No.875850625 >"Bro just get one of the few jobs that takes decades to be qualified for and won't accept just anybody, or get into favorable circumstances and MAYBE you'll have a living wage. It's that simple bro." 47 KB JPG

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>Today i uploaded a greentext on r/greentext | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: TtfEsQxd Accomplishments 07/03/21(Sat)21:57:00 No.328624145 Today I >fapped >ate two slices of pizza >watched tv 7 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 14NO8PKD 07/03/21(Sat)21:58:37 No.328624320 >>328624145 (OP) # >Went to work >Came home >Called you a f----- >>328624666 #
: Anonymous (ID: TtfEsQxd Accomplishments 07/03/21(Sat)21:57:00 No.328624145 Today I >fapped >ate two slices of pizza >watched tv 7 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 14NO8PKD 07/03/21(Sat)21:58:37 No.328624320 >>328624145 (OP) # >Went to work >Came home >Called you a f----- >>328624666 #

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Anon gets lucky | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)10:11:30 No.68107661 >booked an escort the other day >she's 23 or something >conversation flows naturally, we get along, comes naturally >get the best b------ of my life >go over booked time slot >c-- a literal bucket >get dressed, thank her and leave 1.09 MB GIF while cracking a few jokes >fast forward to just now >found all the money I was supposed to give her still in my coat pocket >she hasn't even texted me about it | >got to f--- the bitch for free >block and delete her number Yep, I'm thinking this was a win
: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)10:11:30 No.68107661 >booked an escort the other day >she's 23 or something >conversation flows naturally, we get along, comes naturally >get the best b------ of my life >go over booked time slot >c-- a literal bucket >get dressed, thank her and leave 1.09 MB GIF while cracking a few jokes >fast forward to just now >found all the money I was supposed to give her still in my coat pocket >she hasn't even texted me about it | >got to f--- the bitch for free >block and delete her number Yep, I'm thinking this was a win

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Anon is really fat | /r/Greentext

>be me >24yo anon >meet girl on tinder >she's super cute >possiblegf.jpeg >not sure what a 9/10 is 59 KB PNG doing with me >i'm a total 3/10 >have amazing sex >afterwards ask her what my appeal was >"oh my stepdad was really fat so it's sort of my fetish" >mfw
>be me >24yo anon >meet girl on tinder >she's super cute >possiblegf.jpeg >not sure what a 9/10 is 59 KB PNG doing with me >i'm a total 3/10 >have amazing sex >afterwards ask her what my appeal was >"oh my stepdad was really fat so it's sort of my fetish" >mfw

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Mom wont pay for a tutor. | /r/Greentext


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Anon loves to pet | /r/Greentext

>be me, loser >No friends, low-paying s--- job >Would blow brains out if I could afford a gun >Sitting outside at night, 59 KB JPG looking at the stars >Wishing an asteroid would fall on me >Feel something brush up against me >It's a cat >Lets me pet him for a few minutes >Then runs away >Life is hard, but if you can pet kitties it's a little easier
>be me, loser >No friends, low-paying s--- job >Would blow brains out if I could afford a gun >Sitting outside at night, 59 KB JPG looking at the stars >Wishing an asteroid would fall on me >Feel something brush up against me >It's a cat >Lets me pet him for a few minutes >Then runs away >Life is hard, but if you can pet kitties it's a little easier

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Anon watches a movie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/20(Mon)00:17:07 No.132843276 03BFC167-6DBE-43ED-A53E-F7614ECDD2BA.jpg 24 KB JPG >"Rey..Rey Skywalker" Absolute garbage. I left the theater after I heard it : Anonymous 04/27/20(Mon)00:18:02 No.132843321 >>132843276 (OP) # Ye no s--- that's when the movie ended >>132843340 # >>132843556 # >>132844401 #
: Anonymous 04/27/20(Mon)00:17:07 No.132843276 03BFC167-6DBE-43ED-A53E-F7614ECDD2BA.jpg 24 KB JPG >"Rey..Rey Skywalker" Absolute garbage. I left the theater after I heard it : Anonymous 04/27/20(Mon)00:18:02 No.132843321 >>132843276 (OP) # Ye no s--- that's when the movie ended >>132843340 # >>132843556 # >>132844401 #

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anon doesn't like reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)19:31:39 No.61788673 > be me > make deeply personal post on 4chan detailing painful events etc. > someone sees this and posts it to r/greentext > they recieve 1000 wholesome awards > they get gilded with silver, gold, platinum, argentium, and ternion medals 71 KB JPG all worth over $500 dollars > mfw all I get is called a f----- on 4chan what even is reddit?
: Anonymous 01/09/21(Sat)19:31:39 No.61788673 > be me > make deeply personal post on 4chan detailing painful events etc. > someone sees this and posts it to r/greentext > they recieve 1000 wholesome awards > they get gilded with silver, gold, platinum, argentium, and ternion medals 71 KB JPG all worth over $500 dollars > mfw all I get is called a f----- on 4chan what even is reddit?

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Horse play. | /r/Greentext

88O Anonymous (ID: zuqo ITT: Weird sex experiences >be 22 >start dating blonde. 7/10 >shes quirky but fun >dat ass >second date >go to her place >shewantstheD.jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >she stops me, wants to roleplay >blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold >craży bitch is shoving 3 - 4 plastic horses into my a------ >she says my condition is "stable"
88O Anonymous (ID: zuqo ITT: Weird sex experiences >be 22 >start dating blonde. 7/10 >shes quirky but fun >dat ass >second date >go to her place >shewantstheD.jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >she stops me, wants to roleplay >blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold >craży bitch is shoving 3 - 4 plastic horses into my a------ >she says my condition is "stable"

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Anon is Blue | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Iq5pKig7 ) 04/07/22(Thu)00:51:10 No.14891669 I have a blue house With a blue window Blue is the color of all that I wear Blue are the streets And all the trees are too I have a girlfriend and she is so blue Blue are the people here That walk around 239 KB JPG Blue like my corvette its in and outside Blue are the words I say And what I think Blue are the feelings That live inside me I'm blue
Anonymous (ID: Iq5pKig7 ) 04/07/22(Thu)00:51:10 No.14891669 I have a blue house With a blue window Blue is the color of all that I wear Blue are the streets And all the trees are too I have a girlfriend and she is so blue Blue are the people here That walk around 239 KB JPG Blue like my corvette its in and outside Blue are the words I say And what I think Blue are the feelings That live inside me I'm blue

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Is anon sleepin? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)17:11:29 No.875856139 > be me > 18 > kissless virgin > today I decided to ask my school crush out > mfw she said yes > she is a virgin so I talked about it with 38 KB PNG my female classmate >I jokingly asked her: "I should train sex with an experienced girl first" > "True anon, she can be traumatized so I can teach you so if you want just come to my place in the evening" >mfw what the f--- just happened today I still didnt wake up so maybe it is actually happening lol
: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)17:11:29 No.875856139 > be me > 18 > kissless virgin > today I decided to ask my school crush out > mfw she said yes > she is a virgin so I talked about it with 38 KB PNG my female classmate >I jokingly asked her: "I should train sex with an experienced girl first" > "True anon, she can be traumatized so I can teach you so if you want just come to my place in the evening" >mfw what the f--- just happened today I still didnt wake up so maybe it is actually happening lol

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Anon watches action movies | /r/Greentext

File: cool pepe png (171 KB, 512x512) O Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)10:59:05 No.166205343 ► >scientist/civilian complains about not being qualified for dangerous situations >badass character hands him a loaded S"Now you're qualified"
File: cool pepe png (171 KB, 512x512) O Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)10:59:05 No.166205343 ► >scientist/civilian complains about not being qualified for dangerous situations >badass character hands him a loaded S"Now you're qualified"

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Anon asking for second opinion. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.24398313 15 minutes ago >want to make more friends but timid and not sure how >start searching online and chatting with people around the world >find a local group that seems anti-social and hating degeneracy >soundsgud@aol.com >invite me to join their club >two days later, cops show up at my house, want to ask me questions Turns out I joined ISIS by mistake. Will this hurt my chances of getting a GF 1 reply
Anonymous No.24398313 15 minutes ago >want to make more friends but timid and not sure how >start searching online and chatting with people around the world >find a local group that seems anti-social and hating degeneracy >soundsgud@aol.com >invite me to join their club >two days later, cops show up at my house, want to ask me questions Turns out I joined ISIS by mistake. Will this hurt my chances of getting a GF 1 reply

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Anon forgot about life being real. | /r/Greentext

O Am I autistic? Anonymous 07/ >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly say "white woman spotted"
O Am I autistic? Anonymous 07/ >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly say "white woman spotted"

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anon meets obama | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/06/22(Wed)19:49:56 No.875808420 i had a nightmare about obama last night > in dreamland > be in walmart > cake section > see mr obama browsing the 50 KB JPG shelves > pull my pants down in shock > approach him > ask him a question about the cheesecake we were looking at > he cups my cheek > "i havent washed my ass in weeks, they call me cheesecake" > wake up in a cold sweat
: Anonymous 04/06/22(Wed)19:49:56 No.875808420 i had a nightmare about obama last night > in dreamland > be in walmart > cake section > see mr obama browsing the 50 KB JPG shelves > pull my pants down in shock > approach him > ask him a question about the cheesecake we were looking at > he cups my cheek > "i havent washed my ass in weeks, they call me cheesecake" > wake up in a cold sweat

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Hank’s Influence | /r/Greentext

>back in high school >group of kids do nothing but talk like hank hill >imagine a dozen f------ hank hills >have some anti drug rally >guy starts saying some reasons kids get lured into drugs >kid raises hand and says "why do drugs when you can just mow a lawn" >group praises him by saying "taste the meat not the heat" >guy legitimately has no idea what to reply, "next question"s it
>back in high school >group of kids do nothing but talk like hank hill >imagine a dozen f------ hank hills >have some anti drug rally >guy starts saying some reasons kids get lured into drugs >kid raises hand and says "why do drugs when you can just mow a lawn" >group praises him by saying "taste the meat not the heat" >guy legitimately has no idea what to reply, "next question"s it

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