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Anon is home alone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/19/19(Tue)00:30:42 No.793031754 >Be me >when was in high school >buy a sword and bucket helmet at a yard sale because they looked cool >parents go out of town to see older relative and leave me behind >Chilling in the basement on my pc >sword is hanging on the wall >All the lights are off in the above ground section of the house since my bedroom is below ground and my parents bitch when I leave lights on in room that I'm not in >lt is >Hear crash upstairs am >Grab sword >Grab helm >Creep upstairs >an "Urban youth" has smashed the glass out of the back door and is in my living room trying to steal a tv and some other valuables >Creep closer >he does not notice me until I am about five feet away >Rush him shouting "WHATCHU DOIN N----?" >Nog screams drops my stuff >chase his ass out into the yard and up the drive way with sword in hand >Chase him down the entire street >His buddy is waiting in the getaway car >He hops in and I hear him say "Floor it, there was some crazy n---- in the house with a f------ sword. >Friend laughs >sees me outside the car window >Face turns to a mask of horror >guns it down the street >Next day tell my parents that someone broke into the house but ran off when they saw me >To this day I wonder how I didn't get shot.
: Anonymous 02/19/19(Tue)00:30:42 No.793031754 >Be me >when was in high school >buy a sword and bucket helmet at a yard sale because they looked cool >parents go out of town to see older relative and leave me behind >Chilling in the basement on my pc >sword is hanging on the wall >All the lights are off in the above ground section of the house since my bedroom is below ground and my parents bitch when I leave lights on in room that I'm not in >lt is >Hear crash upstairs am >Grab sword >Grab helm >Creep upstairs >an "Urban youth" has smashed the glass out of the back door and is in my living room trying to steal a tv and some other valuables >Creep closer >he does not notice me until I am about five feet away >Rush him shouting "WHATCHU DOIN N----?" >Nog screams drops my stuff >chase his ass out into the yard and up the drive way with sword in hand >Chase him down the entire street >His buddy is waiting in the getaway car >He hops in and I hear him say "Floor it, there was some crazy n---- in the house with a f------ sword. >Friend laughs >sees me outside the car window >Face turns to a mask of horror >guns it down the street >Next day tell my parents that someone broke into the house but ran off when they saw me >To this day I wonder how I didn't get shot.

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Anon criticises porn | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)09:43:04 No.68021129 Why is writing in p--- so awful? >source: p--- ad on my screen >it starts out with a person, semi or completely naked >usually a guy with his veiny 12 incher >someone walks in, usually a girl >and instead of politely walking out or asking them to leave or put clothes on 59 KB JPG >they just... go straight to having sex??? >fake acting >unbelievable plot >just watching 2 people have sex in front of a camera >l mean, are you kidding me? >do you guys enjoy this? >can we get Quentin Tarantino and Michael Bay to direct a p----?
: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)09:43:04 No.68021129 Why is writing in p--- so awful? >source: p--- ad on my screen >it starts out with a person, semi or completely naked >usually a guy with his veiny 12 incher >someone walks in, usually a girl >and instead of politely walking out or asking them to leave or put clothes on 59 KB JPG >they just... go straight to having sex??? >fake acting >unbelievable plot >just watching 2 people have sex in front of a camera >l mean, are you kidding me? >do you guys enjoy this? >can we get Quentin Tarantino and Michael Bay to direct a p----?

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Anon is proud of his height | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/18(Thu)22:12:52 No.44978082 >>44970221 # >be 6'5" >tell people l'm 6'2" >girls mirin >other guys that claim to be 6' or taller look like they are lying and 8 KB JPG insecure manlets Kek
: Anonymous 03/01/18(Thu)22:12:52 No.44978082 >>44970221 # >be 6'5" >tell people l'm 6'2" >girls mirin >other guys that claim to be 6' or taller look like they are lying and 8 KB JPG insecure manlets Kek

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Anon goes to prom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)13:44:33 No.68022907 >be me, 17 >3/10 sperg >mom works retail >tells me she has a coworker who needs a date to prom and knows she has a son >get pressured into going and eventually 169 KB JPG agree >fast forward to yesterday, prom night >mom drops me off at her house >briefly meet her parents and then almost immediately after she drives me to her school (I cannot drive still) >arrive at the school, go in and she introduces me to her friend group >about an hour goes by, thought I was doing okay. Only said a couple autistic things here and there >night ends >she drives me back home >before I exit the car she looks me in the eyes and says "Anon, I don't think you will ever be able to get a gf." >Silence >l say 'Thanks' >Exit her car and walk inside >Tell mom it was fine So do I kms now or what
: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)13:44:33 No.68022907 >be me, 17 >3/10 sperg >mom works retail >tells me she has a coworker who needs a date to prom and knows she has a son >get pressured into going and eventually 169 KB JPG agree >fast forward to yesterday, prom night >mom drops me off at her house >briefly meet her parents and then almost immediately after she drives me to her school (I cannot drive still) >arrive at the school, go in and she introduces me to her friend group >about an hour goes by, thought I was doing okay. Only said a couple autistic things here and there >night ends >she drives me back home >before I exit the car she looks me in the eyes and says "Anon, I don't think you will ever be able to get a gf." >Silence >l say 'Thanks' >Exit her car and walk inside >Tell mom it was fine So do I kms now or what

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Anon has a hobby | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/22(Thu)21:46:24 No.875452053 >be me >normal Saturday routine >nice breakfast >coffee >gym during day >nap >watch sports game 22 KB PNG >dinner >1am rolls around >throw on hoodie and mask (Covid) >put my headphones on max volume >YouTube "10+ hours of woman terrified screaming" >walking into apartment buildings in my neighborhood >checking door knobs to see if they turn >push open doors but never enter >yell bloody murder into apartment and run >find outdoor cats >do what the voices tell me to do >always save the tails in my pocket >sprint towards woman walking alone on the street >run past them whispering "next time" >get home >brush teeth >bed time :)
: Anonymous 03/31/22(Thu)21:46:24 No.875452053 >be me >normal Saturday routine >nice breakfast >coffee >gym during day >nap >watch sports game 22 KB PNG >dinner >1am rolls around >throw on hoodie and mask (Covid) >put my headphones on max volume >YouTube "10+ hours of woman terrified screaming" >walking into apartment buildings in my neighborhood >checking door knobs to see if they turn >push open doors but never enter >yell bloody murder into apartment and run >find outdoor cats >do what the voices tell me to do >always save the tails in my pocket >sprint towards woman walking alone on the street >run past them whispering "next time" >get home >brush teeth >bed time :)

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Anon loves America. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)05:13:20 No.68021804 >get overnight job at home depot >most nights Im not even doing work because all the work is already done by previous workers >just walk around the store while reading/watching stuff on my phone for 8 hours 1005 KB GIF I'm really getting paid 17$ an hour for this s---. god bless america.
Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)05:13:20 No.68021804 >get overnight job at home depot >most nights Im not even doing work because all the work is already done by previous workers >just walk around the store while reading/watching stuff on my phone for 8 hours 1005 KB GIF I'm really getting paid 17$ an hour for this s---. god bless america.

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Christan Moment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 4e6/0tjo Christians 03/31/22(Thu)18:27:05 No.370415748 >be Christan >be taught about "love and acceptance" >grow up >f------ hate jews and gays >mfw 5 KB JPG
: Anonymous (ID: 4e6/0tjo Christians 03/31/22(Thu)18:27:05 No.370415748 >be Christan >be taught about "love and acceptance" >grow up >f------ hate jews and gays >mfw 5 KB JPG

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Anon secretly just wanted to fuck his sister | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)01:18:32 No.66405526 >be me >have a degenerate sister >stalk her twitter sometimes and found she has an onlyfans >want to show her the dangers of showing her body on the internet >idea,jpg >subscribe to her onlyfans with a fake 13 KB PNG name >earn her thrust and also troll her by paying for specific videos like toe spreading, shoving her brother's (me) controller up her vag, sucking her t--- etc etc >troll her by asking her to record a video with her brother (know she would never do that) >unsurprisingly she rejects my request >tell her that I know where she lives and if she doesn't deliver she'll suffer the consequences >sis thinks it's just a bluff >write our adress to scare her >mom is sewing on the couch next to our big window >idea2.png >tell her her mom looks cute sewing >tell her to be careful while she sleeps >bitch blocks me >be dinner time >she looks really anxious and isnt talking much Hope she learns her f------ lesson
: Anonymous 12/03/21(Fri)01:18:32 No.66405526 >be me >have a degenerate sister >stalk her twitter sometimes and found she has an onlyfans >want to show her the dangers of showing her body on the internet >idea,jpg >subscribe to her onlyfans with a fake 13 KB PNG name >earn her thrust and also troll her by paying for specific videos like toe spreading, shoving her brother's (me) controller up her vag, sucking her t--- etc etc >troll her by asking her to record a video with her brother (know she would never do that) >unsurprisingly she rejects my request >tell her that I know where she lives and if she doesn't deliver she'll suffer the consequences >sis thinks it's just a bluff >write our adress to scare her >mom is sewing on the couch next to our big window >idea2.png >tell her her mom looks cute sewing >tell her to be careful while she sleeps >bitch blocks me >be dinner time >she looks really anxious and isnt talking much Hope she learns her f------ lesson

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Anon likes cocks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)08:40:35 No.65906654 >neighbors suddenly have chickens >chickens make chicken noises >for some reason, this warms my heart >get woken up by chickens doing the funny chicken sounds and 231 KB JPG there's suddenly a smile on my face >exit my house to do some exercise and see the chickens in the neighbors' backyard >instantly feel great >not even sure if it's legal for them to own chickens, but l'm not going to complain >just feel really f------ happy whenever I hear them make their silly sounds Thanks chickens
: Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)08:40:35 No.65906654 >neighbors suddenly have chickens >chickens make chicken noises >for some reason, this warms my heart >get woken up by chickens doing the funny chicken sounds and 231 KB JPG there's suddenly a smile on my face >exit my house to do some exercise and see the chickens in the neighbors' backyard >instantly feel great >not even sure if it's legal for them to own chickens, but l'm not going to complain >just feel really f------ happy whenever I hear them make their silly sounds Thanks chickens

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Anon isn't a simp | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)19:39:08 No.863546656 >Walk into your bedroom >You find Belle Delphine on your bed Wat do??? 74 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread | Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)19:40:16 No.863546726 >>863546656 (OP) # NO OFF THE BED GIT 60 KB JPG
: Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)19:39:08 No.863546656 >Walk into your bedroom >You find Belle Delphine on your bed Wat do??? 74 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread | Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)19:40:16 No.863546726 >>863546656 (OP) # NO OFF THE BED GIT 60 KB JPG

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Anon thinks about Hiroshima | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/22(Thu)23:07:50 No.875458964 >some guy was probably vaporized while taking a s--- when the Atomic Bomb dropped on Hiroshima 46 KB JPG
: Anonymous 03/31/22(Thu)23:07:50 No.875458964 >some guy was probably vaporized while taking a s--- when the Atomic Bomb dropped on Hiroshima 46 KB JPG

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Short girl anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)02:26:55 No.68014954 >be me >really clumsy, especially as a kid >one night going to go shower after my big sister >floors wet as s--- >slip and slide into the wall >end up breaking the growth plate in 316 KB PNG my leg >dad comes in panicked >anon omg put a shirt on before I help, I can see your boobs >most embarrassing moment of my life >havent grown anymore since >only a little over 5ft 47 Replies / 13 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)02:26:55 No.68014954 >be me >really clumsy, especially as a kid >one night going to go shower after my big sister >floors wet as s--- >slip and slide into the wall >end up breaking the growth plate in 316 KB PNG my leg >dad comes in panicked >anon omg put a shirt on before I help, I can see your boobs >most embarrassing moment of my life >havent grown anymore since >only a little over 5ft 47 Replies / 13 Images View Thread

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Just don’t | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:29:47 No.851603028 f--- reddit dude >read greentext about anon R< O shoving and electric toothbrush up his ass and pretending its a period > comment "anon is a t-----" >get banned for 3 days Emitate Eurosport O Cristiano Ronaldo 'admits he's fed up with nig... 539 KB PNG 3 f------ words meanwhile i see actual f------ pedophiles admiting to it and jackshit happens but i say 3 f------ words and get banned
: Anonymous 04/08/21(Thu)13:29:47 No.851603028 f--- reddit dude >read greentext about anon R< O shoving and electric toothbrush up his ass and pretending its a period > comment "anon is a t-----" >get banned for 3 days Emitate Eurosport O Cristiano Ronaldo 'admits he's fed up with nig... 539 KB PNG 3 f------ words meanwhile i see actual f------ pedophiles admiting to it and jackshit happens but i say 3 f------ words and get banned

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Anon has a bad friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)06:34:50 No.68017575 >tfw your friend would rather play video games with shitposting aussies halfway across the globe than maintain a meaningful connection with someone who lives in the same city and known since childhood 119 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)06:35:55 No.68017597 >>68017575 (OP) # Lmao are we supposed to feel bad for you, retard?
: Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)06:34:50 No.68017575 >tfw your friend would rather play video games with shitposting aussies halfway across the globe than maintain a meaningful connection with someone who lives in the same city and known since childhood 119 KB PNG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 04/01/22(Fri)06:35:55 No.68017597 >>68017575 (OP) # Lmao are we supposed to feel bad for you, retard?

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Home on the range | /r/Greentext


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Americans will never lose | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/12/19(Fri)00:15:05 No.53328488 Why can't Americans lose weight? 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/12/19(Fri)00:15:57 No.53328504 >>53328488 Losing weight involves losing. Americans never lose
: Anonymous 07/12/19(Fri)00:15:05 No.53328488 Why can't Americans lose weight? 58 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/12/19(Fri)00:15:57 No.53328504 >>53328488 Losing weight involves losing. Americans never lose

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From one hell to another | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:54:45 No.848100344 >be me >frequently have liquid s---- >doc recommends I start taking Metamucil (fiber supplement) >read the instructions >it says take two scoops and mix it in water 225 KB JPG >my dumb ass assumed 1 scoop = 1 cup >grab my big gallon water bottle, put two cups of it %3D in and mix it with water >chug >fast forward five days >haven't shat yet >can feel the baby sized turd growing in me >chug a bunch of coffee to trigger a bowel movement >sit on toilet for three hours as I push a f------ football out of my a------ >feel like I'm getting f----- in the prison showers >it seriously feels like my a------ is being ripped open >keep pushing >relief >s--- was the size of a $5 footlong sub >have to break it down with the plunger to flush it Now I'm considering doing it again cause the feeling it had on my a------ kinda turned me on. Thoughts?
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:54:45 No.848100344 >be me >frequently have liquid s---- >doc recommends I start taking Metamucil (fiber supplement) >read the instructions >it says take two scoops and mix it in water 225 KB JPG >my dumb ass assumed 1 scoop = 1 cup >grab my big gallon water bottle, put two cups of it %3D in and mix it with water >chug >fast forward five days >haven't shat yet >can feel the baby sized turd growing in me >chug a bunch of coffee to trigger a bowel movement >sit on toilet for three hours as I push a f------ football out of my a------ >feel like I'm getting f----- in the prison showers >it seriously feels like my a------ is being ripped open >keep pushing >relief >s--- was the size of a $5 footlong sub >have to break it down with the plunger to flush it Now I'm considering doing it again cause the feeling it had on my a------ kinda turned me on. Thoughts?

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Anon watches porn | /r/Greentext

File: DisGYSqVAAEbYxN.jpg (13 KB, 340x328) Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)00:56:31 No.790700072 >>790700215 >be me >17 year old boi >massive crush on my English literature teacher >mid 20's, brown eyed brunette haired smoker with a nose ring who manages to make smoking look elegant >ffuuuck duuuude she's purty >find out she has a boyfriend >F--- >i mean obviously i knew she'd never go wi th me but still >F--- >im so mad im gonna go home and masturbate so i wont be mad anymore >open reddit >r/gonewildcouples >pants off >havin a little therapeutic jacking session >come across a penetration gif that shows the girl's face as she's getting dicked >looks familiar >THAT'S MY TEACHER >go to the profile >loads of gifs of teacher and her boyfriend doing sex things and s--- >immediately c-- everywhere >well this is gonna be hard to clean up >next day in school >have english literature >teacher notices i'm happy >"wow you've got a big smile today anon! what's gotten into you?" >i say "nothin, buti know what's gotten into you ;)" anyways i just got suspended from school for 3 weeks for sexual harrassment towards a member of staff:"(
File: DisGYSqVAAEbYxN.jpg (13 KB, 340x328) Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)00:56:31 No.790700072 >>790700215 >be me >17 year old boi >massive crush on my English literature teacher >mid 20's, brown eyed brunette haired smoker with a nose ring who manages to make smoking look elegant >ffuuuck duuuude she's purty >find out she has a boyfriend >F--- >i mean obviously i knew she'd never go wi th me but still >F--- >im so mad im gonna go home and masturbate so i wont be mad anymore >open reddit >r/gonewildcouples >pants off >havin a little therapeutic jacking session >come across a penetration gif that shows the girl's face as she's getting dicked >looks familiar >THAT'S MY TEACHER >go to the profile >loads of gifs of teacher and her boyfriend doing sex things and s--- >immediately c-- everywhere >well this is gonna be hard to clean up >next day in school >have english literature >teacher notices i'm happy >"wow you've got a big smile today anon! what's gotten into you?" >i say "nothin, buti know what's gotten into you ;)" anyways i just got suspended from school for 3 weeks for sexual harrassment towards a member of staff:"(

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anon is sigma | /r/Greentext

62E4F734-0798-4196-961F-A52FD18283A1.png 63 KB PNG >go to public bathroom >see occupied stall >start shaking the door relentlessly
62E4F734-0798-4196-961F-A52FD18283A1.png 63 KB PNG >go to public bathroom >see occupied stall >start shaking the door relentlessly

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Anon wants war | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: HgxoJ9J Russia For F--- Sake 03/23/22(Wed)09:47:37 No.368806510 Russians? キ 1647997240264.png 507 KB PNG Can you at last, misfire a rocket. Any of us. We were preparing for years, so much years, for this moment. Don't disappoint us. We are inching for NATO article 5.
: Anonymous (ID: HgxoJ9J Russia For F--- Sake 03/23/22(Wed)09:47:37 No.368806510 Russians? キ 1647997240264.png 507 KB PNG Can you at last, misfire a rocket. Any of us. We were preparing for years, so much years, for this moment. Don't disappoint us. We are inching for NATO article 5.

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